I took my jar of Vegemite to Bardog yesterday. It was a gift from two friends who recently got back from Australia. “Allie Cat, I need two pieces of toast,” I told the bartender. “One for me and one for you.”
With great trepidation, I spread the product on. I had heard it was terrible. I posted a pic to Facebook and a local chef commented, “Don’t eat that.” Not a good sign.
The verdict?
Everyone was right! It was indeed terrible! Allie nailed it: “It tastes like a combination of Play-Doh and beef broth.”
Allie and I made a pact that we’d tell everyone Vegemite was good, so they’d come up and ask to try it. I texted several people but got no takers. Doing something I normally don’t believe in – lying – I called it a savory version of Nutella.
I did get a lesson in Female Behavior 101 though. But it’s time to do the news, so we’ll save that for the end of the post.
I have an earthquake app on my phone and this morning I’m getting a bunch of notifications about quakes near Ferndale, California, including a 6+ magnitude one. I hope these aren’t foreshocks of “The Big One.”
One day Memphis will have its own Big One too. And I live in a 16-story building built half in 1904 and half in 1914, before there were earthquake standards.
Grizzlies on national TV alert: Memphis tips off at Denver tonight at 9 on TNT. My friend Shrek who is a TV producer would want me to tell you: If you live in the Memphis market, skip TNT and watch Fish and Brevin and Pete call the game on Bally Sports Southeast instead.
Keep an eye on the forecast… low temps around 6F and wind chills below zero are expected Friday morning.
Today is National Sangria Day.
John Mellencamp is coming to the Orpheum April 24-25. I bet my friend Amy is jumping for joy with excitement.
Today is Bardog’s employee Christmas party. They’ll be closing at 3 PM and reopening at 5 PM. The party will be offsite. I won’t reveal the location, but Aldo takes great care of his people.
Monroe between Main and Second, as well as November 6th St. between Madison and Monroe, will be closed for construction during the first half of January. If you have a reserved spot in the alley, you’ll need to park in the garage.
Silly Goose has dessert now: A blondie brownie topped with Irish whiskey ice cream from Margie’s 901. It’s homemade, topped with caramel sauce.
Yesterday I learned there were Yacht Rock and Dad Rock stations on Pandora.
The Congressional January 6 committee has recommended the Trumpster be prosecuted for multiple crimes for his role in the insurrection. I bet there are a lot of federal prisoners who would hit dat Trump ass.
Okay, it’s time for that Female Behavior 101 lesson.
Sunday morning, my friend Butt Slut #1 told me she’d meet me at Bardog for breakfast on Monday so she could try the Vegemite. By late afternoon Sunday, though, she’d changed her tune. “I’m going to bail on you for breakfast tomorrow, Paul,” she told me, “because I’m mad at you.” And, in fact, she did bail on me.
Can you, dear reader, guess the horrible transgression I committed?
You’re probably thinking, “I guess she finally got tired of being called ‘butt slut’ in public and on a well-read blog.” Wrong. She loves her nickname and understands I don’t use it with even a hint of meanness. Also, her best friend in the whole world calls her that too (and much worse).
Now you’re probably thinking, “Pauly. I know you. You drink a lot of PBR. And she’s an attractive girl. You had a few too many and got creepy with her. I bet you tried to kiss her or grope her, didn’t you?” Wrong again. I don’t do that to women unless I very clearly have their permission.
So you want to hear the awful thing I did?
You’re gonna think I’m a complete asshole when you read it.
I will probably lose the respect of most of my blog readers.
You ready?
Mid-afternoon Sunday, I texted Butt Slut #1 and told her, “Your Dallas Cowboys just lost hahahahaha.”
That’s what pissed her off so much.
She told me later Sunday evening that she wouldn’t have been so mad had I not included “hahahahaha.”
Makes perfect sense, right?
Now I will close this post with the words of a great American philosopher.
Women. You can’t live with ’em…………. (shrugs shoulders)
– Al Bundy