Paul Ryburn's Journal

I just happened across a Squidoo lens entitled How to Be Annoying.  This is one of the best and funniest pages I’ve read in a long time.  It will teach you how to interrupt, how to whine, how to ask a bunch of irrelevant questions, how to make sure the conversation always stays on your topic, and much much more.

I give this page an A-.  The only reason I can’t give it a full A is because it doesn’t mention getting in other people’s personal space as a means of annoying them.  Otherwise, it’s pretty much spot on.

If you hang around the group of people I do, you may have someone tell you that EVERYONE is going to the Downtown Blue Monkey tonight for karaoke.  I am here to tell you that EVERYONE is not going, because “everyone” would by definition have to include me, and there is a 0.000000% chance I will show up there.

Nothing against the Monkey, by the way.  It’s a great place to go.  Lots of beer and booze to pick from.  Typing this is making this hungry for their Cuban sandwich.  When I get the sandwich I substitute their twice baked potato for the fries, because I’ve always said the twice baked potato is the key to the entire operation.  I like their buffalo wing egg rolls too.  Heck, pretty much their entire menu is good.  It’s been too long.  I need to get in there soon.  Not on a Saturday night, though.

One of my friends said last night, “You talk about not going to karaoke on Saturday nights.  You do realize that pretty much every South Mainer you know gets up on that stage.”  Yes, and that’s one of the reasons I live in the core.

I cannot think of a bigger waste of a Saturday night than sitting around listening to people mangle the greatest hits of the past 40 years.  Especially when I take into account that some people become extremely high-maintenance in the presence of a microphone and alcohol.  Don’t want to deal with it.

For those of you who know my personal tastes, let me say this:  I’d rather go to a formal Ptolemy party, with Meghan as my date, and I’d let her do my hair, than go to Saturday night karaoke on South Main.

Some people are into karaoke.  If you are one of those people, and you think you’ll have a good time there, by all means go.  However, if you’re not into karaoke, and it sounds like less than an ideal Saturday night to you, don’t go just because you hear EVERYONE is going.  Everyone is not.  Join me in resistance to karaoke.  There is much else to do in Downtown Memphis on a Saturday night.  JUST SAY NO!!!

The Metal Museum will have a Thursday night music series on their lawn during the month of September. Admission will be $5 and bands will be the Soulsville Charter School Philharmonic Orchestra Sept.2; Star & Micey on the 9th; Marcella Pinilla on the 16th; and Rebirth of Soul on the 23rd. If you’ve never been to the Museum, its grounds are beautiful and offer one of the best views of the Mississippi River.

Congrats to Felicia Suzanne’s, which received praise in this week’s edition of the Arkansas Times. The Times is the Little Rock equivalent of the Memphis Flyer, and is a publication I always pick up when I’m in town visiting.

I need to eat at Felicia’s more often… I just feel underdressed in the summer going in there in shorts, and yet it’s too hot for me to consider wearing anything else. Maybe when fall weather arrives I’ll get in there.

Cockadoos was reviewed in the Commercial Appeal today. Good place to go for breakfast and lunch Downtown. Hmmm it’s Friday and they open at midnight. Maybe I’ll drop in for a late-night snack.

The schedule for next week’s Memphis Music and Heritage Festival, presented by the Center for Southern Folklore, has been posted. This has evolved into one of my favorite festivals of the year, and I’ll be there most of the time Saturday and Sunday of next week (with occasional side trips for the Flying Saucer, if they put something good on Fire Sale).

I went to Calhoun’s last night for their weekly poker tournament. It’s the 6th time I’ve played, and the 4th time I walked away with the gift certificate prize. 67% winning percentage? Not bad. I’ll definitely be back, as the regulars at Calhoun’s are most definitely the kind of people I like sitting with me at a poker table. I now have $45 in unused certificates, enough to order 22 and a half PBRs.

Congrats to my friend Air Traffic Mike, who scored himself a J.O.B. while taking out the trash. He doesn’t need a job, but it’s an opportunity to work with one of the best chefs in town, Michael Patrick at Mesquite Chop House. ATM talks about job hunting again in his most recent post, and how opportunity is everywhere if you look for it. He’s right… just last night at Calhoun’s, I struck up a conversation with someone who said she could put me to work. Of course, I’m already happily employed so I turned her down, but it’s nice to know I have options.

Plan for tonight: A warm-up beer at the Saucer about 6, then I’ll hit South Main Trolley Night about 6:45 and see if I can score an SMA burger.

I’ve been meaning to post a pic of what my hair looks like since I dyed it for Stumbling Elvis.  I just haven’t had a good opportunity yet… was waiting for the perfect picture to pose for.  And that, of course, would be a pic with a tube top in it.

Last night I was catching up on Air Traffic Mike’s latest posts, and he found a fantastic resource that I wanted to share with my readers too. On the second Monday of every month from 9 AM to 12 PM, and the fourth Thursday of every month from 5:30 to 8:30 PM, the Central Library has a JobLab. This is an open-door computer lab that provides assistance to job seekers, including assistance with resume writing and formatting, help with job-related searches, and help filling out online job applications. For those who have been frustrated with job searches for some time, this could be a real hand up.

Keep in mind that the fourth Thursday of the month is TODAY, so if you’re job hunting, you need to get down there. You’ll need to bring all data relevant to your work history (addresses and phone numbers of previous employers, that kind of thing), and you’ll need to bring your own storage media (USB memory stick would probably work best, although they probably still have computers with floppy drives).

Speaking of jobs… MarksMenus is hiring. It looks like they’re looking for either an entry-level designer with some programming experience, or an entry-level programmer with some design skills. Check their blog post for more details. This is a startup that has done pretty much everything right. They would be great people to work with.

I went to poker night at Bardog last night, and this time, I did much better. It was the “super satellite,” with the winner earning a seat at next week’s final table. There were about 25 players and I managed to finish third. Part of it was that I was getting good cards – in the three hours I was there I saw AA, KK, and QQ. Also, since there were people there I played with two weeks ago when I had a run of trashy hands, I was able to take advantage of the tight/passive table image they associated with me. Third was not good enough to win a prize, but it felt good to go deep in live play.

I think I’ll head south to Calhoun’s to play in their poker tournament tonight. Maybe I’ll take along one of the gift certificates I won there previously, and drink PBR on OPM (Other People’s Money).

The Travis Mann Band from Nashville plays Blues City Cafe tonight at 9. The bass player is “Slick” Joe Fick, who you may remember from The Dempseys. I haven’t got a chance to hear them yet, but based on photos I’ve seen, it looks like they have a similar style.

For those of you who like to experience different cultures, India Fest is Saturday, way out east at the Agricenter. There will be film shorts from India, as well as dance and music representing eight different Indian states. Food samples will be offered throughout the day, with cooking demonstrations from 11 to 1 and 2 to 4. Free food? Wonder if the Nuh-Uh Girl will show up.

If you want to catch up on the latest in women’s fashion, plan to have lunch at the Majestic tomorrow, Friday, August 27. Christine by Shelton Clothiers will be there, previewing some of the newest fall fashions while you eat.

The theme for tomorrow night’s South Main Trolley Night is “New Orleans White Linen.” Dress in white for one more night and listen to jazz bands, brass bands, one-man bands and street performers. At 9 you can watch the movie Stingray Sam in the grassy field next to Harry’s Detour. They’ll be collecting donations for Habitat for Humanity of Memphis.

Also, if you’re a South Main Association member, come to the parking lot next to Bluff City Coffee at Trolley Night. They’ll have complimentary Ghost River beer for members, and they’ll be grilling hamburgers. Free food? Wonder if the Nuh-Uh Girl will show up. If you’re not an SMA member, you can pay $5 for burgers and beer.

Off to lunch, which will have to be quick since I spent 20 minutes typing this post. I’m thinking Popeye’s for some Cajun rice.

Big win for the trivia team last night. Our tab starts anew with our $50 prize. We also won a $25 Blue Fin gift card which will be auctioned off within the team.

Rocky Patel, a cigar producer who has been called America’s top cigar celebrity, will be in town for a big event Saturday, August 28. From 11 AM to 4 PM at Primetime Sports Bar, there will be cigars, a grand buffet, giveaways, and live auctions, with the biggest prizes being 10 all-inclusive trips to Patel’s resort and cigar factory in Honduras. Tickets are $50; there are also $250 and $350 ticket levels offering more access to Patel. The event is sponsored by Havana Mix, and will feature the introduction of Patel’s new Beale Street Cigar, which will be sold exclusively in Memphis. For more info or to buy tickets go to patelonbeale.com.

The Redbirds kick off their final homestand of the year tonight, which continues until Tuesday, August 31. Friday the 27th will be the final fireworks show of the season for the Redbirds. Other highlights include Fan Appreciation Night on Saturday with prize giveaways, and Singles Night on Tuesday. For the Tuesday game there will be a Single Mingle on the club level prior to the game, and a Memphis area bachelor and RedHot will be up for auction during the game. Mention the bachelor’s name, Mark, at the box office for discount on Club level seats. Visit MemphisRedbirds.com for more information.

Huge congratulations to Memphis Tiger player Drew Barham on receiving a scholarship this year. Coach Pastner was so impressed with walk-on Barham’s performance in 10 practices and on the recent Bahamas trip that he believed Barham had earned the scholarship. You know, I was listening the other day to someone complaining about how they can’t catch a break. Well, Drew Barham is an example of how to make your own luck. He went out there and worked hard and constantly tried to improve every day. When you do that, unexpected good tidings often come your way. You don’t make your own luck by sitting around and listening to Howard Stern all day.

Thinking about hitting up poker night in the basement of Bardog tonight. The past two times I’ve played live, the card gods definitely have not smiled upon me, shoveling way more than my fair share of trashy hands my way. Hopefully tonight will be different.

Elsewhere Downtown, Rusty Lemon performs at the Silly Goose at 9:00. I believe Brick is working tonight, so Rusty Lemon may not be the only entertainment. Oh that reminds me… I have a new quote of the week from her… it will be coming soon in a post…

I’ve had a couple of “top 10 list” requests.  One is to list the top 10 buffets in Memphis.  The other is to list places to take the Nuh-Uh Girl on a date.

I think I can combine those into one post.

A few options if you’re looking for things to do tonight: First of all, there’s live music at the Silly Goose, by Star & Micey, at 9 PM.

Meanwhile, over at Rockbottom in the basement of Rehab Disco, DJ EZ-Lay spins ’80s music from 10 to 3. There will be beer and shot specials.

The organizer of The City Taste event, scheduled for October 9 in the One Commerce Square building, has decided to cancel the event. Sad to see that it won’t happen, as I was really looking forward to a quality food event so close to home. Although, with it not happening, that pretty much makes my decision that I’ll go to the Cooper-Young Brewfest which happens the same day. September, October, April and May are hard months to schedule events without them conflicting with several others (not to mention football in the fall months).

The monthly Memphis PHP meetup will be at LunaWeb Thursday night, August 26 at 6:30 PM. Paul Jones will speak on the topic “Organizing your PHP projects.” There will be snacks and drinks (I heard something about pizza). Free food? Wonder if the Nuh-Uh Girl will show up, even though she knows nothing about PHP. You can RSVP to attend and get more information here.

This isn’t a Downtown event, but Downtown businesses have donated prizes and I wanted to mention it: A fundraiser called “Unity Day” will be held in Audubon Park Saturday, August 28 from 11 AM to 1:30 PM. This event is to raise money for a kidney transplant for Maxine Kemp, mother of former Memphis Tiger basketball player Willie Kemp. There will be food, games, prizes, a silent auction, live blues, autograph sessions, and appearances by the Memphis staff and players.

Some people just don’t get it dept., vol. 1: I got an e-mail wanting me to join a grass-roots movement to create a third political party for the 2012 election. The subject of the e-mail: “Geering up for the 2012 election.” Um, when you misspell the first word in the subject line of your message, it’s kind of hard to take you seriously. Message moved to the trash. If it is indeed a serious movement, firing their communications person should be priority one.

Some people just don’t get it dept., vol.2: I received three e-mails this morning from someone wanting to “place an ad in my paper,” soliciting a tutor for their child. Um, this isn’t a paper. This is a blog. There’s a big difference. I suspect a scam. That message is heading for the trash too.

Time for trivia at the Saucer.  Think I’ll work on a few plate beers tonight.

It may not be fall quite yet, but the start of the fall outdoor party season is upon us. It kicks off this Sunday, August 29, with Bardog Tavern’s second birthday. They’ll be partying in the alley next door to Bardog from 9 AM to 6 PM, and then the party will continue inside until 1 AM.

This year it’s a party with a cause: Most of the money raised will go to St. Jude. I say “most” because St. Jude does not accept donations raised from the sale of alcohol. That’s okay, though, because there are still many more opportunities to support the cause, including a dunk tank, VIP tables, raffle, 5K, and food sales. Call 901-275-8752 to reserve a table.

There will be a “Bust Grandma’s Balls” challenge, to see who can eat the most meatballs in 8 minutes. These are Bardog’s famous meatballs, whose recipe came from Aldo’s grandmother… and Grandmom herself will be there to judge the competition. They’re still looking for contestants – call 901-275-8752 if interested. The event will occur at 5:30 PM in the alley.

You can reserve a 6-10 seat VIP table for $1500. Each table gets a bottle of Fireball, a bottle of Jameson, and unlimited sliders and PBR. Bardog will also put a banner on your table, to show your company or organization’s support of St. Jude.

There will be an all-day raffle going on from noon to 6, with great prizes like a New Belgium Fat Tire bike to be won.

There will be a dunking booth, and you can buy balls and attempt to dunk your favorite bartenders and servers. If you weren’t there last year, let me tell you, Jean in the dunking booth is a sight to see.

“The Backsliders” will provide live music in the alley from noon to 6.

Before the party, there will be a Bardog 5K to raise funds for St. Jude. The first 150 entrants will get a goody bag with a T-shirt and mug. Race starts at 9 AM, and participants get free PBR and burgers until 11 AM. Sign up for the race here. Not a runner? Doesn’t matter, there will be plenty of people walking.

You can view my photo album of last year’s party here. I took almost 150 pics. Actually, I took over 150 pics, but about 10 of the dunking booth were deemed “not fit for public posting.” Which is all the more reason you need to be down there, so you don’t miss those moments. There are also a few videos on YouTube – search for “Aldo getting dunked” or something like that.

This is the best alley party of the year thrown by any Downtown bar. You don’t want to miss it! And the weekend after that, festival season really kicks into high gear with the Memphis Music & Heritage Festival. More details on that festival coming soon.

As always on Monday, I went to Pint Nite at the Saucer, where I met my friends Clay and Lee.  I started at the bar, but comfy couches and chairs came open, and we decided to relax.  Lil’ Kim, realizing we were now in her section, came over, and said, “Paul, can I get you anything?”  I realized I was in her section as well, and as I would do for any server who was kind, friendly and courteous, I started a tab with her.  Since I’d only had one beer at the bar, I transferred it to Lil’ Kim.

About 9 we decided we were hungry.  Lee was celebrating a milestone at work, so we decided to go to Blues City Cafe to celebrate with ribs and steak.  My order was the Memphis Strip.

Glad I let Clay talk me into the steak fries, as opposed to the new potatoes.  The fries were perfect for rubbing in the drippings from the steak.

We finished up and were about to leave, when the server told us we had to stay.  The manager had identified us as locals, and decided that we needed to try an apple dumpling for dessert.  A few minutes later, it arrived at our table.

I thought about texting the Nuh-Uh Girl and asking her if an apple dumpling showed up at her table the last time she ate at Blues City, but really, I was just too busy enjoying dessert to pick up the phone.

A couple more beers at the Saucer and a great Monday night winded down.  Good times with good friends.