So, EP’s is having a Dead Rock Star Costume Ball on April 3, which is a week from Friday. Free admission with costume, hosted by Kennedy from 107.5 and Garry Goin and G3. There will be celebrity trivia, a costume contest, a karaoke contest (oh God no), and a celebrity hunt.
I’m trying to decide if I’ll go, and if I do go, who I’ll be. Hmmm what are the options:
John Lennon: This one wouldn’t be hard to do. I’m sure John had hair like mine at some point in his life. All I’d need are granny glasses and a “New York City” T-shirt and maybe a couple of peace buttons. Beatle boots would be good footwear but I don’t own any and they’re too expensive to buy to wear for one night. If I could get an Asian girl to be my date and go as Yoko, that would be perfect. We could carry matching “Hair Peace” and “Bed Peace” signs. Of course, Yoko’s not dead yet, but, that’s a minor detail.
Jim Morrison: Me in tight black leather pants = very bad idea. I don’t think anyone would want to see that. Due to all the beer I drink, I’d have to go as ’69-’70 overweight drugged-out Morrison rather than ’66-’67 sex symbol Morrison. This one’s not going to happen.
Jimi Hendrix: I’m white, so I really don’t think I could pull this one off.
Janis Joplin: I catch enough flak for dressing up as a chick one weekend a year, when I do the Saucer Girl costume for Halloween. And anyway, if I were going to dress up as a woman additional days, I damn sure would pick someone hotter than Janis. Absolutely not.
Kurt Cobain: I don’t want to dye my hair orange and green and whatever other colors were in his hair. Plus he was married to Courtney Love who was a complete twat. I like Nirvana’s music but a Cobain costume is not going to happen.
George Harrison: How come all the cool Beatles are dead? McCartney sucks. Anyway, I’m not sure what exactly I’d do to dress up as George – maybe carry a sitar around. He had the hottest wife of the four Beatles, but he eventually lost her to Eric Clapton.
Syd Barrett: The original Pink Floyd frontman who went batshit crazy in ’67-’68 and got kicked out of the band. This one would be a lot of fun to do. Problem is, so many people are only familiar with the Waters/Gilmour version of Floyd that I’m not sure many people would know who I am.
Sid Vicious: The Sex Pistols rock star, not the wrestler. Lots of people who go to EP’s have spiky hair and I’m not one of them. I’ll let them do Sid. Besides, his girlfriend was a piece of trash heroin addict whore.
Keith Richards: (Edit: Oh, he’s not dead? My bad, disregard this one. I thought they had been standing a corpse in Stones publicity photos the past few years to make Mick look younger.)
Keith Relf: Lead singer of ’60s rock band The Yardbirds which had three of the greatest guitarists of all time (Clapton, Beck, Page), and whose breakup led to the formation of the greatest rock band of all time (Zeppelin). Electrocuted himself in 1976. I could do this one easily, as my current hair is more or less a dead ringer for Relf’s hair circa ’65. On the downside, hardly anyone knows who the hell Keith Relf is.
John Bonham: Zeppelin’s drummer who drank himself to death in 1980. I’d have to grow a beard for this one, and steal EP’s TVs and pitch them off their second-story patio. (Hey, maybe I’d hit a bum!) I can’t see myself being Bonham. I’ve never been one to identify with drummers in bands. If I were going to dress up as a Led Zeppelin member I’d be Plant, and he’s not dead.
Keith Moon: The Who’s drummer who drank himself to death in 1978. No, for the same reasons as Bonham.
Sylvester: Late ’70s disco icon/drag queen. Died 1988. This one’s a big NO, as there is a 99.9999% chance that anyone who dresses up as Sylvester is gay. “You Make Me Feel Mighty Real” was one of the catchiest songs of the disco era, though.
Elvis: Dressing up as Elvis in Memphis is passe. Let the tourists do it. You certainly wouldn’t have to go far to find a costume for this one.
Buddy Holly: I just don’t have the look to pull this one off. I wouldn’t even know where to find those thick black rimmed glasses.
Ronnie Van Zant: Lynyrd Skynyrd frontman who died in a plane crash in 1977. I have “Free Bird” on my iPod
John Denver: Bitch please.
Jerry Garcia: If only I had kept the tye-dye shirts I bought in the late 1980s, I might be able to do this one. I’ve never done LSD but I think a hit of it would be mandatory if I had this costume on.
Rick James: This one would be easy. All I’d have to do is put on one of those “I’m Rick James Bitch” T-shirts and bam, there’s the costume.
Andy Gibb: Well, I do have the hair and the leftover disco outfits from my Six-1-Six Disco Inferno days to do this costume quite easily. Problem is, people probably wouldn’t know who the hell I was trying to be, even if I walked around singing “I Just Want to Be Your Everything” all evening.
Barry White: HAHAHAHAHA. I’m not stupid enough to even attempt this one.
Eric Carr: KISS drummer who joined the band in 1980 after Peter Criss got kicked out for excessive drug use. This one would be funny because Carr was in the band during the makeup years, and had his own distinctive makeup design. People would instantly recognize me as a KISS member but not as Gene, Paul, Ace, or Peter. It would confuse people. I like that.
I’m sure there are more who aren’t coming to mind right now. Maybe I’ll update this post as the day draws closer. Recap of an insanely drunk Easter Sunday to come, as soon as I remember what the hell I did.