Tuesday update

The University of Memphis women’s soccer team will host LSU in the first round of the NCAA tournament Saturday at 7 PM at the soccer/track & field complex at the university’s Park Ave. campus. Go Tigers! Memphis Tigers, that is.

The DM reports (premium subscriber-only article) that Bally Sports will carry Grizzlies games for the remainder of the season, having struck a deal. I want to add something, though: Area bars are finding it difficult to use the Bally Sports app to stream games. Apparently you have to stream the games through a personal device such as a phone or iPad and then share the signal with the smart TV, which has to be logged into the same Wi-Fi (or Bluetooth?) network.

Getting the games on the smart TVs has proved so challenging that some neighborhood watering holes are considering dropping their Bally app subscriptions and returning to a partnership with The Evil Empire – Comcast/Xfinity – to show games.

The Memphis Tigers men’s basketball team improved to 1-0 on the regular season with a 94-77 win over Jackson State last night. Next up: at Missouri at 8 PM Friday with TV coverage on the SEC Network. ESPN BPI has Memphis as a 54/46 underdog to yet another set of Tigers.

Today is Hug a Bear Day. Are there any stuffed bears left in the Blind Bear’s back room? I haven’t been back there in a while.

Today is also International Merlot Day.

Food festival news from the Cossitt Library:

Chef Eli will headline the Eat This Book Festival Saturday, November 18 from 11 AM to 3 PM. Free food samples, food trucks, and crafts. I’ll be around the corner at Bardog getting butt-ass-wasted for my birthday, but maybe I can stumble across Front and stop by.

The Grind City Music Festival has been announced for April 5 and 6 at the amphitheater at Grind City Brewing Co. in Uptown. Alt-country and Americana acts will be the focus, in particular Whiskey Myers. I don’t know who that is but I’m sitting at Billy’s bar at Local as I type this and Billy says he’s good.

Two-day passes are $109. There’s also a VIP package for the festival that includes perks like beer tastings, dedicated bars and viewing areas, special artist performances, and an after-party.

In case you’ve ever wondered what happens at a holy convocation, here’s COGIC’s schedule for the week.

AutoZone Park will host a Deck the Diamond Spectacular, a holiday event opening the day after Thanksgiving. It will be a winter wonderland with 190 lit structures and a 60-foot Christmas tree. In left field there will be a skating rink. Christmas food and beverages will be available. Event calendar

I just learned the circumference of a wood MLGW pole: 42 inches.

Bluff City Media discusses what can be done to improve attendance at Memphis 901 FC matches.

Choose901 has a list of best local spots for sports watch parties. Downtown venues include Max’s, Birdie’s, and Green Beetle. Attention John D: Did you know Birdie’s hosts Formula One watch parties?

Take your dog to trivia at Ghost River on Main this Wednesday. Free dog treats; bonus prizes from Hollywood Feed. Dogs encouraged but not required for trivia teams.

Project Green Fork’s annual Reharvest Memphis fundraiser happens Thursday evening, November 16, at Beale Street Landing.

And now it’s time to answer the question on all my readers’ minds: What have the butt sluts been up to lately?

We’ll start with Butt Slut #2, who is a blonde who bartends at one of the (adjective) (animal) bars Downtown. Downtown Dining Week has already taught us a valuable lesson about Butt Slut #2.

If you work in the kitchen of a restaurant that opens at, say, 5:00 PM, and Butt Slut #2 has informed you she’ll be there right at open, you better be in there no later than 2:49 PM preparing the croutons for her salad. If her croutons aren’t ready, she’ll pitch a fit. I lost count of how many times she said “croutons” last night.

Thinking about it a little more, it might be a good idea to go ahead and install a crouton vending machine. Then Butt Slut #2 could have Croutons on Demand (COD) whenever she wants.

Sunday I attended the memorial service in Uptown with the butt sluts, then we went to the Blind Bear. The Philadelphia vs. Dallas NFL game was on.

Philadelphia scored and I applauded. That didn’t sit well with Butt Slut #1, a brunette who used to work at the same (adjective) (animal) bar as Butt Slut #2 and still picks up shifts there sometimes.

“You’re cheering against Dallas just to make me unhappy,” Butt Slut #1 said. “That really hurts my feelings.” Butt Slut #1 grew up in Dallas.

“It’s just a football game, butt slut,” I laughed. “No need to take it so personally.” I explained how I grew up in Little Rock during the Southwest Conference days and was therefore conditioned to root against all things Texas.

“I see,” Butt Slut #1 said. “So you think the DALLAS COWBOYS are a COLLEGE team that plays in the SOUTHWEST CONFERENCE and that’s why you hate them so much. Makes perfect sense.”

“I haven’t always rooted against the Cowboys,” I said, digging my grave even deeper. “I used to go to Monday Night Football parties at EP Delta Kitchen, which was in the space that was most recently Hard Rock, with Pete. They had a complimentary buffet for everyone who was ordering drinks. Pete and I bonded over chili dogs and I rooted for the Cowboys because they were his team.”

“So you BONDED with PETE,” Butt Slut #1 responded. “And OBVIOUSLY, you’ve NEVER bonded with ME!!!!!”

This is the kind of thing I have to put up with from those two.

But there is good news. Butt Slut #1 and I had a heart-to-heart talk last night. There are legitimate reasons why she gets her feelings hurt when people she cares about root against the Cowboys. Now that I understand her better, I won’t be anti-Dallas anymore.

Now, if someone can convince me to stop rooting for whoever plays the Tennessee Vols, that will truly be an accomplishment.

It’s 1:48 PM and I am very late getting this supposedly morning update published. Still at Billy’s bar at Local. The regulars are discussing a fundraiser to replenish the fund to buy peanuts for Steve the Squirrel. For a $1 donation you can wear the squirrel suit while you sing karaoke. Yes, there really is a squirrel suit.

Okay, that’s enough for today. Back tomorrow with a look at Saturday college football and whatever else I decide to write about.