Not gonna go there: Choosing who I want to be

(If you’re looking for the downtown fire pics, they’re the next post down. If you’re looking for info about the house in Cooper-Young, it’s two down.)

This post is going to be a little different from most I’ve done recently. It’s going to reflect that this is indeed a personal blog, even if most of the time it serves as “the downtown blog” for a lot of people.

One of the main lessons I’ve learned in recent years is that we are constantly choosing who we want to be. We make that choice with every action. We can choose to give off (and receive back) positive energy, or we can choose to give off (and receive back) negative energy. Put another way, at any moment we can choose to act out of either love or fear.

Tomorrow there is going to be a party for two girls… I don’t want to use real names so let’s call them Fluffy and Shorty. Now, I’m on good terms with Fluffy. She’s always been friendly to me, and she’s one of those people who just seems to be liked by everyone – I don’t think I’ve heard anyone speak a bad word about her in the entire time she’s been in Memphis.

So, a mutual friend told me about the party today. Fluffy was nearby and said, “Yes, the party is tomorrow, you can come as my guest.” Cool, a party to go to, always a good thing, right?

Well, maybe not… because, you see, I’m on pretty bad terms with Shorty. I’m angry with her for a number of reasons, and she’s angry with me for a number of reasons as well. I’m not going to go into specifics because, again, I don’t like to air personal dirty laundry in my blog. I’ll just say that in our own minds, we each feel that our grievances with each other are justified.

So here’s the thing… when I was first invited to the party, I was excited about it. But tonight, as I was driving around Midtown, I realized something. The reason I was so excited was that I knew my presence would upset Shorty and make her feel uncomfortable at her own party. So I’d be giving off negative energy. I’d also be receiving it back from her, as well as from her friends who are aware that we haven’t been getting along. And as I thought about that, I asked myself, is that who I choose to be?

I’ve come to the conclusion that it is not. I want to be positive. I want to give off positive energy and receive it back from the people around me. So, I have decided not to go to the party. And it has nothing to do with Shorty. I’m selfish and in this case, it really is all about me. My Saturday is too valuable to waste on negativity; I want to do things that make myself and other people happy. Specifically, I plan to

  • stop by Sleep Out’s early in the day and say hello to Josh, one of the best bartender/managers ever and a good friend as well
  • head out east to the Pink Palace Crafts Fair for a little while, walk around, see people I haven’t seen in a while, possibly buy some new toys
  • come back downtown, stop by the Saucer, and see my waitresses
  • head over to Earnestine & Hazel’s and watch people roll in after Blues Ball
  • probably end up at my happy place, Raiford’s, late Saturday night.

Now that sounds like a good day. I truly hope both Fluffy and Shorty have fun at their party. I think Fluffy will understand why I’m not going. As for Shorty, this should not be taken as an apology or a sign that my reasons for being upset with her are not valid. I just choose not to dwell on it, for the sake of my own personal mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being.

Sorry for getting a bit New Agey in this post, but typing it was therapeutic for me, and I’m hoping maybe it will inspire others.

I’m home from my Friday evening out. I have a couple of pics that I’ll post tomorrow or Sunday.

I’m hoping I don’t have nightmares about the Court Square fire tonight. I’ve been seeing images of it in my head all day.