EDITED TO ADD: Max’s Sports Bar is opening at 11 today for the Tigers game.
We’ll start today’s post with a reader question.
what r u getting butt slutt 1 for valentines?
Let me tell you a story.
The year was 1988 and I was living in Glassell Hall, the men’s freshman dorm at Rhodes College. It was about 9:00 on a weeknight and we had class the next day. I had finished all my homework and it was too early to go to bed, so I went over to my next-door neighbors’ room to hang out.
We decided to prank-call the Paris, the adult theater and sex toy shop down the street. Our goal was to come up with the dirtiest sex toy name we could dream up, then call the Paris and ask for it. We brainstormed for about 10 minutes, came up with a name, and nominated our buddy Steve to make the call.
“Hi,” Steve said to the clerk who answered. “Do you have the Anal Intruder?”
To our amazement, the clerk replied, “Yes, we have several of those in stock. We’re open until midnight if you want to swing by and pick one up.”
Our 18- and 19-year-old selves had NO IDEA the Anal Intruder was an actual sex toy! Apparently, it’s one of the more well-known ones on the market, too!
Anyway, let me get back to answering my reader’s question.
I’m not getting Butt Slut #1 ANYTHING for Valentine’s Day! That’d be weird. We’re really good friends and that’s all. Besides, I’m 24 years older than she is. I’d be a dirty old man if I tried to hook up with her. In fact, if I wanted to totally creep her out, I can’t think of a faster way to do it than a bouquet of flowers and a heart-shaped box of chocolates.
So, today is a day for celebration. As of about 9:00, 9:30 tonight, I won’t have to see a fucking NFL game on a bar TV for six whole months. HEAVEN! I love college football but NFL football bores me as much as golf and tennis.
I guess I’ll root for Philly today since two U of M alumni are on the team. I really don’t care much, though. I’m way more interested in the commercials than I am the game. Also, I grew up with cats, so my interest in the Puppy Bowl is minimal.
I do have some inside info on where to possibly score some free food around game time… hmmm, I better not post it and risk a lot of people showing up and eating it before I get there. NUH-UH GIRL: If you’re in town, text me and I’ll tell you where to go.
Now that I’ve rambled for God-knows-how-many paragraphs, let’s get on to the news.
The DM reports that a Memphis-to-Nashville Amtrak line is under consideration.
Grizzly Bear Blues: The Grizzlies got better (at the trade deadline) without pushing all the chips in
Today is Man Day.
Old Dominick is having a Super Bowl party tonight. $65 (plus tax and grat) gets you an open bar and all-you-can-eat Central BBQ.
TINA – The Tina Turner Musical comes to the Orpheum Tuesday through next Sunday. $29-$125.
PBR is coming to FedExForum on Saturday. Unfortunately, that does not mean the arena is upgrading its beer selection. It means the Professional Bull Riders Pendleton Whiskey Tour will stop by.
Propose to the one you love at Cracker Barrel through the 16th and post it on Instagram and you could win free food for a year. It just doesn’t get much more romantic than fried chicken livers and lima beans.
Remember, folks: 50% off Valentine’s candy at Walgreens on Wednesday.
That’s it. Leading off at Bardog today then will play it by ear after that. Back tomorrow or Tuesday with more.