Paul Ryburn's Journal

Sorry, people. I stayed out until 3 AM. I am running on fumes right now.

Bardog’s 10 AM crowd is ten million percent more my speed than Blind Bear’s 1 AM crowd, but I have to take what I can get right now, with Bardog closed for repairs.

Latest I hear (through the grapevine, not official channels) is that they’re aiming for a Friday opening date. We shall see. I need some drunk Price Is Right in my life. Bartender Allie Cat and I were Facebook messenging each other as we watched from our homes yesterday:

“I totally judge people who can’t get the wheel to do a complete spin”

“PLINKO!!!!!”

“Both of those Showcase contestants made terrible bids. The man is $20,000 low but he’d going to win because the woman went over.” Nineteen thousand for a new car, a trip to Europe, and a new kitchen? C’mon man!

That’s it. I’ll try to do a better post tomorrow. Go Hogs.

The Liberty Bowl parade is this afternoon at 2 on Beale Street. Go Hogs and welcome Jayhawks!

The football Tigers play Utah State in the First Responders Bowl at 2:15 this afternoon. Catch the game on ESPN.

Max’s Sports Bar will open at 2 today for the game.

The Grizzlies are back at home against the Phoenix Suns tonight at 7. Catch the game on Bally Sports Southeast.

Here’s a look at the Piecaken we had for Christmas dessert. Chocolate pecan pie is the bottom layer, eggnog cheesecake is in the middle, red velvet cake on the top layer, topped with cherry pie filling (which made me think of Warrant).

Okay. Just got word Jess is working Local today. Gonna head up there. Back tomorrow.

I left Blind Bear about 2:45 this morning. That’s a few hours later than I usually stay out, but I temporarily don’t have Bardog to go to in the morning. So I figured, why not?

As I walked north, a woman in a sports car driving illegally on the Main Street Mall shouted out to me. “Hey babey,” she said. “You so fine. Where you be staying at? You look you need some pussy.”

I kept walking. She parked the car on Gayoso and came running after me. She was clearly a hooker. She started hugging me and grabbing my butt, and seemed to be exploring what pocket my wallet was in. “Don’t you want to go have a good time, babey?”

Did she think I was born yesterday?

Did she really think I didn’t know her male accomplice was waiting with a gun on Gayoso?

I moved to the middle of the well-lit Main Street Mall and said, “NO. STOP GRABBING ME. I’M NOT INTERESTED” loud enough to wake up the residents in the nearby Flats apartments. She realized it was game over and scurried away. I made it home safe and sound and you better believe I kept my eyes wide open.

They come out of the woodwork around this time every year. They prey on people in town for the Liberty Bowl as well as people who go out on Amateur Night (New Year’s Eve). I had my Arkansas sweatshirt on which made me easily mistakable for a tourist.

Be careful out there everyone. If an offer seems too good to be true, it probably is.

Those of you who I’ve warned about parking on Gayoso, now do you understand a little better?

Check back, I’m gonna get a Tuesday news post up sometime before 3 PM.

Note: Dammit. There were supposed to be pics with this post – really good pics – but WordPress is giving me a JSON error when I upload them.

I shouldn’t even be typing this post right now. I should be at Bardog on what is an effective holiday. But they had a ceiling issue. That leaves me no place to hang out until Blind Bear opens at 3.

Bardog hopes, last I heard, to reopen tomorrow.

Saturday afternoon I met my friends Randy and Theresa and Butt Slut #1 at Blind Bear. We had a few drinks then R and T and I headed out to Eads where I spent Christmas Eve night.

I wish I could upload a pic of their upstairs bar. It is fabulous. I call it the happiest place in the world. Plenty of spirits and a refrigerator and a big TV and a kick-ass sound system. There’s an adjoining bedroom and bathroom so it’s like I have my own little apartment out there. They have two adorable papillons, Zorro and Bella. Zorro sticks his tongue out more than anyone I’ve ever met (except Butt Slut #1) and looks like Gene Simmons. Bella hates me. Zorro can’t get up the stairs. Then again, I barely can myself.

I slept until about 8 (which for me is late) then started doing the favor of relieving Randy and Theresa’s bar of excess alcohol. I had some Cathead vodka and Monaco cocktails (the blue cans taste like Mountain Dew) and a couple of PBRs. About noon R and T put apps out – shrimp and sausage and 3 kinds of cheese. We hung out at the upstairs bar and watched TV.

Then Randy got a text. “The girls are bringing someone,” he told me. “They say it’s a boy but not an ex.” Oh Lord. I was preparing for a “look what the cat dragged in” situation. You never know with those two.

About 1:40 we heard female voices downstairs. It was Dani and Butt Slut #1 and… Mark who just started bartending at Ben-Yay’s and Blind Bear. One of the gentlest and kindest people I have ever met. I was THRILLED that I’d get to hang out with him for Christmas!

The girls started devouring the apps. It’s the most I’ve ever seen Butt Slut #1 eat, which is not much. I’d guess her at maybe 5’6 1/2″ and 116. Later in the day she made me re-take a pic because she thought she looked fat. Women.

Randy and I were going to put on my disco mix, but we couldn’t find the tracks we wanted, so we let the girls choose. OMG Nineties babies have such horrible taste in music. Love you guys but it’s true.

About 2:30 dinner was served. Delicious beef tenderloin was the main course. For sides we had rolls, green bean casserole (my favorite!), corn casserole, sweet potatoes, and stuffing (R and T are Northerners so we had stuffing, not dressing). Butt Slut #1 requested scalloped potatoes with Boursin cheese. She’s a pain in the ass and a Cowboys fan (sorry to be redundant) but she did used to date a chef so she has pretty fabulous taste in food.

Randy and Theresa had presents for me: A book and a pullover shirt and, most importantly, a Bardog gift card.

So, for years I have been Downtown’s champion chair dancer. What’s that you ask? Someone who dances on a bar seat (or any seat) without their feet touching the floor. After dinner I was sitting in R and T’s living room and I looked over and saw Butt Slut #1 shimmying to some of that horrible crap music she and Dani put on.

And I realized I’d lost my title.

I told her we’d do a dance-off sometime but realistically, it won’t even be close. I have passed the torch.

Here’s the conundrum: I tell people Butt Slut #1 is one of the goofiest people I know. But the more I hang out with her, the more I realize how similar our personalities are. So what does that say about me?

We had an Ole Smoky moonshine sampling: white chocolate strawberry, blackberry & apple (known as blapple at the Blind Bear), butter pecan, and Shine Nog. Damn the butter pecan was really good. Jeannette can we get that?

We also had some Jameson Triple Triple. Really good. I bet that’d pair really well with a Triple Triple cheeseburger from Dyer’s.

The girls drove me back Downtown to the Bear, where Butt Slut #1 said

Fuck this Bear life.
I’m living my butt life.

Gotta give her credit. She owns her persona.

There’s a movie called A Man Called Otto out. A lot of us Downtowners have been watching that movie for years.

Wrestling fans: Peacock has a new documentary: Becoming Ric Flair. Can’t wait to tune in.

Hey Adam, I finally took your suggestion of opening links in a new tab.

Ja Morant unveiled his new Nike shoe yesterday.

MLGW has issued a boil water notice.

Mannheim Steamroller rolls into the Orpheum Thursday.

A Winter Weather Advisory is in effect for Memphis.

All right. That’s it for now. I’ll try to do better about posting this week.

Congratulations to former Memphis Grizzly Pau Gasol, who has been nominated for the pro basketball Hall of Fame.

Long-time readers of this blog will remember me writing about Sunday brunch bartender B-RAD. I first met him at Blind Bear almost 10 years ago, and he’s also worked at Pontotoc Lounge, Silly Goose, and most recently Atomic Rose. He’s one of the best bartenders in the city. And he’s about to have a new Sunday home. B-RAD is excited about what the Thacker-Rhodeses are doing at Ibis (314 S. Main, in the former Pontotoc Lounge space) and wants to be a part of it. His first Sunday is January 1.

I’ll come see you sometime B-RAD. Maybe after football season so I don’t have to look at Rahul in his stupid Chiefs beanie. Just don’t introduce me to any psychos.

Details have been announced for Blind Bear’s 11th birthday party this Friday. DJ Tree at 9, DC the Snapper taking pics 9-11.

It’s National Regifting Day.

MemphisWeather.net Twitter is the social media account to follow today.

Temps are in the mid 40s tonight & don’t move much through 3pm Thu when a major front arrives. A few rain showers becomes light snow from 3-8pm with less than 1″ expected. Temps plummet into the 20s by evening as wind chills reach 0! HRRR future radar Thu 12-9pm shown.
/KG pic.twitter.com/1pZRIEqjiQ

— MemphisWeather.net (@memphisweather1) December 22, 2022

OFFICE MANAGERS: Let your staff go at 2 PM today. Don’t put them through the stress of driving through this shit in rush hour.

The Tigers improved to 10-3 with a win over Alabama State last night. Now it’s time for conference play. Next up is USF a week from today.

Excited about Christmas! Once again I am going to my friends Randy and Theresa’s house out in Eads. I’m staying overnight, then Allison and Dani (the butt sluts) are coming over for Christmas dinner. “Beef tenderloin OK?” Randy asked, which is like asking a monkey if bananas are an acceptable dinner option.

Wait, did I just compare myself to a monkey?

It’s too bad the girls’ schedules don’t allow them to stay overnight. R and T’s upstairs bar is a fabulous late-night hangout. And I was prepared to make an offer.

“Let’s flip a coin,” I would have told Dani. “Winner gets a spare bedroom all to themselves. And the loser gets stuck with Allison as a roommate.”

Got to wrap this one up. Randy is making a rare weekday appearance Downtown for Bardog breakfast. Going to introduce him to drunk Price Is Right. Back tomorrow.

SPECIAL GUEST BARTENDER ALERT: The one and only Amanda “Panda” will be guest bartending at Bardog with Melissa tonight from 5 to 8. Panda was a longtime bartender there for more than 10 years. Love me some Panda.

The Memphis Tigers play Alabama State tonight at 7 at FedExForum. TV coverage will be on ESPN+.

The Grizzlies have fallen to second place in the Western Conference following last night’s loss to Denver. Memphis is 0 games back of Denver in the West, but thanks to last night the Nuggets hold the tiebreaker. The Grizz now head to Phoenix for a game on Friday.

The MemphisWeather.net blog has an update on the Arctic conditions Memphis will experience Thursday-Friday.

If you have a day off over the holidays and are looking for something to do in the morning, come up to Bardog. We have them put The Price Is Right on at 10. Drunk Price Is Right is amazing.

Bob Barker turned 99 last week, by the way.

Ben Yay’s will be open Christmas Eve and Christmas night.

From the DM: Downtown residents, leaders frustrated with crime

Today is National Hamburger Day. Double-double at Dyer’s, baby!

Short on time so I’m going to hit Publish. I’ll have the jar of Vegemite out today. Back tomorrow.

I took my jar of Vegemite to Bardog yesterday. It was a gift from two friends who recently got back from Australia. “Allie Cat, I need two pieces of toast,” I told the bartender. “One for me and one for you.”

With great trepidation, I spread the product on. I had heard it was terrible. I posted a pic to Facebook and a local chef commented, “Don’t eat that.” Not a good sign.

The verdict?

Everyone was right! It was indeed terrible! Allie nailed it: “It tastes like a combination of Play-Doh and beef broth.”

Allie and I made a pact that we’d tell everyone Vegemite was good, so they’d come up and ask to try it. I texted several people but got no takers. Doing something I normally don’t believe in – lying – I called it a savory version of Nutella.

I did get a lesson in Female Behavior 101 though. But it’s time to do the news, so we’ll save that for the end of the post.

I have an earthquake app on my phone and this morning I’m getting a bunch of notifications about quakes near Ferndale, California, including a 6+ magnitude one. I hope these aren’t foreshocks of “The Big One.”

One day Memphis will have its own Big One too. And I live in a 16-story building built half in 1904 and half in 1914, before there were earthquake standards.

Grizzlies on national TV alert: Memphis tips off at Denver tonight at 9 on TNT. My friend Shrek who is a TV producer would want me to tell you: If you live in the Memphis market, skip TNT and watch Fish and Brevin and Pete call the game on Bally Sports Southeast instead.

Keep an eye on the forecast… low temps around 6F and wind chills below zero are expected Friday morning.

Today is National Sangria Day.

John Mellencamp is coming to the Orpheum April 24-25. I bet my friend Amy is jumping for joy with excitement.

Today is Bardog’s employee Christmas party. They’ll be closing at 3 PM and reopening at 5 PM. The party will be offsite. I won’t reveal the location, but Aldo takes great care of his people.

Monroe between Main and Second, as well as November 6th St. between Madison and Monroe, will be closed for construction during the first half of January. If you have a reserved spot in the alley, you’ll need to park in the garage.

Silly Goose has dessert now: A blondie brownie topped with Irish whiskey ice cream from Margie’s 901. It’s homemade, topped with caramel sauce.

Yesterday I learned there were Yacht Rock and Dad Rock stations on Pandora.

The Congressional January 6 committee has recommended the Trumpster be prosecuted for multiple crimes for his role in the insurrection. I bet there are a lot of federal prisoners who would hit dat Trump ass.

Okay, it’s time for that Female Behavior 101 lesson.

Sunday morning, my friend Butt Slut #1 told me she’d meet me at Bardog for breakfast on Monday so she could try the Vegemite. By late afternoon Sunday, though, she’d changed her tune. “I’m going to bail on you for breakfast tomorrow, Paul,” she told me, “because I’m mad at you.” And, in fact, she did bail on me.

Can you, dear reader, guess the horrible transgression I committed?

You’re probably thinking, “I guess she finally got tired of being called ‘butt slut’ in public and on a well-read blog.” Wrong. She loves her nickname and understands I don’t use it with even a hint of meanness. Also, her best friend in the whole world calls her that too (and much worse).

Now you’re probably thinking, “Pauly. I know you. You drink a lot of PBR. And she’s an attractive girl. You had a few too many and got creepy with her. I bet you tried to kiss her or grope her, didn’t you?” Wrong again. I don’t do that to women unless I very clearly have their permission.

So you want to hear the awful thing I did?

You’re gonna think I’m a complete asshole when you read it.

I will probably lose the respect of most of my blog readers.

You ready?

Mid-afternoon Sunday, I texted Butt Slut #1 and told her, “Your Dallas Cowboys just lost hahahahaha.”

That’s what pissed her off so much.

She told me later Sunday evening that she wouldn’t have been so mad had I not included “hahahahaha.”

Makes perfect sense, right?

Now I will close this post with the words of a great American philosopher.

Women. You can’t live with ’em…………. (shrugs shoulders)
– Al Bundy

In case you missed yesterday’s post, my friends Randy and Theresa went to Australia this month and brought me back a jar of Vegemite, a savory spread.

A lot of us have heard of Vegemite but have never tried it. So I’m gonna bring the jar to Bardog breakfast this morning, where there’s toast, and we’ll have ourselves a tasting.

Most people have told me Vegemite is disgusting, but my friend Clay commented “it is SO good.” Then again, he likes pineapple on pizza, so I take his culinary opinions with a grain of salt.

Hanukkah begins today. Cheers to the Nuh-Uh Girl and all my other Jewish friends.

Other than that, no news to report. Over and out.

If you live in the Downtown core, you’re probably aware of The Giant Hole that’s been dug on Monroe between Front and Main for the past few months. See, what happened was, my part of Downtown has the oldest sewer infrastructure in Memphis, dating back to the 1800s. On October 1, a water main broke and flooded nearby businesses. Brinkley Plaza was closed for weeks, as was Flight restaurant. Every day since the water main break, about a dozen workers have been out on Monroe repairing the damage.

By last week, they were almost done. Bogie’s Deli and Flight had reopened, and a dump truck had dropped off a huge pile of gravel to fill in The Giant Hole. Monroe Avenue, closed for two months, looked on track to open to traffic by Christmas.

Then, on Friday, a piece of construction equipment dropped a 4000-pound plate.

Guess what it hit.

Yep, the water main.

D’oh!

Needless to say, the completion date for The Giant Hole project has been moved back by weeks.

I’m meeting my friend Butt Slut #1 (more about her later in this post) at Bardog for brunch today and I’ll see if there are any updates about the hole. If there are, I’ll have an update tomorrow.

More from WREG

I got my first Christmas present yesterday! My friends Randy & Theresa recently went to Australia for a Billy Joel concert and brought me back a gift bag.

I’ve heard about Vegemite for years and have always been curious to try it. It’s a spread made from leftover brewers’ yeast and other additives. Really, people have told me it’s kinda gross, but I want to find out for myself. I think I’ll take it to Bardog breakfast on Monday and order a piece of toast to spread it on. I’ll let Allie Cat try it too, if she wants.

R & T also brought me some crocodile jerky. Later in the day, I told the bartender at Blind Bear about my gift bag. “I don’t think I’d eat crocodile,” she said.

“Why not?” I replied. “They’d eat us.”

Aldo in the bag: a box of Haigh’s Australian chocolates, a Melbourne T-shirt, and a bottle of Deep Eddy vodka (not Australian). Thank you R & T for my gift bag and for being such wonderful friends. Excited about spending Christmas with you out in Eads.

A date for the celebration of life for our friend Nate has been set for early January. If you knew him, hit me up on social media or email me (paul@paulryburn.com) for the deets.

The Memphis Tigers beat Texas A&M 83-79 yesterday. 2 wins over 3 SEC opponents in a week is not bad. Memphis belongs in the Top 25. Next up: At home against Alabama State on Wednesday.

Ja Morant was ejected last night in a Grizzlies loss to OKC:

This is the entire Morant episode so you can see for yourself. This is madness. pic.twitter.com/kye0DluWEn

— Chris Vernon (@ChrisVernonShow) December 18, 2022

Good news though – New Orleans and Denver lost their most recent showdowns, leaving the Grizz atop the Western Conference by 1 game.

Blind Bear has two additions to its menu:

• $10 meatball sub
• $10 fried bologna sandwich

Van Duren debuts at South Main Sounds on January 20.

Today is National Wear a Plunger on Your Head Day.

Snow is in the forecast for Thursday.

Today is the final day for Ballet Memphis presents The Nutcracker at the Orpheum.

There’s a Holiday Jam concert at the Cannon Center tonight featuring Johnny Gill and Stokely.

A woman has been charged in a bizarre scheme in which she allegedly tried to claim ownership of an Uptown homeless shelter.

WREG spotlighted 6 new restaurants in Memphis, 4 of which are Downtown: Penny’s Nitty Gritty, Cocozza, 350 Baked, and Quintessential Sweets.

A woman reported a “terrifying” robbery attempt around 1 AM last Sunday at Front and Huling.

Odds Atelier, a clothing store on South Main, was robbed Wednesday.

For the benefit of my male readers, it’s time to update the list about my goofy but adorable friend:

KEYS TO WINNING BUTT SLUT #1’S HEART (or maybe her butt? IDK)

• Feed her soup. She likes lentil soup in particular
• Watch soccer with her. But remember, guys, it’s a fútbol match on a pitch, not a soccer game on a field.
• Make her potatoes with Boursin cheese
• Watch the Dallas Cowboys with her (UGH the Cowgirls)
• Know the difference between jelly and jam

I just opened that bag of crocodile jerky. It is so good!

Getting this blog back on track following a bad mid-month. Back tomorrow probably.

Check out these beautiful NBA standings from ESPN.com.