(Post being updated every few minutes – hit Refresh and scroll down to see the latest.)
4:27 PM: Just got to the Saucer, with my Window Game COGIC edition scorecard. I brought my laptop with me so I can work while I drink, at least until people get here to talk to. Figured I’d try something different and do some live blogging. In the time it took me to boot my laptop I’ve already counted one bum and one FUMOT (F’d up mode of transportation – in this case, a car with its hood smashed up). I’ve seen cars that obviously contained COGIC people, but there were no visible signs so I couldn’t count them as courtesy cars.
4:30: There’s a bum. That makes two. And a courtesy car. The bum is the one with the ear tumor who always wears scraggly dollar-store ties. He’s asking for money so he can get a coke. The only thing I don’t believe about his request is the word “a.”
4:33: Up to three bums now. If I don’t recognize them I have to see visible evidence of panhandling to count them. Doesn’t have to be the act of panhandling necessarily. Behaviors commonly associated with panhandling, such as carrying a stack of Downtown Merchant Guides, count too.
4:36: In the time it took the last update to publish, a fourth bum walked by.
4:37: Our first wrong way on one-way Second Street! They backed up back onto Peabody Place, but they turned far enough to be facing north, so they count.
4:38: Bum number 5, this one being “CAN I AKS YOU A QUESTION. U GOT 50 CENT” guy. I also started a custom “hippies” category and marked 3 down.
4:42: Here comes Pete on his scooter. Looks like he’s not stopping in. He knows he’d get his ass kicked at pool if he did.
Sipping a Dos Equis Lager with extra lime. Brittney is serving me. This would be waitress Brittney who works really hard, not lazy bartender Brittney who sits on her ass all day.
4:46: Got our first entry in the RUP (Really Ugly People) column. Currently at 5 bums, 3 hippies, 3 buses, 3 COGIC cars, 1 police car, 1 FUMOT, 1 RUP.
4:49: Geo Metro hatchback with green body and red hood, dents all over. It’s borderline FUMOT but I’m going to say yes.
4:53: Flower guy on a bike, but I’ve heard he’s affiliated with Blues City and has a permit, so I’ll have to go “not a bum” in his case. The ones that pick flowers out of public planters and sell them to tourists definitely count as bums.
We may have slim pickings on the bums today, because June Bug and several other regulars are in jail. You wouldn’t know it from the first 30 minutes though.
4:56: Melissa’s here. Melissa rocks. I loaned her my “I love Romanian girls” shirt and she dressed as me for Halloween. A third FUMOT just rolled by.
5:00: 6 buses, 5 bums, 4 courtesy cars, 3 hippies, 3 police cars, 3 FUMOTs, 1 RUP, 1 wrong way. Make that 5 courtesy cars.
5:04: 4 kids about age 10-11 selling candy. I don’t have a category for that but maybe I should.
There’s a guy in a plaid shirt walking around an awful lot. He has the look and the body language of a bum, but he hasn’t hit anyone up yet. So far I can’t count him.
5:09: The owner of Calhoun’s just e-mailed. He’ll have the sound on for election night results. I need to talk to whoever’s managing the Saucer today and find out if they will. No specials at Calhoun’s for election night, just $1.50 PBR as usual.
5:11: Crackhead walking down Second yelling at nobody in particular. Wait, maybe he’s singing. Yep, singing. And dancing. Now he’s stopping in the middle of Peabody Place to finish his song.
A car decorated with “FRO: Highway to Heaven” sign just drove by. I don’t want to know. I’m calling FUMOT on it though. See what you’re missing if you live in Cordova?
Believe it or not, I’ve actually managed to get some work done while I’ve been here, typing copy for one of my sites.
5:16: All right! We have our first Sharp Dressed Bum sighting of the afternoon! I wonder if he still has warrants? I’m still undecided on whether dancing crackhead counts as a bum… what the hell, I’m going to say he does. That makes seven.
5:19: Cool, my College Logo Watches site just made a sale! Someone from South Carolina.
5:22: That’s the third pass for SDB past here. I may have to call the bum patrol on him.
5:23: Meghan has the 5:00 bartending shift at Big Foot, so I imagine she’s arriving to work about now. My sympathies to the people at the bar who got used to the good customer service they got from the day shift.
5:26: Okay, plaid shirt guy counts now. He’s doing the tour guide gimmick. That’s bum #8. He’s talking to everyone now. Maybe he needs to get his confidence up before he starts approaching.
Bicycle Bobby just pulled up on his scooter. And here are two more scooters. It must be scooter club meeting night.
5:34: Bum number 9. Another singer. This one I recognize, so no need to wait for panhandling behavior to mark him.
Dammit, I’m spending so much time looking out the window, that I’m missing waitresses bend over.
5:37: Otto’s here.
5:38: Yay! Mid-South Alcoholic Supply just sold some champagne flutes.
5:44: Starting on my third Dos Equis Lager. 11 buses, 9 bums, 8 police cars, 8 courtesy cars.
5:46: Ear tumor bum has a box of KFC now.
5:52: FedEx delivery for the Saucer. Hopefully the Romanian waitress I ordered is here.
Looks like it’s manager meeting night.
5:54: Sold another watch. University of Texas this time. See, I’m making money while I drink beer. I’ll end up getting about 7% commission on all of these sales, maybe 7.5%.
5:55: El bummo numero diez! Never seen this one before, but he panhandled Otto at the Saucer window.
6:02: Left turn out of not the center lane, but the right lane! That counts as 2.
6:09: All right. Tired of having the laptop out. Gonna shut down. Will provide a final score in the next post.