Month: October 2007

I went to Court Square today for lunch, where Wendy’s was giving out free burgers for its Great Taste Tour. As I predicted, they didn’t know what they were getting themselves into – every bum, vagrant, homeless person and pigeon in town showed up. I ran down there about 10:45, right after the event started, and there were already 100 people in line, most of whom appeared to be either homeless or bums.

Each person in line got their choice of a Wendy’s Single or the new Baconator. I ran home and e-mailed a friend who thinks the Baconator is the best thing ever… he works in East Bumblefuck and there’s no way he would’ve been able to get Downtown to get one in the middle of the day, so I just had to rub it in a little.

Went back up there about 12:30, got in line, still 100 people long but by that time only 50% bums. It took 15 minutes to make it to the front. The guy behind me asked if they were giving away free beer with the free burgers. The guy behind him kept shouting “I WANT THAT BURGENATOR! I WANT THAT BURGENATOR!” the entire time. You can’t buy comedy like that. I should’ve brought a video camera.

They were also handing out gift cards for people who didn’t have time to stand in the long line. I was going to see if I could get one for my friend, but they came by and stamped my hand while I was waiting.

I finally got to the front of the line and they handed me a Baconator and a Coke Zero. I’ve got to hand it to the Wendy’s people, they were VERY efficient and they were not phased at all by the bums. I stayed for a few minutes to watch legendary street person Willie N. annoy people and to watch one of the finest examples of pigeonhood ever seen in Memphis peck at a slice of pepperoni pizza, then went home and ate.

Some pictures of the event:

My Internet connection was somewhat spotty at home, so darn it, I had to pack up my laptop and take it someplace with a more dependable connection. And beer. And waitresses. Gotta keep workin’ you know. Attempting to sit at my favorite window seat without my laptop getting rained on. Not sure how well this is going to work.

But, I like sitting at the window because then I can play The Window Game. Every day we sit in the window and count how many of certain things we see on Second Street. The categories:

Bums
Police cars
Cars that turn the wrong way onto one-way Second Street
Hooptys
Appearances by homeless person Scratchy
Cars making a left turn that aren’t in the left lane
FUMOT (F’d up modes of transportation)

Looks like I may not be going to Court Square for “Bands, Beer and Bums” tonight after all, because we’ve got even more rain moving in. So I may get to play an extended session of The Window Game this afternoon.

One of the things we do on the Handling-Panhandling forum is upload photos of Downtown’s most aggressive bums, so that everyone knows to watch out for them. Many business download these photos and print them out. Well, Sunday night the forum’s photos paid off.

“Flower Man” is a panhandler who has been seen frequently Downtown. He typically picks flowers from public planters and tries to sell them to tourists on Beale Street, Second Street, and streets around that area. Members of the Handling-Panhandling group have reported being threatened by him, and they have reported seeing him carrying items that could be used as weapons.

Sunday night at Main and Monroe, a tourist couple was attacked and beaten over the head with a crowbar. The courtesy guard at a nearby building saw the attack and ran over. The attacker ran off as soon as he saw the guard, but the guard got a good look at him.

After calling for help for the tourists, he ran back inside to his desk, where his building’s manager had printed out photos of all the bums listed on the Handling-Panhandling site. He looked through them and identified “Flower Man” as the attacker. He handed the photos to the police, and they found Flower Man during the day Monday and hauled him in. If found guilty, that’s probably the last we’ll see of him on the streets for years. GOOD RIDDANCE.

Thanks to everyone who has joined the Handling-Panhandling forum and shared information and photos. We got one! Let’s all keep up the good work.

Legal stuff: Flower Man is presumed innocent until found guilty in a court of law.

The final concert in the “Bands, Beer and Bums” concert series in Court Square takes place tonight from 5:30 to 8:30. One of the best bands in the city, FreeWorld, will bring their funky sound to the gazebo in the park. So come on down! I’ve missed the last few concerts but will be at this one. Should be there by 6.

The Center City Commission, promoting this concert on their site, refers to Court Square as “the living room of Downtown.” Which is true. Unless you’re a bum, in which case it’s also the bedroom of Downtown, and the bathroom of Downtown. And the kitchen (CeCe’s Liquors) is only a half block away.

So come on out, listen to some good music, drink a brewski and get hit up for ’bout thirty-seven cent. Because on the Internet E-commerce takes place… but in Court Square it’s a whole different ballgame… there it’s all about B-commerce.

This morning I saw a flyer on one of the trolley stops advertising a new Internet cafe to open Downtown. The location was not listed, but it says it will be open late, will have food and drinks, will offer free Wi-Fi to paying customers, and will be the place to go Downtown for gaming.

More details available here: The Net Cafe of Memphis

Didn’t make it to Monday Night Football at EP’s last night. It was raining cats and dogs and it was just too soggy to get out. So I stayed at the Saucer and watched the game, although, a day later I can’t remember who played or who won.

Tonight, of course, is trivia night. Our secret weapon John D will be back, and he’ll be drinking plenty of Bud Light to fuel the endless fountain of knowledge that is his brain. I’ll get there about 6 and grab the rail nearest the door were we usually sit. Wonder who our waitress will be this week? Not looking forward to the start of Grizzlies season, as we have to get there a lot earlier to fight for our rail space when there are Tuesday night games. At least the team won their first home pre-season game last night. Hope that continues into the regular season.

But between now and trivia, got some work to do, so, see ya later…

Just picked up a flyer about Wendy’s “Great Taste Tour” which will make a stop tomorrow at Court Square from 10:30 to 2:30. “Come by and enjoy a FREE Wendy’s burger hot off the grill, made with fresh, never frozen, beef and your choice of toppings.”

The event will also feature “Burger Wisdom.” The flyer says, “Listen, learn and become enlightened as our resident burger experts spread the gospel of Burgerology.”

There will also be burger games and trivia with the opportunity to compete for prizes.

More info at thisismyburger.com.

It appears that the Handling-Panhandling online forum has played a key role in removing one of Downtown’s most aggressive and dangerous panhandlers from the streets. If things work out he’ll be gone for years. More details to come within 48 hours, after I talk to a couple of people.

Since this blog has acquired some new readers in the past two weeks, let me take a moment to mention the Handling-Panhandling forum again. Back in July Downtowners got fed up with the large numbers of overly aggressive panhandlers in the area, as well as the crimes that accompany panhandling (car break-ins, public urination, etc.) We formed an online discussion group where we talk about the problem panhandlers, where they “work,” and their routines. Members can also post pictures. The police and several community organizations have joined, and we’ve had several successes interrupting the lifestyle of the most intimidating panhandlers.

The forum is about aggressive panhandling, not the homeless problem, although that’s certainly an important problem as well. Most of the aggressive panhandlers are not homeless, and most homeless do not panhandle. So, discussion of the homeless is generally considered off-topic in the forum, although we do let people post about organizations that help the homeless as a way to redirect public generosity away from the panhandlers.

If the forum sounds like something you want to join, here’s a link. You’ll need to tell us why the panhandling issue is of concern to you, and then one of the moderators (either myself or Mike King) will approve you and you’ll be in. Once a member be sure to look at the “Pages” section, where we’ve created info pages about the worst panhandlers in the area. This section, from what I’ve been told, was key in taking down one of the worst of the worst yesterday.

Again, more info to come, stay tuned. Two more posts to come today, if not more, neither about bums or panhandling.

Usually Sunday brunch is an all-day affair for me. The gang starts at either Majestic or McGuinness then moves to the Saucer about 1. Most of the gang gets tired and leaves by mid-afternoon, but I often hold on well into the evening hours and on occasion have even lasted until close at midnight.

Not so yesterday. We started with brunch at McGuinness, where I had one of the best salads ever – their Cashew Chicken Salad. It’s pricer than most at $11.95, but you get this HUGE bowl that’s really big enough for two meals. Chicken and cashews and lettuce and veggies in sesame sauce – very good. It’s on their summer salad menu, so if you want to try it you better act fast, this being the middle of October.

We moved to the Saucer just before 1 PM. My friends Air Traffic Control Mike and Ken and I got on the pool table. After a lousy first game I decided that something needed to be done to improve my pool playing, so I contemplated a shot of Jager. While I was contemplating Mike bought me one. About 30 minutes later a second shot arrived. Sure enough, my pool game got better around that time.

About 2 my stalker showed up, in street clothes with a friend. See, when women have stalkers it’s weird and creepy, but if a guy has a stalker it’s a good thing, as long as the stalker is hot. Which this girl is. I continued to play pool and the stalker and her friend sat in the corner and tried not to get caught glancing over in my direction. My waitress came by and informed me that my stalker had asked me to buy her a shot. So I did, and one for myself. That made 3 shots for me. Normally I only drink beer on Sunday and never do shots, at least not since Sleep Out Louie’s closed. I need to train my current bartenders to make duck farts. Actually, the Saucer can’t, they don’t have all the ingredients. Maybe I’ll teach Hooper and Tony how to make them once Hoop’s Bar opens.

My stalker’s friend invited me to come sit with them, and we talked for a while. While we talked another shot of Jager showed up, compliments of Mike. That made 4. Before long I was chasing my stalker around the benches in the Saucer’s outdoor room, and she threw ketchup at me and luckily for me she missed. After she and the friend left, two guys who had been watching us called me over. They told me it was the funniest thing they had seen in a while, and THEY bought me a shot. That was number 5, and all of them were Jager. And I was drinking beers this whole time too, although I did have the common sense to intersperse a couple of waters.

I must have lasted a little past 5:00, because I remember giving the 5:00 waitress a hug and mumbling incoherently. Then I walked home and fell asleep. That’s the earliest I’ve retired from Sunday brunch in quite some time, perhaps all of 2007. And thanks to those shots I bought the girls it was one of my most expensive tabs at the Saucer, nearly rivaling the infamous “47 and change” tab.

The good thing is, because I went to bed so early I had enough time to fully recover. And that’s good because I have a lunch meeting with an IT recruiter at noon at Sauces. Yep, I’m finally giving up on this consulting thing – it’s just not bringing in the number of hours I need to remain financially stable – and returning to the world of work. Maybe later in the day or tomorrow I’ll post a summary of my skills. If 800 people a day read this thing maybe some of them know of some jobs. I actually already have several good leads, so this time it will be a matter of learning of a number of jobs and picking the best one, rather than begging for some company to please please take me.

Sauces has been open almost a year and I still haven’t had a real meal there, so I’m looking forward to lunch. Been checking out their menu online this morning. Several people have recommended the roasted garlic and onion burger, but there’s a chance I may get to kiss someone later in the day so that might be a bad idea. Also considering the fresh mozzarella sandwich or the spicy pork lettuce wraps. Hmmm. I’ll decide when I get there. I’m intrigued by a mozzarella sandwich, but there’s still something in the back of my mind that says, “If it doesn’t have meat on it, it’s not a real entree.”

Pint Nite tonight at the Saucer. Undecided on whether I’ll move over to EP’s for Monday Night Football at 7:30.

Last night I got invited to an awesome block party, even though it wasn’t my block. The condos on the block of South Main, Huling, Front, and Nettleton got together to throw a party from 6 to 10 yesterday evening, and as a friend of several of the condos’ residents, I got to come. They had food from The Majestic Grille and The Arcade, and there were two Flying Saucer kegs of beer.

About 5:55 PM as I was heading down there, I got a call from one of the event’s organizers. I knew they were getting two kegs, Leinenkugel Sunset Wheat and Pilsner Urquell. However, the tap they had would not work with the Pilsner, so they had to make a run to the distributor and substitute a second keg – and it happened to be Dos Equis Special Lager. So my two favorite beers from the Saucer were on tap at the party. NICE.

But here’s the weird thing… I ended up playing the role of the one person who stayed sober. For some reason I never got drunk at any point. Perhaps the food helped. Perhaps it’s because I was not doing keg stands as some of the other members of the group were. I have pictures and am very tempted to post them but I suppose I better not. Keg stands of Sunset Wheat? That’s just asking for trouble.

Several of the block’s residents came up and said they read my blog, and when I mentioned earlier in the week that I was going to a private party on Friday, they knew which one it was. Nice meeting you!

Music was provided by the West Tennessee Wife Swappers, who were absolutely excellent. The combination of the music and the beer got the crowd dancing and everyone was having a great time. The event organizers are talking about making the block party a twice-a-year event.

Most of the gang headed to Pearl’s after the party, and I thought about joining them, but then I thought, “You know, I just there last Saturday.” So instead I went to the Saucer, although I was there last Saturday as well. And last Friday and Thursday and Wednesday and Tuesday and Monday and Sunday and the 68 or so days before that. The Wife Swappers were playing there too. I took a seat on the planter that was propping open the doors between the outer Garden room and the indoor “nonsmoking” (bullshit) room and listened to the band.

You know, I really HATE Friday and Saturday nights. I much prefer to go out Monday through Thursday, and of course on Sundays for brunch. Last night it finally occurred to me why I hate weekend nights so much: People come out and try to do everything they can to show off their status. So as a result the bars are full of these stupid-ass dudes who use various strategies to show everyone that they’re high-status alpha males. One strategy is “talking shit,” pointing out other people in the bar and making disparaging remarks about them in an attempt to raise your own status by lowering theirs. Another strategy is “kicking some ass,” getting into fights with other bar patrons, because nothing says high status like bruises and a possible trip to jail. And, of course, there’s the most popular strategy of all, “getting some pussy,” which involves using pick-up routines you found on the Internet to get some hot chick who you care nothing about to go home with you, so you can prove what a stud you are. Yeah. These dudes are WINNERS. Really. They are.

So I just sat on the planter for a good 3 hours and listened to the band and basically didn’t give a shit what anyone in the damn bar thought of me. The place was just insanely busy last night, as people stopped by for a beer before heading to the Tigers’ Midnight Madness open practice at 12:01 AM.

The Saucer has a new beer which is pretty good. It’s Abita Pecan Harvest Ale, and it comes in bottles. It’s made with real Louisiana pecans. I guess I like it because it reminds me of when I was growing up and my grandparents had pecan trees in their backyard.

One of the bartenders told me they’re getting Yuengling on draft next summer. That should make “Vitamin Y” fans extremely happy, as I’ve been told that Yuengling on draft is entirely different than (and much better than) Yuengling in a bottle.

About 1 AM I moved into the indoor “nonsmoking” (bullshit) room to catch the last few innings of the Colorado Rockies vs. Some Other Team game with two of my friends who had shown up after the block party. God they were drunk. One of them has a 9 AM Saturday calculus class, and the math teacher in me was about to give him hell for being so drunk just hours before class time, but then he told me it was fall break, so it was all good in the ‘hood.

The waitress at whom I always stick my tongue out had closing shift, and I absolutely tortured her for the last hour. THHHHHPPPPPTTTTTT!!!!! I used to keep a respectful 4-foot-or-so distance when I’d do it, but now I’ll actually get like a foot from her face. Her reaction? She pretended like she hated it, then made an extra 15 or 20 trips past where I was standing so I could do it again. Women are weird. You can behave like a total jackass and they love it and come back for more.

Speaking of waitresses, I have it on good authority that the best Beer Goddess ever to set foot in the Flying Saucer will be back in two weeks. A lot of people thought they’d seen the last of this Goddess, but they were wrong. If you’ve read my blog for any length of time you know who I’m talking about.

My favorite blogger/MILF plans to get a bulldog this winter. She’s going to name it Peyton. She doesn’t even have the dog yet and I already hate it.

I ended last night with a Woodchuck Amber at McGuinness – Doggie Style had been the Fire Sale at the Saucer and I needed something sweet to get that bitter pale ale taste out of my mouth. The place was dead – a couple of Saucer regulars had migrated over there, and there were a bunch of drunk Texas de Brazil employees and that was it. McG has Yuengling now too. We’ll be there for brunch on Sunday, so maybe I’ll have one.

Still leaning toward a trip to Raiford’s tonight, although nothing is set in stone at this point. Considering a trip to Blue Plate Cafe for sausage biscuits right now.

Last night someone gave me details about a possible party tonight, but he didn’t know a whole lot about it so I’m throwing out a request to my readers for more info. He said he had heard there is going to be a King and Queen Condom or Mr. & Mrs. Condom costume party tonight at 8 PM at Earnestine & Hazel’s, and it’s being put on by Planned Parenthood.

Can anyone confirm that this is happening, or provide more info?

Back later with a summary of last night… fun night, for sure.

Here’s a site you might want to bookmark. Longtime readers of my blog know about it already.

RealClearPolitics

RCP offers latest poll data for all upcoming primaries, and they also aggregrate political commentary from both the left and right on a daily basis. Once the nominees are selected they’ll do a red-and-blue map showing which way states are leaning.

Based on their current poll data, it looks like we’re going to have Clinton vs. Giuliani in November 2008. Awesome. I can totally live with that, because either way we’d end up with a competent, qualified, intelligent president in the White House – something we haven’t had in six years.

If those are indeed the nominees, I wonder which way New York will go? NY is usually a state that’s safely in the Democratic column, but Giuliani could swing it the other way. On the other hand, Hillary will probably be able to turn Arkansas blue again, but that will hardly make up for New York which has 5 times the electoral votes.

To quote a bumper sticker: “America – Returning January 20, 2009.” Can’t wait.