Advice from an Internet dating guru

One of the benefits of wandering around all over Downtown is that I meet a lot of interesting people. Today’s post is a story about one of the people I met last December… a group of us had gone to EP’s for dinner, and I discovered I didn’t know the guy sitting to my left. He was a friend of a friend, visiting from Los Angeles. We started talking.

I told him I do web programming. “Oh, you’re an IT guy!” he said. “Me too. I’m the Director of Information Technology for David DeAngelo.”

My ears perked up. “David DeAngelo?” I asked. “Wait, I’ve heard that name before. Isn’t he the guy who wrote a book called ‘Double Your Dating,’ that teaches men how to be more successful dating women?”

“Well, yes, that was his first book,” he responded. “But he now has dozens of products and websites, and has 60 employees working for him.”

“SIXTY employees!” It seemed unbelievable to me that dating advice – especially for MEN – could turn into such a big business. “Tell me about it,” I asked him. “What does DeAngelo tell these men to do?”

“Well, basically, David DeAngelo teaches that everything our mothers taught us about attracting women is wrong,” he told me. You know, take them out for expensive dinners… give them nice gifts… rearrange your schedule if they ask you to give them a ride somewhere, or to come over to their house and fix something… compliment them all the time, tell them how beautiful they are.”

“Now, don’t get me wrong,” he continued. “That stuff is fine when you’re already IN A RELATIONSHIP with a woman. But as a means of meeting and attracting women – you know, getting to know someone you just met – that kind of stuff doesn’t work. In fact, it KILLS attraction.”

“Why?” I asked. “Why does that kind of stuff kill attraction in the beginning?”

“Because it’s what DeAngelo calls ‘wussy’ behavior. It indicates that she’s already got you, that she doesn’t need to do ANYTHING for you and you’ll always be at her beck and call. You’re not a challenge if you do those things. You’re subconsciously conveying that you’re of a lower status than she is. People don’t feel attraction to someone they perceive as having lower status.”

I had to admit, what he was saying made a lot of sense. I could make a list – and it’d be a long list, unfortunately – of the times I’ve been TOO nice as I first got to know a woman, and it backfired. “So I’m guessing DeAngelo teaches some kind of alternative to traditional ‘dating’ in his products,” I told him. “What kinds of things does he teach?”

“Well, some of his products are ‘Inner Game’ products,” the IT guy responded. “These are products that teach men how to cultivate the inner qualities that naturally attract women.”

“Such as?”

“Well, body language is a big one – they say that 93% of communication is nonverbal. Some others… projecting a slight overconfidence when you meet women. Maintaining your composure no matter what comes up. Projecting the qualities of a leader. Refusing to accept second-class behavior from her, such as lying or canceling plans at the last moment.”

“Then,” he continued, “there are the ‘Techniques’ programs. In those DeAngelo teaches how to develop a ‘cocky and funny’ attitude, where you’re joking around with her, busting on her a little, but doing so in a fun way, where she’s enjoying it and she can’t wait to see what you’re going to say next. Then there are other techniques programs, such as how to handle yourself in bars and clubs, where the most beautiful women are dressed to the nines and get approached 20, 30 times a night.”

“Sounds interesting,” I told him. “Make ya a deal. I have a blog that gets several hundred hits a day. Send me a product, and I’ll listen to it. If I think it has value, I’ll do a post on my blog about DeAngelo.”

So he went back to L.A. and arranged for one of David DeAngelo’s products – a 6-CD course – to be sent to me. I took out the CDs, ripped them into digital format, copied them to my iPod, and listened to them a couple of times.

What I didn’t tell him was, I still had one unanswered question – does DeAngelo teach men techniques that are disrespectful of women? You know, does he teach men to manipulate women, to trick them into having sex? If I heard any of that on the CDs, I was prepared to still write a review of DeAngelo’s product on this blog, but it wouldn’t be a positive one.

Having listened to the product, though, I can’t say I find anything disrespectful about it. In fact, it seems like material women would WANT men to learn – how to make them laugh, how to light them up emotionally, how to act like real men around them. It actually seems a lot LESS manipulative than traditional “dating” behavior, when a guy buys a woman an expensive dinner hoping he’ll get something in return.

Anyway… I gave his product a listen and it seems to have value. I promised him a link, so here ’tis… check out his site if you’re so inclined. (He made me my own landing page because he’s curious how much traffic will come from this blog.)

Coming up on 1 PM here in beautiful Downtown Memphis… I’m about to pack up the laptop and head to the Second Street branch office to get a few hours’ work done on my new online store. Too bad I didn’t have it done in time for the ’70s party I’m attending tonight… yeah consider that a hint about the store’s content. Anyway, it’s a sunny 71-degree afternoon… what are you doing reading this post? Go outside!

Back tomorrow with pics of the oyster bar.