Not a whole lot interesting to report from this weekend.  I did re-visit a couple of places I haven’t been recently.  Saturday night I left Hoop’s Bar about 1:30, and as I stumbled past Swig I saw one of the managers of the Saucer and one of the owners of the Majestic inside, and I went in and had a drink with them.  It was actually kind of fun and my friend Ugly Steve is now bartending there.  I may actually give the place a chance and start going in there once in a while.

Another place I haven’t been to in a long time is the Black Diamond.  Tonight at the Saucer I got hungry and didn’t want Saucer food.  So I walked down to the Fish for their 25-cent oysters, but they had run out so I went to the Diamond and got pizza.  It was kind of nice to sit at the bar and watch the tourists and the bums walk around Beale Street.  The bartender remembered my name and what I drink (PBR can, of course), even though I haven’t been in there in more than 6 months.  They had The Simpsons, King of the Hill, and Family Guy on TV with the sound on.  Every now and then I turned to another TV to watch Clemson almost take down North Carolina.  The Tar Heels managed to hold on to their #1 spot – for now.  I’ll point out that they barely scraped past the #19 team, whereas #2 Memphis convincingly beat the #4 team a couple of weeks ago.

After eating I went back to the Saucer and stayed there until close.  Inside joke that almost no one gets department – one of the regulars asked me to put this in the blog:  Jason Canada, what’s up from Johnny Mason, get buck from Fancher.

Played a game called Catch Phrases with a bored waitress.  I had never heard of it before but was pretty good at it because it’s similar to a game show called Password I watched when I was a kid.  Allen Ludden… now that guy was one of the great game show hosts of all time.

I got the high score on Gone Fishing on the video crack machine at Hoop’s Bar Saturday night.  I now hold 6 of the top 10 scores.  That’s enough for now.  I’ll probably take a break from the crack machine and start actually socializing at Hoop’s again, unless someone beats my score and then it’ll be time to get serious again.

I meet my boss in the morning.  Odd considering I’ve been there 2 months now, but he works in the New York office and I work in the Memphis office.  Up ’til now we’ve used Yahoo Messenger to communicate.  We also have 7 new IT people who start tomorrow.  It’s going to be a wild and crazy day.

If you like Elvis, hit AllMemphisMusic.com on Tuesday.  The Internet radio station will play nothing but Elvis for the entire 24 hours in honor of his birthday.

High is predicted to be in the 70s.  That means after work I’ll have to change into shorts before I head to Pint Nite.

Recap of last night: Beer coupons, PBRtinis, and angry bums

All right, this is going to be my attempt to turn a recap of a totally boring night into an interesting post.

All week long at work I’ve been converting code to C#, which is the programming language my company uses. Good language but it tends to go a little crazy with parentheses, brackets, and semicolons. By Friday I was thinking in those terms even when I wasn’t working. So my Friday night plans looked like this:


WalkToBar(Saucer);

if (Saucer.FireSale.Sucks == true)
{
ChangeOfVenue(McGuinness);
}

if (McGuinness.Crowd.HotBabes.Count == 0)
{
ChangeOfVenue(HoopsBar);
}

while (HoopsBar.Inventory.PBRcans > 0)
{
DrinkPBRcan;
}

foreach (bar in DowntownMemphis.bars)
{
foreach (server in bar.Servers)
{
if ((sever.Gender == “F”) && (server.Nationality == “Romanian”))
{
PaulsFavoriteBar = bar;
}
}
}

Downtown was DEAD last night. Started at the Saucer, because I had a $5 gift certificate to spend. Attn UFO Club members: You know those “Important Beer Goddess Video” e-mails they send every week, that most of us usually send straight to the trash can? Well, they’ve started putting links to beer quizzes at the end of some of the videos. Score 7 out of 10 on the quiz and you get a gift certificate, good for one day only, to print out. The beer quizzes are kind of hard, but think about it… you’re taking it on the Internet anyway, so you can pop open a new browser window and use Wikipedia to cheat. So I had two Fire Sales, and minus the gift certificate, my tab was 50 cents. Cheapest tab ever at the Saucer.

Wandered around Downtown for a while and landed at Hoop’s Bar, where I discovered a new item on the menu:

hoopsmenu.jpg

At the bottom of the menu, there it was, the newest drink at Hoop’s Bar – the PBRtini. This drink, of course, consists of PBR poured into a martini glass. Someone asked how much it was. Hooper thought for a minute and said, “$8.50.” Of course, he was joking. If it were on the menu at Swig, they probably WOULD charge $8.50.

pbrtini.jpg

Hoop was kind enough to leave the plastic ring can-holder on one of the PBR cans he sold me. I decided to walk through the door to EP’s and wander around their classy restaurant carrying a PBR with the plastic rings on it for a few minutes. I’m sure they loved that.

Also while at Hoop’s, I discovered that Gone Fishing is one of the games on their video crack machine. It’s this stupid game where salmon jump out of a hole in a frozen pond, and a polar bear hits them with a bat, trying to knock them as far down the icy pond as possible. If you hit them at the right angle, the fish bounce and you get extra yardage. The Tap Room had this game on their video crack machine a few years ago and I spent hours and hours in there playing. I pumped a 5 in the Hoop’s Bar machine and started whacking fish until I had “PROF PAUL” on 4 of the 10 high scores. Then I left the remainder of the credits for someone else to play. With that machine in there, I may as well re-route my paycheck to direct deposit into Hoop’s Bar’s corporate account.

Walked out EP’s front door a little after midnight, and walked up Beale to Main and up Main to Peabody Place. There I ran into one of Downtown’s most visible panhandlers, notorious for charging people to park on lots where he doesn’t work and also at metered spaces. Usually he makes a snide comment and then leaves me alone. But this time he came right up to me and started cussing me out. “I got fired from my job at the parking lot because of an e-mail you sent!” he said, or that’s what was left with all the profanity removed.

Now, he didn’t actually have a job. People with “jobs” have ID badges, and fill out W-4 forms, and if they’re parking lot attendants they have uniforms. What really happened was, a couple of the parking lot attendants at a lot at Main and Beale got lazy and allowed the bums on the lot to “help” sometimes. This caused a big problem as the bums felt empowered to come back to the lot when it was unattended and go into business for themselves, as well as charge for parking at the metered spaces on the streets near the lot. People should be able to come Downtown and park and enjoy themselves without having to deal with these morons.

So, Wednesday night I caught this particular panhandler on the lot while there was an attendant there, taking money from people apparently with the attendant’s permission. So I wrote up a post to the Handling-Panhandling forum calling out the lot’s owner by name, linking to the names and pictures of the three worst panhandlers who “work” this lot and requesting that something be done. And something was done. Heh. Thanks to a few friends who helped round up info on these idiots to turn over to the lot’s owner.

One thing we’re working to do on Handling-Panhandling is get the owners of all the parking lots near Beale Street to swear out authorizations of agency against known individuals who run parking scams. With those in place, the cops would be empowered to arrest those guys anytime they are seen on the parking lots – and it would not be a slap-on-the-wrist panhandling citation, but rather a criminal trespass charge that would earn them a free ride to 201.

Let me make one other thing clear – the panhandler who we got “fired” from his parking lot “job” is not homeless. He told us he has a home, and even a computer (he’s tried to join the panhandling forum). He has neat, laundered clothes on every day. He’s able-bodied and fairly intelligent. He’s a slick talker and has a good grasp of persuasion and psychology. There’s no reason why he couldn’t go get a job – a REAL one – except that he sees more economic opportunity in panhandling.  I’m tempted to get him one of the open inside sales positions at my company, except I know what it pays per week and it’s probably less than he makes as a bum, especially when you consider that his “earnings” are tax-free.

So anyway, after that unpleasant encounter, I stopped by McGuinness for a beer, but it was positively DEAD, so I gave up for the evening and wandered home.

Plans for today: No idea. The gang is heading to McGuinness at noon to watch the Tiger game but I’m not sure if I’ll make it. Will be at McGuinness for brunch at 11 tomorrow though.

Iowa caucus analysis

Here’s a link to a very good New York Times article analyzing the Iowa caucus results:

Obama and Huckabee: The Two Earthquakes

I’m still undecided whom to vote for.  Thanks to the blog readers who sent me info on John Edwards, and I agree, I really like his desire to stand up to corporations to protect the common man and woman.  Now I’m undecided between three candidates instead of just two.

One final Christmas thought

Yes, I know it’s January 4, but we’re still within the 12 Days of Christmas so it’s all right.

Thinking about The Grinch that Stole Christmas… the Whos in Whoville had “roast beast” for their Christmas dinner.

A beast is actually any animal that walks on four legs.

So the Whos could have been dining on dog or cat for Christmas.

Wonder if Whoville is somewhere in Korea?

Another reunion party

A couple of weeks ago there was a reunion party for refugees of the former Sleep Out Louie’s, which I unfortunately had to miss due to a Christmas party for work.  Well, last weekend I read a bulletin on MySpace about another reunion party for a prominent nightspot of Memphis’ past – Club Six-1-Six.  Now that’s a party I definitely won’t miss.

The bulletin said that the reunion will happen in early summer, in the original location at 600 Marshall.  That’s now the strip club Downtown Dolls, so I guess they’re renting the building for the night.  It said 5 DJs would perform, and the post was signed “MB,” so it’s a good bet that MirrorBoy is one of the five.  Although it didn’t say it, I’d guess that David the Worm is involved too.

Looking forward to it… that was my hangout from the early ’90s until the place closed in 1999.

Late Wed/Early Thur update: Famous again

– So I went to happy hour at Circa and had a GREAT appetizer and wine flight (thanks House for the recommendations) then moved on to the Saucer.  I got there and several people had the Memphis Flyer Annual Manual out.  I had recommended the Manual earlier in the day in the blog, and then at the Saucer I discovered I had been mentioned!  The theme this year was “Magic 8-ball,” and the Flyer asked the 8-ball if I would move to the suburbs.  See below:

flyer.jpg

The 8-ball is correct:  No, I won’t be moving to the ‘burbs, even if a Romanian in a tube top tries to convince me.  Oddly enough, I was told to learn to write web services at work a couple of weeks ago, and the first web service I wrote simulated a magic 8-ball.

– Tonight I heard that the space formerly known as Zanzibar, near the corner of Main and Huling across from Jay Etkin Gallery, will reopen as Onyx toward the end of February.  Chicken and waffles were mentioned as a specialty.

– The Mesquite Chop House on Union was reviewed a few weeks ago by Fredric Koeppel of the Commercial Appeal.  While I’ll admit to not being the biggest Koeppel fan, the review was approximately in line with what I’ve heard from Downtowners over the past four months.  The review was opened to comments and to date, the only positive ones came from the restaurant’s owner and his daughter.  Draw your own conclusions.

– Bum story du jour: Again, a server coming out of Texas de Brazil:

“Sir! Sir! Sir!  Hey, look here, man, can I get seventy-five cent from you?”

“Sorry, I don’t have it.”

“Well, when do you think you might have that seventy-five cent?”

“When you get a FUCKING job!!!”

– Ended up at McGuinness tonight with some of the off-duty Saucer employees, and after seeing the Flyer article they commented that I am the mayor of Downtown.  Cool, I’m the Jim Keras of my neighborhood!  An honor indeed.

– Off to bed.

Those darn pigeons

This is what happens when you park your vehicle in a Downtown Memphis alley:

darnpigeons.jpg

Taken this morning in the alley behind the Kress Building.  There were people feeding the pigeons in Court Square and now we know where the pigeons went afterward.

Make sure you run by a Memphis Flyer box today.  Their Annual Manual is out, and it’s a good guide to keep all year, full of useful information about Memphis.  The downside is that it will be missing most of the Flyer’s usual weekly features.  Here’s a link to the astrology column that will be missing from this week’s issue.

Congrats to the trivia team, which again split in two and took first place as the Rapscallions and second place as the Mormons for Gay Polygamy, adding another $75 to bring our total gift certificate stash to $245.  Best question of the evening:  Which two countries joined the EU on January 1, 2007?  Answer:  Bulgaria and ROMANIA!!!!!!!!!!  Needless to say, the team got that one.  Congrats also to our competition the Weiss Asses who managed to tie the Saucer Girls for 5th place!  Wow that’s really impressive guys!

After trivia I had an interesting conversation with a guy who is developing the space next to the Westin that was going to be Ground Zero… something else will be going in there instead.  Details to come.

Will probably stop by Circa for a wine flight after work, then the Saucer, then McGuinness.  Plans subject to change as always.

First visit to Calhoun’s Sports Bar & Grill

I walked to Calhoun’s Sports Bar & Grill on GE Patterson Avenue to watch the Cotton Bowl this morning.  It is only the bar’s second day of operation, and they’re still putting finishing touches on, so I declined to take pictures.  However, I do have a full report about Calhoun’s.

The first thing I noticed when I walked in was that they had five large flat-panel TVs, perfect for watching the game from any angle.  They have DirecTV, which is a good thing because Comcast Cable was out for part of the morning Downtown.  The three largest and most visible TVs have DirecTV HD.

At the time I walked in, about 10:45 AM, there were two bowl games on – the Cotton Bowl (Arkansas vs. Missouri) and the Outback Bowl (Tennessee vs. Wisconsin).  All five TVs were tuned to the Arkansas game.  NICE.  Eventually some people came in who didn’t have such good taste in football teams, and two of the TVs were switched to the Tennessee game, but the sound was kept on for the Arkansas game.

The layout is as follows:  5 tables in front; long bar that seats maybe 15; rails on the wall opposite the wall that could hold probably another 10.  They’re still working on the upstairs, but there will be more seating up there.

They sell beer only, with 7 draft beers, 8 premium bottled beers, and 12 domestic bottled beers.  My picks for the best beer values:  16 oz. draft pints of Guinness or Stella Artois for $3.50; any of the three varieties of Yuengling (regular, light, black & tan) for $3.  They have PBR in bottles.  John D will be happy to hear that they have Bud Light bottles.

There’s bar mix to munch on, and if you’re hungrier than that they have a menu of very basic bar food in the $3.50-$8.50 range.  The bartender recommended the hot and spicy drummies in particular, six large, meaty spicy drumsticks (legs, not wing drummies) with ranch or blue cheese for $6.

They’re getting Wi-Fi and were trying to get the router installed while I was in there.  Should be up within a few days, I would think.

They’re still working out the hours, but for right now they’re open 3 PM to 3 AM weekdays and noon to 3 AM weekends.  However, for important sports events such as March Madness, they’ll open early.  “We’ll probably open at 8 AM for the World Cup,” said the bartender.

They’re very interested in being a bar where the locals in the South Main area hang out.  In fact, the bartender said he’s looking forward to the Blue Monkey opening, because it will draw more people to the area.  “People can come down here and hang out at the Monkey for a while, then Earnestine’s for a while, then Calhoun’s for a while,” he said.

He also told me that they’re very interested in the “sports” part of being a sports bar.  “Say you’re a Packers fan,” he said.  “If you tell us that you’re going to bring in 10 or 15 friends, then we can run specials while that game’s on.”

I like the place.  It’s a good, basic little bar where you can go drink a beer and watch the game on TV.  Not fancy at all, but it doesn’t need to be.  Will keep it in mind as an alternative to the Saucer and McGuinness when there’s a sports event I want to see.

Slowly recovering from last night.  We started the evening at the Majestic Grille, where Patrick followed through on his promise to cook me a ribeye that would make me forget my bad experiences with Bonanza ribeyes from my childhood.  My $250 worth of Majestic gift cards are redeemable beginning today, so Patrick will be cooking me a lot more dinners in the months to come.  Next up on my list of steaks to try will be the filet au poivre, a peppercorn-encrusted filet with Dijon mustard brandy sauce.

From there we moved on to a private party at Number 10 Main.  It started off slow, with a bunch of dudes in blazers and frayed baseball caps standing around the TV watching the Auburn-Clemson game.  But as the alcohol started flowing, the party became more fun.  The gang ended up in my apartment and we watched the ball drop at the stroke of midnight on my TV.  That was the most people I’ve ever had in my apartment, and I didn’t realize how much heat people generate!  It got so warm in there I had to turn the air conditioner on.  We partied for about an hour after that and then called it a night.  Some of the gang headed in the direction of Hoop’s Bar, but I was already home and decided to stay there.

Home is where I am now too, having walked back in disappointment after the Hogs lost to Missouri.  Missouri really should have been in a BCS bowl.  Experimenting with my phone this afternoon, and have discovered that with WordPress I can post from my cell phone, something I couldn’t do with the supposedly new and improved Blogger.  That means I can once again drunk-post from the Saucer or anyplace I happen to be that has Wi-Fi.  Heh heh.   Almost 5… gonna clean up from last night’s party, then head down the street for an evening of beer, trivia, and waitresses.