Sunday I found myself back on the streets with my backpack for the 4th straight night. I’d had maybe 45 minutes sleep total since checking out of the Kings Inn near 240 last Thursday.
On nights like Sunday I alternate between waking around Downtown and trying to sleep sitting up on park benches. My sleep attempts are often futile. I just can’t do it if the temperature is below 45 or if it’s a windy night.
As for walking… there’s a problem with that. I’ve been doing so much of it that my body thinks I should be doing it even when I successfully fall asleep on a park bench.
Sunday night/Monday morning around 2:00, sleepwalker me decided it was time for a stroll. And sleepwalker me apparently decided not to bring my backpack on the stroll.
When I woke up and went back to my starting point, the backpack was gone. 
My MacBook Air was.in there. I was heartbroken. I searched all over but no sign of the backpack.
Other things I needed were in there too, like razors and an official copy of my birth certificate.
But my night wasn’t over.
About 5 in the morning I was standing on the trolley tracks in Court Square. I had my hood up so I could only see straight in front of me.
I sensed someone was standing next to me. I turned my head.
Black male, scraggly gray beard, camouflage jacket, about my height, weight, and age. I’ve generally had positive experiences with other homeless on the streets of Downtown, so I said, “Hey What’s up.”
“Bitch, I’m about to kick your ass,” he responded. Well., I guess this wasn’t going to be one of those positive interactions.
He backed up a step and kicked me right in the shin.
“RUN, motherfucker!” he said. He kicked me in the shin again.
I turned my back to get away from him. He kicked me in the butt. I went down but got right back up.
“RUN, motherfucker!”
Then he kicked me in the groin.
At this point a MATA supervisor in a white pickup truck pulled up and ordered him to get away from me or she’d call the police.
So I lost my most valuable possession and got assaulted, all in one night.
About noon I walked to the MPD North Precinct. They told me they couldn’t take a missing property report for my MacBook. At least there was one bright spot… i stopped at Westy’s on the way back and my server Miss Barbara remembered me from Mike’s (1980s-2005 restaurant that was the predecessor to Bardog).
Meanwhile my friend Allison (Butt. Slut #1) sent me a link about all the things a night at the Union Mission offers: a warm bed for the night, an escape from the streets, a shower, a fresh change of clothes. In the afternoons they have something called the Opportunity Center. On Mondays they have medical staff there.
About 5 I walked up to the mission. After some intake paperwork and some background checks to make sure i wasn’t a rapist or several other horrible things, they admitted me and gave me a ticket for a bed in a large men’s dorm. They told me to go straight to the dining hall where dinner was being served.
After dinner we had a chapel service. Then there was a signup for a shower and fresh change of clothes. I was dead tired and didn’t understand the signup process, so I didn’t get a shower, but that’s okay.
They had big screen TVs with NBA basketball on, but the only thing I cared about was finding my bed and getting in it. I wondered if I’d have difficulty falling asleep with all those other men around, but it turned out not to be a problem. I slept like a rock.
They woke us at 6 in the morning for breakfast. I’m not a big breakfast person so I just had a donut. They had breakfast burritos as well
I was very impressed with the Mission. No man has to go hungry, sleepy, unclothed thanks to them.
Since it was my first time, they gave me the night for free. Normally it is free if you check in before 2 pm and $6 if you check in 2-7 pm
I’m going back today before 2.
Excited to discover this valuable resource
I miss my MacBook though.
Readers’ generosity helps keep this blog afloat. Donations:
Venmo: @Paul-Ryburn
Apple Pay: paul.ryburn@gmail.com
