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With the Mississippi River forecast having been revised today for a crest of 48 feet on May 10, a number of people have emailed me out of concern. They are worried that an event that has become a Memphis institution might be affected. We want to post and dispel that rumor before it gets out of hand.

Tube Top Month will occur as scheduled, beginning on Friday, May 27 at 5:00 PM. It will not be canceled due to river flooding. It will not be postponed. It will not be moved to the fairgrounds, or Shelby Farms, or the Agricenter, although if anyone wants to take a photo of themselves wearing a tube top in any of those locations and send it in, they are more than welcome to do so.

Tube Top Month is a celebration of the greatest women’s fashion statement ever. It used to be held from midnight June 1 through 11:59 PM June 30. However, in recent years it has been expanded to include the weekend of Memorial Day and the weekend of Independence Day. It will be back, it will be business as usual, and it will be better than ever.

We now return you to your regular blog. Thank you for reading this flood emergency statement.

I woke up to the news this morning that Osama bin Laden is dead. I don’t know if it’s appropriate to celebrate anyone’s death, but I think it is appropriate to celebrate the sense of closure that thousands of victims’ families must be feeling today. Great job to the Navy SEAL team that flew in, assasinated bin Laden, and took custody of his body. Thanks to all members of the U.S. military for your hard work leading up to this moment.

Flooding continues to get more and more serious. Both parking lots on Mud Island are now under water. The river is now at 42″ with at least three more feet expected to rise. I hear that Memphis in May is now polling BBQ Fest team members to get an idea of what they’d prefer – to move the festival, or postpone it. Since I’m not one of the team captains, I won’t be in that conversation with the Ques Brothers, and that’s fine with me because I wouldn’t know what to tell them anyway. I expect we’ll hear a decision tonight or tomorrow.

For the latest flood images and news, search Twitter for the #memflood hashtag. It’s a community-sourced tag that is being used to report news on the flood, and is more comprehensive and current than what you’ll find on the local media outlets. Also, the flood maps at staysafeshelby.us have been updated to reflect predicted flooding today through May 5. IMPORTANT ALERT FOR MUD ISLAND RESIDENTS: (Edit: Earlier there was a report that the north entrance to the island at Second was closed. It is now reported to be open), and flooding is predicted for the foot of the A.W. Willis Street (Auction Street) bridge that is the southern entrance to the island. (Situation is not quite as bad as I saw on Twitter this morning. Sorry to alarm everyone, but this could get worse. Still worth it to take precautions.)

Watched the game at the Saucer yesterday. WOW… the Grizzlies are looking like a championship team, playing at as high a caliber as the Bulls, Lakers and Heat. I’m going to have to start keeping up with the Eastern Conference playoffs, because the Grizzlies will end up facing one of those teams in the NBA finals if we continue to play the way we did Friday and yesterday. I’ve had several friends attend playoff games, and after saying it was one of the best experiences of their lives, they’re now looking into season tickets for next year. Even the terrace seats, which start at $5 per game, have a very good view of the court.

So anyway, I had fun watching the Grizz yesterday, even having to deal with “The Interrupter” at the Saucer. Let me give an example:

Friend: Paul, what time is the Grizzlies game on Tuesday?

Me: (starts to open mouth)

Interrupter: “The Grizzlies game is at 8:30.”

The Interrupter is as talented at blurting his way into conversations he’s not a part of as Zach Randolph is scoring points in the paint. I’ll say it again, there needs to be a D-league for social skills.

Later, we watched the weather as a possible tornado was spotted and Tom Lee Park was cleared. We learned from the radar that there’s a community about 10 minutes west of here named “Patoka.” If BBQ Fest doesn’t happen, maybe I’ll spend next week vacationing in Patoka instead.

The usual Monday lineup for me tonight: Pint Nite at the Saucer (most draft pints $3 all day), followed by Texas Hold’em with Poker Jon and Brick at the Silly Goose at 10. If I hear a decision has been made about BBQ Fest, I’ll post.

Mayor Wharton just tweeted this map (PDF) showing expected flooding by zip code. Slide 13 is Downtown, and it looks like some of the streets on Mud Island facing the Wolf and Mississippi Rivers will flood today.

It also shows that the on and off ramps at I-40 and Riverside are expected to flood. Not sure how that’s possible, since the ramps aren’t level. In any case, though, if you have to travel to or from Arkansas today, you may want to take the 55 instead.

Near the intersection of Second and Mud Island Drive, I notice there’s a street called Minnie. Wonder if that was named for Memphis Minnie who wrote “When the Levee Breaks?” Minnie Street, by the way, will be flooded today too.

This week I’ve been getting emails and Facebook messages asking what I’ve heard about BBQ Fest. If the river gets too high, i.e. if it’s likely to hit 46 feet and flood Tom Lee Park, Memphis in May will have to come up with a contingency plan. I’ve heard rumors of what they might do, but I’m not going to publish them until I see an official statement from Memphis in May. Enough people read this blog that I could cause significant trouble for MiM if I put incorrect information out there. So for now, mum’s the word. Sorry.

How about those GRIZZLIES!!!!!! I guarantee you one thing, Zach Randolph will never be overlooked for All-Star status again. Most experts picked the Spurs to win in 6, and instead it was the Grizzlies sending the Spurs home in that amount. Way to defend the home court guys! According to the CA, Round 2 Game 1 will be at Oklahoma City at noon Sunday. Dammit, that’s going to cut into my Music Fest people-watching. I’ll watch it either at the FedExForum watch party (I assume they’ll have one) or at the Saucer (they got the problem with the game sound fixed and had it on last night).

Yesterday was both a happy and a sad day for me, as I cashed out my PokerStars account. Happy, because I never thought I’d see that money again after the FBI busted Stars. Sad, because I’ve had a lot of fun playing on that site the past two years, and now it’s come to an end. Searching for another online poker network… looking at Cake Poker, Titan Poker, and Doyle’s Room as options. Anyone got experience with any of these, or any of the other poker rooms that still accept US players?

Had a good night walking around and watching the freak show last night. Call-a-Cabs are magically delicious. I’ll be out again today, mostly wandering Main and Beale with occasional stops at the Saucer. I haven’t totally dismissed the idea of buying a ticket and going to Music Fest, with the weather expected to be nice today.

Time to get in the shower then head outside for more people-watching… if anything particularly interesting happens I’ll try to stop by home and do a post.

A few more hours and Music Fest will begin. If you downloaded the Memphis in May app for iPhone/Android when it first came out, there’s an update. Be sure to get it if you plan to use the app to plan your Music Fest weekend.

A rare Downtown event for those not of age: Hollywood Disco is hosting a Jersey Shore party for high school students. The party will be Saturday, May 7, from 7 to 11 PM. Hollywood Disco is on Vance, just east of Main. Club will go 18+ at 11 that night.

Bring your dog to the ballpark tomorrow to see the Redbirds. “Bark in the Ballpark” will have numerous pet-related promotions, and there will be special right-field seating for you and your pet. Free admission for dogs with paid owners. First pitch at 3:05 PM.

On Mother’s Day, Sunday, May 8, the Silly Goose will have a special party honoring MILFs. All MILFs who stop by will receive a free brunch from the Goose.

Gates open for Music Fest at 5. A few last-minute parking tips:

• Remember that metered spaces on the street are FREE on the weekends (and after 6 PM on Fridays). If someone tries to charge you to park at a metered space, don’t pay them; they’re scamming you.
• Look for street parking on less-traveled streets like Court, Adams and Washington, especially east of Third.
• Another good option is to park in the Pinch – anywhere north of the I-40 and south of Mill – and take the trolley to Beale.
• South of the FedExForum, avoid parking on the streets east of Third that run parallel to Third – Abel, Allen, Hernando, Fourth. This is the one part of Downtown that is still kind of scary.

I’ll be in “festival mode” most of the weekend, which means I’ll spend most of my time wandering around Downtown watching the freak show, rather than sitting around bars all day. Of course, I will make an exception for the Grizzlies game tonight. Definitely plan on being in front of a TV for that. Go Grizzlies! Let’s make a big party weekend even bigger with a win in game 6.

I don’t think Brick can even count to 32, but we’ll overlook it. Go Grizzlies!

Music Fest is approaching, and there are going to be people swarming into Tom Lee Park, Beale Street, and the surrounding areas. Attendees are going to be thinking about music, the drink in their hand, friends… everything but safety. Please take a minute to read these tips to keep yourself and your belongings safe.

Ladies, keep your purses in sight at all times. Last week, I observed a woman sitting on a couch at a Downtown bar place her purse to her left, on the couch’s arm. Then she proceeded to turn to her back on the purse, to her right, and chat with her friends. “I could walk by and grab that purse and she’d never know it,” I thought. Place your purse on your lap, the table in front of you… anywhere where you can keep your eye on it.

Be careful about walking around with your phone placed in an open purse. Phone-snatchings have picked up lately. I know someone who had her iPhone taken out of her purse, which was on her arm, as she was in line waiting to get into a Beale Street nightclub. She was none the wiser until the thief was long gone. I know it’s inconvenient to zip the phone up, but it’s worth it to keep safe.

If you leave valuable belongings with friends, make sure they will watch them until you get back. Another friend of mine left her camera with people she’d met at a nightclub for a minute while she went next door. Those people didn’t know they were supposed to watch it, or didn’t care, because when they came back the camera was gone. If it’s valuable enough to steal, it’s valuable enough to keep on your person at all times.

Don’t place phones and cameras on window ledges or on patio tables within grabbing distance from the street. People place iPhones on window ledges and patio tables next to their drink, then turn around and talk to friends. If you watch the bums walk by, you’ll see them scanning the ledges to see what they can pick up. Keep your phone in your pocket or purse, or on a table more than arm’s length away.

Stow it, don’t show it. You may know your suitcase or backpack is empty, but the bad guys don’t. Do not leave anything of value (or anything that could potentially contain something of value) in your unattended car. I don’t mean just expensive items, but any items at all. That CD or couple dollars in change may seem inconsquential to you, but to the bad guys it’s funding toward the purchase of their next crack rock, worth smashing a window.

Do not go anywhere that is not well-lit and crowded with people you don’t know. Be very suspicious of anyone who comes up to you and offers to be a tour guide, unless they are the official Blue Suede Brigade employed by the CCC (look for the safari hats and white shirts). “Tour guide” is a common panhandler scam down here.

Do not take shortcuts through alleys. I know it’s late, I know you’re tired, but don’t do it. Stay on well-lit thoroughfares like Main, Union, Peabody Place, Beale, and Second.

Please don’t let this advice scare you. I’ve been down here nine years, I walk around alone all hours of the day and night, and I have never had a problem. Downtown is statistically the safest area of the city. However, any festival where a large crowd of people gathers presents an opportunity for criminals. Follow the precautions above and you should be just fine. Have fun at Music Fest, and if you have any questions or concerns e-mail me at paul@paulryburn.com.

Thanks to several of my readers who e-mailed this afternoon in response to the “Where can I take REAL kickboxing classes Downtown?” They all supplied the same answer: You can take them at Envision Memphis, the gym on the top floor of the Cadre Building. Mark, who also bartends at the Majestic, is the instructor. I’ve known Mark for years and would highly recommend taking a class from him.

Now and then I run across a website and think, “Well, that was an idea that just NEEDED to happen.” Last night I found such a site in my Facebook feed: Bad Driver Videos, featuring the stupidest drivers in the world, who of course are located right here in Memphis.

Well, I was going to post a link to buy tickets for Game 6 with the Grizzlies tomorrow night, but they SOLD OUT! Game will be on ESPN at 8 PM Central.

For those who missed out on tickets, Mesquite Chop House has announced that they will have a pre-Grizzlies party tomorrow night from 5 to 7, and they will be giving away 30 – that’s right, THIRTY – tickets. Free Grizzlies tickets? Wonder if Stephanie will show up.

I’m the featured Memphian on Kerry’s I Love Memphis Blog today. Thanks Kerry for interviewing me, and welcome to new readers and Twitter followers who found me through Kerry’s blog!

If you’re looking for a place to watch the NFL Draft tonight, Ferraro’s Pizzeria and Pub is having a watch party with all-you-can-eat pizza and beer for $15 from 7 to 11.

Question from a reader: She absolutely loved the kickboxing class she used to take in Germantown, but now she lives Downtown and doesn’t want to drive out there 3x a week. She’s looking for a real kickboxing class – not kickboxing aerobics, but the real thing with the bag. Is there such a class in Downtown or Midtown? If so, please shoot me an email at paul@paulryburn.com and I’ll pass along the information (and blog it too, so that others can benefit).

Tonight’s Peabody rooftop party features The 17th Floor (that’s an R&B/hip-hop band, not a floor of the hotel). The hotel will showcase Memphis in May featured country Belgium with a Belgian buffet: European style tartine sandwiches, “stoemp” potatoes mashed with veggies and sausage, “Salade Ligeoise” with green beans, bacon, onions and vinegar. In VIP there will be steamed mussels with white wine and shallots, Belgian frites, Tomate-Ceyette Shrimp, and Belgian-style chocolate pralines. $10 to get in includes first drink; ladies free before 7.

Meanwhile, over at the Madison, the Memphis All-Stars will rock their weekly rooftop party. $7 to get in, cash bar and tapas menu available on the roof.

My sincere sympathy to casino employees who will be out of work for a while due to river levels. In case you haven’t heard, safety concerns due to rising river levels will force all the Tunica casinos to close on a rolling basis between today and May 2. This river situation is getting more and more serious.

That’s all for now. Gonna grab a quick lunch. Think I’ll try pho for the first time…

Even if you’re not going to Beale Street Music Fest, there’s still a reason to come Downtown this weekend: The people-watching is fantastic. It’s truly a show that no circus could hope to match. Here’s a guide to what you’ll see and where.

 

Best places to people-watch:

Beale Street. Most of the action is in the entertainment district between Second and Fourth, but for Music Fest they block off Beale all the way to Riverside. No better place to watch the freak show. Grab a 32 oz. beer – it’s legal to walk around with it on Beale between Second and Fourth, and really, as long as you don’t act a fool you’re probably not going to get stopped if you carry it past Second. If you get hungry, Domino’s usually sets up shop in Handy Park mid-afternoon Saturday and Sunday and sells pizzas. If you want something stronger than beer, I recommend going to Wet Willie’s and ordering a drink called the Call-a-Cab. One of those will knock your socks off. If you have a second Cab, you will end up being part of the freak show yourself, so be careful.

Views from above are always good. If you can get a seat on the second-floor patio at Alfred’s, there’s probably no better people-watching spot. I bet the window seats at Itta Bena, the restaurant on the third floor of BB King’s, are top-notch spots too.

Main Street Mall. Main between Peabody and Exchange is a pedestrian mall, where bikes and trolleys are allowed but cars are not. Particularly between Peabody Place and Union, there are several good patios that are excellent for people-watching – Majestic Grille, Blue Fin, Bar None, Local Gastropub. Window seats at the new frozen yogurt shop, set to open this week, will be good too. Officially, you can’t walk around with drinks as you can in the Beale entertainment district, but again, as long as you’re discrete about it, you probably won’t be stopped.

 

Who you’ll see:

“Woooooooo!” kids. Kids who have to let the world know how hard they’re partying by screaming “woooooooo!” all day long, as well as running around, screaming, causing fights occasionally. I hate these MFers in general, but from a distance they can be fun to watch, just like animals in a zoo. Best place to watch “wooooooo” kids: Unfortunately they’re everywhere.

Jesus freaks. Every year a group shows up with huge signs and bullhorns. They tell all the revelers that they are sinning when they drink and dance, and they are surely going to hell unless they turn to Jesus, their only hope for salvation. The leader of the group is from Tulsa, and I’ve been there so many years that he actually recognizes me and says hello. I return the hello by toasting him with my Call-a-Cab cup. They hand out little booklets which are comics telling you what an awful sinner you are. Best place to watch the Jesus freaks: Beale Street between Fourth and Riverside, Saturday and Sunday afternoons. Look for the big signs.

Hippies. You can’t have a music festival without hippies. You know the deal. Patchouli, dreads, multi-colored knit caps. Probably good connections to make if you want to score some weed for Music Fest. Best place to find hippies: They like to hang out on the grass on the block of Beale between Second and Main, by MLGW.

Scratchy. Scratchy walks around Downtown all day, scratching his beard, checking to make sure it’s still there since he last checked 1 second ago. A Scratchy sighting is considered among Downtowners to be a foreboding of good luck. Scratchy never asks for anything, but if you have leftover food, you can approach him and hand it to him, and he’ll be grateful. Best place to watch Scratchy: The alley next to Bardog, although anywhere in the area bounded by Front, Monroe, Second and Beale is good.

Ghetto rides. The lime green Buick Roadmasters and purple Crown Vics, with 26 inch rims and insignia to inform you that they have 26 inch rims. They’re starting to branch out to other models of cars too: Last year I saw a pimped-out Altima. Really? An Altima? They ride around all day with their stereos thumping. Not sure how they can afford the gas, but they do. Best place to see ghetto rides: Any window seat on Second between Union and Peabody Place.

Elmo. There’s a guy who dresses up like Elmo from Sesame Street and walks around Downtown. No one is quite sure why he does this. He’ll take a picture with you for a dollar. Best place to see Elmo: Main Street Mall. Occasionally he ventures onto Beale Street.

Illegal vendors. Some of them set up shop on corners, selling water without a vendor permit. Others are rolling vendors, carting a cooler up and down the street selling cans of beer for two bucks. Fun to watch because sooner or later, you just know the cops are going to roll up on them. Best place to see illegal vendors: Beale between Second and Riverside for the stationary ones; Main Street Mall for the rolling vendors.

The Zendiks. The Zendiks live on an artists’ farm in West Virginia. They believe society is too much of a distraction, with full-time jobs, social obligations, etc. They prefer to live in a space of their own where they can focus on their art. They travel across the country, selling T-shirts, magazines and books to support themselves. They’ve been known to come to Memphis to hang out during Music Fest weekend, although last year I didn’t see them. Some people consider them a cult, but I’ve talked with a few of them at length and am convinced they’re not. Founder Wulf Zendik’s book A Quest Among the Bewildered is an interesting read if you’re into Beat literature. Best place to see the Zendiks: Beale Street between Second and Third.

Bums. Hey mayne, hey big dog, sir, sir, can I aks you a question? Look here, man, I ain’t no bum or nothin’, but I’m just trying to get about fitty two cent. They’ll often do the tour guide gimmick and offer to show you around, then ask for a tip. (Do not let them lead you anywhere that is not well-lit and crowded.) When rain threatens, they’ll break out the bum-brella gimmick and offer to provide cover with the most raggedy umbrellas on earth. They’ll pick flowers from public beds and try to sell them to you. Best place to see bums: In the immediate vicinity of stores that sell liquor or beer; parking lots, where they pose as attendants.

Stupid drivers. Drivers turning left from the center lane, or sometimes even the right lane. Drivers going the wrong way up one-way Second Street. Best place to see stupid drivers: Window seats at the Flying Saucer.

Iguana. There’s a man who walks around Downtown with an iguana on his shoulder. No idea why. Best place to see the iguana: You never know, could pop up anywhere, but busy streets like Main, Union and Second are your best bets.

Scalpers. The “got tickets, need tickets” guys. Do not buy a Music Fest ticket from a scalper. It is extremely easy for them to print multiple copies of the same ticket, and sell them. When you get to the gate, they’ll scan your ticket, and you may well discover that it’s already been used by someone else. By that time the scalper will be long gone. Best place to see scalpers: Near the entrance to Tom Lee Park.

Strip club employees. People from the Pony and the Gold Club are usually walking around, offering free passes. Sometimes they’ll even have a van and will offer you free transportation to the club. Best place to see strip club employees: Beale between Main and Riverside.

Pigeons. What big-city downtown is not filled with these most annoying birds? If you do any patio dining, it’s a good idea to look up and make sure you’re not under anything that could be used as a roost. Best place to see pigeons: Beale Street, Court Square

That’s a handy guide to the fauna of Downtown Memphis during Music Fest. Did I miss anything? Shoot me an e-mail at paul@paulryburn.com and let me know.