Author: paulryburn

The Gene Simmons impersonator mentioned in the previous blog post is on the front page of the Commercial Appeal this morning. It says he was dressed up for a bachelor party and is retiring the costume. Can I have it?

… Actually, I’m not tall enough to be a believable Gene Simmons. Peter Criss maybe… but who wants to dress up as Peter Criss?

So I’m home from tonight’s festivities, feeding my latest addiction: Wikipedia, an online encyclopedia. I’ll start reading one article and then follow links and more links and more links. I can stay on Wikipedia for hours.

When I run out of things to read, I hit Wikipedia’s random article selector. So a few minutes ago, I asked for a random article and this is what I got.

There’s a guy on Beale Street dressed as Gene Simmons. Girls will come up and ask him to take a picture with them, and he’ll do it – but they have to show him their boobs first.

There’s also a guy dressed up as Jesus walking around Beale Street. He will happily pose for a pic with you in front of the wacko religious guys (see the Jesus Freak post from earlier this weekend) and their big signs in the background. I didn’t get a pic taken with him because the line was too long.

I’m going to bed now, although I don’t know if sleep will be possible because there’s a very loud party at the Broadnax Building half a block away.

A good thing to have for Music Fest weekend:

I buy these at A. Schwab’s for $1.50 each in the weeks leading up to Music Fest and then stockpile them. I always keep one in my back pocket during Music Fest, and also during BBQ Fest later in the month.

One of the other drunks at Sleep Out’s has a condo overlooking the Main Street Mall. He told me he was out on his balcony last night and he heard about 100 arguments and it was always the same thing: The boyfriend was pissed off because the girlfriend had been dancing up on some guy. So this one couple starts yelling at each other and my friend, on his balcony says, “Hey, dude,”

And the dude goes, “WHAT?”

“You’re mad at her because she was dancing up on some guy, right?”

“YEAH! How’d you know that?”

“Dude, you think you’re one in a million, but you’re just like everyone else. Look, dude. It’s three in the morning and she’s not with him, she’s with you. Get over it and go home.”

“Well… all right.”

My friend also saw a girl have sex with her boyfriend’s brother in plain view from his balcony. Needless to say the BF was not happy.

And finally, if you’re a tourist in town and you want to commemorate your stay here in Memphis, you can get your picture taken by a “professional” photographer on Beale for five bucks in front of one of these lovely backdrops:

Or, you could create your own sign saying “I’M A STUPID ASS GHETTO MOTHERFUCKER” and just take your own picture in front of it. Because that’s basically what you’re saying about yourself if you think you look good posing in front of these backgrounds.

I’m SO glad I’m doing my Music Fest blogging here and not on the CA’s site.

Got a question for anyone who can answer it…

Those of you who own those PDA/Smartphones that have a full keyboard and unlimited web surfing ability – do they have the ability to fill out forms on the Web and submit them?

The reason I ask is, if I could find a phone that could do that, then I’d be able to blog on the road – I wouldn’t have to run home to my computer every time I wanted to post. That would be WAY cool.

I’m also thinking about upgrading to a phone with unlimited Internet access for another reason. I’m getting real tired of the Internet content filters at the city schools where I work. As I mentioned in a recent post, I re-stocked my bar this week, and I wanted to get on iDrink.com and see what kinds of drinks I could mix with the ingredients I had on hand. But no – the stupid filter blocks all sites related to the consumption of alcohol. It also blocks most common blogging sites, so I can’t read Kat’s blog, Charly’s blog, Serrabee’s blog, AngieDawn’s blog, etc. while I’m at work. By being able to surf on my phone I’d be able to circumvent their irritating network security and do what I want.

Have any of you actually done a blog post from a phone? If so e-mail me and let me know what kind of phone you have.

Superior Bar is now open in the spot where the Memphis Police Museum used to be on Beale. I don’t have the exact address but it’s between A. Schwab’s and the Black Diamond patio.

Actually, even though it calls itself a bar, it’s more a club. Except for the bar itself, the rest of the place is a large dance floor, with a DJ spinning music.

I’m glad to see a new place to dance open on Beale; it needed one. I’ve never liked Alfred’s – always thought it was an overpriced tourist trap – and Club 152 has been booking some acts recently that have drawn rough crowds, so rough that they’ve started wanding patrons with metal detectors before admitting them. The only other dance alternative nearby up until now was three blocks away at Raiford’s, but the lines there can get insanely long.

They were not charging a cover last night. I didn’t try any of their drinks so I’m not sure about drink prices.

Every year during Music Fest, Beale Street is invaded by wacko Jesus freaks who carry big signs and preach that we’re all going to hell for drinking, fornicating, dancing, listening to music, etc. Here’s a sampling of the signs. Click on a pic for a larger image.

The Domino’s Pizza tent in the Pepsi Pavilion, corner of Third and Beale: Slices of pepperoni, sausage, or cheese for two bucks each. When it’s midnight and you have the drunk munchies, it’s this or have a sit-down meal at one of the restaurants for ten times the price.

I doubt I’ll eat anything but Domino’s this weekend. It’s a Music Fest tradition.

So I was walking down Second tonight and I saw The Most Annoying Woman On The Planet at the bar at Big Foot, so I stopped in for a drink. They had a new free hand-out magazine at the bar, called Image Magazine. I flipped through it as I drank a Corona. I arrived at a horoscope page called Horrid Scopes, and I looked at my horoscope (Scorpio):

“Your latest tube-top ensemble will be the big hit in the Jerry Springer greenroom.”

My only complaint is that this issue of the magazine was dated May 2006. It would have worked better as the June horoscope, since I’ll be doing Tube Top Month in this blog in June.

Commercial Appeal people: Are you glad yet that I turned down your offer to blog MIM? Because this is going to be the quality of my posts all weekend.

A couple of months ago, Project:Motion had a fundraiser in Cooper-Young. I got there about 7 on a Sunday night, so I had been drinking for 8 hours already, having started at Sleep Out’s for brunch at 11 am. Therefore, I was pretty hammered when I got there, even more so after an additional three glasses of wine. I had just been offered the City Schools job that I now have, at a substantial pay increase above what I was making at the time. So, on my way out the door I saw a pledge form and thought, “What the hell.” I donated 50 bucks.

Tonight I went to Project:Motion’s dance performance, Metallurgy, and discovered my name on the back of the program, one of about a dozen listed as a “Community Producer.” Wow, that makes me sound important, like I’m a real patron of the arts! Totally didn’t expect that. Actually, when I donate money to these things I usually prefer to do it anonymously, because I don’t like the idea of giving just to be known as someone who gives. But, it’s a small community dance troupe. I don’t mind.

Before the show I had dinner at the Blue Monkey, and I’m pleased to report that the twice baked potato is still the key to the entire operation.

Music Fest begins tomorrow. Expect some drunk posts this weekend, unless I’m too drunk to post.

From Nine O’Clock, the English-language Romanian online newspaper:

Quoting Traian Basescu, president of Romania: “The computer is the second steadiest, most efficient, and fair partner after a man’s wife.”

Sounds kinda erotic. Maybe the adult stores here in Memphis need to look into importing some of those Romanian computers.