November 1: Back to being a normal person

I made some seriously good tips working the Beer Goddess costume at the Saucer and at Bluefin last night – so much that I even gave a bum a dollar on the way home. But the best thing, I discovered, about the Goddess costume is that women would come up and feel my boobs – which gave me an excuse to feel theirs.

But now it’s November, and things are getting back to normal. Hopefully the alcohol I consumed this weekend didn’t kill all my brain cells – I’m going to need extra brainpower tonight, because the Rapscallions trivia team is going to be minus TWO members. One is in Hong Kong on business, and another seems to think that attending a Leadership Memphis meeting is more important than hanging out at a bar. Clearly a case of wrong priorities.

Tomorrow night I’ll be attending First Wednesday at the Brooks. It’s both an Mpact and a Bravo event, and the theme is Day of the Dead. I definitely will NOT be participating in the tequila tasting.

Thursday night I’m going to hit Sleep Out Louie’s for all-you-can-eat crab leg night, or “Glutton Fest” as it has been called. Apparently the people who show up are such pigs that they’ve driven all the regulars away. Sounds like some good people-watching.

Friday I plan to return to Sleep Out’s for Fish Races. They take the goldfish out of their tank and race them down these rain gutters. This is the type of intellectually stimulating event that I enjoy.

And that’s how the week looks. Halloween pics might be up late tonight, but I’m not making any promises.

Very quick Monday update

Halloween pics will be up sometime around mid-week. Haven’t had a chance to download them from the camera yet.

If you missed the Beer Goddess costume on Friday, I’ll have it on again tonight. I’ll be at Pint Night at the Saucer from about 6:30 until whenever I feel like leaving. I may stop by Bluefin’s Halloween party for a little while as well.

No. 10’s Halloween party Friday night was a blast as always. Never made it to the 450 Stonewall party on Saturday, although after viewing the pics from that party it doesn’t look like I would have known many people there.

Yesterday, dressed as a vampire I hit Sleep Out’s for brunch, then watched part of Voodoo Fest from a friend’s balcony at Echelon at the Ballpark. The park only looked about half full, although it could have got more crowded after I left around 7:30 pm.

All right, time to go be a responsible adult for 8 hours.

Math lesson, and a Scooter comment

This morning on the radio, I heard that oddsmakers are saying the odds are 1 to 2 that Karl Rove will be indicted, and 3 to 2 that he will not.

That isn’t possible.

Odds of 1 to 2 that he’ll be indicted mean that for every chances, there is 1 chance that he will not be indicted and 2 chances that he will. That corresponds to a probability of 2/3 that he will be indicted.

Odds of 3 to 2 that he won’t be indicted mean that for every 5 chances, there are 3 chances that he will be indicted and 2 that he will not. This corresponds to a probability of 2/5 that he won’t be indicted.

But the probability that he will + the probability that he won’t has to equal 1. 2/3 + 2/5 does not equal 1. The oddsmakers don’t know what they’re talking about.

They were also saying that Dick Cheney’s chief of staff “Scooter” Libby will almost certainly be indicted. You know, when I was 21 I went to this club downtown called Zot which was about 50% straight/50% gay. There was this very flamboyant guy named Scooter who danced on the speakers and told everyone he had a vagina, not a penis. I wonder if it’s the same guy?

Let the games begin! – Thursday update

– Last-minute preparations for Halloween are complete. Today I bought makeup for the vampire costume I plan on wearing Sunday. I also stopped by the liquor store – I had run out of vodka, and that’s certainly a situation that needed to be corrected before the rooftop party tomorrow! Bought a brand called Ston which is a relatively new brand, imported from Estonia. I sampled some at a friend’s house in East Memphis last week. Good stuff – seems to be the same quality as Grey Goose, but about $12 a fifth cheaper because it doesn’t have the name recognition.

– Happy 30th birthday to my friend Kelly! Kelly is one of the most generous people I know – last Saturday I was in Tater Red’s where she works, and mentioned that I needed an apron to go with my Beer Goddess costume, so I’d have a place to store money and my camera. Five minutes later I was walking home, and she called and said she had found one for me. Her party is tomorrow night – I’ll be taking the early shift (6:30ish until 8ish or so) and then heading back to No. 10 for my building’s party.

– Here’s the website for the party I’ll likely be attending Saturday night: 450 Stonewall (although the party isn’t at that address anymore, it’s at 146 E. Butler downtown). They have pics from past years on the site, and I found a pic of my ho’s, Angie and Melanie, in the 2004 pictures.

– One of the ho’s (the blonde) will be at the No. 10 party tomorrow night.

– I’m considering giving my Big Paul the Pimp persona the year off and doing the Beer Goddess both Friday and Saturday nights. I’m not going to decide for sure until Saturday.

– Anyone know of a good photo hosting service? I’m looking at ImageStation, Photobucket, and Shutterfly right now. I have the space on my own site but it looks like my web host doesn’t have the server-side graphics software installed to generate thumbnails automatically, and that’s such a pain to do by hand that it would be well into December before I got the Halloween pics online.

– My term as an Mpact board member officially came to an end last night. They gave me a stainless steel silver paperweight in the shape of a star to commemorate my two years on the board. I’m still trying to sort out how I feel about Mpact’s restructuring, dropping the pillar system in favor of Engage/Empower/Inspire. When I figure it out I’ll write an editorial on it here in the blog.

– And we’ll wrap up this blog entry with a news item: Northwest Airlines is considering outsourcing thousands of flight attendant jobs to foreign nationals. I can just imagine a future phone conversation going something like this:

“Hello, Northwest Airlines.”

“Yes, I’d like to reserve a ticket, please.”

“Very well, sir. What is your destination?”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter. Just as long as the flight attendants are Romanian.”

– All right. It’s coming up on 10:00 in the evening. Normally that would mean it’s time to go to a bar, but tonight I’m going to bed – want to be well-rested for the weekend. I’d be very surprised if there are any more blog posts until Monday, but you never know.

HOLY SMOKES! – Hot wing update

A few months ago, I published rankings of the best places to get hot wings downtown. At that time the Flying Saucer came out on top. And apparently people take this blog seriously – I’ve heard that people visiting here from Nashville have made a special trip to the Saucer to try their wings.

But now, there’s a new contender on the block. Last night, after a visit to the Tap Room for Pint Night (Stella Artois for $2.50! Not bad!), I decided I was hungry. Now, usually Huey’s is where I make my drunken stop for wings, but this time I decided to try something new – Big Foot Lodge, on Second across from the Peabody Hotel.

They had several varieties of wings, including medium, hot and HOLY SMOKES! Big Foot is not famous for its wings like Buffalo Wild Wings and Hooters, I reasoned – how hot could the hottest be? So I ordered 12 HOLY SMOKES! wings to go.

That turned out to be a mistake. When I got home and took a bite of the first wing, it felt like my lips were on fire! I had to run to the kitchen and get a big glass of ice water. I could only make it through 6 of them before I gave up, putting the other 6 in the refrigerator for today.

However, I would still rate them highly. First of all, they were big, meaty wings, bigger than any others I’ve found downtown. And they’re an excellent value – for $5.99 you get 12 wing pieces (equivalent to 6 whole wings), celery, carrots, and fries. At the Saucer you pay almost 8 bucks for 10 wing pieces and no fries. Big Foot’s dill ranch dipping sauce is very good too. Service was quick and very friendly, and if you eat in you can complement your wings with a 34-ounce beer for $3.99.

I’m gonna go back and get the regular hot wings before reaching a final verdict, but there’s a very good possibility that I may award Big Foot the title for best wings downtown.

Idea: ad campaign

A few days ago I was driving home from work, and I turned on the radio. “Working Man” from Rush’s first album was playing. “Well, they call me the Working Man/I guess that’s what I am”

This morning, as I got ready for work, I thought to myself, Orkin Pest Control should license that song and make a commercial out of it. You could have a guy in the Orkin uniform, but with ’70s/’80s rock star big hair, holding a guitar on stage, jamming out with a couple of giant bugs (humans dressed in bug costumes).

“Well, they call me the Orkin Man. I guess that’s what I am.”

At the end of the song, the Orkin Man could smash the guitar, ala Pete Townshend, over the heads of the giant bugs, killing them.

Great idea, huh? Maybe I should be working for an ad agency.

Beer Goddess costume update

Sunday morning I went to Sleep Out’s for the usual drunken debauchery at brunch. One of the other regulars, my friend Mikey, had made me a prop for the Beer Goddess outfit – a pizza pan that had been painted to look like a serving tray. He had bolted down four plastic cups and some Flying Saucer matchbooks. He even strapped on a handle on the bottom side so I wouldn’t have to worry about dropping it.

Later in the day I went to the Saucer and purchased the last piece of the outfit – a black Beer Goddess tank top. They came in sizes small, medium, and large – needless to say, I got the large. But it certainly wasn’t a MEN’S large. This thing probably would have fit me when I was nine or ten. Nevertheless, it was made of stretchy material and I know I can work with it, so I bought it.

People’s reactions to this Halloween costume are funny. The waitresses thought it was hilarious. One of them commented, “You’re going to look hot. If I didn’t have a boyfriend I’d definitely hit on you.” DAMN! She has a boyfriend. That sucks. She had to ask the manager (male) to go get the shirt out of storage. As the manager handed it to her he had a look on his face like, “What in the world is wrong with that guy.”

Then I returned to Sleep Out’s. I showed off the Beer Goddess top (no, I wasn’t wearing it) and the serving tray to the regulars. People tipped me three dollars. Wonder if that’ll happen Friday night when I have the entire outfit on. This costume may pay for itself.

About an hour later, a neighbor of mine showed up and we returned to the Saucer to throw some darts. I joked around with another waitress and she told me I needed to do something with my hair Friday night to match the costume. She got some rubber bands and put it in pigtails, and my neighbor was absolutely appalled when I left the pigtails in as we played darts. And I held the server tray in my left hand and threw the darts with the right (all server trays should have a handle on the bottom – Mikey should patent that). And to top it all off, my neighbor got the displeasure of losing to a guy in pigtails, 3 games to 1. First time I’ve ever won a majority of the games when we’ve played.

Some people love this costume, some people hate it, but I’m going to have FUN. And good news – I just upgraded my web hosting plan from 50 MB to 1,000 MB, so I’ll have plenty of room to host Halloween pics, and I’ll have my digital camera with me all weekend.

All right. I’ve got about 5 more blog entries in my head – it’s just a matter of finding time to type them. Hopefully I’ll be back during the week with a couple more posts, and next week there will be pictures.

I’m a plus-sized girl, but just barely

Tonight after work I drove to Wolfchase Galleria to shop for Halloween. Since I plan on being a Flying Saucer Beer Goddess next Friday, I needed to pick up a miniskirt and some thigh-high stockings. Now, the best place to shop for those is Hot Topic, but since my waist is a little larger than the average Saucer waitress, I decided to go to Torrid, which is the Hot Topic for big girls.

I explained to the sales clerk what I was trying to do. She laughed and thought that was a great costume. She started to show me some Catholic school-girl plaid miniskirts, but I wanted all an all-black outfit. So she picked out a black miniskirt, and looked me over. “You’re probably a size 16 or 18,” she said, and handed me one of each to try on in the dressing room.

The 16 was so loose that it practically fell off me. I didn’t even try the 18. I brought them back out and she gave me a 14 and a 12 to try on. Even the 12 was loose but it fit. If it hadn’t I would have been out of luck at Torrid, since 12 is the smallest “plus size.”

She picked me out a pair of thigh-highs to match (they have pretty black bows at the top) and rang me up. Here I am trying to save money and I ended up paying fifty-nine bucks for this crap. And I haven’t even bought the Beer Goddess tank top yet (I’ll get that at the Saucer tomorrow or Sunday). Maybe after Halloween is over I can find a plus-sized girl and sell her this junk and get some of my money back.

They wrapped up my purchase and put it in a hot pink Torrid shopping bag. I asked if maybe they had a different bag to carry it in, since I’d have to walk the entire length of the mall to get to my car. They didn’t. I considered hiding it under my shirt, but realized that people might think I was shoplifting if I did that.

Interesting coincidence: On the way home I was listening to the radio and “Arnold Layne” came on. “Arnold Layne” was Pink Floyd’s first single ever, and it’s about a man who likes to dress up in women’s clothing. It was on 98.1’s night show with Alice Cooper as the DJ. Makes sense that a rock star would pick some good music. Anyone who plays Syd-era Pink Floyd is all right in my book.

As I drove home I was thinking, too bad I don’t have any friends who are drag queens. If I did, they could’ve come with me to Torrid to give me fashion advice. I used to have friends who were drag queens, but fell out of touch with them after Red Square closed in ’95.

So, tomorrow I’ll buy the Beer Goddess tank top and my outfit will be complete. I’m sure there will be pictures after next Friday’s party.