Paul Ryburn's Journal

Thanks to one of my regular blog readers, who shall remain anonymous, who helped me realize that I mis-labeled the flavors emanating from the Lienenkugel (I spelled that drunk, can you believe that) Summer Wheat. It’s not cherry flavored as I first speculated, but blueberry. If you were at Pint Nite tonight you could’ve had it for $2.50 – otherwise it’s $4.

Walking to the Saucer tonight, I saw the following sign in the window of Pancho’s:

That’s right, Downtown Pancho’s has CLOSED. That’s a shock – they’ve been around forever. Granted, their food was pretty awful, but after 5 or 6 or 8 margaritas, who noticed? They were one of the first restaurants downtown – wonder if the rent got too high, especially in the face of competition from Rio Loco and The Happy Mexican.

So anyway, I made it down to the Flying Saucer for Pint Nite. (I wonder if blog reader “Stan” will accuse me of taking payoffs from the Saucer to promote the place. Now that I think about it, as much as I mention them they probably should pay me off.) Hung out with two of my regular blog readers for a while, one of whom is mentioned above at the beginning of this post. She pointed out that if Sunset Wheat does indeed have a blueberry taste, it should be considered a breakfast beer. (“It’s like a blueberry muffin in a glass.”)

She want on to provide a classic Thanksgiving quote (yes I know it’s December and therefore a month past Thanksgiving). “I’m not a fan of cranberry sauce. The only way I eat cranberries is with vodka.” Now that’s a true Downtown Memphis quote if I ever heard one.

Later in the evening I hung out with regular blog readers Kyle and Clonts. By that point it had gotten jam-packed at the Saucer; you could tell college was out for the semester. Here are a couple of pics, taken about 11:30:

Kyle pointed out that one of the regulars’ favorite Saucer beers from Halloween/Thanksgiving, Buffalo Bill’s Pumpkin Ale, is no longer available at the Saucer, but is on sale for $3.99 a six-pack at the Avenue at Carriage Crossing in East Bumblefuck.

The warm weather continues, and we had a tube top sighting at the Saucer on December 18! Nice!

My regular blog reader from the early evening and I discussed ways to write off our purchases on our taxes. Her take was that you can write off medical expenses, and alcohol (being a drug) qualifies as a medical expense. My take is, part of the money I spend at the Saucer helps deserving college students pay for tuition. It’s just that I choose to support the subset of the college community that wear miniskirts. And serve me beer. Oh, and also, from August to October some of the money I spent at the Saucer went toward the “Feed Romania” project. That’s charitable, isn’t it?

And that’ll do it for this drunk post. After I finish my can of Campbell’s Fajita Chicken soup, I’ll be headed off to bed for almost 6 hours of sleep! And then I get to go sit in a cubicle again! Yay!

The new charges deal with consulting contracts he had with two TennCare companies, netting him $800,000, while at the same time he was chairing a State Senate committee that oversaw TennCare.

The full story is available here on WREG’s web site.

Saturday as I headed to Beale Street for the Christmas parade, I happened across a new restaurant called Crepe Maker. It’s at the corner of Third and Peabody Place in the Hampton Inn, in the space where Corky’s BBQ used to be and before that Fat City Beignets.

I went back there Sunday and ate and got a copy of their menu. They have about 20 entree crepes ranging in price from $4.95 to $7.45. A few entree crepe examples:

Steak Milanese – Marinated steak, Virginia baked ham, sweet red onions, melted cheddar, vine ripe tomatoes, romaine lettuce, topped with steak sauce – $7.45

Opulence – Marinated chicken breast, artichoke hearts, hearts of palm, portabella mushrooms, spinach, fresh basil, melted mozzarella – $7.45

Havana Chicken – Marinated chicken breast, season black beans, sweet red peppers, cheddar and jack cheese, fresh lettuce, vine ripe tomatoes, pesto sauce, and cilantro – $6.75

Mediterranean Tuna – Dolphin safe tuna, feta cheese, artichoke hearts, olives, fresh baby leaf spinach, vine ripe tomatoes, and fresh basil – $7.25

Below is a pic of the Southwest crepe I had for lunch:

It comes in wrapping paper and you pick it up and eat it with your hands, kind of like you would a pita sandwich.

Any entree crepe can also be made as a salad.

They also have about 15 dessert crepes, ranging in price from $4.25 to $6.25. A few examples:

Nutty Caramel Apple – Fire roasted apples, topped with dulce de leche, sprinkled with cinnamon, walnuts and powdered sugar – $4.95

Frankie – Freshly sliced bananas, Nutella chocolaty spread, melted Reese’s pieces, real whipped cream and a dash of cinnamon – $4.95

Bad Girl – Sweet sliced strawberries, dulce de leche, powdered sugar, a dash of cinnamon, and a dash of Grand Marnier – $4.95

They also have a selection of egg crepes, served all day long ($4.50 to $4.95), and crepes a la mode ($5.50 to $5.95).

Crepe Maker has a website, but they didn’t include the most important thing a restaurant should put on its website – a menu. So you’ll have to go by their location at Third and Peabody Place and pick up a menu for yourself. They’re open at 7 AM everyday, close at 7 PM Mon-Thur, 9 PM Fri-Sat, 5 PM Sun.

Note to blog reader “Stan” who e-mailed, accusing me of taking payoffs from EP’s Delta Kitchen in exchange for saying nice things about them on my blog: I guess now you’ll accuse Crepe Maker of paying me off. By the way, that’s a hell of a gig your band has scheduled for New Year’s Eve, congratulations on that.

A lot of downtowners have walked by 99 S. Main the past few weeks, seen the image below in the window, and have wondered exactly WHAT is coming in February ’07.

My friends have been getting all excited, hoping for a fun new restaurant, or maybe a grocery store. Well, sorry to disappoint, but it ain’t gonna happen. They updated their window a few days ago, indicating that it will be the office of Main Street Dental.

I tried posting this one yesterday from my phone, but the Publish button wouldn’t work on the “new, improved” Blogger interface. Have I mentioned that I hate Blogger?

Yesterday I discovered a new beer at the Flying Saucer that is really, really good – Lienenkugel Sunset Wheat. It’s a wheat beer with fruity flavors – the taste is somewhere between orange and cherry. If you like Blue Moon, you’ll like the Sunset Wheat – in fact, I think it’s even better than Blue Moon. At 4 bucks, it’s relatively inexpensive too (or you can try one tomorrow at Pint Nite for $2.50).

Also, Beer Goddess Amy (waitress Amy, not bartender Mama Amy) invented a new “A-Team” beer mixer: Sunset Wheat and Framboise, topped with an orange slice. Only problem is, the mixture turns out somewhat pink in color, so it’s not a very manly drink.

I’m heading to Sleep Out’s in a little while for an abbreviated version of Sunday brunch (I should be out of there by noon), then I’ll spend all afternoon taking photos for my new website. Coming this week: Another new restaurant that has opened downtown (no it’s not Spindini, but yet another one), more info on the Results-Only Work Environment that eliminates clocks and cubicles, and a book that teaches “nice guys” how to be more successful with the opposite sex. It’s a beautiful Sunday! Get off your computers and go outside!

Dear Santa,

It’s supposed to go to 68 degrees here today and 73 tomorrow. All I want for Christmas is to keep this weather all winter long. Oh, and the ability to snap my fingers and have an order of the crawfish nachos from EP’s Delta Kitchen’s late night menu instantly appear.

Thanks,
Paul

For those of you coming downtown for the Christmas parade at 4, you might want to stick around after it’s over and head toward the river… there will be a Holiday Boat Parade presented by the Memphis Yacht Club on the river at 6:30. From what I’ve read, it sounds like the Riverside Drive walkway across from the foot of Mud Island will be the best place to see the boats. For those of you participating in the parade, be careful not to hit the mana… oh, wait, he’s already dead, nevermind.

Speaking of EP’s… Dani will be singing there Tuesday night. I remember hearing her at one of the 2005 Court Square concerts, and she has an amazing voice. Maybe I’ll head down there and catch part of her show after trivia at the Saucer.

Also, EP’s has their special New Year’s Eve dinner menu on their site. They have a 3-course and a 4-course option. If you go to their main page, you’ll see a banner you can click to pull up the menu. Grilled venison tenderloin is one of the options on the 4-course dinner… yum!

Just discovered that Abyssinia, the Ethopian restaurant on Poplar that I keep meaning to go visit but for some reason never get there, has their menu online. They have a lunch buffet on the weekdays, and that place is like a 2-minute drive from where I work. Dude, I am so there one day next week!

I’m heading out to take some photos of Downtown for my new website, and to catch the parade. I’ve been wearing a Santa hat every day this week, but I won’t be able to wear it today… you see, I’m meeting some friends at Swig for drinks tonight, and they have their incredibly stupid “Gentlemen, please remove your hats” rule. I guess I could wear the hat all day and take it off when I enter Swig, but then I’d be walking around with hat-hair, which is not good. So I guess I’ll leave the Santa hat at home. Anyway, I’m outta here, see you later!

If you visit Downtown Memphis and ask, “Where can I go to get a good burger?”, you’ll most likely be told to go to Huey’s. Huey’s has won every “Best of Memphis” poll in the Best Burger category for years and years. They’re a local institution. And they deserve it – they make a fine burger.

However, if you were to ask me where to get the best burger downtown, I can think of at least six places that make burgers that are even better than Huey’s. Here they are, in no particular order:

Elliott’s – this is a breakfast-and-lunch restaurant on Second between Madison and Monroe. You can order a hamburger or cheeseburger and then dress it the way you want on their fixins’ bar/salad bar.

Big Foot Lodge – their Four Cheese Burger is my current addiction. I like to spend 50 cents extra and get it topped with mushrooms. Alternately, you could top it with bacon. Definitely not recommended by the American Heart Association as a healthy dining choice, but who cares? It’s so good. Big Foot is located on Second, in the row of restaurants across from the Peabody.

The Majestic Grille – what really pushes the Majestic’s burger into the land of hamburger superstardom is the parmesan shoestring fries that come with it. The Majestic is on Main just north of Peabody Place, perfectly located for dining before or after a show at the Orpheum or a Grizzlies game.

Dyer’s – the Double-Double is about as close to perfection as a hamburger can come. Their patties are very, very thin, so a Double-Double (double meat, double cheese) is about right for normal-sized appetites. If you’re hungry, get a Triple-Triple. Dyer’s is located on Beale between Third and Fourth, and is one of the best values for the money on the street.

Zanzibar – you wouldn’t expect the hamburger to be one of the standouts on their eclectic, arty menu, but stand out it does. The “Z-Burger” is one of the best I’ve had downtown. Zanzibar is in the South Main Arts District near the intersection of Main and Huling.

Earnestine & Hazel’s – you ain’t been to Memphis until you’ve had a “Soul Burger,” the lone item on E&H’s menu. My recommendation for a perfect Saturday night: Hit E&H about 11 for a Soul Burger, a cold beer, and some tunes on their legendary jukebox; then cruise about four blocks north on Main and turn right on Vance for dancing and a cold 40 at Raiford’s. E&H is at the corner of Main and G.E. Patterson in the South Main arts district.

Did I miss any downtown restaurants that have turned the burger into a culinary masterpiece? Shoot me an e-mail and let me know.

So last night I attended my apartment building’s Christmas party. Many of my neighbors work for FedEx, several in the marketing department in particular. So I always get to hear the latest rumors about what FedEx is up to. And last night I heard something HUGE.

They tell me that FedEx has agreed to pay $300,000,000 a year to become the title sponsor of Christmas. Starting in 2007, the holiday will be known as FedEx Christmas(TM).

“We’ve put our name on golf tournaments, tennis tournaments, arenas, even a football bowl game in the past,” one of the FedEx employees told me. “Signing on as the sponsor of a beloved holiday like Christmas is the next logical step.”

There will be some changes. Santa will no longer wear his red suit, but rather the purple-and-green uniform of a FedEx Ground delivery driver. His sleigh and reindeer will be replaced by a FedEx Ground delivery truck.

For now Santa’s name will remain “Santa Claus,” but I am told that at a future date Santa will be renamed, in order to better fit with FedEx’s global marketing and branding strategy. I am told that FedEx will hold a Give Santa a New Name contest, with people being given a contest entry each time they ship a package through FedEx or make a copy at FedEx Kinko’s. Winner will receive a free trip to the North Pole on a FedEx Express plane.

I asked my neighbors in FedEx Marketing how they would deal with the public outcry that is bound to arise over the change in Christmas’ image. “Well, you have to realize, this is not the first time a corporate marketing campaign helped to shape public perceptions of Christmas,” they told me. “Contemporary images of Santa came out of advertising by Coca-Cola. But we at FedEx feel it’s time to update that image. After all, how many kids have ever seen a reindeer? But they’ve seen a FedEx delivery truck. And a man in a big red suit is kind of scary – but the FedEx Ground delivery man, everyone knows he’s there to bring packages and presents and goodies.”

They told me they also have an extensive charitable campaign planned to build goodwill around the FedEx Christmas(TM) name. The company will be working with St.Jude locally to deliver FedEx Christmas(TM) presents to sick children, and it will also be donating money to serve FedEx Christmas(TM) dinner in homeless shelters around the world.

“You also have to understand, this was a smart business move for Santa,” I was told. “He’s getting up there in years, and running that toy factory takes a lot out of him. With the $300 million a year we’re paying him, he can simply go to the mall and buy all the presents, instead of making them himself. Or better yet, he can shop online and have the presents shipped via FedEx.”

They continued, “You also have to consider that this will allow Santa to lay off all his elves. This will reduce labor expenses, positively impacting Santa’s bottom line. You see, this sponsorship is truly a win for everyone.”

My neighbors went on to tell me of other planned changes. Although FedEx Christmas(TM) will usually remain on December 25, if the holiday falls on a Saturday or Sunday it will be moved to the following Monday, since FedEx generally does not deliver packages on the weekends.

Local hotels such as the Peabody who serve brunch or dinner on the holiday will be allowed to continue doing so, as long as they properly display the FedEx Christmas(TM) logo on all advertising and signage, and pay FedEx a licensing fee for the use of the name.

Lots selling FedEx Christmas(TM) trees will also have to display proper logos and pay the licensing fee. Those lots not wishing to pay the licensing fee can get around it by simply calling their trees “holiday trees.” Some lots plan to start selling Festivus poles – based on the famous “a Festivus for the rest of us” episode of Seinfeld – in protest, but FedEx’s legal team is already preparing a lawsuit to stop the practice, claiming that Festivus is a Christmas derivative.

FedEx Christmas(TM) carols will have to be rewritten. For example, “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” will now become “We Wish You a Merry FedEx Christmas(TM).” Since FedEx is a global company, this change will have to be carried throughout the world – for example, “Feliz FedEx Navidad(TM)” in Spanish-speaking countries.

A big thank you to FedEx and other generous corporations for making the world a better place through their sponsorships. Merry FedEx Christmas(TM) to all, and to all a good night!

I’ve been downstairs at my apartment building’s Christmas party, and I’ve heard from several of my neighbors about “Dirty Santa” parties happening in the next 12 days – where the idea is for female partygoers to dress up in Christmas attire that’s as skimpy and sexy as possible. (I asked what guys wear to these parties – “basically what you wore for Halloween, but with a hat,” I was told.)

I have a recommendation for those of you attending “Dirty Santa” parties this month – the Natalya Christmas Tube Top. It laces up in front, and can be accessorized with matching skirt and gloves. Dress up in one of these and it will be a merry Christmas indeed!

Sitting here waiting for it to be 7:00, start time for my apartment building’s Christmas party downstairs. So while I’m waiting, you get a post. Don’t know if this one will be interesting because it’s going to be more of a stream-of-consciousness thing than a post with an actual topic. I still have the “Downtown’s best burgers” post in Drafts, but if I published that one next, that’d be three food-related posts in a row.

Good seeing fellow blogger Semi-Charmed Kat last night at the Saucer. She told me she was surprised that I said good things about Cordova in yesterday’s “Eat some BBQ, help make a wish come true” post. Well, the thing is, I was afraid that if I used my usual nickname for that part of town (“East Bumblefuck”) someone might get offended and not go to the BBQ place and support Make-A-Wish. Now, normally I couldn’t care less if my blog offends people, but in yesterday’s case it could’ve cost Make-A-Wish money. But never fear Kat, the charity drive is over and I’m back to making fun of the ‘burbs.

If you haven’t been checking out Kat’s blog lately, allow me to summarize: Ptolemy this Ptolemy that Ptolemy Ptolemy Ptolemy Ptolemy Ptolemy Ptolemy Ptolemy and more Ptolemy. A few days ago she listed partial results of the Ptolemy royalty vote, then deleted them when she learned that it’s supposed to be a big secret until February, and I nearly drunk-posted the results back to my own blog just to be an ass and to show my contempt for the whole Carnival royalty concept. But I thought better of it. Who knows, maybe I’ll get drunk again and go ahead with the post… did I mention that my apartment building’s Christmas party is tonight?

What’s going on this week… well, tomorrow I’ll be attending Mpact Memphis’ Promote Memphis committee meeting at Davis-Kidd (6:00). The committee will focus on ways to project a positive image of our city, both to our own residents and to people from outside the region. This committee was always a lot of fun to serve on back in the old days and I look forward to seeing what they come up with.

Ten Mile Bayou plays the Saucer Friday night. Funny how I came to be familiar with their music… back in September I was sitting at one of the window seats at the Saucer, one of the ones facing Peabody Place, and the band was playing and they took a break. The lead singer/guitarist came over and introduced himself, and said he saw me at the Saucer a lot and wanted to thank me for my support. I was like, “Um, yeah, sure, no problem…” The reason I sat where I did that night, in a seat with a good view of the band, was due not so much to the band itself, but due to the fact that the waitress working that section had on a particularly short skirt that night. But I came back and heard them at one of their subsequent Saucer gigs, and I thought to myself, “Damn, these guys are really good.” Soulful kind of rock with a Southern influence and a whole lot of feeling. They play both covers and originals. Definitely worth checking out if you’re downtown Friday night.

The downtown Christmas parade is Saturday. Parade is on Beale Street at 4 pm, and there will be some bands and Christmas stuff going on at Handy Park from noon to 4. You know, a few days ago I was remembering the December I spent in San Diego, when it was 77 degrees and I wore shorts the day of the Christmas parade. Well, thanks to our wacky weather it looks like I’ll be able to wear shorts to a Memphis Christmas parade as well… the Weather Channel is predicting high 72, low 57 for Saturday (they’re also saying highs will be in the 70s Sunday and Monday as well). 10% chance of rain. I like it!

With beautiful weather on Sunday, I’ll probably spend the day taking photos for the new website I’m building, so my hiatus from Sunday brunch will continue. I’ll probably stop in Sleep Out’s for one PBR though. Later in the day, after the sun goes down, I’ll probably download all the photos I took onto my laptop, and take the show on the road to the Saucer and get some work done there. And drink some beer.

Anyone get their hair cut at the new CityHouse Salon on GE Patterson? I’m considering giving them a try. It’s been 6 weeks ago as of tomorrow that my current stylist gave me a way-too-short post-Halloween haircut, and it’s finally grown out to what I consider a minimum acceptable length. I’ll probably let it grow for another 6 weeks at least before I get it cut again. Some of my guy friends get four haircuts to every one of mine.

My extra time off work has been approved. The city schools give people who work there 7 days off for the holidays (the week of December 25, and January 1 and 2), and I asked to take January 3-5 off so I could have a full two weeks of sleeping late and not having to sit in a cubicle. Now that’s going to be nice! No real plans other than a couple of days in Little Rock around Christmastime, and one of the nights when I’m off and in Memphis I plan to stumble in the Black Diamond about 3 in the morning and order a pizza with sausage and black olives. It’s a tradition I started the last time I had some extended time off. Hang on, let’s post a pic of that pizza:

And just for the heck of it, let’s also post what I had to drink with that pizza:

There ya go. The Diamond has the best pizza downtown. And their kitchen is open super-late. See, Denny’s isn’t your only late-night dining option downtown.

Hey, I guess this turned into a food post after all. And it took me an hour to type, so it’s almost party time now. Guess I’ll hit Publish and go get dressed.