– Last night I was walking down Monroe and I saw Sharp Dressed Bum riding toward me on his bike. So I decided to duck in LoLo’s Table for a drink, and I found some friends of mine sitting at the bar. They had been hit up by Sharp Dressed Bum already. One of them said, “He’ll tell you, ‘Oh yeah, Elvis gave me this bike.'”<\/p>\n
Now, Sharp Dressed Bum is about the same age as I am, I would estimate. And I was a little kid when Elvis died. So my friend asked him, “What year did Elvis die?”<\/p>\n
Sharp Dressed Bum: “I dunno. But he gave me this bike!”<\/p>\n
The bike has whitewall tires (no I’m not kidding; he’ll brag about those tires too) and handles that stick up in the air, if that will help you know who to avoid.<\/p>\n
– My friends at LoLo’s also told me about another bum who hangs out in front of Huey’s. Now, most bums will eventually recognize downtowners and leave them alone, but this one had bad short-term memory.<\/p>\n
So the bum approached my friend one day and commented, “You look like you’re from Australia.” The bum thought he was an out-of-town tourist and wanted to do the “tour guide” thing. In reality, my friend was from a few blocks down the road.<\/p>\n
A few days later, he approached my friend again, having totally forgotten that they had already spoken. “You look like you’re from Italy.”<\/p>\n
A few days later, he approached my friend again. “You look like you’re from Ireland.”<\/p>\n
A few days after that, he again saw my friend. This time, “Hey man, you look like you’re from Germania, or one of them countries.”<\/p>\n
Germania?<\/p>\n
– Speaking of bums: My least favorite bum of all time, Crazy Insane Bitch, is back on the street. Long curly blond hair, 4’11”-5’0″, plump, about 40, looks like she hasn’t bathed or showered in a month. If you see this woman coming I suggest you cross the street immediately to get away from her. Trouble is, she’ll see you and cross the street too.<\/p>\n
– Inside Joke Dept:<\/p>\n
From Philip’s blog<\/a>: “Oh yeah, I saw my friend Alisha there. She was with a bday party for ‘the most annoying man on the earth.'” Hey PC, if you’re reading this: What do you think about fixing him up with The Most Annoying Woman On The Planet from my blog? They sound PERFECT for each other.<\/p>\n Philip writes that “the most annoying man on the earth” is the king of cockblocks<\/a>, and can even cockblock himself. So can she… if the two of them go out, she’ll probably call him and tell him she’ll be late, because she has to stop by a (male) friend’s house. Then she’ll bring the friend along on the date, explaining that he’s a “DW” (drink watcher), “to make sure I don’t drink too much, because I don’t trust my own decisions.”<\/p>\n Let me know if he’s interested… I can send you a link to her MySpace account, where she has pics of herself.<\/p>\n – That’s all for now… didn’t do much last night, just hung out at Nate’s upstairs bar at Earnestine & Hazel’s for a while. Didn’t see the E&H ghost that was reported on the news a day or two before.<\/p>\n Back later with more posts, and don’t forget to check the Commercial Appeal’s site for my Deal of the Week blog tomorrow.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" – Last night I was walking down Monroe and I saw Sharp Dressed Bum riding toward me on his bike. So I decided to duck in LoLo’s Table for a drink, and I found some friends of mine sitting at the bar. They had been hit up by Sharp Dressed Bum already. One of them … Continue reading “Elvis, bum geography, and more”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.paulryburn.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/434"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.paulryburn.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.paulryburn.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.paulryburn.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.paulryburn.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=434"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/www.paulryburn.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/434\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.paulryburn.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=434"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.paulryburn.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=434"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.paulryburn.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=434"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}