The bums, the irony

Tuesday night about 10:30 I decided to take a walk down to the Tap Room on Beale Street, to drink a beer and see if there were any cute girls in tube tops to talk to. As I was walking down Beale, the bums approached me with one of their most common gimmicks. “Free paper, sir?” they asked me. Of course, if I had accepted, they would have wanted a tip for their “free” paper.

But then I noticed what paper they were handing out – Employment Weekly. Doesn’t it seem like they should be reading that paper, rather than handing it out?

Hmmm… if the bums read Employment Weekly, would they find any jobs that are right for them? Let’s see…

Entry-level position. Must be honest, dependable…” No, that doesn’t sound like something they’d be qualified for.

Work for Fortune 500 company. Must pass drug test…” Well, I think that one can be ruled out.

Looking for self-starter with strong work ethic…” For some reason I just don’t think this would be a good fit for them.

Unique solicitation position. Must enjoy working outdoors, interfacing with the public. Gain valuable experience persuading people to make donations. Position offers flexible hours, and flexible breaks for morning, noon and afternoon trips to the liquor store. Dress code: what you wore yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. Proper hygiene not necessary. Crackheads encouraged to apply.” I think we have a winner! See, there really is a job for everybody in this town.