The first case of coronavirus, or COVID-19, has been confirmed in Memphis. Everyone is going to lose their damn mind anytime someone coughs or sneezes. That sets up perfect conditions for a fake sick day. Let’s go over some tips to set this up properly.
- A $9 investment in a bottle of DayQuil makes a great prop. It needs to be prominently displayed on your desk. You don’t want it to be full – minus 2 doses sounds about right. You want the plastic cup sitting on your desk near the bottle, with residue in the bottom of the cup.
- A thermometer is an excellent prop as well. Most of the time, display it on your desk near the DayQuil, but several times a day put it in your mouth. Be overheard mumbling “one oh one point eight” and ask your co-workers “Is it cold in here or it just me?”
- Always remember there is tremendous power in the phrase “explosive diarrhea.”
- When you go to the doctor for routine visits, take photos of the waiting room, the exam room, the medical building, etc. You can then post those photos to social media when you take your “sick” day.
- Befriend a doctor so you have someone to write notes when you are sick. Although, befriending anyone who works in a doctor’s office and therefore has access to the stationery will do. Just remember if you write your own note that DOCTORS DO NOT WRITE LEGIBLY.
- If you send work emails while you’re out “sick”, prposely misspell words, at raNDOM TIMES TUrn the caps lock key on and off, and leave six spaces between words now and then. This will make it look like you’re trying the best you can to be productive while sick.
I bet the coronavirus announcement caused a run on the stores yesterday, people buying bread and milk, milk and bread like Ron Childers had predicted 0.05″ of snow to fall overnight.
I hope you’re ready to stay up late this week, because if you’re a Memphis Tigers fan, you’re going to have to. These are the game times in which Memphis will play if Penny’s team wins all the way to the end:
- Thursday, March 12 at 9:30 PM (vs. East Carolina)
- Friday, March 13 at 9 PM (vs. Tulsa)
- Saturday, March 14 at 4:30 PM
- Sunday, March 15 at 2:15 PM
After that, unless the Tigers hoist a trophy on Sunday against all odds, the NIT will probably come a-calling, with a 2 or 3 seed for Memphis.
At least the Tigers will be in the later semifinal Saturday afternoon, if they make it that far. That means people will be able to go watch the Beale Street St. Patrick’s Day parade and still make it to their favorite watch spot for that day’s game.
I wonder if the coronavirus will hurt attendance at the parade? I bet it will. You know how a lot of parents tend to be overprotective of their children.
Insider tip: Go to Blind Bear for lunch today. If Phillip makes the special he told me he had in mind for today, it is going to be awesome. (No Ariel, it isn’t vegetarian.)
All right. Gotta hit Publish and then turn my attention to writing a BBQ team email. Back tomorrow with more news.