Month: July 2010

The French Quarter certainly lived up to its reputation while I was in town.

Monday night, I arrived in New Orleans about 5:30.  With nothing to do until the next morning, I threw my bags in the room and hit Bourbon Street.  Less than 10 minutes into my adventure, a guy called me over.  “Hey big bro, want to see a magic trick?” he said.

“I know what you are,” I told him.  “You’re a panhandler.  We have you in Memphis.  Go away.”  He muttered “aw man” and walked off.  I got panhandled three more times that night and had two other bums offer to sell me weed.  After that night I apparently had my “game face” on and the panhandlers didn’t even bother me for the rest of the week.

There were numerous strip clubs, and the girls standing outside used every trick in the book to try to get me to come in.  Tuesday I had my “I Love Romanian Girls” shirt on.  “We love Romanian girls too!”  said a stripper peeking her head out a door.  “Come party with us!”  There was one club called “Barely Legals” which had 18-year-old girls that looked young for their age – I’m talking real young, prepubescent even.  I turned down all the invitations.  Believe it or not, I’ve never really been one to get excited about strip clubs.

Wednesday night I had a work dinner at Pat O’s on the River.  That’s a Pat O’s I didn’t even know existed.  It’s for special events only, and it is indeed on the Mississippi River.  It was on Decatur Street, about six blocks from the hotel.  Most of my co-workers took cabs to Pat O’s.  Seriously?  Have you people heard of walking?  So I went to the dinner, had more fun than I expected, and about 8:30 I started the walk back, down Decatur.

About a block and a half from Canal Street, a drag queen jumped out of a doorway.  He had hair extensions, DD-cup fake boobs, and a tight lavender dress that exposed his navel.  “Come give daddy a hug!” he said to me, arms outstretched.  Giving “daddy” a hug was certainly one possible plan, but instead I went with Plan B, which was “get the hell out of there.”  He cussed me all the way to Canal.

(For the record:  I have no problem with drag queens being who they are.  I just choose not to hug drag queens I don’t know, or call them “daddy.”)

Thursday night, I stopped in a dive bar a couple of blocks off Bourbon.  It would not normally have been on my radar, except that a sign said they were selling Abita SOS.  SOS stands for Save Our Shore, and 75 cents from the sale of every beer goes toward the effort to clean up the mess BP made in the Gulf.  I ordered one, to find that it was $8 for a 22-ounce, 7% ABV beer.  “Guess I’ll be here a while,” I thought.

So this chick came up and started chatting with me.  I won’t say she was ugly, because she wasn’t, but she… well, I’ll put it this way, she looked like she spent a lot of time in bars.  (Then again, I suppose the argument could be made that I spend a lot of time in bars.)  Anyway, she was extremely friendly – too friendly, it seemed.  She asked where I was from, why I was in town, how long I was staying.  She asked if I had a cigarette, and I told her I don’t smoke.  She chatted for a couple more minutes, then asked, “Well, do you think you could front me the money for a pack of cigarettes?  I’ll pay you back.”  I told her I didn’t have money, that everything I bought went on my expense account for work.  (A lie – I had just pulled out a 10 to pay for the beer.)

She then tried to interest me in the video poker machines.  In New Orleans, bars can have video poker machines if they restrict entry to 21 and up.  It became clear to me that if I played, it would be a team effort – I’d be putting the money in the machine, and she’d be keeping any winnings.  I declined, explaining that I only play real poker, against other players rather than the house.

Then she started asking me questions.  “So, what do you like to do?  Do you like to have a good time?  Do you like to have fun?  What do you like to do?”  To me, those sounded an awful lot like questions a hooker would ask, to indicate “hey I’m a hooker but I can’t say that in case you’re a cop.”  I pulled out my phone and opened the Mail app.  “I can’t have fun tonight,” I told her.  “I’m on call for work.  See, I’m checking my work e-mail right now.”  (Another lie – my iPhone isn’t even set up to check work e-mail.)  I also moved my wallet to my front pocket.  After a few more minutes, she figured I was a waste of her time and left me alone.

Bums, strippers, drag queens, and hookers – I got to see the Quarter in all its glory.  And I survived.  More posts to come – I’ll probably do one about work, and one about food.

This past week (Monday-Friday) I was in New Orleans for a business trip.  I’m going to break the recap of the trip into several parts, to keep it from getting overly long.  Probably I’ll write about the hotel, then the street people, then what I did for work when I went down there, then the food and drink.

I stayed at the Sheraton at 500 Canal Street.  I arrived at the hotel to find teenagers with green backpacks everywhere.  I mean, EVERYWHERE.  They were sitting all over the lobby, lying on the floor, waiting in lines 15 deep for the elevator, etc.  I found out later they were Lutheran kids attending a national youth conference. They were nice enough kids but damn they were loud and in the way.  A few minutes after I got to my room, one of them tried to walk right in and said, “Hi neighbor” – thank goodness I had the latch on.  The walls of the Sheraton were paper thin and they were running from room to room and yelling until after 1 AM.  Not real good when I had to be at a board meeting at 9 in the morning.

Then there were the elevators.  At the Sheraton, there were five elevators.  You punch your floor number into a keypad and it tells you which elevator to get on.  In theory, this gets everyone to their rooms as efficiently as possible.  In practice, it told everyone to get on the same elevator, and I found myself crammed in with about 15 kids, with the elevator stopping on damn near every floor before it reached my floor, 20.  Tuesday morning I attempted to go on my Mountain Dew run to the CVS down the street.  (There was a soft drink machine on my floor but the kids had cleaned it out.)  I punched 1 into the elevator keypad.  “Car B,” it told me.  And I waited.  And waited.  And waited.  After 5 minutes, Car B (nor any of the other elevator cars) had shown up, and I was getting so short on time that I simply gave up.

I also thought it was strange that a hotel at this price point would charge by the day for Internet access.  Of course, I’ll hand in a receipt to work and get it back, but if I were on a vacation I’d be irritated at having to pay it.  Hotels much less expensive than the Sheraton offer free Internet in the rooms.  They had it for free in the lobby, but I wanted to be in the comfort of my own room.

That’s not to say it was all bad – the room was very nice, and once the kids left on Wednesday, the elevators started working better.  Also, the location is ideal – all you have to do is cross Canal Street and you’re in the French Quarter, with Bourbon Street two and a half blocks away.  I just got a sense that when the hotel is loaded to capacity for a convention, they have a little trouble keeping up.  If you come to New Orleans, the Sheraton wouldn’t be a bad place to stay – just check and make sure there is not a major convention in town when you’re there.

Part 2 – French Quarter street people – coming soon.

Today at the CCC annual luncheon, Mayor Wharton announced some good news that Downtowners have been waiting to hear.  Starting August 1, Downtowners will see cops on the beat.  There will be five cops assigned to this duty, four on bikes supported by one in a patrol car, and they initially will be working from 10 AM to 6 PM Tuesday through Saturday.  They will support the efforts of the Downtown safety patrol, in an effort to crack down on the crimes that make Downtown feel unsafe to those not familiar with the area – aggressive panhandling and alcohol-fueled disorderly conduct.  Furthermore, the cops will cover South Main as well as the Downtown core.

Kudos to Mayor Wharton and the CCC.  You’re finally giving us what we’ve been needing for years.  More cops on the beat = better behavior on the street.

I had a reader question this morning and I don’t know the answer – what’s happening in the old Burger King building on Madison between Second and Third?  It’s been vacant for years, but recently people have been seen doing construction in there.  If you know what’s happening shoot me an e-mail at paul@paulryburn.com.

Sure wish developers would decide to pay attention to that corridor of Madison between Main and Third.  There are so many building that would make really cool loft condos or apartments.  There have been some great businesses on that block – Dawgie Style, Don-Don’s Hot Wings, Market Cafe – that have closed because of the lack of foot traffic on those blocks.  Hope this new business makes it, whatever it is.

I got a press release from the CCC this morning, saying that Mayor Wharton will announce a new and innovative community policing strategy today at the CCC’s annual luncheon at the Peabody Grand Ballroom.  I don’t know the details in advance, but those close to the program have hinted that it’s going to be very good and effective.

Also at the luncheon, County Mayor Joe Ford will speak about Downtown’s potential, and keynote speaker Shirley Franklin, former mayor of Atlanta, will speak on the role downtowns have in regional economic development.

Just saw in this CA article that Overton Park Pizze Stone will close July 31 because they need more space and a bar.  They are looking at the old LoLo’s Table location Downtown at 126 Monroe.  They say that once they negotiate the lease, it will be only a short time before they are ready to get the place open.  It will simply be called Pizze Stone after the move.

The MIFA Store tweeted that all adult pants will be buy one, get one free until Friday.  Store is located at 910 Vance.

There will be a Bardog 5K to support St. Jude Sunday Morning, August 29.  That’s the day of the bar’s second birthday party which will happen later in the day.  3.2 mile course.  You can view more details and register here.

First of all… for anyone who didn’t figure it out, because I did get a couple of inquiries… you should not vote for Michele in all 120+ “Best of Memphis” categories as suggested in yesterday’s post.  It was meant to be a good-natured, Onion-style parody of the well-deserved popularity Michele has among Calhoun’s regulars.  Voting for her in all 120+ categories, I’ve been told, would likely get your ballot voided.

Got more info on the Elvis-themed South Main Trolley Night happening Friday, July 30.  The “Elvis’ Leading Lady” contest will happen at 6 PM, with prizes going to the top three ladies dressed as Elvis’ leading lady.  Following that there will be an Elvis tribute contest with prizes to the top three, and at 9 PM there will be a free showing of the film Elvis That’s the Way it Is.

Now that bike lanes are in the city’s future, the city of Memphis is hiring a bikeway/pedestrian coordinator.  Click here to see job details.

The Peabody is hiring as well.  Numerous positions open.  Check their @PeabodyMemphis Twitter account for list of jobs.

If you have any metal work you need repaired, mark October 1-3 on your calendar:  Blacksmiths from across the country will be in Memphis to do repairs for the public.

Congrats to my trivia team the Rapscallions:  We didn’t win last night, but we scored enough points to take the three-week prize.  Now our 15-person team gets to figure out how to use a certificate for a dinner for two at Texas de Brazil.  That should be interesting.  I imagine the Nuh-Uh Girl is composing a long list of reasons why she should get one of the dinners.

LivingSocial’s deal of the day is a half-off deal at the Silly Goose.

I get to spend all day today in a board meeting.  Yay.  And the biggest bottles of Mountain Dew I can find in nearby stores are 20 ounces.  Not enough caffeine!  Not sure if I’ll have time to do a lunchtime post, but you never know, so check back.

In 2008 and 2009, Calhoun’s regulars sent out e-mails and Facebook messages, asking everyone to vote for Michele as the best bartender.  Furthermore, they asked people to vote for her as best server too – since it’s a small place, Michele comes out from behind the bar to serve the tables as well.  For 2010, however, they’re taking it a step farther – they’re asking their regulars to vote for Michele in all 120+ categories in the Flyer’s Best of Memphis poll.

“It’s completely justified,” said Mike King, one of the regulars at the bar.  “Best Grizzlies player?  Sure, Michele doesn’t get on the court and play basketball, but she keeps our beers full while we watch the Grizzlies on TV at Calhoun’s.  I’d say that makes her part of the extended Grizzlies team.  Best dry cleaner?  I saw Michele wipe up a beer someone spilled on the bar the other night, and by the time she got done, it was pretty darn dry.”

Another regular, Shane Paris, said he supports the campaign.  “Michele’s a lock for Best Florist,” Paris said.  “Why, I remember one time someone brought a plant in here, and Michele must have watered it for 6 or 7 days before it died.  Best User Car Dealer too… I’m sure at some point in her life, Michele bought a car and sold her old one, so there you go, used car dealer.  And Michele told me that when she was a kid, she had one of those K-Tel Mr. Microphones that amplified your voice through the radio.  So there you go, Best Local Radio Personality.”

Regular Robert Maloney added, “It may seem like a bit of a stretch to vote for Michele for Best Twitterer, considering she doesn’t even have a Twitter account.  But if you think about it on a deeper level, how could it be anyone but Michele?  She’s mastered the Zen of tweeting by not tweeting.  By saying nothing, she has in fact said everything.”

King continued, “Best Memphis success?  I’d say it would be this beautiful PBR that Michele just put in front of me.  Biggest Memphis failure?  That Michele didn’t win all the categories in last year’s poll.”

Voting continues through July 30.  Voting can be done online at the Flyer’s website.