Paul Ryburn's Journal

Apologies for no post yesterday. I wasn’t sick or in a bad mood or anything like that. There simply wasn’t much news to report! It happens sometimes.

Congratulations to Memphis Tigers point guard Kendric Davis, named a third-team All-American this week.

It’s official: Memphis in May has signed the deal to rent Tom Lee Park, and Music Fest and BBQ Fest will be back there this year. No more figuring out how to get to the barren wasteland known as Tiger Lane.

Well, it’s happened… following last night’s loss to the Lakers, the Grizzlies have dropped to 3rd place in the Western Conference. Both Memphis and Sacramento are 7.5 games back of first, but I guess the Kings hold the tiebreaker because they’re listed as second.

After years of mediocrity, the Sacramento Kings have evolved into ballers. Maybe they should nickname their city “Ball Sac.” That’d make a heck of a slogan for a playoff towel giveaway.

Next up: The Grizz return home Thursday to host Golden State (6:30 PM, TNT). Excited to have them back, not only because it’s easier to get W’s at home, but because I’ll get to catch up with my TV. producer buddy. Shrek, can’t wait to hear your road stories and thoughts on the Ja situation. I have some stories for you as well.

Weather: Rain likely, maybe a thunderstorm, 54/49. Windy. Sounds more like a November day than a March day.

Loflin Yard will have a South Seas party all day Saturday, March 25. Tropical drink and food specials, plus the roll-out of the new spring menu. Prize for the best tropical shirt.

Sunny D comes out with a vodka seltzer this weekend.

Today is National Be Nasty Day. Don’t tempt me with a good time!

No more traffic stops by unmarked MPD vehicles. The City Council passed a resolution yesterday.

DJ Alpha WhIskey, Nico, and NYA perform at Ladies’ Night at Central Station tomorrow. No cover.

The Broom Closet hosts a group hypnosis session to relieve anxiety and stress tonight from 6 to 8.

That’s it for today. Stay dry.

My heart is broken for the members of my former BBQ team this morning. Over the weekend they received some bad news. As you may have heard, the renovations to Tom Lee Park – including hills and foliage – reduced the amount of usable space for BBQ Fest by 40%. As a result, the number of teams in the park had to be reduced from 220-230 to about 140.

My former BBQ team didn’t make the cut. And I can’t understand why. They did everything right.

They participated in BBQ Fest 2022 out at Tiger Lane and were told doing so would give them preference for team selection for the 2023 festival back on the river.

They had a top-10 finish and got on stage to accept a trophy in their main competition category, shoulder, in the past five years. (7th place in 2018)

They were well-liked by Memphis in May staff and were a sought-after destination for volunteer team ambassadors.

I left the team in 2021, but it wasn’t out of animosity toward other team members or any kind of disagreement with team policies. It was just that I’d done BBQ Fest for 13 years and felt like it was time to move on and have other experiences. I love all those folks and I wanted to see them achieve great things.

Anyway, on to the news…

ESPN’s Joe Lunardi updated his Bracketology yesterday after the college basketball day games. Memphis, following a heartbreaking 67-65 loss right at the buzzer to #1 Houston, is still off the bubble and on the right side of it. They’re still the 9 seed in the Kansas portion of the bracket, although Kansas has moved to the top overall seed.

The weather’s gonna be wild – I’m talking “bartender who gets STAY WILD tattooed on his butt” kind of wild – this week. Today and tomorrow will be pretty nice, 70s/50s although with high wind. After that it’s going to be cooler and we’re expected to get a lot of rain.

This’d be a good week to take a kite up to Greenbelt Park.

The American Athletic Conference tournament bracket is up.

• Thursday: Memphis does not play, but game of interest: 10 SMU vs. 7 UCF, 1:30 PM, ESPNU
• Friday: Winner of SMU/UCF game vs. 2 Memphis, 6:00 PM, ESPNU
• Saturday: Memphis plays at 4 PM on ESPN2 if they win Friday’s game; likely opponent is 3 Tulane
• Sunday: Memphis plays at 2:15 on ESPN if they win Saturday’s game; likely opponent is 1 Houston

From Action News 5: Memphis drag queens say they will not comply with the new Tennessee bill. The station visited Atomic Rose’s drag brunch yesterday.

We’re in the final week of Standard Time. We spring forward into Daylight Time on Sunday morning.

Reminder to new restaurant owners: Don’t serve a single drink until you have that liquor license physically in hand. An email from Nashville saying it’s on the way is not good enough. Don’t expect the ABC to look the other way just because it’s a certain day on the calendar. The ABC never looks the other way.

Memphis 901 FC’s home opener is Saturday at 4 at AutoZone Park. The opponent is Loudoun United FC.

Ain’t Too Proud, a musical biography of The Temptations, comes to the Orpheum this week.

All right. I guess that’s enough for today. Back tomorrow with more news.

What was up with all that drag racing in the Downtown core in the 3:00 AM hour? I have never heard engines revving so loud. And it went on for a long, long time, waking up the entire neighborhood.

FexExForum will be striped blue and white today as the Memphis Tigers host #1 Houston in a tremendous opportunity to move up in NCAA tournament seeding. Gates open at 9:30, Senior Day ceremony is at 10:30, and the tip is at 11:00 this morning. There will also be a reunion of the 1972-73 Final Four team. TV: CBS

Ja Morant will take some time away from the Grizzlies following a post he made to Instagram appearing to show him holding a gun in a nightclub. At minimum, he’ll miss the game at the L.A. Clippers tonight and the game at the L.A. Lakers on Tuesday. The earliest he could be back is at home Thursday vs. Golden State. The Athletic indicates this is a suspension rather than voluntary on Morant’s part.

Sigh… this probably marks the end of the Grizz’ #2 ranking in the Western Conference. I hope the team gets Ja the finest sports psychologist in the country. Being a superstar ain’t easy.

Ja won’t be the only Grizzlies starter to miss tonight’s Clippers game. Dillon Brooks earned an automatic one-game suspension Friday night when he picked up his 16th technical foul of the season against Denver. Hmmm the Grizz are 38-24… a total of 62 games… that means Dillon the Villian averages a “T” at a rate better than 1 in every 4 games… yeah that is kind of a lot.

Memphis will also have to do without reserve F/C Brandon Clarke tonight and for the rest of the season. He’s out with an Achilles tear. Hey, front office, this might be a chance to call up Kenneth Lofton Jr. from the Hustle and see what he can do on the big stage.

In addition to being Cinco de Marcho, it’s also National Absinthe Day (Blind Bear can help with that) and National Poutine Day (Kooky Canuck can help with that).

The weather for today sounds perfect. High 71, low 54, 7 MPH wind. No chance of rain. I’ll wear shorts and the new T-shirt my friend Randy brought me from Troll Pub in Dayton. He brought Butt Slut #1 the same shirt, so I guess we’ll be Twinkies. Although, I am ever-so-slightly mad at Butt Slut #1 about a comment she made Thursday. So maybe I’ll turn my shirt inside out if she has hers on.

ABC 24 has a look at how the Alvin Ailey Dance Company, which appears at the Orpheum this weekend, inspires youth.

Also from ABC 24: B.J. Chester-Tamayo of Alcenia’s shares her story: “Love is the rule”

Ferraro’s Cheesy Corner & PIzzeria at 111 Jackson is back open with a new menu and beer specials.

If you want to support performers’ rights to express themselves freely, there’s a Beauties on Beale drag show at the Hard Rock at noon today.

That’s it for now. I’ll probably watch the Tigers game at Bardog. Back tomorrow if there’s enough news.

We had something kinda cool go on at Blind Bear last night. ESPN nationally broadcast the Grizzlies-Denver Nuggets game. However, unlike TNT (for 6 games a year, as I explained in and earlier post), ESPN’s broadcast agreement is non-exclusive. So those in the Memphis market could watch a different broadcast of the same game on Bally Sports South. So at the Bear, we had one TV on each network.

Cool thing was, I noticed no difference in production values at all. In no way did the Bally broadcast feel inferior or more cheaply produced than the ESPN one.

Unfortunately, the game did not have my preferred outcome, as Memphis dropped one on the road in Denver, 113-97. The Grizzlies fall to 6 games behind Denver in the West and are now only holding on to second place by one game over Sacramento. Next up: At the L.A. Clippers at 9 Sunday. That game will be on ESPN as well.

Joe Lunardi has updated his ESPN Bracketology. Our Memphis Tigers have moved OFF THE BUBBLE! The Tigers are clealy projected to be in the NCAA tournement, currently as a 9 seed in Kansas’ portion of the bracket.

Look at the YUMMY lunch I had yesterday!

The Majestic’s seafood flatbread disappeared off the Friday specials for a long time. I don’t know why. Maybe demand for it was too low during the stupid pandemic, or maybe shipping rates shot the food costs up too high for a while. Anyway, it’s back now! Shrimp, scallops, salmon, and spinach in an olive oil base covered with mozzarella.

Manager/Friday lunch bartender Hailey told me they don’t have the seafood flatbread EVERY Friday, but usually they do. What you want to do, then, is check the Majestic’s Facebook page about 10:30 on Friday morning to see the day’s specials.

It was so good to see owners Patrick and Deni. I see them around town all the time, but it was good to see them in their natural habitat.

Something She Can Feel, a play exploring the emotional needs of women, is at the Cannon Center today.

The Beyond the Stars dance competition comes to the Renasant Convention Center this weekend.

The Golden State Warriors have signed former Memphis Tigers guard Lester Quinones to a 10-day contract. The Grizzlies next home game, on March 9, is against the Warriors.

The DM’s Jennifer Biggs has the recipe for Calvary Waffle Shop’s chicken salad.

DA Steve Mulroy does not believe any drag shows in Shelby County will violate Tennessee’s new law banning such performances.

In the news: Ford has filed a patent for cars that can repossess themselves

Monday, March 20 will be Hoops for St. Jude Day at the Grizzlies. There will be an online silent auction, incentives for fans to donate to St. Jude, and a halftime celebrity basketball game.

Be sure to stock up on booze today, for tomorrow is Cinco de Marcho. With Cinco de Mayo a mere two months away, it’s time for drinking practice to build up tolerance. I’ll recommend a couple of liquor stores that can fill all your Cinco de Marcho needs:

• If you’re Downtown, check out Downtown Wines & Spirits at Main & Madison. It’s a small space but they have plenty to select from. It’s owned by Carl WInfield, a longtime Downtown advocate and one of my Bardog buddies.
• In North Mississippi, stop by Lucky’s Wine & Liquors at 302 & Hacks Cross. You might see a familiar face from this blog.

Don’t forget – first crawfish and shrimp boil of the season happens at Max’s Sports Bar today. First batch rolls off at 12.

Also don’t forget, today is South Point Grocery’s one-year celebration.

Tarot University: Introduction to Tarot happens today at The Broom Closet from 2 to 4. $15.

That’s it for now. Heading to Bardog brunch here in a bit. Back tomorrow.

Penny’s Memphis Tigers clinched the 2 seed in the American Conference tournament with an 81-62 road win over SMU last night. Folks, we’re down to one regular-season game left, and it’s a game that can’t hurt the Tigers but has lots of potential to help them. The NCAA tournament committee won’t penalize Memphis for losing to the number-one team nationally – but a win over Houston on Sunday sure would result in a sweet reward om the seed line.

ABC Nightline is sending a film crew to Atomic Rose this Sunday to film its Drag Brunch. It’s part of the national media coverage of the ridiculous bill in the Tennessee legislature that would ban public drag shows. Rose is asking for a flood of support. To make reservations for Drag Brunch (limited seating is available), just leave a message on the bar phone stating preferred arrival time (11, 11:30, or 12), number of people in your party, and a callback number.

March 5-11 is Black Restaurant Week here in Memphis. 28 Black-owned restaurants will offer amazing deals to attract new customers. Downtown restaurants include

• Sage
• Chef Tam’s Underground Cafe
• Slim & Husky’s
• Curry N Jerk
• Sugashack
• The Genre
• Evelyn & Olive
• 350 Baked
• Arnold’s BBQ
• Quintessential Sweets
• Butterific Bakery & Cafe

YogaSix at 372 S. Main has its grand opening this weekend. YOGA! Giveaways, free classes, pop-up vendors.

Soccer Shots, an intro to soccer for kids 2-8, happens Saturday from 9 AM to 1 PM in Harbor Town.

Don’t forget… DJ Tree is at the Blind Bear tonight 10-1. No burlesque show this week!

Today is National Cold Cuts Day, a good day to lunch at River Time Market & Deli on Court Square.

It’s also National Moscow Mule Day. Blind Bear can make you a good one.

Chicken & waffles ice cream. It’s a thing at Baskin-Robbins. Yuck.

The Silky O’Sullivan’s St. Patrick’s Parade happens next Saturday, March 11 at 2 PM on Beale Street.

There’s a High Wind Warning in effect for Memphis today. Gusts of 60 MPH are possible.

Gonna try to stay out to catch Grizzlies vs. Denver (9 PM, ESPN) and at least the first hour of DJ Tree at the Blind Bear. Back tomorrow with more news.

The Grizzlies are getting back to their winning ways. Their 111-99 victory over Houston last night is Memphis’ third win in a row and takes them to 38-23. Memphis remains second in the West, 5 games behind Denver and 2 games ahead of Sacramento. Next up: at conference leader Denver, 9 PM Friday, nationally televised on ESPN.

Tonight, however, it’s Tiger time. Penny’s Memphis Tigers travel to SMU tonight for an 8 PM game on ESPN2. The Tigers are most likely in The Big Dance regardless of the outcome, but a win would likely guarantee Memphis a bye past NCAA tournament play-in games.

Joe Lunardi’s ESPN Bracketology currently has Memphis as the first team in Last Four Byes. So the Tigers’ win Sunday fell just short of getting them off the bubble completely.

Bardog is hiring a manager, a server, and a bartender. Send your resume to bardogtavern@gmail.com.

Tabitha Brown will host Memphis Vegan Brunch at the Renasant Convention Center on Sunday, March 26 from 1 to 5 PM. Chefs will serve more than 40 animal-free brunch items.

News from Mighty Lights:

On Saturday, March 4, the #MightyLights will light up on behalf of the St Jude HPV Cancer Prevention Program in recognition of #InternationalHPVAwarenessDay between dynamic half-hour light shows.

The DM has a look at 191 Collabs, offering exclusive Grizzlies merchandise.

Children shot in the 300 block of Butler on Tuesday were found to have tools on them.

More storms and heavy rain are likely today. 69/57.

Local drag performer Moth Moth Moth was arrested for protesting the ridiculously stupid bill limiting drag performances that Governor Lee has said he will sign.

All 46 U.S. presidents, with mullets.

Reeling from financial pain as I paid this blog’s annual hosting bill today. Daaaaang it went up about 40%. Beers & shots in support of this creative endeavor will be appreciated and graciously accepted.

Stay dry y’all. That’s it for today.

Ja Morant put up a 39 point – 10 assist – 10 rebound triple-double at FedExForum last night, including 28 points in the third quarter, as the Grizzlies took care of the L.A. Lakers, 121-109. The Grizzlies remain in second in the Western Conference, 5.5 games behind leader Denver and only 1.5 games ahead of Sacramento.

Ja had no time to celebrate his achievement, though. Immediately after the game, the Grizzlies boarded a plane for Houston, where they will play the Rockets at 7 tonight. TV: Bally Sports South. This is a must-win game, given Memphis’ small lead for second place.

Silky O’Sullivan’s on Beale will open at 9 AM for the Memphis Tigers’ 11 AM Sunday home game vs. the #1 Houston Cougars.

Crawfish boils return to Max’s Sports Bar this Saturday. The doors open at 11 and the first mudbugs of the season roll out at noon. Okay. Longtime readers of this blog can skip the next couple of paragraphs, because you know what I’m about to say.

If you go to only one crawfish boil this spring, make it a Saturday at Max’s. Best damn crawfish in the city. Far better than any of the festivals. Spicy to the point that there’s often a tear running down my cheek as I crack open the last couple of crawdads.

Prices are reasonable – $12.50 for 1 pound of crawfish or $21 for 2 pounds. Pricing includes the weight of the crawfish only, but you also get extras – corn, taters, and sausage, all cooked in that magnificent spicy boil. They also have boiled shrimp for $16 a pound, same deal about extras and weight. Max’s is 21+ and a small space, so they ask that you leave the kiddos and doggos at home.

From the Daily Meal: The 2 worst days of the week to order fish from a restaurant. Can you guess them correctly without cheating? I did.

It’s National Peanut Butter Lovers Day. I recommend a Travel Channel favorite, the fried peanut butter & banana sandwich at the Arcade. Or you can watch Bert & Ernie, two guys who know a little about things to do with peanut butter, make sandwiches.

Two boys were shot Tuesday while allegedly trying to steal a car outside the Patterson Flats apartments on East Butler.

Strong storms are likely between 5 and 11 PM.

Robert Moody Presents The Orchestra Unplugged: Copland Appalachian Spring happens at the Halloran Centre Friday. Tickets are $37.50.

Next door at the Orpheum, Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater will be in town Friday-Sunday. $45-$80.

Butterific Bakery & Cafe at 488 S. Second celebrates 2 years this weekend.

Bass Pro at the Pyramid will hold a Field to Fork: Food Processing Seminar Saturday at 1.

For those of you staying at AirBNBs and similar locations: Detect hidden webcams. You don’t want to be unwittingly putting on a show for the place’s owner.

That’s all, folks. Back tomorrow with more.

The Memphis Grizzlies host the L.A. Lakers at FedExForum tonight at 6:30. This upcoming game caused me to learn something about how TV coverage of games works.

The game will be broadcast nationally on TNT. In the past this season, when TNT broadcast Grizzlies games, you had no choice but to watch them there – they had exclusive broadcast rights.

My producer friend tells me that is not the case with tonight’s game. TNT’s contract with the NBA specifies that it gets 6 exclusive games per team per season. Because TNT wants all the Ja Morant it can get its hands on, it’s already burned through its 6, with more than a month left. So, TNT will broadcast the game tonight… but so will Bally Sports South, the home of most Grizzlies games.

So, if you live in the Mid-South, I encourage you to tune into Bally and listen to the announcers who know the Grizz the best – your friends Pete, Brevin, and Fish. Grizz fan watching from out of market? No prob, tune into TNT in that case.

LeBron has been ruled out for tonight’s game and he may be out several weeks with a foot injury.

Weather nerd alert… tomorrow is the last day until November 24 that the normal high temperature here in Memphis will be below 60. Of course, the weather in Memphis is rarely normal, and today it will be beautiful… MWN expects a sunny day, no chance of rain, high 75, low 57. This would be a great day to call in “sick” to work.

Speaking of being sick… a few people have expressed concern over my coughing fits over the past few days. No, I don’t have COVID. On Thursday, someone smoking Black & Milds sat next to me for 3 hours. My lungs are still processing the effects.

The 2023 Music Fest lineup dropped yesterday. CEO Jim Holt says surprise additions are coming soon.

Memphis Magazine’s Vance Lauderdale has a look back at Levy’s Ladies’ Toggery at Main and Union.

From the Memphis Beer Blog: Memphis Made Brewing’s Give Back Wednesdays help local nonprofits

DJ Tree will play the Blind Bear this Friday at 10.

The monthly Downtown Neighborhood Association meeting is tonight at 5:30 at the Withers Gallery on Beale. Carolyn Banks from A Tour of Possibilities will speak. Her organization offers African-American historical tours of Memphis.

That’s it. Not a very newsy week thus far. Back tomorrow.

Penny’s Memphis Tigers PROBABLY punched their ticket to the NCAA tournament with a 76-73 win over Cincinnati. At 22-7, with wins over Nebraska, Stanford, Ole Miss, Auburn, and Texas A&M, I don’t see how the tournament committee could deny Memphis, even if the Tigers lose their two remaining games.

What are those two remaining games?

• Thursday, March 2 at SMU in Dallas. TV: ESPN2
• Sunday, March 5 vs. 2 Houston at FedExForum. The legendary 1972-73 team will be honored and it will be “Stripe the Forum” day. 11 AM. TV: CBS

Let’s speculate for a moment. Say Memphis beats SMU and Houston, wins 2 games in the AAC tournament, then loses in the tournament finals to Houston on a neutral court. They’d finish 26-8 with wins over the Power Five schools listed above. Would that be enough for a 7 seed? The advantage of a 7 seed (as opposed to an 8 or 9) is, you’re guaranteed not to see a 1 seed during the opening weekend of March Madness.

All right. Usually I have a long list in Evernote of things to post about, but not today. Let’s see what news I can scrounge up…

Local on Main will do a crawfish boil next Sunday, March 5 from 2 PM until they run out. $15 gets you a pound of crawfish plus all the fixins, and there will be $15 beer buckets too. Cornhole and Rock, Paper, Scissors. Not sure who will be boiling the crawfish (that can matter A LOT) but I will find out this week.

Today is National Kahlua Day.

Already in the upper 60s as I type this before the sun comes up. MWN predicts a high of 75 and a low of 48. Any rain will happen before 9 AM.

Bella DuBalle, a drag performer, hostess, and drag show coordinator at Atomic Rose, spoke to ABC 24 about the incredibly stupid and narrow-minded new state law concerning drag performances. Rose’s manager Charlie explained that the venue would need a strip club license to continue operating drag shows. The club is technically within the Beale entertainment district and the combination of strip club license + liquor license isn’t allowed there. “This is our lifeblood,” said DuBalle.

That’s all the news I can find. If I see Butt Slut #1, she’ll probably tell me, “YOUR BLOG SUCKED TODAY, PAUL,” as she usually does when I do a short post. I wonder if she realizes, she’s one of my top candidates for a plus-one if I win a trip on The Price Is Right Live? She should be extra nice to me for the next 33 days.

Back tomorrow with more news, if there is any.

I’m going to start off with a couple of linky links for those of us going to The Price Is Right Live at the Orpheum on April 1:

• List of active pricing games
• Price Is Right strategy by a game theorist

The strategy guide is not comprehensive for every pricing game, but it does contain some interesting nuggets. For one thing, if you are last to act on Contestants’ Row, you should bid $1 higher than the previous high bid. Research shows this strategy works about 54% of the time. The reason why is that people tend to bid low, not wanting to overbid which is an automatic loss.

Then there’s Showcase Showdown where you spin the wheel and try to get as close to a dollar as you can without going over, with the winner advancing to the Showcase. I’ve seen the first person (of 3) to spin stay (refuse a second spin to add to their total) on as little as .55. Game theory says that strategy is not optimal. You actually want to spin again on as much as .65 if you have two people to spin after you.

I’ll make one other observation, this one having nothing to do with game theory. When there’s a Showcase with a boat as one of the prizes, it’s always the second Showcase. Why? Because that way, it can’t be passed. Nobody wants a friggin’ boat.

The Blind Bear’s new Saturday/Sunday Hung Over Like a Bear brunch menu rolled out yesterday. A few highlights:

• Paul’s Meatloaf Sandwich: Yes, it’s named after me! The meatloaf comes between two slices of Texas toast with sides of fried okra and mashed potatoes. $14
• Mac’s Big Vol Breakfast: Scrambled eggs with cheese, bacon, sausage, biscuits & gravy, hashbrown casserole, and an orange slice. $16. I bet this will become my friend Davis’ favorite brunch item, based solely on the name.
• Avocado Toast: Sunny side up egg with a balsamic drizzle atop steamed spinach, onions, tomatoes, peppers, avocado, Texas toast with breakfast potatoes. $16. At first, this new menu item scared me a bit, because the most batshit crazy woman ever to brunch at the Bear LOVES avocado toast. But she’s been gone from Memphis for more than a year now. I think this is a fine menu addition.
• Chicken & French Toast: Two jumbo whole wings over apple pie moonshine French toast. $16. Chicken & waffles is the most overplayed brunch dish ever, so I’m excited to see the Bear doing a unique take on it rather than bringing it back directly. Plus, with French toast, the kitchen’s capacity to turn out that dish isn’t limited by the number of waffle irons they have.
• Blackberry moonshine pancakes: Ole Smoky blackberry moonshine pancakes with blackberries, scrambled eggs, and bacon. $16. The Bear is known as the best place in the city to get flavored moonshine. It’s fun to see them incorporating that into their menu.
• Ole Smoky moonshine shots, by the way, are only $4 during brunch.

The Grizzlies BEAT SOME ASS on Western Conference first-place Denver last night, winning 112-94. That pulls Memphis within 5 games of Denver and opens up a 2-game lead over third-place Sacramento. Our guy Xavier Tillman Sr. totally kept up with Nuggets All-Star Nikola Jokic on the court. Next up: LeBron, AD, and the L.A. Lakers come to town Tuesday.

Reminder: The Tigers host Cincinnati at 1:00 on ESPN2.

Today is For Pete’s Sake Day. Cheers to my buddy Pete who used to be my neighbor down the hall and my other buddy Pete who I used to beat at pool at the Saucer all the time.

There’s an Elvis on Mud Island meme generator but Elvis is turned sideways.

All right. It’s a bit of a slow news day, so I’m out after only a handful of news items. Heading to Bardog at 11. My friends Randy and Theresa can’t make it today because they have stuff to do around the house. I think Butt Slut #1 will be there, though.

Oh, hey, you want some butt slut news? There are 5 of them now and they’ve started taking on military ranks. For example, Butt Slut #1 is now “Captain Butt Slut.” Although, continuing to call her “Butt Slut #1” is still perfectly acceptable too.

“I have a title within the butt slut organization,” I told a friend a couple of days ago. “But it doesn’t fit into the classic military structure. I’m the Big Bad Butt Slut Booty Daddy.” (So, to all my freaks out there, Big Poppa Paul is your hookup. Holla if you hear me.)

“You’re kinda like the President of the United States is to the U.S. military,” my friend said. “You’re not a butt slut yourself. But you’re the Commander-in-Chief of the butt sluts.”

Let’s finish this up with a video of the man who inspired my title within the organization. (this is one of the great pro wrestling promos of all time, but WARNING: NSFW):

Back tomorrow with more news.