One of these days Queen Elizabeth II will die. And while I would normally place that event in the “can’t happen soon enough” category, I can’t, because at that time Prince Charles will ascend to the throne. And honestly, can anyone really see him as a king? The guy is a wimp. A wuss. He needs some serious image reform if he is ever going to make it as England’s top royal. And I have an idea for him.
You see, in modern times people can’t relate to images of great historical kings, like Henry VIII of England or Louis XIV of France. No, folks these days are spoon-fed by the media – they get their idea of what a “king” should be like from media outlets, television in particular.
And what king does the average guy on the street see most often on television? The Burger King, corporate mascot of fast-food restaurant Burger King. He’s been all over the place on commercials lately. And I have to admit, for the first time in my life I’ve wanted to buy an Xbox, because that “Sneak King” game BK released over the holiday season looks like so much fun. The Burger King sneaks around and tries to deliver tasty cheeseburgers to people before they die of hunger. He’s a hero!
Therefore, I think Prince Charles should grow a beard, to make himself look more like the Burger King. That would allow him to better fit into the image the public has of what “royalty” should look like. As a result, subjects of the UK would better accept him as their king, and he would be more likely to have a successful reign.