As promised, it’s time to catch up on the mail once again.
Subj: Have more fun in the bedroom
You know, I’ve been thinking about buying one of those ten-in-one game tables and putting it in my bedroom. One of those ones that lets you play checkers, chess, backgammon, parcheesi, and some other games. That would certainly add more fun to my bedroom, don’t you think?
Subj: Bigger? My, my!
Okay, this is one where the image in my head is so funny that I can’t stop laughing long enough to think of something witty and amusing to type in response. I mean, imagine if I had a girlfriend, and I bought the penis enlargement system advertised in this e-mail. And one night we’re getting it on, and she sees it… and says, “Bigger? My, my!” Oh god that’s hilarious.
Can’t wait to sober up and see if it’s still as funny then. I have a feeling it will be Monday before that happens, because it’s almost time to go to church. And by church, I mean Sleep Out Louie’s.
My friend/neighbor Carmel owns a tube top now. It’s baby blue, according to her. Haven’t seen it yet. That has nothing to do with anything else in this post, but I had to get the theme in there somehow.
Oh, and Meredith had a tube top on last night too. Most of the people reading this blog don’t know Meredith. Then again, as drunk as I was she could have had on an Eskimo parka and I would’ve mistaken it for a tube top.
Is it July yet?
Subj: paul is your pen1s on call all the time
Some of my friends who are employed in the information-technology sector have to be on call every other weekend. Meaning, if the server goes down, they have to go in. If a critical bug in their code causes their applications to crash, they have to go in. That absolutely has to SUCK. Their weekend is not truly their own. So, I wouldn’t wish that on my pen1s. I want my pen1s to be free to do whatever it wants. Sounds like I should stop wearing underwear.
Subj: Girls like it
Must be an e-mail about Tupperware.
God. This blog is hitting an all-time low. June, hurry up and get over.
All right. It’s 10:15 AM, which means the bars will be open in 45 minutes. Plans for today:
1) Go to Sleep Out’s and drink a bottle of
Wait, scratch that.
1) Go up to the roof and see if my cute neighbor from the second floor is laying out in her bikini.
2) Go to Sleep Out’s and drink a bottle of Tott’s Brut. And probably eat some fried crawfish tails.
3) Come back home. Pop open one of the bottles of Cook’s champagne in my fridge. Drink it.
4) Pop open the other bottle of Cook’s. Drink it.
5) Write a blog entry even stupider than this one, if that’s possible.
6) Back up to the roof to watch the sunset and see if Carmel has her new tube top on.
Obviously a very full day. Whew, it’s 88 outside already! Time to get started.