Doctor Toboggans unveils new volunteer infiltration program

Doctor Harold Toboggans handing out flyers at South Main Trolley Night

Last night at South Main Trolley Night, I had the pleasure of running into Doctor Harold Toboggans. Doctor Toboggans, for those of you not familiar with his work, is a genius who counsels people to overcome the urge to volunteer, to do good for others and the community. His website Mind over Memphis is a great resource to find opportunities not to volunteer.

I am one of Doctor Toboggans’ success stories. Years ago I was involved with a nonprofit called Mpact Memphis. I served on a committee to promote the city. I coordinated a dinner for Friends for Life. I organized a phonathon. Then, one day, I couldn’t take it anymore. I called Doctor Toboggans. “Please help me,” I begged him. “I’m tired of being a do-gooder. I just want to go to bars and get drunk every night.” After intense counseling, I achieved my goal and became the man I am today.

So last night, I was chatting with him at Trolley Night, and he tipped me off about a brand-new initiative: A volunteer infiltration program. “We can’t stop these do-gooders from volunteering,” he said, “So, we’re going to join them. We’ll volunteer too and infiltrate their ranks from within.”

“That’s brilliant,” I told him. “So we’ll be kind of like double agents.”

“Or triple,” Doctor Toboggans replied.

I remember seeing an example of this new program earlier this month on Facebook. There was a Clean Up Memphis day, and Doctor Toboggans was horrified that all these do-gooders were a threat to Memphis’ precious litter. So he encouraged people to show up for Clean Up Memphis to keep the do-gooders in line.

You can read more about the volunteer infiltration program here.

By the way, as far as I know Doctor Toboggans does not have a problem with Tube Top Month, even though it could be considered a program for the beautification of Memphis. So, go ahead and wear those tube tops, and if you feel the urge to volunteer please go to his website and get the help you need.