Month: February 2006

Philip Cruzen, the Ptolemy Krewe board member who saw my post about their website being down, sent the following e-mail and gave me permission to post it:

Hey
I’ve started reading your blog alot in the last two months. I read your part about the Ptolemy website being down. I am on the Ptolemy board of directors. I don’t know why it is down/expired, but I sent word to the folks who can get it taken care of. Thanks. I doubt anyone would have noticed anytime soon.

As far as your question on the blog about the dues, they are 330 if paid after Dec 2 (300 if before). That gets you into 7+ parties each year for free, all of which you get to drink for free I believe. Plus you get to ride on the floats in 2-3 parades (Liberty Bowl, St. Patrick’s Day, and Kemet Jubilee parade in May). If we have just 7 parties and 2 parades, that works out to about $36 a party. I doubt most folks can go out 9 times and spend that little. I know I can’t. We also have a Happy Hour every month at a different location (month 1 downtown, month 2 midtown, month 3 east memphis, etc). I hope that explains what’s going on. Currently we have over 70 members and we expect to pick up another 25+ by the end of the month. I hope my long answer gives you a better understanding. If you have any questions, please let me know.

Thanks for the info, Philip.

In case you’re wondering who REALLY matters at Sleep Out Louie’s, these pics should tell you:

Pics taken at their wedding anniversary, Sunday, February 5, 2006. Here’s the happy couple, and a pic of Joy eating the top of their wedding cake:

Congratulations John & Joy.

Super Bowl pics are coming soon, seriously. I have now downloaded them from my camera. All that remains to be done is to create thumbnails and an index page.

Saturday night I hung out with fellow blogger Kat, who writes a blog called Semi-Charmed Life. Quite an interesting evening indeed, and I gained a lot of insight into how women’s minds work.

Kat lives in East Bumblefuck (specifically, the Southwind area) but used to live and work downtown (well, she lived on Mud Island, which residents of downtown proper don’t consider part of downtown, but whatever) and loves coming down here. So a couple of weeks ago, we agreed to meet up on a Tuesday night, for Drinking Liberally’s special State of the Union event.

Well, as it turned out, she got a last-minute assignment at work and had to cancel. And it was then I realized that Kat is different from most women.

Most females 25 and under that I know would have simply not shown up, and then the next day when I contacted them to find out what happened, they would have gone, “Oh yeah. I had to work. Sorry… but some other time, ok? Call me (giggle)”

Kat, on the other hand, contacted me as soon as she found out she couldn’t make it, explained why, and then said something to the effect of, “But I definitely want to get together and meet up with you soon. You seem like a cool person who I should get to know.” And over the next week and a half she made an effort to stay in touch, and we eventually made plans to get together Saturday night (she had her wisdom teeth out the week before, so she couldn’t do it any sooner).

WOMEN: Scroll back up and re-read the paragraph above. This is how you cancel and re-schedule plans with someone. Let’s review: She had the COURTESY to let me know she couldn’t make it as soon as she found out. She let me know that she seriously WANTED to reschedule. And in the days that followed she made EFFORT to make that happen.

So anyway, we met up around 9 pm at Sleep Out Louie’s. Kat told me about some of her and her friends’ adventures coming downtown and getting hit on by guys. “We carry fake engagement rings,” she told me. “That way, if we’re getting a lot of unwanted attention, we can put the rings on.” She also told me that there is indeed a “reject hotline”, a local phone number she and her friends give out to guys whom they don’t want to give their real number to, and when you call it, you get a message like, “Sorry, you’ve been rejected.” I always wondered if women really did that stuff.

Note to self: From now on, anytime I get a girl’s phone number, I’m going to call it immediately and see if her cell rings.

She also told me that she and her friends refer to a small tattoo a woman has on the small of her back (sometimes lower, just above her butt crack) as a “tramp stamp,” an expression of her inner slut. Makes sense – I’ve always heard that the small of the back is a sexual energy center, and that’s why it’s a popular spot for tattoos.

I asked Kat her opinion on guys buying women drinks at bars. It’s been my experience that buying women drinks – I’m referring to women I’ve never met before – tends to be a waste of money. Discussing this with Kat helped me refine my opinion on this matter. Here it is:

If you see a woman and decide that you’d like to buy her a drink simply for the purpose of making her happy, making her feel good, there’s nothing at all wrong with that. If, on the other hand, you buy a woman a drink and then expect a particular response from her (to stick around and talk with you, to give you her number, to go out with you), that’s a bad thing.

Throughout the evening we’d see women hovering near the bar in various places we went, and Kat would comment, “Free drinks.” Meaning, the woman was standing near the bar waiting for a guy to come offer to buy her a drink.

So, we tabbed out of Sleep Out’s and stopped in Swig to drink lemon martinis and make fun of some of the patrons who were trying way too hard to look trendy and sophisticated. Then we walked down Beale Street, where we found that people entering Club 152 were being swept with metal-detector wands before being allowed in. “That place has really changed,” Kat said. “My girlfriends and I go there all the time. I like to dance, and they just like to rub up on people.” Really? Kat needs to introduce me to her friends.

It was around this time that I found out that Kat is a Raiford’s virgin. (I know, it’s shocking that the conversation transitioned from “rubbing up on people” to Raiford’s, isn’t it?) She’s driven by and has been curious, but has never gone in. We’re going to have to do something about that soon.

We didn’t see anyplace on Beale that was all that appealing, so we ended up at the Flying Saucer. I knew several customers at the bar who came up and said hello, and of course the waitresses. “That’s something that can work in your favor,” Kat told me. “Women are impressed when they’re out with a guy and he seems to know everybody. You know, when he’s built up a network of social relationships.” I’ll keep that in mind in the future. It makes sense anyway. When I’m downtown I have a home-field advantage of sorts.

Kat is very proud of her 38DD breasts (she refers to them as “the girls”) and uses them to maximum advantage. When we would have a minor disagreement about something during the course of conversation, Kat would stick her chest out and say, “Look Paul, boobs!”, directing my attention to the low-cut top she had on. And whatever we had disagreed upon would immediately be forgotten. A very effective communication strategy. Kat could teach classes for women on how to talk to men.

Kat also told me that she owns several tube tops and would be happy to pose in them when Tube Top Month returns to this blog in June.

She also told me that she has read every one of my 300 or so blog entries, and that she thinks I need to bring back “What the Bums Are Drinking This Week” on a regular basis.

And those were the highlights of the evening, as best as I can remember them considering that I obliterated my brain with alcohol the following day. Very cool person who I look forward to hanging out with again. I highly recommend her blog – it’s something of a female counterpart to mine.

And a few random notes before I bid you all adieu for now:

– Sleep Out’s has a new Sunday bartender (again) – Veronica, who bartended the Tap Room for a while last summer. Veronica RULES. I used to go there on Monday nights and keep her company while the bums came in and dug change out of their pockets to buy $1 PBR.

– Although, I’ll miss Lisa, the outgoing bartender, who RULES as well. She’s being transferred to Rum Boogie, so I guess that will be the place to go for her homemade bloody mary mix.

– As expected, NTN Trivia added several extra hours to my stay at Sleep Out Louie’s. That was an investment that’s really going to pay off for them. My neighbor Chad is Mr. Trivia. He’s either at Sleep Out’s playing NTN, at the Saucer for Tuesday Night Trivia Bowl, at Mulligan’s for Thursday trivia, or trying to round up people for a game of Texas Hold’Em.

– Speaking of trivia… the fact that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day will not stop THE RAPSCALLIONS from dominating Trivia Bowl at the Saucer. Well, at least I’ll be there, don’t know about the rest of the team. Single females who aren’t busy doing V-Day “dating” crap are welcome to join us and be part of the team.

– We had a few new people join us last week, including someone who I refer to as the “nuh-uh girl.” Whenever we’d come up with a potential answer to a question, she’d go “Nuh UHHHH!!!…” She was fun to hang out with though.

– I’ll also be at the Saucer tonight for Pint Night (will be there around 6:30 probably). And Thursday, I’ll be at the Saucer to see The Dempseys (and also to see The Waitresses). And Friday, I’ll be heading to a birthday celebration for a former student of mine at… you guessed it, the Saucer.

That’s it for now… more updates to come throughout the week.

This is a new feature in my blog, entitled “Deal of the Week.” The idea is, all the other drunks and I go to Sleep Out’s on Sunday and there’s a Sunday paper there which is bought by the bar. So we read the Best Buy, Circuit City, CompUSSR and all the other advertisements. And, if I find anything that’s a particularly outstanding deal, I’ll tell you about it in “Deal of the Week.”

This week’s Deal of the Week is at Circuit City. It’s a SanDisk 1 GB Sansa MP3 player for $87.99. Holding about 240 songs, it has twice the capacity of an iPod shuffle which sells for $12 more. It has a display, which the shuffle doesn’t, as well as an FM radio tuner. There is no mention of rebates in the Sunday ad, so it looks like $87.99 is what you pay. This looks like an excellent deal to me. If you’re in the market for an entry-level MP3 player, this might be a good opportunity to pick one up.

Club 152 on Beale is now searching its patrons with a metal-detector wand before they’re allowed to enter.

Ptolemy Memphis renewed their domain name and got their site back online. I can’t say for sure that it was a result of their domain’s expiration being mentioned in my blog, but I’d say there’s a real good chance it was.

Welcome back to the Internet guys!

For some reason it doesn’t surprise me that they have a guy named “Trip” on their board.

Had an interesting evening downtown with a fellow blogger. Will write more details when I sober up.

And I hear a lot of people are approaching Mikey and asking, “Where are the Super Bowl pics?” Why are you guys asking him? I took the pics. They’ll be up soon. Soon probably NOT being tomorrow (Sunday), because tomorrow is mimosa day.

I just got back from a trip down the street to Walgreens, and I thought I’d post a list of people I HATE:

1. People who stand there at the register, flipping through the weekly ad looking for coupons. “I know there’s a coupon for Depends in here somewhere… (to the cashier) can you help me find it? And I think these cans of Ensure are on sale too, let me look… it was on page 7… or was it page 15, or…” Find the coupons and ads BEFORE you get in line. That’s why the rack containing the weekly ads isn’t anywhere near the register. People who do this generally tend to be older than Mick Jagger.
2. People who pay by writing a check. Which means the cashier has to write down driver’s license number, phone number, astrological sign, favorite breed of dog, etc., etc., holding up the line by a good minute or two. There’s no excuse for writing checks for grocery/drugstore purchases in 2006. Learn to use a debit card. Or better yet, go to an ATM before you come to Walgreens.
3. Smokers. “Uh… lemme get a box of Marlboro 100’s… (cashier turns around and finds the box)… uh, no, the Lights… (cashier turns around again and gets them)… you got those in a hard pack? … (cashier turns around again to find them, as people in line let out sighs of frustration)… can I get 3 packs of those? … (cashier: that’ll be $8.64) … uh, hold on, I only got 8 dollars, let me get two packs instead.” Few things piss me off more than being held up in line for what seems like an eternity because of someone’s filthy, disgusting habit.
4. People who stand about 5 feet back from the last person in line, so you can’t tell if they’re in line or not. Do you get in line behind them? Or in front of them, and risk making them mad that you cut in line? And if you play it safe and get in line behind them, what if someone else gets in line in front of them, and now you’re behind two extra people?
5. People who can’t count change. There should be a law that you have 20 seconds from the time the cashier tells you the total to fish the change out of your pockets/billfold and count it out. If you can’t do it in that amount of time, pay with dollar bills or a credit/debit card. Even worse is when the person is just too dumb to count change properly at all, and they dump all of it on the counter (mostly pennies) and expect the cashier to count it for them.
6. People who bring an assortment of food and non-food items to the register, then want to pay for their food items with a U.S. government food stamp debit card, and their non-food items with cash. This takes as long as two purchases. Oh, who am I kidding, this takes as long as four purchases. People who do this frequently fall into the “people who can’t count change” category when it’s time to pay for the non-food items. They often have braids or weaves in their hair that look like they cost at least $200 to get done.
7. People who bring a 99-cent item to the register and pull out a dollar bill, and when the cashier says, “That’ll be $1.07,” they turn around to the person behind them in line and say, “Hey, can you help me out with 7 cent?” If you can’t figure out that a 99-cent item is going to be more than a dollar after tax, you’re too stupid to be allowed out in public.
8. People who ask, “Y’all don’t sell no lottery tickets here?” If they did, there’d be a big sign that says, BUY LOTTERY TICKETS HERE.
9. People who stop their cars right on Madison Ave. outside, turn on their flashers, and walk in and shop. Madison Avenue is not your personal parking lot. You’re blocking traffic and the trolley when you do that. People who think this is acceptable behavior should have their cars impounded for a year. There are at least 20 other Walgreens in the city that have parking lots; maybe you should go to one of those instead.

And that’s my list of people I hate. Speaking of Walgreens, I noticed that Willie, the bum who usually hangs out outside and begs for money, was walking with a limp and using a cane today. Wonder what happened to him?

If John McCain runs for President in 2008, I’m considering switching my party affiliation to Republican so I can cross over and vote for him in the primary. (Technically, in Tennessee, you don’t register party affiliation at all. You just say which primary you want to vote in, Democrat or Republican, when you get to the polls.)

That does not mean McCain is my first choice for President, or that I’ll vote for him in the general election if he gets the nomination. What it means is, I would like to have a 2008 general election where the two major parties offer two good candidates to choose from. I may not agree with McCain on all issues, but I respect him as a man of intelligence and integrity, which is something I can’t say about the goofball that currently occupies the White House and his corrupt administration. I would feel safe with John McCain as my president.

I think it could be the start of a new Golden Age of politics, kind of like the 1896-1916 era when BOTH parties were offering progressive candidates.

Any other liberals/progressives/Democrats thought about crossing over in the ’08 primary? Or am I discounting the power of the right-wing/neocon/Jesus-freak arm of the Republican party too much in believing we could make a difference?

– I’ve been corresponding with another blogger who is thinking about buying the same model iPod that I have. I’ve been teasing her because she saw a pink leather case for it that she wants. “A pink case? What a horrible thing to do to a poor, unsuspecting iPod!” I e-mailed her.

In her response, she let me know that the pink iPod case would match the new pink tube top that she just bought.

And with that one comment, my respect for pink iPod cases went up about 1,000,000%.

– This same blogger is also a member of Ptolemy Krewe, one of the krewes associated with Carnival Memphis. Ptolemy has their grand coronation ball in a couple of weeks, a formal affair at the University Club where they crown their King and Queen for the year. Now, this is going to generate a lot of excitement. People are going to read about it in the newspaper’s society pages, in RSVP magazine, etc., and they’re going to be thinking, “This sounds like fun, how can I be a part of this?” And many of them, living in the 21st century, will turn to the Internet for answers.

And what they will find is that Ptolemy, in this very important time of year when they will be generating so much interest, forgot to renew its domain name.

From Network Solutons: “ptolemymemphis.com: This domain name expired on 02/03/2006 and is pending renewal or deletion.”

Way to go guys.

Seriously though, I have heard a lot of good things about the group from members and people who have been to the events as invited guests. “You should check it out, Paul,” they told me. “For $300 a year (or whatever the joining fee is, I forget) you get to go out and drink and party all year.” The thing is, though, I do that already, why pay $300?

– The Rapscallions took the show on the road to try trivia night at TJ Mulligan’s last night. We finished just out of the money, pulling into third place with one question left, but then missing the final question. Hmmm… I’ll make an occasional guest appearance at Mulligan’s for trivia, but I can’t see myself doing it on a weekly basis. I definitely won’t be there next Thursday, due to the Dempseys playing at the Flying Saucer.

– Plans for tonight: Try not to get killed in a wreck on the way home. That is, if the predicted 1 to 4 inches of snow and ice falls this afternoon. Having to drive home from work in that is stressful, and there are always people who go “You’re leaving work early? Psssshhhhhht…. Memphis drivers are such wussies, letting a little snow and ice scare them. WHERE I COME FROM we drive in two feet of snow!” And so those people make everyone else feel peer pressured not to leave work early, and they risk life and limb when they do get out and drive. So, to those “where I come from” people I say: STFU. Wait, this really ticks me off, so just the acronym won’t do it. SHUT THE FUCK UP. It’s not a matter of me being able to drive home in the snow and ice. I know I have the driving skills to get home. The problem is, the other Memphis drivers who think it’s completely normal to go 50 mph down Poplar Ave. when there’s ice on the road. And then there’s the drivers who think they’re immune to winter accidents because they have an SUV, and so they tail 3 feet behind you on the I-40 as you’re trying to see through the sleet. And this isn’t Chicago or Minneapolis: we don’t have a fleet of salt trucks and plows to clear the major streets. So if you think I’m a slacker because I leave early, that’s just too damn bad. Work isn’t important enough for me to risk bodily injury or damage to my car.

– Okay, tangent over. Back to plans for tonight. First thing I have to do when I get home is re-sign my lease. If by that time Downtown has turned into a Winter Wonderland, I’ll probably grab my camera and walk around and take some snow pictures for my Memphis Wallpaper site. Otherwise I may join a buddy of mine at Sleep Out’s for Fish Races.

– Crap. The temperature has dropped from 41 to 36 as I’ve typed this. We may be in for it. Guess I better go get some work done so I can get out quick…

It’s always a pleasure to write a blog entry about one of my favorite Downtown subjects: the pigeons.

Last night at the Saucer’s Trivia Bowl, I was talking with a friend who had lived in Chicago. He told me how falcons who live in downtown Chicago catch and eat pigeons. They’ll build nests on 60-story buildings, and then they’ll watch for pigeons flying around below. The falcons will then swoop down on them, grabbing pigeons in mid-air with their talons, heading straight for the ground at dizzying speeds. At the last second, the falcons let go of the pigeons and hit the brakes – bouncing the pigeons off the ground and killing them. I had no idea that’s how they did it. Pretty cool! I mean, unless you’re a pigeon.

Then the falcons take their catch back to their nests. My Chicago friend said he looked out his office window one day and there was a falcon, having a pigeon snack in full view of everyone. Would you like some mashed potatoes and slaw with that, Mr. Falcon?