It’s time to announce the August BFF (Best Friend Forever) of the Month. Let’s take a look at the contenders:
Meghan
Meghan, of course, was the original BFF, and has been trying to regain BFF status. During the month of July she was nicer to me than she’s ever been in her life, offering me two of her Oreo cookies. And, they weren’t just any Oreos, but the new white Oreos.
So, what’s the argument against her being my new BFF? Well, I’ll put it this way… one time I was watching a Discovery Channel special about a drought in Africa. The summer sun’s hot rays were baking everything in sight. The area had completely dried up, except for one rapidly evaporating watering hole filled with extremely pissed-off hippos and crocodiles. The collective mood of that watering hole was similar to the mood Meghan is in most of the time.
So it’s not Meghan.
Stephanie
Stephanie has been a strong contender for BFF of the Month the past two months, but has lost both times to June-July BFF Suzy, who set an incredibly high standard for BFFs. Once again, Stephanie is in the running for August.
Stephanie’s strongest selling point is that she owns more tube tops than anyone I know. (Edit: I had it wrong about her being in the South Main Dirty Dozen, sorry.) And, she works for the Center City Commission, an organization I’m fond of because they hired the patrols that have run off many of the bums in Downtown Memphis.
However, the bums may prove to be her undoing. She named her cat after a bum named June Bug. I don’t know if I can handle having a BFF with a cat named after a bum.
We’ll leave her in the running as a finalist for now.
Kristin and Darbi
Kristin (left) and Darbi approached me mid-month with a very interesting proposal. “Why limit yourself to one BFF?” they asked. “You can make both of us your BFF of the Month for August, and have a BFF threesome.” I liked their idea. Indeed, who says I can have only one BFF? Since then I’ve hung out with them several times at the Saucer and the Red Rooster.
So, what’s the argument against making them my BFF of the Month? Well, I checked out their MySpace pages and saw photos of them at one of the worst clubs on the planet, Club Lame, er, I mean Club Atlas. And now that I think about it, they tried to get me to go to Atlas with them one night. I don’t know if I can deal with BFFs who hang out at Atlas.
I’ll leave them as finalists for now.
Jenny and Michelle
Jenny and Michelle, late entries into the BFF of the Month contest, are the two scientists I met at the Saucer about two weeks ago. Since then I have hung out with them on the Peabody rooftop, and also at Blues City to catch The Dempseys. Their strongest selling point is good taste: They go to see The Dempseys more than I do, and they spend almost as much time at the Flying Saucer as I do. They read in my blog that Kristin and Darbi had proposed a BFF threesome, and they wanted to be in the running as well.
Argument against them: They like to do karaoke at EP’s, but that by itself I don’t mind. They’ve invited me to come with them, which again is fine because I like EP’s. However, they’ve repeatedly said, “and you have to SING” at karaoke which in my mind is crossing the line.
Still, we’ll leave them as finalists. So, we’ve got Stephanie, Kristin and Darbi, and Jenny and Michelle.
So, who’s the winner?
… Check back later today to find out. Don’tcha hate cliffhangers?
