So today I unveiled my new T-shirt. My friends Pete and Josh have a clothing printing business in the basement of Winfield’s at Madison and Main. “Any picture you want on a T-shirt, we can do it,” they told me. So I decided to take them up on it. If you were at the Saucer on Tuesday, you saw the Pete the Trivia Guy T-shirt. Today I unveiled the second shirt in the Paul Ryburn spring line, the BFF-T. It was based on this image:
Now, before I get to the details of what happened today, I want to point out that several people commented that the image above is a highly Photoshoppable image. So we’re going to have the first ever Photoshop contest in this blog, based on the image above. Winner will receive a 34 oz. beverage of their choice at Big Foot Lodge courtesy of yours truly, maximum $9.99 value. Winning image may or may not be published here (I do have some standards of decency) but I’ll make sure my BFF sees all entries. I and I alone will judge which is the winning entry.
So anyway, we did brunch at Majestic as planned, then pool at the Saucer, then the Sham-ROCK St. Pat’s bash at Big Foot. Here’s a pic of me in my new BFF shirt with my BFF at Big Foot:
They accidentally printed an extra of the BFF-T, which I gave to my BFF as a present. Unfortunately it was an extra large. “You need to get a small made for me,” said my BFF. “Make it happen.” As you can see, my BFF is taller than I am. I’d estimate her at 5′ 8 1/2″ and a very full C. Small? Really?
Later on, my BFF’s name came up in conversation after she left. My friends Tom, Meredith, Mendi, and Calvit showed up. Hang on, here’s pics:
Tom, Meredith, Calvit, and Mendi were playing the FMK (fuck, marry, kill) game. Someone names three members of the opposite sex, and you have to pick one that you’d fuck, one that you’d marry, and one that you’d kill. I don’t hang out with them a whole lot, so I listened to them play several rounds without being included.
Finally Tom said, “Paul. Your turn. The Nuh-Uh Girl. The Nuh-Uh Sister. Your BFF. Fuck, marry, kill.”
“Well, first of all, kill the Nuh-Uh Girl, no doubt about that,” I said. “But let me get a clarification on which version of the rules we’re following for the other two.” Tom and Mendi had two slightly different sets of rules for the game.
“We’re under my rules,” said Tom. “You have normal sexual relations with the girl you marry, but you also have to go to Home Depot and do stuff like that with her. Whereas, the girl you fuck is just a one-night stand and there’s no hope of anything more than that.”
“Well, in that case, I’d marry my BFF and fuck the Nuh-Uh Sister,” I replied. Under Mendi’s rules (marriage is purely platonic and for appearances’ sake) I’d be tempted to reverse the two.
A few more rounds went by and my turn came up again. This time it was my BFF and her mini-me, as well as former Saucer waitress Zebra Hair (who Tom called Skunk Hair by mistake… hahaha). Once again, my “kill” answer was immediate – kill the mini-me. The “fuck” answer was clear too – Zebra Hair. If you’ve seen her, you understand. That left my BFF as “marry” for the second time in a row. That’s really disturbing but I had no choice in either case.
Rewind to earlier in the day: While having brunch at Majestic I read the latest issue of RSVP Magazine. On page 44 they have an interview with Nate who runs Nate’s bar upstairs at Earnestine & Hazel’s. Check it out. Worth a read. The rest of the issue was fit to line a bird cage as usual. I was surprised that RSVP released an entire issue without even one picture of Kevin Kane. Was he out of the country last month?
Then I went on to the Saucer for my 3 beers. Beer report:
Previous total: $683.00
Beers 124, 125 and 126 (but 119, 120, and 121 according to the Saucer):
Bud Light Draft $3.25
Molson Golden $3.75
K Cider $4.25
Tip: $11.25 x ~30% = $3.00
Total: $14.25
Grand total: $697.25
More pictures. Here’s a pic of panhandlers Estes and Sherry working Main Street near Beale using their baby as a gimmick:
Sorry, but I don’t have any more images of bums to share with you. So instead I’m going to have to substitute images of off-duty Saucer girls at the party at Big Foot. Hope that’s all right.
Here’s “Paul, go get me candy” girl:
Here she is with me and another girl:
And here’s a shot of the bar featuring my BFF and her roommate.
Big Foot was having trouble dyeing the beer green in the kegs. Someone asked me if they really drink green beer in Ireland. Hell if I know, if I ever travel to Europe I plan on bypassing Ireland and traveling straight to Romania.
Later in the evening, I made a second appearance at the Saucer with Tom, Meredith, Mendi, Calvit, and regular blog reader Groobie Baby. Hang on, we haven’t posted a pic of Groobie yet:
Is that a TUBE TOP Groobie has on? I think it is. She needs to lose the outer top though.
So we were sitting around a table at the Saucer, discussing “Rock Out With Your Cock Out” night at the Red Rooster, and how it may be a little bit too masculine of a name. The girls suggested some feminine alternatives:
“Jam Out With Your Clam Out”
“Get Out With Your Clit Out”
And now I’m home and it’s time for bed. For those of you who were getting tired of the this-is-what’s-going-on-Downtown informational posts and missed the old drunk posting style, this one is for you. Have a good night everyone. Don’t forget to wear green.