Month: April 2009

Hey.  Ladies.  Hey.  Hey.  Hey.  Look here.  Big Paul need to holla at you fo a minute.

Look here.  We all in what they call hard economic times, you what Big Paul be talkin bout?  But look.  I ain’t here to offer you no bailout.  I ain’t here to offer you no stimulus.  I ain’t here to offer you no damn gub’ment check.  All I gots to offer, is opportunituh.

I’m offerin you the chance to come work for Big Paul.  Cause, look here.  On Saturday, June 6, they bringin back the Pimp & Ho Ball to Earnestine & Hazel’s.  It starts at 8 PM and cost about five dolla to get in.

So look.  Big Paul got a little over a month to round him up some bitches fo that night.  Now look here, when you work for Big Paul, you ain’t small time, you know what I’m sayin?  You ain’t gonna be makin no chump change.

You gonna be makin some looooooong money, baby.  Talkin bout the kind of money, baby, that can put some 24 inch rims up on yo carruh.

Talkin bout the kind of money, baby, that can put some gold up in yo teetheses.

Talkin bout the kind of money, baby, that will let you go to fancy restaurants for some fine dining.  Yeah.  Big Paul be sayin that you’ll be able to go to Red Lobster, baby, and order you some lobster and some scrumps and some pig feet.  Livin the high life, baby.

So what do you say, baby… come ride with Big Paul.  Big Paul treat his bitches good.  Know what I’m sayin?

Hey.  Look here.  Hey.  Hey.  One more thing before you go.  Look here.  Big Paul be tryin to get about fifty-two cent so I can go down to CeCe’s Liquors and gets me an airplane bottle of Taaka vodka.  Can you hep me out?

Every year the Academy of Motion Pictures and Sciences gives out an award called the “Oscar” to recognize excellence in the film industry.

The National Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences gives out an award to recognize excellence in music.  It’s called the “Grammy.”

There is no such organization as the National Association for the Preservation of Laziness, but if there were, and they gave an award for outstanding achievement in laziness, do you know what it would be called?

The “Brittney.”

Since that organization does not exist, I’m going to give the award in their honor.

The 2009 Brittney for outstanding laziness goes to the Memphis Zombies.  The route they posted on their MySpace page clearly showed that they were going to walk all the way south to G.E. Patterson Avenue, through Trolley Tour, last night.  A lot of people came to Trolley Tour specifically to see them.  However, the lazy-ass zombies did a U-turn at Huling and headed back north, barely brushing the northernmost edge of Trolley Tour.  Lots of people were stationed between Huling and G.E. Patterson with duct-tape Xs on their clothes, waiting to be zombified, and never got to.

The zombies may have expanded their route this year, but they cut off the best part of the route. Boo!  They definitely earned their Brittney award last night.

Recap of last night:  Went to Trolley Tour.  Hung out at Mikey’s porch party.  Watched people play cornhole.  Drank Miller High Life Light, and later in the evening, PBR.  Watched the Nuh-Uh Girl cross the street multiple times to eat off the plates of people she knew dining outside at Safari.  Went to the Susan Marshall CD release party at the Warehouse.  Susie was there.  She only said “fail” twice after I made fun of her on my blog.  Stephanie touched Susie’s boob.  Stephanie is my hero.  I tried to get them to kiss but they wouldn’t.  Headed north with my friend Nick to Silly Goose and then to Bardog, then we went to Paula & Raiford’s Disco with drunkass Mendi and her friend from Nashville.  I got a souvenir cup with the club’s name on it (thanks Paula).

For those keeping score, that was my 14th visit this month to the Silly Goose, my 8th visit this month to Bardog, and my 4th to Paula & Raiford’s.  Oh I also stopped by the Saucer before I went to Trolley Tour.  That was number 32 for the month for the Saucer.  Damn I go to bars a lot.

Gonna try to finish up a freelance project this afternoon, then I’ve got a party to attend at 5.  Maybe another post this afternoon if I need a break from freelancing.

If you go to the Commercial Appeal’s home page, you’ll see their “Appeal TV” videos on the right side of the page.  Find the one entitled “Party Line: Rajun Cajun,” and about 1:25 in you can watch the Nuh-Uh Girl eating crawfish.

Last night I was walking home, and as I passed one of Downtown’s nightspots, employees were standing outside trying to herd the post-rooftop crowd through their doors.  “The place across the street sucks!  Don’t go there!  Come in here!  The club farther down the street sucks too!”  Wow.  Trashing your neighbors like that… absolutely no class at all.  I’ll make sure the people who manage the place across the street know what you think of them next time I go in there, which will probably be tonight.

I never made it to the Peabody rooftop, with good reason.  My friend Air Traffic Mike routed his last plane yesterday, and then had a retirement party at the Silly Goose.  Congratulations to Mike… a great listener, a great talker, and someone who is always there to support his friends.  Downtown is a better place because he lives here.

I did make it to the Red Rooster for a couple of beers, and here’s a tip for all you guys out there… the crowd was about 75% women.  They do that “Chicklette of the Week” thing and give away prizes women like, and it seems to be working.  Rarely have I seen a bar or club with such a good guy/girl ratio on a Thursday night.

Back to work for now.  I’ll be at Trolley Tour from 6 to 9 tonight… plans to be determined after 9.

Amid all that’s going on this weekend, I totally missed the fact that the 2009 Memphis Zombie Massacre happens this weekend. The zombies will meet up at 6:30 on Beale Street. The undead are marching a longer route this year, going up Third to Union, then back down Second to Peabody Place and then over to Main to hit the South Main Trolley Tour, then they’ll walk back north to Beale. You can show up early (they recommend 4:30) to get made up as zombies by professional makeup artists, or wear duct tape in the shape of an X along the route and they’ll zombify you as you march. More info here.

Friday is also the finals of the Hard Rock Battle of the Bands competition. Hear some great music, and the receipts at the door go to charity. They actually asked me to be a judge for this, not that I know a thing about music (of course, I didn’t know a thing about beer pong but was a judge at Pub Olympics last year, so there is a precedent). I didn’t want to miss an April Trolley Tour though, so I declined. Should be a fun night, no matter which event you attend.

Through the end of the month you can purchase a VIP dining card from Texas de Brazil and enjoy a 50% discount on up to 12 full-price dinners (can be used concurrently or over multiple visits) Sundays-Fridays through November 30. A portion of the price of the gift card goes to benefit the Children’s Cancer Fund.

There will be two free screenings of Getwell, the documentary of the Church Health Center, at Studio on the Square on Thursday, May 7. The film will be shown at 7 PM and again at 8:30 PM.

If you missed B.B. King in December, he’s coming back to his club June 2 and June 3. Guess the December concerts were not his last ones after all.

Next Tuesday, historian Jimmy Ogle will take guests on a walking tour of Court Square at lunchtime (I believe it’s an 11:45 start). Come meet all the bums in person!  Get crapped on by the pigeons! It’s part of the Downtown Alive! spring lunchtime series.

Home from work… I got a text from a friend who talked to another friend who talked to the bellman at the Madison Hotel, and he said the Dempseys aren’t playing tonight.  It’s apparently some guy on a piano instead.  It’s third-hand info, so take it with a grain of salt, but it’s enough to firm my decision to go to the Peabody tonight.  (Edit: Just check their website, and their gigs tonight and tomorrow are canceled, so it’s true.  Hope everything’s OK with the band.)  (Edit 5:36 PM:  Now I just got a text that they ARE playing.  Who the hell knows.)  Will probably do Saucer/Goose or Goose/Saucer before the rooftop.  Heading out now…

The great Beale Street Wine Race is this Sunday. It’s one of the most fun events of the year, with servers, bartenders, and hosts and hostesses from 28 area restaurants competing in various events. Here’s the schedule:

1:00 PM – opening parade
1:30 PM – Queen of the Vine competition at Handy Park
2:00 PM – grape stomp
3:00 PM – wine relay

Come out and support your favorite service industry people. Leon Griffin from Fox 13 will be the event’s host, and the judges will be Kevin Kane from the MCVB, Beck from 93X, and Memphis-based entertainer Muck Sticky. There will be cash prizes, trophies, and media recognition for the winners.

With Trolley Tour Friday night and the Wine Race on Sunday, it should be another exciting weekend in Downtown Memphis.

If you’re looking to move Downtown, don’t miss my previous post that I just put up a few minutes ago, containing a coupon for a month’s free rent at Number 10 Main.  Meanwhile, here are a few more news items:

Attn Sleep Out Louie’s alumni: Our buddy/former bartender Josh will do the color commentary for tonight’s Memphis vs. UT Martin baseball game on the UT Martin radio station. Game starts at 5 and you can listen to it here.

Shelton Clothiers has a deal for BBQ Fest teams: Buy 12 or more Pink Pig polos, and get them for $39.50 each (they’re normally $49.50) and they will embroider your team name on the shirts for free. Pink Pig polos are high-quality shirts that look like Izods except with a pig rather than an alligator. These are nice shirts that look good enough to wear to work as well as to BBQ Fest.

If you’re a fan of Circa chef John Bragg, you have an opportunity to take a class from him. (Edit: I’d originally typed “take a learn from him.”  Blue Moon on Fire Sale last night really scrambled my brain.)  From 6:30 to 9 PM on Thursday, May 7 he’ll do a demo at Viking Cooking School at 1215 Ridgeway. It will feature summer cuisine using fresh local fare and items from the Memphis Farmers Market. Space is limited, so call (901)763-3747 to sign up.

More and more I’m thinking I’m going to skip the Dempseys show tomorrow at the Madison.  I’ll have plenty of future opportunities to see them.  Most likely I’ll start at the Goose or Saucer, then head to the Peabody rooftop.

As for tonight, not sure where I’ll go, but it’s far too nice out to stay home.

I’ve made a deal with my apartment building, Number 10 Main (10 S. Main, just south of the intersection of Main and Madison). Readers of this blog can print out the coupon below for a month’s free rent when you sign a year’s lease.

I moved into Number 10 in February 2003, and have been so happy there that I have re-signed my lease six times. Here are some of the reasons it’s one of the best apartment buildings Downtown:

– Large apartments, some with high ceilings and river views

– Washer/dryer and dishwasher in every unit

– Every unit has its own climate control: Turn your A/C on in January if you feel like it

– Very nice gym in the basement with exercise bikes, stairmasters, treadmills, weight machines, free weights, cable TV

– Lounge area in lobby with kitchen, cable TV, fireplace

– Large 17th-story rooftop with a hot tub and two restaurant-quality grills. Great place to watch the sunset overlooking the Mississippi River.

– Courtesy guards on duty every night. Alex and Chris will keep you safe.

However, I think the best reason to live at Number 10 is LOCATION, LOCATION, LOCATION. Here are a few reasons why:

– Baseball: The Memphis Redbirds’ home Autozone Park is 2 blocks away

– Basketball: The Memphis Tigers’ and Grizzlies’ home FedExForum is 5 blocks away

– Theatre: The Orpheum is 4 blocks away

– Party: Beale Street is 4 blocks away

– Dance: Paula & Raiford’s Disco is 1 block away

– Eat: Here are some of the restaurants within a 4 block radius: Felicia Suzanne’s, Flight, A&R BBQ, McEwen’s, Leonard’s BBQ Buffet, Blue Plate Cafe, Little Tea Shop, On the River Seafood & More, Pa Pa Pia’s Italian, Bangkok Alley Thai (opening soon), Rio Loco Mexican, Huey’s Burgers, Automatic Slim’s, Kooky Canuck, Sauces, Flying Fish, Orleans on Front, Circa, Encore, Bluefin, Majestic Grille

– Hang out: Four of the best Downtown locals’ bars are within a 4 block radius: Bardog Tavern, Voodoo Room, Silly Goose, Flying Saucer

– Shop: Walgreens is just steps away; Jack’s Grocery and Easy Way are two blocks away

– Work out: If the gym in the basement isn’t enough for you, there are two gyms within 3 blocks that offer full workout facilities, classes, etc.

– Trolley stop right outside the front door, making the South Main Arts District with lots of galleries, shops, and restaurants, easily accessible; also, if you work in the Medical Center District, you can ride to and from work on the Madison line.

– If the Thursday night rooftop parties are your thing, you have less than a block walk to the Madison and 2 blocks to the Peabody

– Half a mile walk to Tom Lee Park for Music Fest, BBQ Fest, and Sunset Symphony

If you have any questions about the place, shoot me an e-mail at paul@paulryburn.com and I’ll answer them. It’s the end of school year, so several people have moved out and there are 1 BRs and 2 BRs available. If you’ve been thinking about moving Downtown, this is a great time to do it.

Last night I stopped by Bardog Tavern for to-go food, and noticed a couple of changes since the last time I looked at their menu.

First of all, I noticed that they now have free delivery for a limited area Downtown, between opening time and 10 PM. If you’re between Jefferson on the north, Peabody Place on the south, Riverside on the west, and Third on the east, you can get their food delivered. Call 275-8752 to place an order.

Secondly, I noticed that they’re staying open an hour later on Sundays now… closing time is now 1 AM, rather than midnight.

Their air guitar contest is tonight at 6:30 PM.

It’s Opera Week at the Majestic Grille in honor of Faust at the Orpheum. They’ll have specials all weeks for ticket holders, and they’ll show opera classics on the big screen. In addition, Opera Memphis will hold live performances at the restaurant Wednesday and Friday of this week from noon to 1 PM.

Don’t forget that tonight is the Corey Osborn Let the Music Play fundraiser tonight at BB King’s, to raise money Memphis musicians in need and for the “Queen of Beale Street,” Ruby Wilson. Corey’s note will be unveiled on Beale at 5:30, and at 7:30, the roster of entertainers listed below will take the stage:

Bobby Blue Bland
The Beale Street Flippers
Brian “Breeze” Cayolle
Joyce Cobb
Delta Cappella
The Dempseys
Kallen Esperian
The Kattawar Brothers
Rusty Lemmon
Niko Lyras
Rhoney G.
Preston Shannon
Jason D. Williams

There will also be a raffle for a 65-carat ruby donated by Mednikow.

Ladies, this looks to be a good week to hit the Red Rooster party Thursday night after the rooftop parties let out… this week’s “Chicklette of the Week” will win a Jessica Simpson shoe collection.

Speaking of rooftop parties… the Dempseys play the Madison Thursday night. Is anyone going? Usually the Dempseys are enough to sway me in the direction of the Madison for sure, but with the great weather being predicted I’d kinda rather be at the Peabody, or on the patio at the Silly Goose or at the window of the Saucer. If I know people that are for-sure going to the Dempseys, I may do it… just don’t want to be on that tiny rooftop knowing very few people in the crowd.

Back to work… trivia tonight at 7.

Here are a few pics from this past Sunday’s Rajun Cajun Crawfish Fest.

Some of the gang partied on the rooftop of Barton Flats during the festival.

… and this is an example of why I don’t do Barton Flats at Rajun Cajun and have a “no side parties” policy for this and many other festivals.  This is Carrie, who was my student in Concepts of Numbers and Concepts of Algebra classes at the U of M in the ’90s.  After she graduated she got married and moved to New Zealand.  She’s back in town visiting for a month.  If I’d gone to Barton Flats I would’ve missed seeing her.  I’ll say it again, when there’s a festival going on I want to be at the festival, not somewhere near the festival.

They gave each of Carrie’s kids a live crawfish to take home.  I wish Little Rock had crawfish festivals when I was growing up.  I’d love to see the look on my mother’s face if I’d brought a live crawfish home.  Not that it would’ve survived for very long, since we had a cat.

Here’s a pic of the Nuh-Uh Girl eating.  She had her own bucket of crawfish, but that didn’t stop her from coming over and eating out of other people’s buckets.  As one of our gang likes to say, “she’s a food panhandler.”  At least she had a tube top on.

The Nuh-Uh Girl, Stephanie, and Erin on the grass eating crawfish.

Our makeshift crawfish table behind the Autozone HQ.

Here’s another pic of the Nuh-Uh Girl eating, inside the cooking competition tent.

A great day, and thank goodness the rain held off for the majority of the afternoon.  Festival season is here!