The Walgreens rant

I just got back from a trip down the street to Walgreens, and I thought I’d post a list of people I HATE:

  1. People who stand there at the register, flipping through the weekly ad looking for coupons. “I know there’s a coupon for Depends in here somewhere… (to the cashier) can you help me find it? And I think these cans of Ensure are on sale too, let me look… it was on page 7… or was it page 15, or…” Find the coupons and ads BEFORE you get in line. That’s why the rack containing the weekly ads isn’t anywhere near the register. People who do this generally tend to be older than Mick Jagger.
  2. People who pay by writing a check. Which means the cashier has to write down driver’s license number, phone number, astrological sign, favorite breed of dog, etc., etc., holding up the line by a good minute or two. There’s no excuse for writing checks for grocery/drugstore purchases in 2006. Learn to use a debit card. Or better yet, go to an ATM before you come to Walgreens.
  3. Smokers. “Uh… lemme get a box of Marlboro 100’s… (cashier turns around and finds the box)… uh, no, the Lights… (cashier turns around again and gets them)… you got those in a hard pack? … (cashier turns around again to find them, as people in line let out sighs of frustration)… can I get 3 packs of those? … (cashier: that’ll be $8.64) … uh, hold on, I only got 8 dollars, let me get two packs instead.” Few things piss me off more than being held up in line for what seems like an eternity because of someone’s filthy, disgusting habit.
  4. People who stand about 5 feet back from the last person in line, so you can’t tell if they’re in line or not. Do you get in line behind them? Or in front of them, and risk making them mad that you cut in line? And if you play it safe and get in line behind them, what if someone else gets in line in front of them, and now you’re behind two extra people?
  5. People who can’t count change. There should be a law that you have 20 seconds from the time the cashier tells you the total to fish the change out of your pockets/billfold and count it out. If you can’t do it in that amount of time, pay with dollar bills or a credit/debit card. Even worse is when the person is just too dumb to count change properly at all, and they dump all of it on the counter (mostly pennies) and expect the cashier to count it for them.
  6. People who bring an assortment of food and non-food items to the register, then want to pay for their food items with a U.S. government food stamp debit card, and their non-food items with cash. This takes as long as two purchases. Oh, who am I kidding, this takes as long as four purchases. People who do this frequently fall into the “people who can’t count change” category when it’s time to pay for the non-food items. They often have braids or weaves in their hair that look like they cost at least $200 to get done.
  7. People who bring a 99-cent item to the register and pull out a dollar bill, and when the cashier says, “That’ll be $1.07,” they turn around to the person behind them in line and say, “Hey, can you help me out with 7 cent?” If you can’t figure out that a 99-cent item is going to be more than a dollar after tax, you’re too stupid to be allowed out in public.
  8. People who ask, “Y’all don’t sell no lottery tickets here?” If they did, there’d be a big sign that says, BUY LOTTERY TICKETS HERE.
  9. People who stop their cars right on Madison Ave. outside, turn on their flashers, and walk in and shop. Madison Avenue is not your personal parking lot. You’re blocking traffic and the trolley when you do that. People who think this is acceptable behavior should have their cars impounded for a year. There are at least 20 other Walgreens in the city that have parking lots; maybe you should go to one of those instead.

And that’s my list of people I hate. Speaking of Walgreens, I noticed that Willie, the bum who usually hangs out outside and begs for money, was walking with a limp and using a cane today. Wonder what happened to him?