Month: November 2007

So, my friend Eric, who wants everyone to know that yesterday was his birthday, managed to turn an upcoming Saturday night house party into the weirdest party EVER. He’s requesting that, in honor of his birthday, each of us memorize some Shakespeare and recite it at the party. If you’re going “WTF?” as you read that, join the club. He says he wants to the group to have some class for a change. Come on, Eric, we’re incapable of having any class, the fact that we hang out with John D should be evidence enough of that.

So if anyone has any particularly tasty Shakespeare quotes that I can use, e-mail ’em to me. Otherwise I guess I’ll do some searching online – I know that the entire works of Shakespeare can be found somewhere on the Internet.

Recap of last night: The Rapscallions took third place in trivia, bringing our total gift certificate stash to $250. One of the waitresses contemplated getting on stage and singing a song, but then stopped and asked, “If I sing, are you going to write about it on your blog?” No, silly – I’m going to pull out my camera, switch it to video mode, record the entire thing, then upload it to YouTube and embed it in my blog. Because I’m high-tech like that.

Plans for the rest of this week:

Today: The Wednesday night episode of “Paul Gets Drunk at the Saucer,” possibly followed by an episode of “Paul Stumbles Over to McGuinness and Drinks More.” If that’s not Must See TV, I don’t know what is. By the way, I’d be stumbling to Hoop’s Bar rather than McGuinness, but HOOPER HASN’T GOT THE PLACE OPEN YET!!!!! HURRY UP!
Thursday: The Thursday night episode, and probably EP’s after that.
Friday: Private party at a Downtown bar. After that I’ll be meeting up with a birthday party going on elsewhere Downtown. Will meet up with them at either Circa, EP’s, or Earnestine & Hazel’s, depending on the time.
Saturday: Arkansas vs. Tennessee at 11:30 AM. I’ll be at the Saucer wearing my Hog Hat. Later in the day, a friend’s housewarming party at his condo, where I’ll have to recite f-ing Shakespeare. Thanks again Eric.
Sunday: Sunday Fun Day, with brunch at McGuinness this week.

Just checked my Gmail and the sponsored ad link up top read, “Who has a crush on you? Click here to find out, it’s scary how accurate it is!” Hmmm… I’m curious if this thing will come up with not only the right name, but the right spelling since it can be spelled with either a “k” or a “c.” All right, it wants my name and my zodiac sign… and my phone number. F that. If that website wants my phone number it can at least buy me a drink first.

One of my blog readers e-mailed with a GREAT idea for a post. A trip down memory lane, listing all of my favorite places where I hung out since moving Downtown 6 years ago, that have since closed their doors. Oh that would be a FUN post to do. Give me a few days to make a list.

All right, time to hit Publish and go read my favorite blogger/MILF’s blog, to see how many times she’s broken up and gotten back together with her dude in the past 24 hours. I’ll put the over/under at 3.

We added a new category to The Window Game for this week: COGIC courtesy cars. It easily won the night, with a grand total of 79 cars passing by the window during the time the people playing the game (the scorecard got passed around several times) were there. Starting today we’ll count COGIC hats too.

Other results from The Window Game: We counted 23 bums, 15 police cars, 7 FUMOTs (f’d up modes of transportation), 8 RUPs (really ugly people), 15 hooptys, 2 appearances by Original Scratchy and 5 by New, Improved Scratchy, 8 cars that made illegal turns, 3 cars that went the wrong way up Second, and 30 buses. When Bicycle Bobby took over the game he decided to add a new category – taxi cabs – and we counted 37 of those. That’s the great thing about The Window Game, you can make it up as you go.

BBQ Clint added a “MILF” category Sunday when he played, and counted two of them. My favorite blogger/MILF was Downtown with her two girls that afternoon, and it’s entirely possible that she accounted for one of the marks on the scorecard.

One of the cooks told me he plays The Window Game at home, where he can see the Exxon at Summer and Graham out his window. Yeah, any place there’s an Exxon parking lot would be a great place to do it. He’s had to modify the categories some – apparently “people talking to themselves” is a hot category in that area.

Wonder if the “Suck My Blog” team will be back at trivia tonight to get their ass handed to them by the Rapscallions again. Heh… hope they didn’t mind my trash-talking last week. I’ve been told that they’re a really good group of people. If I trash-talk someone in my blog it generally means I think a lot of them… look at all the grief I give Pete.

Speaking of which, Pete and I went 1-1 in pool last night, although in his defense he was distracted by a beautiful woman during the game I won.

The 5:00 waitress who had the window section showed up and took over my tab. She saw me drinking a Blue Moon, and said, “Do you know how many calories that has? You need to go on a diet. I’m bringing you light beer for the rest of the night.” At least she brought me Amstel Light and not that swill that John D drinks. Later the waitress told me that I needed to order some Rocket Tots so she could eat them. Then she wrote “Paul is a LOSER!!!” on my Window Game scorecard. I hope the Saucer will understand if I don’t vote for them for Best Service in the 2008 Best of Memphis poll. For the remainder of this week I’m going to round up every COGIC saint I can find, bring them in the Saucer, and sit them in her section.

In the news: The federal government now owns the Mt. Moriah Center for the Performing Arts, and Ralph Lunati is going to jail. Apparently it’s a form of prostitution if you have live skank-on-skank sex shows and have an ATM in your club.

Looks like this mess with the City Schools and their Central Nutrition Center is going to keep getting bigger and bigger. When I worked for MCS last spring, I was taken on a tour of the CNC and they spoke of it as if it was their crown jewel. I didn’t meet the director but I met several of the other employees and they all seemed like honest, hard-working people. I hope they come out of this all right. I still have the hairnet I wore when I took the tour.

According to RealClearPolitics’ latest poll analysis, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee is gaining ground in the race for the Republican presidential nomination. Normally I’m not a fan of Republicans, but as a former Arkansan I can say that Huckabee did a very good job as governor. Still doubt I’ll vote for him though… I can’t stand the thought of a Republican in the White House nominating right-wing Supreme Court justices. At this point I’m undecided but leaning Hillary.

For those of you wondering when I’ll ever get the long-ass Halloween hair cut, I have an appointment for tomorrow at 1 PM. I still plan on keep it long. Just need a maintenance trim since it’s been almost 10 weeks since I got a haircut.

Someone suggested that I go to court and get my middle name changed to something beginning with a “B” so my initials would be “PBR.” That’s not a bad idea.

That’s enough for now. Time to hit Publish and see if Blogger will cooperate. Internet connection is having problems again, so I may take the laptop to the Second Street branch office this afternoon. (Edit: I’m now at the branch office. Chicken tacos for lunch. Redhook ESB is the Fire Sale. I’ve been trying to publish this post for the last two hours.)

Once again I am at wit’s end with the Blogger publishing engine. For the past day I’ve been trying to post, getting a “your publish is taking longer than expected” error message each time. Blogger’s help center is absolutely no help at all. Finally, after much searching, I found a message board where someone got around the problem by changing their FTP server from domain.com to ftp.domain.com. I tried it and that worked. But still, I had hoped that Blogger would get better, and not worse, after they were bought out by Google.

Anyway, that’s why yesterday’s post didn’t show up until this morning.

I forgot to mention how I got the lead for the new job I start next Monday. A couple of weeks ago a local recruiter with JD Resources found me on LinkedIn, and contacted me about a position. She didn’t even know I was job hunting. The position she had was heavy on graphic design, which isn’t my strong point, so I told her I’d pass, but that I was looking and would be happy to hear about other opportunities.

The next week, her boss contacted me with the position I ended up taking – the one located Downtown, where everyone is super-cool and wears jeans to work. So the reason I found such an awesome job is because I was on LinkedIn. If you don’t know what LinkedIn is, it’s a form of social networking (similar to MySpace and Facebook) but geared toward professionals. As with the other services, you can befriend people on LinkedIn. You can write recommendations for them, and you can view opportunities that they have posted. You can also search profiles for people who have particular skills you’re looking for. Whether you’re job hunting or not, if you’re a professional you need to be on LinkedIn.

Big thanks to fellow blogger AngieDawn who got me started on LinkedIn about a year and a half ago. I met Angie five years ago through Mpact Memphis and she has become one of my most important professional contacts in town, and a good friend as well.

MySpace also played a role in my job hunt. A couple of months ago a recruiter from Vaco Technologies here in town asked to add me as a friend. She told me she was using MySpace to make connections here in Memphis, and that she’d like to take me to lunch sometime. I was busy with consulting projects, so I didn’t have time then, but when it came time to job hunt, she was one of the first people I contacted.

Even though JDR got me the job, I must also commend the people at Vaco for treating me VERY well. When I told them I was looking, two of them asked to take me to lunch, and told me to pick the place. I picked Sauces and we had a great time getting to know each other. A few days later, they contacted me saying a client wanted to interview me. So I drove out to their office and they gave me a really nice looking black portfolio so I’d look like a pro in the interview. They briefed me about the company and then drove me out there. I ended up not taking that one, but I was very, very impressed with Vaco and recommend them highly to anyone looking for an IT job. I’ve promoted the recruiter who I talked with – Diane T – to one of my Top Friends on MySpace, so you can get in touch with her there.

Tonight: Pint Nite. Don’t know if I’m feelin’ MN MF’N F @ G.D. EP’s this week. Probably I’ll just hang at the Saucer. I’d probably leave and go hang out at Hoop’s Bar at some point, except that HOOPER HASN’T GOT THE BLASTED PLACE OPEN YET!!!!! Hurry up!

Patriots 24, Colts 20.

Earlier in the day my favorite blogger/MILF wrote on her blog: “I was hoping that my favorite downtowner would be brunching at McGuinness so he could see me all decked out in my Colts gear. He probably wouldn’t have spoken to me, especially since I’m wearing the #18 PROUDLY, and he’s a Manning-Hater.”

Um, we were at Majestic today. I mentioned several times in my blog that that’s where we’d be. Then we moved on to the Saucer and watched New England end Indianapolis’ winning streak. My favorite blogger/MILF’s precious Peyton just couldn’t pull it together in the fourth quarter, while the Patriots stepped up.

Elsewhere in today’s post she mentions buying some cute underwear, and I’d much rather see her in that than the #18 jersey.

Taking a break right now, but I’ll be going back out in a little while to enjoy my last Sunday Fun Day that isn’t followed by a Monday at work.

Hey, the Ole Miss Rebels finally won a game! They scraped by Northwestern State yesterday, and as the #5 team in the Southland Conference, there’s no doubt that NW State is a forced to be reckoned with.

I heard a great quote about Ole Miss a couple of days ago. A friend of mine asked me, “Do you know what time the Ole Miss Possums are playing tomorrow?”

“Don’t you mean the Ole Miss Rebels?” I asked.

“No, they’re the Ole Miss Possums,” he said. “Because they play dead at home, and they get run over on the road.”

Arkansas vs. Tennessee next Saturday. I’m going to be wearing my Hog Hat, of course. I have a feeling I won’t be getting along with the Nuh-Uh Girl, Frank, and some of the other members of the gang that day.

And, of course, today we have the Colts-Patriots game at 3:15. We’ll start the day with brunch at the Majestic, then head over to the Saucer by the time the game starts. Actually, well before the time the game starts, because we’ll have to get a few games of pool in first. Interesting thing about Sundays, I started off the year kicking Skippy’s ass at trivia, and I’m ending it by kicking Pete’s ass at pool.

Recap of yesterday: Dos Equis Special Lager was the Fire Sale. I showed my appreciation by having nine of them in a relatively short amount of time. The trivia team came to a consensus on which waitress we want for Rapscallion Party V. Played the Window Game. Played pool with Clay and BBQ Clint. Relocated to Pearl’s to catch Snozberry. I hated to leave my favorite beer on Fire Sale and Aquanet, but Snozberry are friends and ya gotta support your friends. Unfortunately the nine Fire Sales took effect and I didn’t make it through much of Snoz’s set. Sorry guys. I’m sure everyone thought “he’s heading back to the Saucer” when I left, but no, I went home and crashed!

Thanks to the time change – Daylight Savings Time ENDED this morning – I have an extra hour to kill before the start of Sunday Fun Day. I think I’ll use it to do a load of laundry, so I can wear the “I Love Romanian Girls” shirt two days in a row.

Most Downtowners are familiar with Jimmy, the homeless guy who wanders the streets and constantly scratches his beard (earning him the nickname “Scratchy”). Scratchy may be homeless but he is NOT a bum. He never asks for anything, and if you talk to him he’s a very nice guy. When the Sunday brunch crew was hanging out at Sleep Out Louie’s, we sort of adopted Scratchy as our mascot.

Well, yesterday I saw someone new on the streets: New, Improved Scratchy. New, Improved Scratchy looks and dresses just like Original Scratchy, except he’s a couple of inches taller. But there’s a big difference: New, Improved Scratchy IS a bum. I saw him on the streets for hours yesterday, walking up to people and begging them for money.

They look enough alike that people could easily confuse them. I hope Scratchy doesn’t end up getting a bad rap Downtown for things that New, Improved Scratchy did.

Earlier in the week I had an e-mail asking me to write about my tipping philosophy when I go out to restaurants, bars and clubs: How much do I tip, what makes me tip extra, what makes me tip less? All right, here you go.

All other things being equal, when I’m out at my usual hangouts Downtown I tip 30% or a dollar a beer, whichever is greater. The 30% tip is a little higher than the industry average, which is probably 15-20%. I consider it a way of being respectful, of saying, “Hey, I know how much it can suck at times to be a bartender/server and I know your job is harder than it looks. Thanks for taking good care of me.”

On certain occasions I’ll switch over to the dollar-a-beer rule. Mainly I do this when I’m buying the beer at a discount from normal price, such as the Fire Sales at the Saucer and Pint Nite. I started doing this following a late-night discussion at McGuinness with some off-duty servers last year, when they complained that on discount beer nights they work just as hard but make a lot less money because the tabs are lower. So on Pint Nite, I might order 5 beers, have a tab of $12.50, and leave a $5 tip, which is 40% but is a more accurate reflection of the work my server did than 30%.

My tips are based solely on the job the server or bartender does, not my opinion of them as people. I can think a server is the greatest thing since sliced bread on a personal level, but unless she does something extraordinary related to her job (I’ll talk about this in a minute) she’ll get 30% or $1/beer. On the other hand, if a server is someone I don’t really care for personally, it won’t stop her from getting 30% or $1/beer as long as she does her job well.

Sometimes a server will try to get me to deviate from the rule above, hinting around that “we’re friends, so you should tip me extra.” Or even worse, hinting “I’m hot, so you should tip me extra.” In either case I compute 30% in my head and then deduct a couple of dollars, just to give them a financial slap on the wrist for being bratty.

So, what makes me tip more than 30%? Well, I’ll give a few examples:

1) One night I was at the Saucer, watching the Dempseys. I was standing on the floor, in front of the pool table, and had an empty beer. I had been buying beers from the bar, but the line was way long and if I went in there I’d lose my good vantage point for the band. One of the servers saw me, realized what was going on, and said, “Paul, do you need anything? You’re not in my section but I’ll take care of you.” And my glass was never empty for the rest of the night. I tipped her 50%.

2) The two Rapscallions trivia team members who tend to hang out at the Saucer the most are Mikey and me. So one evening after trivia was over, everyone got their tabs and discovered that they had been entered as Mikey/2, Mikey/3, Mikey/4 and so on, in the computer. That’s fine for everyone else, but I come there enough that I should be on equal footing with Mikey, at least. I was the last to tab out, and the waitress brought my check: “Paul/1.” I tipped her 50%.

3) One night in summer ’06 I went into Blues City’s back bar. I hadn’t been in there in 9 months but the bartender not only remembered my name, but what beer I liked to drink. I tipped her 100% because that was really cool.

Now we turn to the other side of the coin… what do I do when I get lousy service. Well, for starters I look for reasons why it might not be the server’s fault. If the bar is packed, I don’t hold it against her. If she takes me a long time to bring food out, I tend to believe it was the cooks’ fault and not the server’s. I’ll ask questions like, “So are you feeling all right today?” and oftentimes I’ll get a story about how they got in a car accident or broke up with their boyfriend or stuff like that. In that case I don’t hold the bad service against them. Everybody has bad days.

If the service is bad and I just can’t see any reason to justify it, I’ll lower my tip amount to 15%, which is still average. It’s completely horrendous I’ll pay cash for the tab and leave the exact amount, leaving them to wonder if I just forgot to tip or if I did it on purpose. But it’s EXTREMELY rare that I resort to this. Maybe once every couple of years. I look for every reason not to.

One more thing to cover – tipping as a means of showing off. Meaning, tipping extremely excessively (100% or more) when there’s no good reason to do so. This is a MAJOR no-no. Do this and from that moment on, you are the ATM. Sure, they’ll encourage that kind of behavior, sure, they’ll take the money, but they won’t respect you. The message it sends is, “trying way too hard to convince people that I’m a big shot.” You can only get away with this if you actually ARE a big shot. Fred Smith could get away with it. Pau Gasol could get away with it. Most other people in Memphis can’t and shouldn’t try. Even worse: Leaving an excessive tip, then bragging to other bar patrons that you did so.

Anyway, that just about wraps it up. To summarize my tipping philosophy: 1) Be respectful. 2) Be fair. 3) Don’t show off.

Another post yet to come today, maybe two.

In one week, I’ll have a job that’s a one-block commute. I’ve been excited about being able to go to work without having to deal with rush hour traffic… and then yesterday, it occurred to me, do I really NEED the car anymore?

I think I’ve driven it two times this month. It costs me $90 a month to park the car in the garage, and probably about that much in insurance as well. It’s paid for, but because of its age it runs up $500-1000 a year in repairs. I’m wondering if it would be worth it to get rid of the car and save that money.

There’s a car rental place a few blocks from where I live, and the few times a year I need a car I could rent them and probably still come out ahead on money, and otherwise use taxis and the trolley to get around.

Just curious, has anyone else who lives and works Downtown done this? If so, how has it worked out for you?

In other news… I pulled up Google Earth this morning and typed in the address of my new company’s New York office. I’ve been told I’ll have to travel there now and then to work with the NY programming team. Their office is within walking distance of Times Square, Herald Square, and the Empire State Building! I’m going to have great fun doing some after-hours sightseeing when I’m there on business trips. NYC is perfectly suited to one of my favorite activities – wandering around. I guess I’ll have to buy some cold-weather clothes though.

Not much to recap from yesterday… played The Window Game, hung out with some of my fellow BBQ team members. BBQ Fest ’08 is only six months away! Encountered one of Downtown’s female bums who always goes “Buy me a shot, buy me a drink” when she sees me. Just to be mean, I bought a shot and downed it myself right in front of her. Unfortunately there was something I had forgotten to do earlier in the day – eat. So soon I was off to Huey’s for Paul’s Drunkass Burger. As I walked back out I ran into a couple of friends who were on their way to the Majestic. Damn! I shoulda gone to the Majestic. Paul’s Drunkass Flatbread would have been good… or Paul’s Drunkass Onion Rings. You could be at .40 blood alcohol level and those rings would sop it all up and bring you back to near sober. They probably have something like 3000 calories though.

Speaking of people who are always going “Buy me a drink” – where’s Terry been lately? Just realized that he and Yoko have the same birthday. As the holidays get closer I can always count on a phone call from Terry: “Paul. You’re meeting me at the Peabody lobby bar in ten minutes for cocktails. You’re paying.”

Dammit, now I’m in the mood for one of the Peabody’s Brandy Alexanders. They’re expensive (a little over ten bucks I think) but SO good. Maybe I’ll stop by and see if Velina’s working this afternoon.

New England vs. Indianapolis tomorrow at 3:15. Go Patriots! I am so sick of Peyton. I’m sure my favorite blogger/MILF will be watching.

I’ve been asked to hurry up and finish my post on tipping, so I’ll try to get that one done this morning as well.

Hello everyone! I’m typing this from the Second Street branch office, where I’ve spent the past hours sorting through my 2007 Halloween photos – rotating them, lightening them, deleting pics that are out of focus and bad pics of me. I ended up with 74 photos this year. Here are a few of my favorites that haven’t made the blog in previous posts:

Chad and the Nuh-Uh Girl took second place in Big Foot’s Best Overall competition with their stick figure costumes.Barry as Devil Elvis, or “Delvis.”

A few of the hotties at the Big Foot party.

Profile view of Skippy, showing the Raiford’s car that was part of his costume as the outside of Raiford’s.

Pete may lose to me at pool a lot, but he does all right with the ladies. I called Merry Maids and asked for the French maid pictured above, but canceled my order when they told me that their maids don’t give customers sponge baths.

A Saucer dude and Saucer chick doing the Harry Potter thing.

Click here for the complete Halloween photo album – 74 pictures.