Paul Ryburn's Journal

This morning I pulled up the University of Memphis’ site to look at their academic calendar, and they had a very interesting article linked from the home page.  Their computer science department, where I got my Master’s degree, has developed a product called AutoWitness, which is a device smaller than a penny that can be attached to a car or pretty much any other valuable piece of property.  AutoWitness is smart enough to know the difference between normal motion, as would be carried out by the property’s owner, and motion that suggests the property is being stolen.  It can notify the police of the theft, and update police computers with its location.  Very very cool.  MPD is very interested in it and it should be deployable within a year, retailing for somewhere in the range of $10 to $20.

Yesterday’s Beale Street Wine Race was the best ever.  I drained a camera battery taking pics, but it’s going to take me a little longer than usual to get them posted.  I have to go through them and divide them into 3 categories:

Bad pictures, to be deleted
Public photo album
Pics to be shared with a select group of friends

May take me the better part of the week to get it done.  I see that other people have already posted Wine Race albums on Facebook… and there’s also a pic of the Nuh-Uh Girl eating off other people’s plates at the Silly Goose’s brunch.

Other than Queen of the Vine, I have no idea who won the Wine Race competitions.  The Red Rooster won Queen of the Vine.

I had 4 Call-a-Cabs.  Ouch.

While there, I got handed a wooden nickel from Bardog.  They’re handing them out around Downtown, and a wooden nickel can be traded in for a nickel PBR.  Aldo said it’s limited to one per customer, so if you get multiple wooden nickels, you might as well share the wealth with friends.  Hey, just noticed that Bardog has a website now!

And now it’s Monday.  Time to go to work.

Two weeks ago, Frank, Stephanie, and I pieced the clues together and found the Easter Keg that the Flying Saucer had hidden somewhere in town (it was at Dish).  Last night we collected our reward – a keg of Dos Equis Lager and a food buffet for 50.

The spread:  A sausage and cheese tray, a veggie tray, and a tray of huge mozzarella cheese sticks.

Air Traffic Mike contributed a box of assorted chocolates, and bought 50 lottery tickets for the party guests.

LAUREN’S BACK!!!  Here she is posing with Alexis prior to the start of her first bartending shift.

One of MANY trips the Nuh-Uh Girl made to the food buffet.

Terry dancing

… and afterward, exhausted from dancing.

Waiting for the keg to be tapped

Mikey staring in amazement at how much the Nuh-Uh Girl eats.

The Nuh-Uh Girl takes a break from eating to scratch off a lottery ticket.  You’ll notice that this is a different plate of food than she had in the last picture.  Stephanie and Susie look confused.  I didn’t keep an exact count how many times Susie used the word “fail” but it was at least 5.  I was a little mad at Susie because I was promised a tube top and didn’t get one.  TUBE TOP FAIL!

Always good to see the South Main Dirty Dozen.

Complete album (61 pics) here. Thanks to the Saucer for a great party.  The keg lasted a lot longer than we thought it would, an hour and a half.  Fun times with good friends… and now we get to do it all over again today at Wine Race.

The cocktail hour at a friend’s condo has been moved to the Majestic Grille, so I’m heading there at 11 to get the day started.

Today’s the Beale Street Wine Race!  28 restaurants and bars compete for prizes and trophies in various events.  I have lots of bars to root for… first and foremost would be my BBQ team sponsor The Silly Goose.  I’ll also be cheering for Bardog Tavern.  And Kooky Canuck.  And Red Rooster.  Not sure if Orleans on Front/Voodoo Room has a team, but if they do I’ll be cheering for them as well.  Saucer never enters Wine Race, which is too bad because I’d really like to see some of their employees in the Queen of the Vine competition.  Calhoun’s doesn’t have enough employees to have a Wine Race team.

Great weather this year too… high 85, low 67, rain very unlikely.  Last year it started raining about halfway through Wine Race and I ended up taking cover at the bar at Kooky Canuck (then Big Foot Lodge).  Meghan was bartending that day… bet they scheduled her for Sunday afternoon on purpose because they realized how worthless she’d be on the Wine Race team.  This year they don’t have to worry about it.

Parade at 1, queen of the vine at 1:30, grape stomp at 2, wine relays at 3.  Wonder who the Rooster is entering in the grape stomp… I hope it’s Sam.

Queen of the Vine entrants… you know how they have that “no nudity or lewd behavior” rule?  That’s a pretty stupid rule, just ignore it.

Heading to a friend’s condo for pre-Wine Race cocktails at 11.  In the meantime I’ll download last night’s photos from the camera.

Hey.  Ladies.  Hey.  Hey.  Hey.  Look here.  Big Paul need to holla at you fo a minute.

Look here.  We all in what they call hard economic times, you what Big Paul be talkin bout?  But look.  I ain’t here to offer you no bailout.  I ain’t here to offer you no stimulus.  I ain’t here to offer you no damn gub’ment check.  All I gots to offer, is opportunituh.

I’m offerin you the chance to come work for Big Paul.  Cause, look here.  On Saturday, June 6, they bringin back the Pimp & Ho Ball to Earnestine & Hazel’s.  It starts at 8 PM and cost about five dolla to get in.

So look.  Big Paul got a little over a month to round him up some bitches fo that night.  Now look here, when you work for Big Paul, you ain’t small time, you know what I’m sayin?  You ain’t gonna be makin no chump change.

You gonna be makin some looooooong money, baby.  Talkin bout the kind of money, baby, that can put some 24 inch rims up on yo carruh.

Talkin bout the kind of money, baby, that can put some gold up in yo teetheses.

Talkin bout the kind of money, baby, that will let you go to fancy restaurants for some fine dining.  Yeah.  Big Paul be sayin that you’ll be able to go to Red Lobster, baby, and order you some lobster and some scrumps and some pig feet.  Livin the high life, baby.

So what do you say, baby… come ride with Big Paul.  Big Paul treat his bitches good.  Know what I’m sayin?

Hey.  Look here.  Hey.  Hey.  One more thing before you go.  Look here.  Big Paul be tryin to get about fifty-two cent so I can go down to CeCe’s Liquors and gets me an airplane bottle of Taaka vodka.  Can you hep me out?

Every year the Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences gives out an award called the “Oscar” to recognize excellence in the film industry.

The National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences gives out an award to recognize excellence in music.  It’s called the “Grammy.”

There is no such organization as the National Association for the Preservation of Laziness, but if there were, and they gave an award for outstanding achievement in laziness, do you know what it would be called?

The “Brittney.”

Since that organization does not exist, I’m going to give the award in their honor.

The 2009 Brittney for outstanding laziness goes to the Memphis Zombies.  The route they posted on their MySpace page clearly showed that they were going to walk all the way south to G.E. Patterson Avenue, through Trolley Tour, last night.  A lot of people came to Trolley Tour specifically to see them.  However, the lazy-ass zombies did a U-turn at Huling and headed back north, barely brushing the northernmost edge of Trolley Tour.  Lots of people were stationed between Huling and G.E. Patterson with duct-tape Xs on their clothes, waiting to be zombified, and never got to.

The zombies may have expanded their route this year, but they cut off the best part of the route. Boo!  They definitely earned their Brittney award last night.

Recap of last night:  Went to Trolley Tour.  Hung out at Mikey’s porch party.  Watched people play cornhole.  Drank Miller High Life Light, and later in the evening, PBR.  Watched the Nuh-Uh Girl cross the street multiple times to eat off the plates of people she knew dining outside at Safari.  Went to the Susan Marshall CD release party at the Warehouse.  Susie was there.  She only said “fail” twice after I made fun of her on my blog.  Stephanie touched Susie’s boob.  Stephanie is my hero.  I tried to get them to kiss but they wouldn’t.  Headed north with my friend Nick to Silly Goose and then to Bardog, then we went to Paula & Raiford’s Disco with drunkass Mendi and her friend from Nashville.  I got a souvenir cup with the club’s name on it (thanks Paula).

For those keeping score, that was my 14th visit this month to the Silly Goose, my 8th visit this month to Bardog, and my 4th to Paula & Raiford’s.  Oh I also stopped by the Saucer before I went to Trolley Tour.  That was number 32 for the month for the Saucer.  Damn I go to bars a lot.

Gonna try to finish up a freelance project this afternoon, then I’ve got a party to attend at 5.  Maybe another post this afternoon if I need a break from freelancing.

If you go to the Commercial Appeal’s home page, you’ll see their “Appeal TV” videos on the right side of the page.  Find the one entitled “Party Line: Rajun Cajun,” and about 1:25 in you can watch the Nuh-Uh Girl eating crawfish.

Last night I was walking home, and as I passed one of Downtown’s nightspots, employees were standing outside trying to herd the post-rooftop crowd through their doors.  “The place across the street sucks!  Don’t go there!  Come in here!  The club farther down the street sucks too!”  Wow.  Trashing your neighbors like that… absolutely no class at all.  I’ll make sure the people who manage the place across the street know what you think of them next time I go in there, which will probably be tonight.

I never made it to the Peabody rooftop, with good reason.  My friend Air Traffic Mike routed his last plane yesterday, and then had a retirement party at the Silly Goose.  Congratulations to Mike… a great listener, a great talker, and someone who is always there to support his friends.  Downtown is a better place because he lives here.

I did make it to the Red Rooster for a couple of beers, and here’s a tip for all you guys out there… the crowd was about 75% women.  They do that “Chicklette of the Week” thing and give away prizes women like, and it seems to be working.  Rarely have I seen a bar or club with such a good guy/girl ratio on a Thursday night.

Back to work for now.  I’ll be at Trolley Tour from 6 to 9 tonight… plans to be determined after 9.

Amid all that’s going on this weekend, I totally missed the fact that the 2009 Memphis Zombie Massacre happens this weekend. The zombies will meet up at 6:30 on Beale Street. The undead are marching a longer route this year, going up Third to Union, then back down Second to Peabody Place and then over to Main to hit the South Main Trolley Tour, then they’ll walk back north to Beale. You can show up early (they recommend 4:30) to get made up as zombies by professional makeup artists, or wear duct tape in the shape of an X along the route and they’ll zombify you as you march. More info here.

Friday is also the finals of the Hard Rock Battle of the Bands competition. Hear some great music, and the receipts at the door go to charity. They actually asked me to be a judge for this, not that I know a thing about music (of course, I didn’t know a thing about beer pong but was a judge at Pub Olympics last year, so there is a precedent). I didn’t want to miss an April Trolley Tour though, so I declined. Should be a fun night, no matter which event you attend.

Through the end of the month you can purchase a VIP dining card from Texas de Brazil and enjoy a 50% discount on up to 12 full-price dinners (can be used concurrently or over multiple visits) Sundays-Fridays through November 30. A portion of the price of the gift card goes to benefit the Children’s Cancer Fund.

There will be two free screenings of Getwell, the documentary of the Church Health Center, at Studio on the Square on Thursday, May 7. The film will be shown at 7 PM and again at 8:30 PM.

If you missed B.B. King in December, he’s coming back to his club June 2 and June 3. Guess the December concerts were not his last ones after all.

Next Tuesday, historian Jimmy Ogle will take guests on a walking tour of Court Square at lunchtime (I believe it’s an 11:45 start). Come meet all the bums in person!  Get crapped on by the pigeons! It’s part of the Downtown Alive! spring lunchtime series.

Home from work… I got a text from a friend who talked to another friend who talked to the bellman at the Madison Hotel, and he said the Dempseys aren’t playing tonight.  It’s apparently some guy on a piano instead.  It’s third-hand info, so take it with a grain of salt, but it’s enough to firm my decision to go to the Peabody tonight.  (Edit: Just check their website, and their gigs tonight and tomorrow are canceled, so it’s true.  Hope everything’s OK with the band.)  (Edit 5:36 PM:  Now I just got a text that they ARE playing.  Who the hell knows.)  Will probably do Saucer/Goose or Goose/Saucer before the rooftop.  Heading out now…

The great Beale Street Wine Race is this Sunday. It’s one of the most fun events of the year, with servers, bartenders, and hosts and hostesses from 28 area restaurants competing in various events. Here’s the schedule:

1:00 PM – opening parade
1:30 PM – Queen of the Vine competition at Handy Park
2:00 PM – grape stomp
3:00 PM – wine relay

Come out and support your favorite service industry people. Leon Griffin from Fox 13 will be the event’s host, and the judges will be Kevin Kane from the MCVB, Beck from 93X, and Memphis-based entertainer Muck Sticky. There will be cash prizes, trophies, and media recognition for the winners.

With Trolley Tour Friday night and the Wine Race on Sunday, it should be another exciting weekend in Downtown Memphis.