Only FIVE beers on a Monday night? Are you sure you’re reading the right blog?

Unusual Monday night, as I only had five beers, and only four of them were at the Saucer.  Can’t remember the last time that happened.  Couple of reasons for it though.  One is that I really am slammed at work this week, and can’t afford to go in hung over.  I need every brain cell I can get for the next four days.  Second of all, it was about to rain.  I did my first four beers at the Saucer, then headed south to Calhoun’s to see Best Pool Partner Ever Lauren.  Had one beer and the sausage and cheese plate there.  Hang on, let’s post a pic of the sausage and cheese plate.



It’s the most expensive item on the food menu – $8.00 – but it’s a lot of food.  I couldn’t finish it and I was hungry.  It’s a lot more than what you’d get on the sausage and cheese plate at Huey’s for nearly the same price.

If you’ve ever been to Calhoun’s, you know that they give you markers and can write on the bar there.  Look what I found on the bar tonight (click for larger image):



I drank my beer, at most of my food, tabbed out, and walked up Main.  It was starting to thunder.  I usually don’t take the trolley, but as I approached the Huling stop I decided to make an exception.  A couple of blocks after I got on, it started to pour.  I would’ve been soaked if I hadn’t made that decision.  Good trolley karma.  With the Madison/Main stop practically at my front door, I stayed dry.

Sat at the window with Bicycle Bobby earlier in the evening at the Saucer.  We watched a guy walk down the street with a Victoria’s Secret bag.  He’s buying a gift for his girlfriend, I thought.  Or maybe not.  Do I have any readers who are current or former Victoria’s Secret employees?  I’d be curious how often they get men in there wanting to go in the dressing rooms and try on the lingerie.  I bet it happens more often than you’d suspect.

On the way to the Saucer, I ran into my friend Suzy, who wished me a happy belated Easter.  WTF?  Easter was 8 days ago.  Maybe she just left Walgreens, where they had a lot of leftover Easter candy on sale.  Can’t imagine why else she’d have Easter on her mind.

Beer report:

Previous total:  $970.00

Beers 164, 165, and 166 (but 158, 159, and 160 according to the Saucer – one beer still to be put back on because the mini-me forgot to hand in a ticket Saturday):
Spaten Lager $2.75
Left Hand Sawtooth Amber $2.75
Saucer Favorite Black & Tan $2.75
Tip:  $1 x 3 beers = $3.00
Total:  $11.25

Grand total:  $981.25

Off to bed.  I feel like I’m letting my readers down by calling it quits so early on Pint Nite, but work does call.  Nevertheless, I can promise there will be at least 2 posts tomorrow, so check back.

One more favor…

I’d like to ask one more favor from my readers.  A couple of weeks ago I asked you to go to ArtsMemphis’ video contest page and vote for my friend Harmony Stewart’s movie, “Blues.”  Well, thanks to your votes, she’s made it to the final round of the competition, with only four other finalists remaining.

I’d appreciate it greatly if you could take a minute to follow the link and vote for her video again. Let’s help her win this thing!  Thanks!

New anti-bum idea

Yesterday while we were watching the game, an interesting thing happened.  A new panhandler was hitting people up across the street, and we were getting real tired of him because he was approaching families.  So, all of us just started taunting him from our perch at the Saucer window.  “Leave them alone!” we’d yell every time he walked up to a family.  “He’s a panhandler!  Don’t give him money!”  He turned and looked at us.  “Get out of here!” we all yelled at him.  “Go on!  Go away!  We’re running the panhandlers out of this city!”  We made it so inhospitable for him to do business that he had no choice but to leave the area.

That worked really well.  Several of us have individually yelled “Don’t give him money, he’s a panhandler!” from across streets, but we’ve never really done it before as a group, and we haven’t just hung around and harassed particular bums until they left the area.  Maybe we need to start doing that, getting four or five of us together and walking around and shouting down the bums until they leave.

New security patrols are about to start too.  One way or another, we’re determined to get these bums out of Downtown Memphis in 2008.

Pics: Final Four watch party

The gang convened at the Saucer yesterday to watch our Memphis Tigers defeat Tex-ass to make it to the Final Four for the first time in 23 years.  Here are some pics.



 Allison, Mikey and Buddha converted the pool area of the Saucer into their own personal living room.



Whoa!  I finally got a pic of the Nuh-Uh Girl where she isn’t eating!  In this photo she displays her cheerleading skills to the amazement of Ken and Otto.


The Saucer was a sea of blue for the Tiger game.


Here’s a pic of the bum who stopped by the Saucer window several times to panhandle us.  He was doing the “bum-on-a-bike” and “bum-brella” gimmicks.



God bless the USA!  Here’s a pic of the USA Flight, one of my three plate beers.


Possible bachelor party T-shirt?


After the Tiger game was over, and the Kansas-Davidson game after that, I decided I was hungry.  My plan was to walk to Big Foot for Paul’s Drunkass Food, then move to Calhoun’s to see Best Pool Partner Ever Lauren.  Unfortunately I got sidetracked and never got to Calhoun’s.  My friend Tom saw me walk into Big Foot and said, “Paul!  Come hang out with us!  Look who’s sitting at the bar!”  Here’s a pic of Tom at the bar with…


…my BFF.  See, I told you this blog wasn’t done with her.  Note her purse – her mini-me has the exact same purse.

So I went and sat with Tom, Meredith, Mendi and the bartender’s sister Michelle.  Here are a few pics of Mendi.




I sat at a table and played the FMK game for a couple of hours, then moved to the bar to hang out with my BFF.  Here my BFF does her usual pose for a pic.  Isn’t she sweet?


My BFF suggested we arm-wrestle, loser buys shots.  “Why don’t we skip the arm stuff and just wrestle?” I counter-proposed.

“Paul, you know if we wrestle, it’ll lead to sex,” she replied.  “Come on, let’s arm-wrestle.”

(DISCLAIMER:  Elements of the conversation above may be figments of my imagination and not what she actually said)

So we arm-wrestled.  She demolished me several matches in a row – the girl is FREAKISHLY strong – and proceeded to put about $25 worth of drinks on my tab.

I want to zoom in on the previous pic for a minute.


See that thing on her face?  Looks like a sterling silver pimple doesn’t it?  She should get some Clearasil and take care of that thing.  No, that’s actually a face piercing.  She PAID to have that thing done.  Can you believe that?  Wherever I would’ve rated her looks on a scale of 1 to 10, she lost an entire point when she got that piercing put in.  She used to have a nose piercing that was totally hot, but apparently nose piercings are boring because “everyone has them.”  So she went and said “Please give me a piercing that makes me look as stupid as possible.”  She told me she had to leave work for a while earlier in the day because the thing started bleeding.  Yeah.  That’s really sexy.

My BFF told me that she and Meredith had a long discussion about tube tops and the proper way to wear them.  Sorry I missed out on that discussion, as it sounds like it would have been intellectually stimulating.  Well, maybe not so much intellectually, but it would have been stimulating.  Tube Top Month is only two months and a day away!

I tried to get her roommate Megan (who does not have an “h” or a mini-me or a bad attitude) to buy me a drink, but was unsuccessful.  Then I stole my BFF’s phone and was about to start texting random people in her address book, but she caught me.  I told her I would be showing a new friend around Downtown this coming weekend, a friend who is moving to Memphis next month and wants me to show her around her new neighborhood.  I asked my BFF for recommendations, and she proceeded to list some of the dumbest suggestions ever.  She thought the one place that is pretty much mandatory to take a new Memphian – Raiford’s – was a bad idea.  “I’d be pissed off if someone took me to Raiford’s,” said my BFF.  What an idiot.  The new owners of Raiford’s read this blog and I hope they ban her for life for saying that.

About 10:30 I finished my Big Foot Beer and tabbed out.  My BFF hinted around that she’d like to come home with me, but she was on her 12th vodka drink of the day.  I felt like I’d be taking advantage of her.  So I hugged her goodbye and made the lonely walk home by myself.

(DISCLAIMER:  Elements of the conversation above may be figments of my imagination and not what she actually said)

Time for the beer report.  The Saucer lost ANOTHER one of my beers!  I’m going to get it put back on tonight.

Previous total:  $935.00

Beers 161, 162, and 163 (but 155, 156, and 157 according to the Saucer):
Liefman’s Goudenband $13.00
USA Flight $8.50
North Coast PranQster $5.50
Tip:  $27.00 x ~30% = $8.00
Total:  $35.00

Grand total:  $970.00

If you’ve never tasted Liefman’s Goudenband, go outside and mow the grass, then put the clippings in a blender and drink it.  Pretty close approximation.  The PranQster, on the other hand, is one I would rank among the top beers of the 200.

Time to get a busy week at work started.

“Is that a giant Yoda Pez dispenser in your pants, or are you just happy to see me?”

Pretty boring day yesterday… if you’re expecting an entertaining post this morning, this probably ain’t it.  We’ll start off with a pic of a giant Yoda Pez dispenser.


It was our friend Ryan’s birthday, and another friend, Robert, ran down to Tater Red’s to get him a present, and this is what Robert came back with.  It’s the largest Pez dispenser I’ve ever seen.  Rather than dispensing individual Pez, it dispenses packages of them.  Girls were running over to see it.  I never realized a Yoda Pez dispenser could be a chick magnet.

It gave me an idea, though… somewhere in one of my dresser drawers, I have a regular-sized Pez dispenser.  I need to load it up and start carrying it around.  Then, when bums approach me and ask for money, I can say, “I don’t have any change, but here, have a Pez.”  That would throw even the most seasoned bum off his game.  That’s a response none of them would be expecting.

Beer report:

Previous total:  $917.75

Beers 158, 159, and 160 (but 153, 154, and 155 according to the Saucer):
Red Hook Blackhook Porter $4.25
Yazoo Dos Perros $4.50
(*) Yazoo Amarillo Pale Ale $4.50
Tip:  $13.25 x ~30% = $4.00
Total:  $17.25

Grand total:  $935.00

(*) Actually $0 because Robert bought it for me – “I want to say I contributed to a small piece of your plate.”  Thanks!

Since I went past 150 on the Saucer’s count, the computer awarded me a coupon for a free hat.  I already have one from my first plate, and I rarely wear hats anyway, so I gave it to Ryan as a birthday present.

Other than that, not much happened yesterday.  Left the Saucer after a very long stint there, intending to go to the Red Rooster to catch Snozberry.  But there was a long line at the door and I decided I wasn’t in the mood to stand in line.  So I turned around and ended up having a beer at George Paul’s Last Call, the little bar at the back of Blues City Cafe.  I don’t go there much this time of year; I tend to hang out there July-October, which just happens to be the months when there are Romanians working at Blues City.  (I’ll have more to say about Romanians in a day or two.)  But Brooke the bartender remembered me, and remembered what I like to drink.  She told me that her brother Ross reads the blog every day, and she pointed out their new HDTVs which offer excellent game viewing from any angle at the bar.  Just a good little spot to sit and relax and hang out.

Brunch at McGuinness today, followed by the Saucer to watch the game and drink plate beers.  About a 90% chance I’ll make an appearance at Calhoun’s at some point today, but not before the games are over.

Busy week at work this week.  Will probably be working through lunch breaks, so lunchtime posts are going to need to be short and sweet.  Attn people who send me stuff to mention in the blog:  It’ll really help if you send it to me in a form where I can just copy and paste it in.  Text in the body of an e-mail is good; images I can copy and paste are good; Word documents are not so good; PDFs are bad.  Anything that’ll help me post quickly will be much appreciated for the next week and two days or so.

Friday night recap/Saturday update

Had a lot of fun last night at the Warehouse party at Front and G.E. Patterson.  The Warehouse is the private residence of Kris K. (abbreviated so I don’t misspell his last name) and last night was his birthday party.  About 200 of his closest friends showed up and had a great old time.  We watched the Tigers destroy Michigan State on the big screen.  As I pointed out to the Nuh-Uh Girl, that makes Memphis the only team from Tennessee to make it to the Elite Eight this year.  The Nuh-Uh Girl was strangely quiet.

What a blast.  There was beer, there were chicken tenders from Gus’s, there were bands.  With the big, open space, it kind of felt like a rave, but with much better music and people ranging in age from 21 to 70.  Kris is one of the people who makes Downtown so special.  Happy birthday.

Caught up with Glo and Flo, my guest bloggers who haven’t handed in any posts even though they’ve talked about it for four weeks now.  “We’ve been out of town a lot,” Flo told me.  Oh, okay, that explains it, since the Internet is only accessible here in Memphis, you know.  Flo had on some black leather pants and was looking extremely hot.

I must’ve had 10 people come up to me and say, “I know you, you’re the blogger dude!” last night.  Also had one person who said, “Hey, you’re the guy with the website about the bums!”

Earlier in the evening I stopped by the Saucer to do my plate beers.  It was a sad occasion, as it was my BFF’s final shift there.  I hate to admit it, but I’ll miss her when I’m at the Saucer.  Who’s going to cuss me out, punch me, and insult me now?  The good news is that I’m a big fan of the place where my BFF will now be working, so she’ll still be mentioned from time to time in the blog.  Also, her mini-me will still be at the Saucer.  To give you an idea of how much turnover there is at that place, the mini-me was hired in December and I think she’s now the fourth most senior waitress on the floor.

Previous total:  $887.75

Beers 155, 156, and 157 (but 150, 151, and 152 according to the Saucer):
Corsendonk Brown $8.00
North Coast Old Stock $8.00
Unibroue Trois Pistoles $7.00
Tip $23.00 x ~30% = $7.00
Total:  $30.00

Grand total:  $917.75

I skipped Trolley Tour.  I was excited about it earlier in the week, but with 45-degree temperatures I knew it wouldn’t be a good one.  Looking forward to April though.

After I left the Warehouse party I did a second stint at the Saucer, then hit the Red Rooster for about an hour, which put me home at 3 AM.  Attn Jeff:  WTF were you wearing last night?  Are you trying to be Robby Bobby’s adopted son?  Does your uncle Paul M know you wear outfits like that?

Right around the time I left, Red Rooster co-owner Robby Bobby got on stage and told the crowd that he’d give $50 to the fifth person to text “Robby Bobby” to his cell.  He’s quite a character, that Robby Bobby.  With Snozberry playing tonight and absolutely nothing else on the radar for plans, I may be back at the Rooster.

But before I do that, I have to go drink some beer.  Friends have texted me that Bridgeport IPA is the Fire Sale today.  That’s a great beer and I’ve never, ever seen it on Fire Sale before.  I don’t think I’ve knocked it off my plate yet either.

Xavier plays UCLA at 5:40, and Louisville plays North Carolina at 8:05, for spots in the Final Four.   (Hey, you know who’s NOT playing today?  Tennessee!)  Tomorrow the Tigers play Texas at 1:20 and Kansas plays Davidson at 4:05.  Go Tigers!

Quick bum story

I work in the Falls Building.  Many of the windows face west, overlooking Confederate Park and the Mississippi River.  One of my co-workers who has an office with that view told me a story about the park the other day.

“I was looking out the window at the park, and one of the bums dropped his trousers and proceeded to do ‘number two,’ right there, in full view of everyone.  He didn’t care at all that he was doing it in plain sight of an 11-story office building.  He made no attempt to cover up, get behind a tree or anything.”

Hey, you know who has their offices on the floor right below ours?  The Memphis Regional Chamber.  I’m sure it leaves a great impression when they bring people in from out of town, trying to encourage new businesses to locate to Memphis, and that’s going on right outside the window.

On the other hand, our building also has another well-known tenant – the IRS.  Maybe the guy wasn’t a bum at all, but a tax protestor making a statement.

Vote for Pouncer

Everyone please take a minute to follow this link and vote for Pouncer, the U of M Tigers’ mascot.  Voting is being conducted to determine the best mascot in the NCAA tournament.  Go Pouncer!  Go Tigers!

(Edit:  Just noticed that Arkansas’ Big Red is also in the tournament… if you to vote for Big Red instead of Pouncer, I wouldn’t have a problem with it.  Also noticed that TENNESSEE HAS ALREADY BEEN ELIMINATED… as the big dance goes, so goes the mascot voting for the Vols.  Heh.  Looking forward to drinking that beer on your tab, Hank.)

Probably won’t be 5 posts in a 24-hour period as happened yesterday… work is about to pick up… soon as I get with a third-party data provider, I’ll be programming like a madman for the rest of the workday.  Then I’ll be partying like a madman at the Saucer, Trolley Tour, and a private party in South Main.  hmmm raifords is on the way home  If any big news comes up today I’ll throw up a quick post.

Drunk post. Bruce Pearl: Buh Bye, and please remove that carrot from your neck. FRANK? NUH-UH GIRL? CARMEL? Comments? Didn’t think so. Also: Paul beats Sam’s ass at pool

Congrats to the Louisville Cardinals, who took Tennessee out of the NCAA tournament tonight.  Great job!

My original Plan A was to meet a friend for mojitos on Sauces’ patio, but she had to work late.  So I switched to Plan B, which is my usual Plan A… drinking beers at the Saucer.  It turned out to be a really good plan, as I got there at 5:30 and am just now getting home (1:30).  Never made it to the Rooster or any of the other options.

Atlas was hopping tonight.  It was their first Ladies’ Night of the season, sponsored by 93X.  I watched from the window of the Saucer and all kinds of hot babes went in there.  I never even considered going though, even though my BFF and her mini-me went.  It was the Peabody rooftop crowd.  Girls who have turned 21 in the past year and think that a nice ass in a pair of white pants and a white thong (or similar outfits) make them VIPs, and stupid-ass horny guys of all ages who are willing to buy into that (and there are a LOT of guys who are).  This is why the rooftop parties, while highly anticipated, quickly turn boring after only a few weeks.  No kidding, I actually typed that.  When I go to Peabody rooftop parties, I tend to look for the girls who are least made-up because they’re the most real.  Also the girls in tube tops, because tube tops are hot.

Attn Hank:  You owe me a beer.  Dos Equis Special Lager please.

The Fabulous Steeler Band played the Saucer tonight.  Pete (whose ass I routinely kick at pool) told me they were good, and they were.  Tonight they had Louisiana mojo queen Ms. Zeno fronting the band.  Definitely worth checking out on their next visit to the Saucer.

Speaking of pool… Calhoun’s bartender Lauren and I totally kicked ass at pool tonight as partners on the Saucer’s table.  I take notes for my blog and Lauren grabbed the pen and noted that we are BPE = Best Partners Ever.  And not fake BPE either.  If American Apparel ever offers 20% off for BPE, Lauren and I are totally getting matching outfits.  One of our opponents was Sam who hangs out at Calhoun’s all the time.  He got his ass kicked.  Remember back in November when he tried to start a competing trivia team called “Suck My Blog”?  He got his ass kicked then too.

Beer report:

Previous total:  $863.00

Beers 152, 153, and 154 (but 147, 148 and 149 according to the Saucer):
Sam Adams Winter Lager Fire Sale $2.75
Cream of Wheat (mixer: Guinness + Avery White Rascal) $5.00
Rogue Hazelnut Brown bottle $11.00
Tip:  $18.75 x ~30% = $6.00
Total:  $24.75

Grand total:  $887.75

Disappointed that I didn’t get to rock out with my cock out tonight.  Time for bed.

Thursday update #4: Iavaroni out?, furniture giveaway illegal?, and disco dancing

Saw an NBA rumor on Yahoo today that the Grizzlies are pursuing former New York Knicks coach Larry Brown to replace current head coach Marc Iavaroni. The article says that Iavaroni has been criticized for not communicating effectively with players. The article also says Brown has been out of coaching since “his disastrous 23-win season with the Knicks in 2005-06.” Yep, that sounds like the kind of person the Grizzlies would hire. I pity the poor people in their back office who are trying to get season ticket holders to renew.

Attn Grizzlies: If you want to go all the way and get someone who is truly the embodiment of incompetence, I know of such a person who will be job hunting on January 21, 2009. And he does have a track record in sports, as the former co-owner of the Texas Rangers. Can you hold off that long before making any more personnel moves?

Still on the subject of basketball: Ashley Furniture sold furniture earlier in the season with the promise that customers’ money would be refunded, effectively giving them the furniture for free, if the Memphis Tigers win the NCAA tournament this year. With the Tigers only four games away from doing just that, the Tennessee Attorney General has issued an opinion that what the furniture store is doing amounts to illegal gambling. It’s non-binding and the store’s owner still plans to go ahead with the refunds if the Tigers win, but the opinion could lead to criminal charges being filed if that happens. I’m not a lawyer but I assume the charge would be operating an illegal gambling house or something similar.

Downtowners can learn how to do the Hustle during the month of April. No, not the type of hustle where panhandlers create sob stories to scam money from tourists. The Hustle, the circa-1975 disco dance craze. YMCA is offering classes Tuesdays and Thursdays during the month of April, 8-9 PM, for a charge of $50. Blast!!! Why did they have to do it on Tuesdays? That’s trivia night. I’d seriously go to the classes if it would not mean abandoning my team for five weeks. People who’ve seen me at Raiford’s know that I’m not afraid to get down to a little disco. There will probably be some cute girls in the class too.

(Damn, I forgot to hit Publish again!  This should’ve gone up 5 yesterday. Drunk post to come.)