My BBQ team the Moody Ques has a meeting tomorrow evening at 6. Part of my job as “Mr. Load-in,” the Moody Ques workhorse, is to inspire the team. Therefore, I would like to offer the following message.
Every year I post photos of the food that my BBQ team puts out. One of the side effects of posting those pics on a well-known blog is that occasionally I get feedback from animal-rights activists. “Pigs are highly intelligent animals with unique personalities,” they tell me. “You need to appreciate the pig. Each pig is an individual.”
That is 100% correct. Each pig IS an individual, with individual dreams and aspirations.
Some pigs dream of lying comfortably on a bed of nacho chips, covered in cheese sauce, dry rub, and jalapenos.
Some pigs dream of having an apple in their mouth as they are lowered into an underground pit by men wearing Hawaiian shirts and leis.
Some pigs dream of sitting on a plate next to baked beans and coleslaw, covered in a tangy sauce.
Some pigs dream of vacationing in a place that is nice and warm, like a smoker, in temperatures between 225 and 250 degrees.
Yes, every pig is an intelligent individual with its own unique dreams and aspirations. And as the most intelligent species on Earth, it is the job of the human race to help every pig realize its potential. In fact, it is more than that: It is our job to see the potential in the pig that perhaps the pig does not even see in itself.
For those of you who follow the Christian religion: Is that not what Jesus was said to have done? To see potential in others that they did not see in themselves? When we see the potential in the pig, we are truly walking a mile with Jesus.
Or, for those of you who follow Eastern schools of thought: Is “I see the divine in you” not a commonly used greeting? Let us look at the pig, and imagine how divine it will taste after it comes off the Moody Ques smoker and is pulled apart and topped with Moody Ques sauce.
Or, for those of you who are atheists: It’s a dead pig on a plate and it tastes good.
You see, BBQ Fest is more than a Memphis in May event. It is a religious feast, no matter which religion you follow, as I have proved above. You shouldn’t really even have to use vacation to take off work for BBQ Fest. You’re just observing your religious practices. Feel free to print this out and show it to your company’s HR department if you think it will help.
Let us come together for an evening of prayer and meditation and gluttony and beer tomorrow night at the team meeting. May this message remain in your heart and inspire you all the way to BBQ Fest. Amen.