It’s 8 PM on February 13, and you’re driving home from Galentine’s Day with a smile on your face. You’ve spent the evening showing the girls photos of the sexy red dress and heels you plan to wear tomorrow night when your boyfriend takes you to Porch & Parlor for dinner. You love ya girls but you gotta admit also loved it when you saw a twinge of envy in their eyes. Tomorrow night is going to be perfect.
You pull into the garage, walk into the house, and are immediately hit with the overpowering stench of deviled eggs, Ro-Tel dip, and Busch Light. It’s the middle of the third quarter and your boyfriend is on number 11 of the 12-pack he bought for the game. You walk over to the couch, noticing that your feet make a crunching sound due to all the spilled beer on the floor.
You sit next to your boyfriend and start to tell him about the delightful evening you had with the gals, but he cuts you off. “Hold on,” he says. “The Bengals have the ball, first and goal at the 7. I took the over at 37½ and if they score, I win.” Then he lets out a fart that registers 4.3 on the Richter scale. The Bengals take it to the end zone. Satisfied, he passes out on the couch. He’s too heavy to move, so after spending an hour cleaning up the mess, you leave him there. The sun rises on Valentine’s morning without the man you love snuggled up next to you.
He barely makes it to work. You’re not surprised when he texts you at 3 PM saying he’s fallen asleep at his desk twice. Then he drops the bomb. “Honey, I canceled our reservations at Porch & Parlor,” he said. “I’m so hung over that I just don’t feel like being out in public and eating all that rich food. I hope you understand. Let’s do a rain check for next week.”
Dinner is a 10-pack of Taco Bell Doritos Locos Tacos at the kitchen counter. As he crunches into his 4th taco, he lets out a fart that registers 4.8 on the RIchter scale. You know ya girls are surfing Instagram, waiting to see pics of you at P&P enjoying a sumptuous dinner in that hot red dress. Should you upload a photo of a crumpled taco wrapper?
Dejected, you fall asleep that night wondering if your boyfriend loves football more than he loves you.
Scheduling the Super Bowl the second week of February is going to increase the divorce rate. I guarantee it.
How ’bout those Memphis Tigers!!! Max’s Sports Bar was packed yesterday as we saw them hand Houston a 69-59 loss, the Cougars’ first loss at home in 38 games. It’s the Tigers’ first true road win against a Top 10 team in 17 years.
One stat said it all: The Tigers are plus-18 this season when DeAndre Williams is on the floor and minus-13 when he’s not. Penny took the hint and kept Williams on the floor.
And they made their free throws! 18 of 19. That is how you win games.
The win improves the Tigers to 14-8 overall, 8-4 in conference. They are now only 1.5 games back from conference leaders SMU and Houston.
There is still work to do. Memphis’ win caused bracketologist Joe Lunardi to move them onto the bubble, but they’re projected as “next four out.” So the Tigers need to move past another 5 to 8 NCAA teams to be projected in the field of 68. Next up for the Tigers:
- at Cincinnati, 6 PM Tuesday. TV: ESPN+
- at SMU, 2 PM next Sunday. TV: ESPN
Both games are must-win, but the SMU game is particularly important. SMU is seen as a team that’s not quite good enough to make the NCAA tournament, so Memphis doesn’t want to be losing to that kind of team. Also, a win would move Memphis closer to a 1 seed in the conference tournament.
Memphis Made is running a special at its taproom 1-5 today for game day: Buy one six-pack, get a second at half price.
South Main Sushi has adjusted its hours for this week only to accommodate the Super Bowl and Valentine’s Day.
- Sunday: 12:30-6:00 PM
- Monday: 5:00-9:30 PM
- Tuesday: Closed
I confirmed with the bartender at Max’s that the first Saturday it’s projected to be 60 or above, the sports bar will do a crawfish boil.
Fellas, don’t forget that February 15 is Side Piece Day. Memphis hotels with a listed address on Lamar Avenue see a 41.2% increase in room bookings that day, so don’t delay – make a reservation for you and your side piece now.
At the beginning of the season, who’da thunk the Grizzlies would hit 40 wins BEFORE the All-Star break? They did exactly that last night, beating Charlotte on the road, 125-118.
The last time I stuck around for the Friday night burlesque show at the Blind Bear, they turned off the TVs during the performance. I wonder if they’re going to turn off Desmond Bane in the NBA Rising Stars game?
Nextdoor reports that there’s a hurt possum at the corner of Island Place and Island Drive.
The Kent, a meeting and event space, will be the first part of the Snuff District redevelopment to open, hosting Soup Sunday next week.
Here’s a link to James Aycock’s COVID Week-in-Review.
POLITICO Playbook is reporting that Wednesday the 16th may be the day Russia invades Ukraine, possibly preceded by missile attacks and cyberattacks. Secretary of State Blinken has promised a coordinated transatlantic response in that event. WWIII?
Ja Morant has a sister, a junior in high school, who is training to follow in his footsteps of basketball stardom.
Eight & Sand hosts Puppy Hour, an event benefiting ALIVE! Rescue Memphis, this afternoon from 3 to 6. There will be food, cocktails, merchandise, and a kissing booth. Tickets are $25.
Tootsie has a six-day run at the Orpheum Tuesday through Sunday. The Wednesday, February 16 performance will include a Beyond the Stage experience after the show at no additional cost, featuring a Q&A with the cast and crew.
Pro wrestling fans, current Impact Knockouts champion and 2022 WWE Royal Rumble entrant Mickie James will make an appearance in Memphis today for Championship Wrestling sponsored by Pro Shingle.
Ginuwine will perform at 645 E. Georgia, formerly the Paradise Entertainment Center, this Friday.
Moxy Memphis on N. Front Street hosts Brushes, Bottles & Bae Monday night from 7 to 9. Whether with your sweetheart or a group of friends, come join this paint & sip class by crew member Moxy Matt. Ticket includes a canvas, paint, two glasses of red wine, and entry into a raffle to take home a bottle of champagne. $35 singles/$50 couples
That’ll do it for this post. I could not care less about either the Super Bowl or Valentine’s Day, so I’m staying home today and tomorrow to get some writing done. Back tomorrow if there’s any news to post.