Wasn’t feeling all that hot this morning, so I called in. I’m lying here in bed typing this post. Yay for laptops and wireless Internet. My team just wrapped up two major projects at work, so it’s a good day to take off.
Yesterday I heard one of the most touching pleas for assistance ever spoken by a panhandler in Downtown Memphis. Better get some Kleenex handy before you read on – this story is going to bring tears to your eyes.
My friend Air Traffic Mike was walking down Second Street with one of his buddies this past weekend, when a female panhandler in her late 30s approached him. She asked for money using the following line: “Look here, I ain’t no goddamn addict, I just smoke a little crack once in a while.”
Doesn’t that just tug on your heartstrings? How could you not open your wallet and donate generously after hearing a story like that?
I haven’t mentioned Pearl’s Oyster House on the blog in a while… between working on my plate at the Saucer and going to new places that have opened Downtown, I hate to say it but I’ve been ignoring Pearl’s lately. I’ve been told that the owner of the place hired a new GM, and he hired him away from Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse. The owner wants the quality of the food and the service to be impeccable, and he knows that bringing over a GM from Ruth’s Chris is a good way to ensure that. “If anything is not right,” the owner told a friend of mine who was in there this weekend, “the new GM will be here 24/7. Find him and let him know and it will be taken care of. If he’s not here, I will be here, and you can tell me.” It’s been too long since I’ve been to Pearl’s… I need to have a meal there soon.
Yesterday we did brunch at the Majestic, then moved on to the Saucer where “The Rev” preached to us for a couple of hours. See, I do get my church time in on Sunday after all. For those of you who play pool at the Saucer, you’ll be happy to learn that a set of new cues were delivered yesterday while we were there.
Time for the beer report. As planned, I only drank 2 plate beers yesterday in order to save the final 3 for Pint Nite:
Previous total: $1,238.00
Beers 203 and 204 by my count (196 and 197 by the Saucer’s count):
Lucifer $7.00
Belhaven Scottish Ale $4.50
Tip: $11.50 x ~30% = $3.00
Total: $14.50
Grand total: $1,252.50
Since my final three beers will be Pint Nite drafts, that means I already know the grand total for my plate. Three Pint Nite drafts will cost $8.25, and after tipping $1 per beer that will bring today’s total to $11.25, and the grand total to $1,263.75. Later in the week I’ll do some statistical analysis on that total.
My plate party will be very soon, although I’m not publishing the exact date and time on my blog because I don’t want the general public to show up and attempt to drink on my tab. My $100 plate party tab will be combined with $275 Rapscallion money plus whatever we win Tuesday night.
A little before 5:00 yesterday I got hungry, and walked down the street to Big Foot where my BFF was working. She was taking the final test to be a bartender. I took a look at the test and thought to myself, I know the answers to about 70% of the questions on here. Maybe I should be a bartender. Maybe I should convince Shawn and Lana to fire my BFF and hire me instead. Wouldn’t be a bad move – I would draw a regular crowd, I have good working knowledge of drinks, and former bartenders at Big Foot have told me how much they make and it’s in the same ballpark as what I make as a software developer at VP. And I could stay out drinking super-late at night like service industry people do.
The test may have been easy, but my BFF still cheated on it. She asked the evening bartender who came on at 5:00 for several of the answers. Sample question: How much alcohol is in their $9.99 signature drinks? Answer: 4 ounces. See, this blog contains lots of valuable information. Now you can get a job at Big Foot and be that much closer to passing the test. I wonder when my BFF’s mini-me is going to quit the Saucer and get a job at Big Foot? I’m sure it will be soon.
I also wonder what is considered a passing score on that bartender test… probably 90 or 95. I’m sure it’s not like the University of Memphis where you can be a total dumbass and still get passing grades.
At one point while my BFF was taking the test, she stopped and looked at me for a minute. I wondered what the look was for, then I saw that she was answering “List three signs of an intoxicated person.”
Yesterday I learned where former Saucer waitress Zebra Hair is now working. It’s out in East Bumblefuck so I doubt I’ll ever have her as my waitress again. It’s a good move for her to work out there though – she has more of a Cordova personality than a Downtown personality.
Even with Dos Equis Lager on Fire Sale yesterday, I still found time to make stops at Itta Bena and Calhoun’s. I’m determined to start doing more of that – hopping from one place to another instead of doing extended stays at the Saucer. After today my plate beers will be done so there will be nothing dictating that I HAVE to be there every day.
People were writing on each other with markers at Calhoun’s. It gave me an idea for a new business – a strip club where there are Sharpie markers on the tables, and you can write on the dancers. That would be awesome. I’m not a big-time patron of strip clubs, but I might be if they had markers.
Reminds me, someone gave me a stack of passes to The Pony this weekend. I’ll probably never use them, so if anyone wants some, let me know.
The temperature on my WeatherBug reads 40 degrees. In the middle of the day in April. This weather sucks. Normal high for today is 72.
I checked the weather for next Sunday’s Rajun Cajun Crawfish Fest – they’re calling for a high of 73 and a low of 55, with only a 20% chance of rain. Sounds perfect. I’ve decided not to get the Swamp pass because I don’t want to be segregated off in a private tent. I want to be out in the open. My plan is to arrive at the festival at noon sharp, get a bucket of crawfish before the lines get long, and find a spot on the grass that is ideal for people-watching.
And now it’s time for a photo. The girl kissing me on the cheek in the photo below is Kelly, who had her bachelorette party at the Saucer.
Kelly’s friends e-mailed me to tell me that she’s not allowed to get married unless I post the picture. Wow, I have the power to destroy a marriage! I can’t do that though. Her friend tells me that Kelly would be interested in being my new BFF if I decide to kick my current one to the curb.
Also got e-mail from a chef at a Downtown restaurant, who told me he caught Jumper Cable Guy scamming two people yesterday. So, as I suspected, JCG was lying to me when he told me he wasn’t scamming people anymore. I’ve been calling the new safety patrol a lot this week to run off bums, but if I see JCG I may bypass the safety patrol and call the police.
All right. Going to hit Publish and roll over and fall back asleep for a while and hopefully get to feeling better.