Best can opener ever

Last week I bought a new can opener – The One Touch Can Opener.

It’s one of the As Seen On TV products, and yep, I saw it on TV and was intrigued. You simply put the AA-battery-powered opener on top of the can, and it does all the work. It knows when it has traveled all the way around the can and shuts itself off automatically.

I was a little skeptical when I bought it, but I gotta say, it works exactly as promised. I placed it on top of a can and it went right to work. Opened it perfectly and all I had to do was throw the lid away.

I highly recommend it. Downtown Walgreens has them, or you can order one from the As Seen On TV website. At $19.95 it’s a little more expensive than traditional can openers, but worth it.

This lunchtime post is brought to you by the free wi-fi at the Flying Saucer. I came down here for lunch so I could get in an extra vote for the guy who dressed up as the First United Methodist Church (which burned earlier this month) in the Halloween contest. Don’t forget to come down to the Saucer tonight and vote (and drink cheap beer – it’s Pint Nite). Get a receipt for each beer you order, and write “Burning Church” on the receipt and hand it back in to vote. Contest winner will be announced at 7 pm Halloween evening.

Do me a favor: Drink beer and vote for the burning church

It’s not often I ask a favor of my blog readers, but I’m asking one now. Please, I beg you, go to Pint Nite at the Flying Saucer tonight (either the Downtown Memphis or Cordova one) and vote for the fire barracade standing in front of First United Methodist Church for Best Halloween Costume. The way it works is, EVERY TIME YOU ORDER A BEER (not every time you tab out, but every time you order) you can vote for best Halloween costume, with the winner to be announced at the downtown Saucer on 10/31 at 7:00.

Write “I vote for Burning Church” on the receipt. Tab out after every beer to vote multiple times.


Saturday update: No.10 hottie, vote note, food

Once Halloween weekend is over, I’ll post a photo album of all the pics that were taken. But in the meantime, check out this hottie who was totally working the dance floor at the No. 10 Main party last night:

GREAT party last night. I have to say, however, that I’m terribly disappointed in one of my regular blog readers, the one who came up with the term “Skank-o-ween” last week. She showed up without a costume on. Which does not mean she was naked (which would have been perfectly acceptable) but she was in everyday, normal clothes. Wazzup with that? She liked my Beer Goddess costume and decided to grab my boobs, which I figured gave me permission to grab her boobs in return. I admitted to her that I’m a lesbian Beer Goddess – I like girls. I wanted to munch her carpet but she left before I got the chance.

All right. On to the news for today. Regular reader Julie sent me an e-mail, wanting me to inform everyone that when you vote, your vote on Amendment 1 only counts if you also vote for governor. So make sure not to leave that race blank.

Found a couple of good links reading other people’s blogs… Serrabee pointed me to a good post on Cherry Blossom Special, where blogger EJ lists 10 of the hippest places in Memphis to eat. Good list, and it gave me a couple of new restaurants to check out.

Also on the topic of bloggers and food… Leslie Kelly blogged about a new treat that’s about as Southern as food can get… Fried Coke.

Overseas, Romanians recently voted Stephen III of Moldavia, also known as Stephen the Great, also known as Who The Hell Is He, the greatest Romanian of all time. Gymnast Nadia Comaneci came in 10th in the nationally televised poll. Surprisingly, Henri Coanda, who created the first jet aircraft in 1910, didn’t make the top 10. Coanda is considered a national hero in Romania even though his jet crashed. The international airport in Bucharest is named after him. If I ever travel to Romania I think I’ll take a train or a bus.

The Downtown Memphis location of Zoe’s Kitchen is for sale, if anyone has a dream of owning a restaurant. It’s located at the corner of Main and Monroe, and prides itself on serving healthy, nutritious, and rather expensive lunches. Do the Polish girls still work there? They’re fun. Anyway, here’s a link to a Memphis Business Journal article about Zoe’s looking for new owners.

That’s it for now. I’ll be at the Flying Saucer tonight for their Halloween party. Be sure to cheer for your favorite Beer Goddess in their costume contest!

A quick Halloween story

Well, I have my costume on and no one’s downstairs yet (we moved the party to the lobby since it’s 49 outside). So, here’s a quick Halloween story to keep myself (and possibly you) entertained while I wait for it to be party time.

Last year was the first year I dressed up as the Beer Goddess/Saucer chick. I bought the outfit in mid-October, and once I had it I decided to try it on one night after work, to make sure everything fit well in advance of the big weekend.

So I put the tank top on… a bit small, but workable. I put the miniskirt on. I put the thigh-high stockings on. Then came the shoes, which are 5-inch shiny black platform shoes which I’ve actually had since my club days in the 1990s. They’re kind of a pain to get on. So after a couple of minutes I managed to get the left one on and…

Then the phone rang. It was actually the buzzer downstairs. Someone wanted in.

“Pauly-Wauly!” said a voice I immediately recognized as my friend Bruce, a retired boxer. “Lemme come up and grab a drink from your bar.” Now, normally I’d be delighted to see Bruce and offer him a drink. But I didn’t particularly feel like explaining to a manly ex-boxer why I was in my apartment, alone, wearing a miniskirt, stockings, and one platform shoe. And if I let him in, his elevator ride up wouldn’t give me enough time to change back into street clothes.

“Uh, Bruce, this really isn’t a good time, can you come back later?” I told him.

“Come on, Paul, I just need one drink, man!” he yelled into the call box.

“Bruce, not now, I’m in the middle of something.” The call box hit its 30-second time limit and hung up on Bruce. I breathed a sigh of relief and starting wrestling with the other shoe.

About three minutes later… right as I got the other shoe on… I heard a knock on my door. “Pauly-Wauly, let me in!” Someone had recognized Bruce and let him in the building.

“Bruce, I told you it’s not a good time!” I said. “I’m busy. I can’t let you in.” I walked toward the door and my platform heels made a clacking noise against the kitchen floor.

“I hear high heels, you got a girl in there? Come on, let me in, I won’t stay, I just want to get one shot of vodka from ya, brother.”


To this day he probably doesn’t understand why I was so rude to him that night.

All right, I’m going to head back downstairs and see if they’ve tapped the kegs yet.

The bitch is back

“Hello! I’m Paulina, and I’ll be your Beer Goddess this evening. We have 70 beers on draft, and another 125 in bottles. Check the chalkboard for our Fire Sale, where we put one draft beer on sale for $2.50 every day. Also, make sure you check out our new food menu. And if you want, I’ll sign you up to join our UFO Club, where you can drink 200 beers and you get a plate party and your name in our Ring of Honor. So, what can I get for you?”

If you see this waitress out at Halloween parties this weekend, please be sure to tip her well.

Updated list of Halloween parties

Here’s the updated list of Halloween parties going on around town:

Friday 10/27: South Main Trolley Art Tour, 6-9. Not really a Halloween event but the galleries will be serving free booze.

My apartment building’s party, 9-until. Of course, I’ll be there. We’re trying to figure out whether the weather will permit us to have it on the rooftop. Last forecast I saw said high 63, low 46, which sounds awful chilly for a rooftop party. Remember, we want those whose costumes involve various states of undress to be comfortable, and not leave to go to other parties.

There’s also a Memphis Roller Derby Halloween party and fundraiser at Neil’s, with Adios Gringo, Damn Your Eyes, and The Vacant. Costume contest. Starts at 9:00, $6 cover.

Saturday 10/28: Halloween party at the Flying Saucer. Costume contest with grand prize of an electric guitar kit or a trip for two to the Bahamas. Needless to say, I will be there a good part of the evening.

Halloween party at Dan McGuinness. I hear they’re going to be giving away a home theater system for their costume contest. Since that’s right across the street, I’ll probably make an appearance there as well.

I’ve also heard Atlas will be throwing a good party Saturday night. According to the guys who were sitting next to me one Sunday afternoon at the Saucer, the Atlas party got pretty wild last year. They mentioned something about females at the party with tape covering strategic areas and not much else. Hmmm.

Elsewhere downtown, Pat O’s will be having a party 10-2 with costume contest. $6 cover includes first beer.

In the Marshall/Monroe area, The Halloween Party from Hell will be happening at Premiere Palace. $15 with costume, $20 without. Visit their site for more info.

Across the street at the old Six-1-Six location, the 450 Stonewall party will take place, which is always huge. Their site says info will be updated soon; um, guys, it’s gonna be November before long, might wanna get on that. It would be easy to do the Premiere Palace and Stonewall parties without re-parking, if you don’t mind paying two covers.

The Chicken Tractor party is Saturday at Newby’s, which I’ve heard is good, and if you’re lucky you’ll get to make out with regular blog reader Mendi.

Sunday 10/29: Uptown is having a neighborhood chili cookoff, pumpkin carving contest, and house decoration contest from noon to 6. Unlike almost everything else mentioned here, this one is kid-friendly.

Monday 10/30: Uptown Haunted House, 6-8 pm, at Uptown Square Apartments (formerly Lauderdale Courts), 252 N. Lauderdale.

Tuesday 10/31: If you have kids, there will be a Halloween party at Mud Island River Park with pumpkin carving, magic, toys, candy, food, hay rides, and more. $2 for kids, parents free with purchase of a kid’s ticket 5:30-8:00, rain or shine.

And now, on to the adult events:

Sleep Out Louie’s is having a Halloween party with costume contest, starting at 5. See below for details.

Bluefin has a Halloween party with costume contest. Last year the contest got started late, around 11.

Big Foot will have a party from 9-12 with costume contest and $2 34 oz. Coors Light. This should be a good one, Shawn always throws one hell of a party.

The “spooky” trivia night at the Flying Saucer has been postponed until November 7.

I will spend the evening of the 31st moving back and forth between Sleep Out’s, Big Foot, Bluefin, and the Flying Saucer (no party mentioned for the Saucer, but I’ll stop by anyway). Not sure where I’ll be spending the majority of my time; everyone be forewarned, loyalty to my usual local bars will take a back seat to which bar has the hottest females.

That’s the list. If I missed anything let me know.

Coming tomorrow: A pic of the most beautiful waitress ever to put on a Flying Saucer uniform. She can be a bit bitchy at times, but my God is she hot. Many of you know who I’m talking about. So be sure to check back tomorrow.

Go. See. This. Movie.

This post is going be unusual for me in two respects: 1) I’m going to recommend a movie. As many of you (especially my trivia team) know, I almost never go see movies; 2) It’s going to be a post where I mention spiritual/religious matters without making fun of them.

Conversations with God. Based on a book by the same name that came out about 12 years ago. It starts Friday, October 27 at Studio on the Square. GO SEE IT.

It presents a different way of thinking of “God,” and having a relationship with God, than you will find in any mainstream religion. I’ve read the book and it makes more sense to me from a spiritual/religious perspective than anything else I’ve seen.

This movie won’t preach to you. It won’t say, “I AM RIGHT, I AM THE ONE WAY” as is so often the case with mainstream religion. If you have an open mind, this movie won’t turn you off; it will turn you on. GO SEE IT.

I’m excited. This could be the beginning of a complete overhaul in the way society sees itself in relation to God, and I think it’s an overhaul that’s long overdue.


I know, I know, I need to update the Halloween list. Lots of stuff to add. It’ll be updated tomorrow at the latest.

Attn downtowners who plan to early vote

I just got back from early voting… usually I walk up the Main Street Mall to Poplar, turn right, and the office is at 157 Poplar just past Second. However… due to the church fire, that entire intersection (even the sidewalks) is completely blocked off. If you’re walking to the election commission, you’ll need to get over on Third and then turn left on Poplar, where you can still use to sidewalk to get to the door at 157 Poplar.

Here’s a list of early voting locations and times.

I voted for Phil Bredesen because he’s done a good job, Steve Cohen because I admire his principles and leadership, Harold Ford Jr. because he’s not a Republican, and No on Amendment 1 because it promotes intolerance and prejudice. I would have voted for Republican Terry Roland because I want to see Ophelia Ford lose, but I didn’t appreciate his auto-dialer calling me at 8:04 in the morning, waking me up to a canned campaign message. So I left that race blank.

Tonight: Beer, trivia, waitresses.