Paul Ryburn's Journal

So, last night about 12:00 I was walking home from Blind Bear. As I got to the intersection of Main and Monroe I discovered a large pipe lying all the way across the road. MLGW is doing sewer repair work in the area. It was a bit scary because the pipe was ~8 inches in diameter and I have bad legs and would have had trouble stepping over it. But there’s an orange platform on the west side of Main where you can get by.

DAMMIT I just realized…. I’m now required to text the butt sluts every night and inform them I made it home safely. I missed a perfect opportunity to make an “8 inches of pipe” joke in last night’s text.

Every morning I get an email linking to stats site Fivethirtyeight’s top story. Today it was Memphis-related: Jaren Jackson Jr. is the top candidate for Defensive Player of the Year, but an unusual candidate. By some measures, he resembles Dennis Rodman more than any past winner. Dye your hair Beale Street Blue, Jaren!

The Blind Bear Speakeasy has announced its St. Valentine’s Day Massacre party for Saturday, February 11. Queenager will play, prizes for best costumes, more details to be announced. Party like it’s 1929!

Lorenzen Wright’s jersey (55) will be retired by the Tigers on February 4.

It’s Curried Chicken Day. The Nine Thai Sushi has red, green, and massaman curries.

Cheers to Ja Morant for making things right when an 11-year-old fan’s autographed basketball was stolen at a recent game.

No, WWE has not been sold to the Saudis yet, although it could happen. I hate to see Vinnie Mac back as chairman of the board, though. I hope he doesn’t get involved in the creative process.

RIP Jeff Beck

That’ll do it for today. Back tomorrow.

It’s gonna be a warm one today folks. MemphisWeather.net is predicting a high of 69 and a low of 59 with showers moving in after midnight. It’ll be a shorts day for me for sure. Although, I’ll still wear a hoodie or fleece of some sort because I tend to sit right in the path of the air vent at Blind Bear.

Tennessee got some excellent news yesterday: IN-N-OUT BURGER IS COMING!!!!! They haven’t announced what cities will get one yet. PLEASE put one in Memphis!!! And not way out on G-town Parkway or Goodman Road. Midtown or closer!

I lived in San Diego for 6 months and am well familiar with the chain. The main thing to know is that you can (and should) order off their secret menu. Actually, there are only 4 words you need to know: Double Double Animal Style. That’s two beef patties, two slices of cheese, with the beef patties cooked in mustard, extra spread, grilled onions, pickles, lettuce, tomato. BEST BURGER EVER.

Yes it’s better than Whataburger. There I said it.

The closest Memphis comparison would be Dyer’s double double. Thin patties, greasy, cheesy. OH SO GOOD.

The Downtown Neighborhood Association has announced its first meeting of 2023 on Tuesday, January 24 at 5:30. Location TBD but you can expect

• Downtown development updates
• Mud Island updates
• Safety updates
• Downtown news

I’ll update you when there’s word on the location.

Penny’s Tigers are in Orlando tonight to play UCF. 6 PM Central. ESPN+ appears to be your only TV option.

I was sitting next to a couple at Blind Bear last night and they had the lasagna and they told the bartender it was the best they ever had. “It’s the sauce,” they commented. “It’s real Bolognese. Not just meat in tomato sauce like most places.”

My TV producer friend Shrek recently posted about Bluff City Tee where you can get all kinds of Grizzlies and Tigers themed shirts. I want the Hammer, Nail, Coffin, This Baby Is Over shirt. It’s a catchphrase of announcer Pete Pranica.

New rules have been proposed for horse-drawn carriages in Memphis. No whips to be used on the horses. Reduced hours they can work. Sound systems to be limited. No carriage rides when below 32 or above 95. Steps in the right direction.

That’s it for today. Back tomorrow.

WOW that college football playoff championship game was difficult to watch. Georgia blew out TCU as though it were a Week 1 game vs. Troy or Rice. I had no dog in the fight but I prefer to see a competitive game.

Tune into Facebook Live to hear The State of Downtown 2023 at 4 PM this Thursday. It will be presented by the Downtown Memphis Commission.

There will be an I Love Memphis Blog celebration Wednesday at Mollie Fontaine’s from 5 to 7 PM. They’ll be congratulating longtime blogger Holly Whitfield, who is leaving to become Digital Director at The Daily Memphian. They’ll also introduce the team that will be taking over content creation for that blog. RSVP is required. First 100 get two free drink tickets.

The Grizzlies remain tied for first in the West following a victory over San Antonio last night. Next up is ANOTHER home game vs. the Spurs Wednesday night at 7. Well that’s just weird scheduling. Saves on travel costs I guess. If I get a chance, I’ll ask my TV producer friend if he knows why the NBA does that.

Service industry friends: There’s a new website called Memphis Food Jobs. I see there are multiple positions available Downtown.

Loflin Yard will have a Service Industry New Year’s party Sunday the 15th from 6-10 PM.

• $3 Jameson
• $3 Bud Light draft
• Cornhole and beer pong tournaments at 7
• Champagne toast at 9:30

Be especially careful if you walk in the area of Main and MLK at night. There have been attempted robberies the past 3 nights: A guy on foot pointing out targets to two guys in cars, one a late 2000s black sedan. It’s an ideal area for that sort of thing: People are walking home/back to their hotels from Downtown core/Beale Street bars and there are no businesses open on that block where people would be keeping a watchful eye.

Feast & Graze will start doing a bottomless brunch February 19. $67 per adult, prepaid reservations only. Unlimited servings of

• Salmon BLT tacos
• Turkey & brie croissants
• Everything Bagel crostinis
• Whipped goat pancakes
• Ham & cheese paninis
• Steak & egg mini frittatas
• Tomato & chutney meatballs
• Chicken sausage skewers
• Caprese
• Yogurt parfait
• Fruit cup
• Shrimp Cobb salad
• Wine
• Beer
• Cocktails

Guys? This’d be a fabulous Valentine’s gift for your lady.

The 2023 schedule for Memphis 901 FC is out. The home opener is March 11.

Former Tiger DeAngelo Williams has been voted into the College Football Hall of Fame.

A co-working spot will open at 107 S. Main.

That’ll wrap it up for today. Back tomorrow with more news.

First things first: HEY BUTT SLUT #1 YOUR STUPID COWGIRLS LOST!!!!!

And they did NOT play the Washington Redskins as you told me yesterday. That team no longer exists. The final score was the Washington COMMANDERS 26, Dallas Cowgirls 6.

Don’t you have any sensitivity toward Indians? Meaning, feather Indians as opposed to dot Indians.

Yesterday at the Blind Bear we said goodbye to our brother Nappin Ass Nate. OMG it was beautiful. Charles you are a brilliant master of ceremonies. There were so many stories of how Nate cared about his friends, and how he went out of his way to be there for them.

I cried. A lot.

I didn’t get on the mic due to an accident I had earlier in the day, so I’ll say my piece here. Nate, I would compare you to Norm (from the TV show Cheers). But that’s not personal enough. That’s not Memphis enough.

Nate, you were the DILLON MOTHERFUCKIN BROOKS of the Blind Bear. You may not have been the flashiest, but in your own way, you were a badass and the glue that held our merry band of misfits together.

Love you forever, bro.

Shit, dog.

Someone bought a round of shots of Rumple for the room. OMG I hate Rumple but for Nate I did it.

And yes, I got my 4 mini corn dogs with honey mustard. I did not get to force-feed Butt Slut #1 a corn dog with mustard. She and I were totally gonna wrestle at the Bear (Nate would have loved it) but I fell and bloodied my nose on Union walking over from Bardog.

Yes, I’m OK. Thanks to my friends who ran and got napkins and bandages.

The Grizzlies are tied for first in the West following last night’s win over Utah.

All right. That’s all I’ve got this morning. Back tomorrow.

This is gonna be a weird post.

Today my Downtown friends and I will say goodbye to our brother.

A brother who was 12 years younger than me.

His ashes will be raised onto the beam above the bar at Blind Bear next to Jeannette’s dad Rick’s ashes.

One day I want my ashes to sit next to theirs.

Which makes me realize something.

I need a will.

My friend Nate had parents alive to approve his plan. I have no one. My mom died 6 years ago this month. I have no brothers or sisters. I have no children. Hell, I don’t even have a pet.

Anyone know how to get a will done?

I once saw a late-night TV commercial that offered a will consultation, an AOL.com membership, a 24-pack of adult diapers, and a bucket of Miller Lite at the corner table at Max’s Sports Bar for one low price. Anyone have that 1-888 number?

So anyway, as I understand it, the Bear will open for brunch 11-2 then close down 2-3 to prepare for Nate’s celebration. Probably I’ll lead off at Bardog then head over about 2:30 with Butt Slut #1. The Bear will be closed at the time but we know people.

Oh… that reminds me…

Yesterday I was telling Butt Slut #1 how at least 4 of the 120 mini corn dogs being served at Nate’s celebration have “Paul Ryburn” written all over them and they’re gonna be doused in mustard (his favorite condiment).

“I hate mustard,” she responded.

WHO DOESN’T LIKE MUSTARD?????

Ketchup I can understand. It’s a child’s condiment. But mustard?

What a weirdo. She doesn’t deserve to be an American. Can we extradite her someplace? I hear Mongolia is nice this time of year.

Goal for today: Force-feed Butt Slut #1 a mini corn dog covered in mustard.

The Tigers got a 69-59 win over ECU yesterday, but it was ugly. Coach Penny is getting a new shoe.

Jazz vs. Grizzlies, 5 today, Bally Sports SE.

Purple Drank is back on tap at Max’s Sports Bar.

Sorry this blog has sucked lately. I’ll try to do better.

Just wanted to remind those who knew him that there will be a celebration of life for our dear friend Nate tomorrow (Sunday) at the Blind Bear 3-7 PM. There will be 120 mini corn dogs (Nate loved mustard) and I think some other finger foods. Those who wish to get on the mic and say a tribute to our nappin-ass brother will have the opportunity.

Nate’s ashes will sit on the beam above the bar next to co-founder Rick’s.

Congratulations to Holly from the I Love Memphis Blog on her new role at the DM. Holly will lead the online pub’s digital team. Also congrats to the DM on a badass hire.

Here are the results from WWE Smackdown in Memphis last night. Sami Zayn, man. I wonder if he’s gonna end up in the echelon of Rock, Flair, Austin, and Dusty by the time he retires. He’s certainly been on that velocity the past 6 months.

Today is National Pass Gas Day.

Good chance of rain and above normal temps (shorts weather) in the forecast today.

The Tigers play East Carolina at 1 today at home. TV is ESPN+.

Utah at the Grizzlies 5 PM tomorrow. TV: Bally Sports Southeast. It’ll be Girl Scout Night.

Predictions for Bardog’s brunch specials today:

• Blackened salmon
• Chicken-N-Waffles
• Grilled pork chop
• Strawberry or blueberry pancakes

All right. That’s it. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day so I’ll be back Monday.

So last night I was hanging out at Blind Bear with Butt Slut #1, Butt Slut #2, and Late Night Larry. Butt Slut #2 told me, “When I invented the butt slut thing, I meant for it to be a small thing among a few people. Then you went and blogged it and made it a huge deal. Do you know what you are, Paul?”

And I totally get what she meant to say next.

She meant to refer to me as a founding father of the butt sluts.

The instigator.

The publicist.

But that’s not what she said.

She told me, “It’s like you’re the daddy of the butt sluts.”

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

WHO’S… YOUR… DADDY?

I have never been so proud of a nickname in my life.

All right. Let’s get on to the news.

I’m so excited I could slap someone: Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle are coming to FedExForum January 23.

In other FedExForum news, The Street Profits vs. the Usos for the tag titles has been announced as the main event of Friday’s WWE Smackdown. Montez F’N Ford baby.

Silly Goose is now doing 2 for $20 wood-fired pizza Thursday from 5 to 8.

And now…

RATING BAR CHAIRS
– Captain’s chair (wraps around your back) 10/10
– Bucket chair with square footrest 7/10
– Bucket chair with round footrest 5/10
– Bar itself does not have a footrest (minus 5)

Grizzlies are at Charlotte tonight at 6. TV is Bally Sports Southeast. Time to grind!

Get your free tickets to Ailey – A Documentary Screening on January 13 at the Halloran Centre.

Today is National Spaghetti Day. Get it at Bardog with Aldo’s Grandma’s New Jersey Balls. Cheers to Mama Aldo, who I’m told still reads this blog every day.

Ja Morant is being sued for allegedly punching a teen.

There’s a sketching class at Bass Pro Saturday from 10 to noon.

All right. Your Big Bad Butt Slut Daddy is signing off for today. Holla if you hear me!

It’s my least favorite day of the year.

Who’s gonna cry uncontrollably all night long?

Who’s gonna projectile vomit?

Who’s gonna shoot a gun out their car window to celebrate?

Who’s gonna start a fight?

Who’s gonna shit their pants?

Who’s gonna get a blow job in the back room?

Who’s gonna tell the doorman he and 14 of his friends should get in free because “I know the dishwasher’s assistant”?

I fucking hate New Year’s Eve. If I could be The Grinch Who Stole NYE I would in a heartbeat.

But we gotta get through it.

I’m wearing my PBR hoodie, shorts, and a red fedora with a white feather that was once worn by a Blind Bear contestant in Queen of the Vine. And sandals, of course. The outfit is a total fuck-you to people who believe you HAVE TO dress up for New Year’s Eve.

By the way, I have a comment about suggested dress on NYE. I’ll save it until later out of respect for friends, though.

One reason I think my friend Butt Slut #1 may be my sista from another mista is that she hates dressing up as much as I do. That’s highly unusual for a woman. The difference is, I don’t have a best friend who may talk me into dressing up. If Butt Slut #1 shows up in a dress I’m gonna laugh at her so hard.

So, my plan for today is to get to Blind Bear at 11 AM and… yeah. Stay there until about 1 AM. I mean, what else is there to do on this stupid day but drink?

Oh! That reminds me. People were asking me how much it costs to get into the Bear tonight. After 7 it’s $25 general admission and $35 to sit at a table. They’ll have wristbands that give you in-and-out privileges.

The Grizzlies have a back-to-back this weekend: They play New Orleans today and Sacramento tomorrow. Both games are at 7 and will be on Bally Sports Southeast.

The Tigers play Tulane on the road tomorrow at 4. That game will be on ESPN.

Time to go laugh at amateurs. Back tomorrow.

About 7:30 last night, I was sitting at the bar at Blind Bear, having a perfectly good time watching whatever college bowl games were on.

Then Butt Slut #1 came in and took the seat next to me. She asked the bartender to turn the TV to the Thursday night NFL game that was on. Dallas vs. somebody. I can’t remember who because I simply don’t care about the NFL.

“Do we really have to watch your stupid Cowgirls?” I asked.

That earned me a backhanded chop to the chest that was so hard, it would have made Ric Flair proud.

For the next hour, I struggled not to fall asleep at the bar as the ‘girls ran up and down the field. I was SO bored. Finally, I could take no more of it.

“Hey, butt slut,” I said. (Yes, I actually call her that to her face.) “Can we put ANYTHING else on? Like some cartoons? Some Bugs Bunny?” Bugs was my fav when I was a little kid.

“Bugs Bunny can suck my butthole,” she replied.

OMG she’s such a lady.

So, I normally don’t go out on New Year’s Eve. It’s totally fucking Amateur Night. All the yahoos from other parts of town who don’t go out on a regular basis come out and try WAY TOO HARD. The night rarely lives up to the expectations on NYE. I was gonna stay home and find something to binge-watch. on Peacock+.

But then Jeannette from Blind Bear texted and made it clear she wanted me at her bar’s party.

And it’s nice to be wanted. It’s nice to be loved. And I know that there, I’ll be among family.

Feel free to join me there. Here are the details, pasted from FB:

James & The Ultrasounds 9:30pm-Midnight
Velvetina’s Speakeasy Burlesque 10pm-Midnight
Dj Taz Midnight-3am

Dinner Specials 6pm-11pm
(Not a course set menu, just special and exciting Apps, Soups, Salads, Entrees & Desserts) Champagne Specials 
Hibernation Menu 11pm-2:30am

Party hats & favors included 

Resy.com for dinner reservations before 9pm, Resy.com Event available after 9pm 

View the Bear’s NYE menu

Thanks Jeannette so much for reaching out. As a token of appreciation, I will do the unthinkable and root for your Vols in the Orange Bowl tonight. Clemson is not a hard team to hate, especially if you know some of the people I know.

Also, Jeannette, you just turned your Fedoras, Feathers, & Furs party into a Fedoras, Feathers, Furs, PBR Hoodie, & Shorts party. I don’t dress up for stupid contrived holidays. Although, maybe I’ll meet you halfway and wear a fedora.

Favor to ask my friends who are going to the Bear party: Do not let me get drunk. ESPECIALLY DO NOT LET ME TAKE SHOTS WITH YOU. Because if I’m hammered enough I might try to give Butt Slut #1 a quick peck on the lips at midnight. I don’t want to be the subject of gossip on NYD. I’ve already been the subject of gossip once this week.

One other thing: I DO NOT WEAR PARTY HATS. Nobody better try to put one on me.

Good basketball night last night. The Tigers took care of USF 93-86. The Grizzlies picked up a road win in Toronto 119-106. Sure wish we’d had one of those games on instead of the Dallas Cowgirls.

The Grizz are now 3rd in the West, 1 game back of New Orleans and Denver.

Today is Bacon Day.

The boil water advisory has been lifted.

Six years of the Trumpster’s tax returns have been released.

Sad to hear Chef Tam’s warehouse suffered $90,000 in water damage. Prayers for her and her restaurant team.

Water main ruptures are affecting Memphis hotels during Liberty Bowl week. Not good.

The New Daisy, which used to be one of Memphis’ premier concert venues, will reopen next year.

That’s it. Back tomorrow.

There’s news from Bardog! I’m just gonna copy/paste this.

Bardog beset with sprinkler pipe burst. Opening New Years Eve next. We are getting ready. Easier now to open for a party than to have restaurant ready for regular service since all product has been wasted. $150 open bar. Food buffet with prime rib, filet mignon, shrimp cocktail. 7pm-1:30am. Veuve Clicquot yellow label champagne toast  at midnight. Brunch Sunday will be open and then closed Monday to reevaluate.

Private party limited to 120 people.

Here’s the Eventbrite link to buy tickets.

SHOULD I LET HELL FREEZE OVER? Blind Bear is holding an Orange Bowl watch party Friday at 7. Tennessee vs. Clemson. One night only, should I root for the Vols? Jeannette the owner and her husband Wade have been good to me. It’d be a way to honor our late friend Mac who named his dog after the Vols’ stadium. And my new friend Davis is pretty cool.

Go Hogs! Things got scary but Arkansas took down Kansas in the Liberty Bowl in 3OT.

Tigers basketball vs. USF, FedExForum, 7:00 tonight. TV will be ESPN+.

Grizzlies on the road at Toronto, 6:30 PM, Bally Sports Southeast.

That’s it. Not a very newsy day. Back tomorrow.