Sunday whatever

This is gonna be a weird post.

Today my Downtown friends and I will say goodbye to our brother.

A brother who was 12 years younger than me.

His ashes will be raised onto the beam above the bar at Blind Bear next to Jeannette’s dad Rick’s ashes.

One day I want my ashes to sit next to theirs.

Which makes me realize something.

I need a will.

My friend Nate had parents alive to approve his plan. I have no one. My mom died 6 years ago this month. I have no brothers or sisters. I have no children. Hell, I don’t even have a pet.

Anyone know how to get a will done?

I once saw a late-night TV commercial that offered a will consultation, an AOL.com membership, a 24-pack of adult diapers, and a bucket of Miller Lite at the corner table at Max’s Sports Bar for one low price. Anyone have that 1-888 number?

So anyway, as I understand it, the Bear will open for brunch 11-2 then close down 2-3 to prepare for Nate’s celebration. Probably I’ll lead off at Bardog then head over about 2:30 with Butt Slut #1. The Bear will be closed at the time but we know people.

Oh… that reminds me…

Yesterday I was telling Butt Slut #1 how at least 4 of the 120 mini corn dogs being served at Nate’s celebration have “Paul Ryburn” written all over them and they’re gonna be doused in mustard (his favorite condiment).

“I hate mustard,” she responded.

WHO DOESN’T LIKE MUSTARD?????

Ketchup I can understand. It’s a child’s condiment. But mustard?

What a weirdo. She doesn’t deserve to be an American. Can we extradite her someplace? I hear Mongolia is nice this time of year.

Goal for today: Force-feed Butt Slut #1 a mini corn dog covered in mustard.

The Tigers got a 69-59 win over ECU yesterday, but it was ugly. Coach Penny is getting a new shoe.

Jazz vs. Grizzlies, 5 today, Bally Sports SE.

Purple Drank is back on tap at Max’s Sports Bar.

Sorry this blog has sucked lately. I’ll try to do better.

Saturday update

Just wanted to remind those who knew him that there will be a celebration of life for our dear friend Nate tomorrow (Sunday) at the Blind Bear 3-7 PM. There will be 120 mini corn dogs (Nate loved mustard) and I think some other finger foods. Those who wish to get on the mic and say a tribute to our nappin-ass brother will have the opportunity.

Nate’s ashes will sit on the beam above the bar next to co-founder Rick’s.

Congratulations to Holly from the I Love Memphis Blog on her new role at the DM. Holly will lead the online pub’s digital team. Also congrats to the DM on a badass hire.

Here are the results from WWE Smackdown in Memphis last night. Sami Zayn, man. I wonder if he’s gonna end up in the echelon of Rock, Flair, Austin, and Dusty by the time he retires. He’s certainly been on that velocity the past 6 months.

Today is National Pass Gas Day.

Good chance of rain and above normal temps (shorts weather) in the forecast today.

The Tigers play East Carolina at 1 today at home. TV is ESPN+.

Utah at the Grizzlies 5 PM tomorrow. TV: Bally Sports Southeast. It’ll be Girl Scout Night.

Predictions for Bardog’s brunch specials today:

  • Blackened salmon
  • Chicken-N-Waffles
  • Grilled pork chop
  • Strawberry or blueberry pancakes

All right. That’s it. Tomorrow is going to be a tough day so I’ll be back Monday.

I’m Your Big Bad Butt Slut Daddy

So last night I was hanging out at Blind Bear with Butt Slut #1, Butt Slut #2, and Late Night Larry. Butt Slut #2 told me, “When I invented the butt slut thing, I meant for it to be a small thing among a few people. Then you went and blogged it and made it a huge deal. Do you know what you are, Paul?”

And I totally get what she meant to say next.

She meant to refer to me as a founding father of the butt sluts.

The instigator.

The publicist.

But that’s not what she said.

She told me, “It’s like you’re the daddy of the butt sluts.”

OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

WHO’S… YOUR… DADDY?

I have never been so proud of a nickname in my life.

All right. Let’s get on to the news.

I’m so excited I could slap someone: Chris Rock and Dave Chappelle are coming to FedExForum January 23.

In other FedExForum news, The Street Profits vs. the Usos for the tag titles has been announced as the main event of Friday’s WWE Smackdown. Montez F’N Ford baby.

Silly Goose is now doing 2 for $20 wood-fired pizza Thursday from 5 to 8.

And now…

RATING BAR CHAIRS
– Captain’s chair (wraps around your back) 10/10
– Bucket chair with square footrest 7/10
– Bucket chair with round footrest 5/10
– Bar itself does not have a footrest (minus 5)

Grizzlies are at Charlotte tonight at 6. TV is Bally Sports Southeast. Time to grind!

Get your free tickets to Ailey – A Documentary Screening on January 13 at the Halloran Centre.

Today is National Spaghetti Day. Get it at Bardog with Aldo’s Grandma’s New Jersey Balls. Cheers to Mama Aldo, who I’m told still reads this blog every day.

Ja Morant is being sued for allegedly punching a teen.

There’s a sketching class at Bass Pro Saturday from 10 to noon.

All right. Your Big Bad Butt Slut Daddy is signing off for today. Holla if you hear me!