Paul Ryburn's Journal

Didn’t get around to voting yesterday. After work I had a news article I wanted to post on the Residents for a Safer Downtown Memphis website, so I took the laptop to Sleep Out’s and knocked it out.

To my female readers: I strongly suggest you click over to the RSDM website and click on the News link. My newest article is about a new, sophisticated breed of purse snatchers that are operating throughout the city but seem to be targeting Beale Street in particular. If you go out this weekend, be sure to keep an eye on your purse at all times, and only leave it in the care of people you are sure you can trust.

So tonight I will definitely go vote after work. Then I am going to the Peabody rooftop party, and this week I mean it – there have been a few weeks in a row when I have said I am going and then didn’t make it. This week I’m ready to go have some fun. If anyone wants to meet me up there, I’ll be there about 7:30.

Bumper sticker I saw on the way down here: “Draft SUV Drivers First” Amen!

What else is going on… one of the waitresses at the Saucer is mad at me. “I’ve seen you at Raiford’s twice and you didn’t dance with me either time!” she told me. I further compounded the problem a few minutes later. A gorgeous blonde who used to work at the Saucer walked by the Second Street window, and I commented that the blonde was my favorite Saucer waitress of all time. “What?” said the already-mad-at-me waitress, “*** I *** AM YOUR FAVORITE WAITRESS OF ALL TIME!” Geez. I can’t seem to please anyone these days. To make matters worse, I couldn’t remember her name – all I knew was that it both started and ended with an A. So for the rest of the evening, I called her Althea, Atlanta, Antarctica, Acrophobia, anything that started and ended with an A. I wonder how many times she spit in my beer.

An article in the Commercial Appeal this morning says that The Vue will not be built. The Vue was to be a 28-story apartment building at Main and Gayoso, which would have brought much-needed rental units to an area overrun with condos. The developers tried to secure financing for three years, but could not get it. They cited the fact that rents have not risen to keep up with construction costs, and therefore it was not feasible to build the building as rental units. That’s quite a blow to Downtown. Pretty much everything is converting to condo and you have to have some serious money to live in the core part of downtown. There are some rental units left but you’ll be lucky to find a decent one-bedroom for less than $900 a month. Not everyone can afford that, especially not people in the arts and education and people fresh out of college. The lack of rental units decreases diversity in the community and I hate that.

All right. In honor of Tube Top Month Extended, let’s have some fun. I’m going to click the Random Article link on Wikipedia and relate whatever comes up to tube tops.

First off, we have European Legions, an album by Norwegian black metal band mayhem. I doubt there are many tube tops in Norway, it’s too cold to wear them there.

Next up is The Mountebanks, a comic opera. Operas make me fall asleep. If I ever go see The Mountebanks, perhaps I’ll take a date in a tube top so I have something to focus on to keep me awake.

Next is “Hurricane Neddy,” the eighth episode of the eighth season of The Simpsons. A hurricane approaches and everyone panics but Ned Flanders, who remains calm. Of course, I was writing about The Simpsons on this blog just the other day, commenting that Marge Simpson wears the same dress every day and my friend Meredith should take after Marge and wear the green tube top every day.

Next we have Lowville, Wisconsin, population 987. The article gives various statistics about the town but doesn’t mention how many women in Lowville wear tube tops.

Okay, one more. Let’s see what comes up: Militias in Bermuda from 1612 to 1815. Tube tops had not been invented back then, so I doubt tube tops were part of the uniform.

Aren’t you glad that you only have to endure a few more days of this tube top nonsense? I’ve decided not to do a theme for August. I’m tired of having a topic that I have to work into every post.

As usual, I’m at the Union Avenue branch office composing this lunchtime post. Cool, there’s a Romanian working! I’m going to log off and talk to her.

I can’t believe how many people who have asked me, “Did you really book The Dempseys to play for George Bush?” For those of you who missed the previous post… Sunday night they announced to the crowd that I was their manager, that I book all their gigs. They were kidding, of course. No. No. Just to remove all doubt… I did not book them to play for Bush. If I were truly the manager of a successful band, why in the world would I spend 8 hours a day working in a cubicle?

This lunchtime post is once again brought to you by the Wi-Fi at Sleep Out Louie’s. Fellow SOL regular Josh just walked in and said, “I just saw one of your Romanians in a tube top,” and I jumped about three feet out of my seat. He didn’t know which one it was, but he said that she was blonde, that the tube top was well filled out, and that she was pulling it up. If she walks back by while I’m still here, I may very well get down on one knee and propose. Wear a tube top, get a green card.

One more item to add to the Friday night festivities: Lamar Sorrento will be appearing at Dr. Bob’s gallery at 10 South Main. Dr. Bob will also be showing the Katrina short films if you missed them last time.

The Rapscallions rolled to a first-place victory last night at trivia at the Saucer. That brings our total stash of gift certificates to $270. Time to have a party! We’re planning it via e-mail this morning.

After talking to several trusted friends, I have decided that I am not ready to take down the June 5-9 posts about downtown crime that led to the formation of Residents for a Safer Downtown Memphis. Previously I had considered removing them, because I worried the posts were hurting the image of downtown, and I felt like the crime problem was starting to be addressed. And it is… but it’s still a problem. When I walk to Jack’s and get hit up by 3 bums in 2 blocks, that makes me mad. So, the posts stay up until January ’07 at least.

Speaking of crime… the gang members who were arrested in last week’s Operation Blue Crush sweep appeared in court today. One of the gang members told the judge that the assault rifle found in his possession was a present from his grandmother. He wasn’t kidding. From now on, whenever someone asks, “WTF is wrong with Memphis?”, that will be the story I tell them.

Last week when I was looking at the sample election ballot, there was a name that looked vaguely familiar – Bren Olswanger. “Do I know that guy?” I wondered. Well, today after seeing his ad in the Flyer, I realized who he was – Bren from the TV show The Apprentice. He was on a couple of seasons ago and made it to the final five. He has a website at http://www.bowtieonthebench.com/ and is having a reception tomorrow at Murphy’s, 4 to 7 pm. By the way, Murphy’s address is wrong in the Flyer ad – correct address is the corner of Madison and Avalon.

Oh, cool! The Court Square Concert Series is coming back. Those were a lot of fun last year. They’ll be held every Wednesday in Court Square, near the intersection of Second and Court, from 6 to 8 pm. Good music, beer and wine, bums and pigeons. Free Sol kicks it off next Wednesday, August 2, and the series will continue through October 25. Nice to see them doing it when the weather is a bit cooler this year – good idea. It’s still plenty warm enough in October for outdoor shows. Attn Mikey: I’m sensing an opportunity for Residents for a Safer Downtown Memphis to shake hands and kiss babies at these shows. Actually, babies are kind of gross, I’d prefer to shake hands and kiss Romanians.

I haven’t voted yet… I’ll probably do it today after work. I’ll walk up to the main election office and press the levers for Steve Cohen and Novella Smith Arnold. Or, if I unexpectedly die before I make it to the polls, then I’ll show up there as a ghost and vote for Ophelia.

That was bad. Back to work.

Only got about 10 minutes to do this, so it will be short…

I got second place in Huey’s trivia contest last night. I played as Professor Paul, although Mikey came in after about the third question and by then it was too late to switch to the Rapscallions team name. My prize was a $20 Huey’s gift card.

Tonight the Rapscallions will be back at the Saucer for their Trivia Bowl. Reminds me, I gotta study up this afternoon.

Looks like Friday will be a big day this week. Not only will South Main Trolley Art Tour be going on from 6 to 9, but word is that Drake and Zeke will be at Sleep Out’s from 5 to 7 as well. It will be a Red Stripe party, and you can enter to win a trip to Jamaica. Looks like I’ll have a full evening.

I’m sitting here at Sleep Out’s right now, as a matter of fact. Dammit… I had hoped a Romanian would be waitressing, but it’s The Most Annoying Woman On The Planet II instead. And there’s no one in a tube top in here. This is almost as boring as my cubicle at work. Speaking of which, it’s time to head back that way…

I want to lead off this post with something that happened Saturday night… something very, very good. This is something I plan on writing about on the Residents for a Safer Downtown Memphis website, but I want to mention it here as well since my blog has a bigger audience.

Saturday night I was walking down Second Street with Semi-Charmed Kat, on the way to the Flying Saucer. As we walked past Texas de Brazil a voice off to the left said, “Hey man, good to see you, how have you been?” and I looked in that direction and it was a cop – and after a second I realized it was Maj. Johnny Currin, one of the top guys at the South Main Substation. Johnny was one of the cops Mike King and I met the week Residents for a Safer Downtown Memphis kicked off. (At that time he asked us to drop the “Major” formality and use his first name.)

He introduced me to the two other cops who were with him, who were also very high-ranking Memphis Police officers and not the kind of people you expect to see out working the streets on a Saturday night. They told me they were downtown to check out for themselves what happens down here on the weekends. Meanwhile, there were bicycle cops weaving between cars and pulling people over when they saw violations. I was thrilled. I thanked them over and over again for being there. This is exactly what we need downtown. If the cruisers and panhandlers and would-be criminals see a cop every time they turn around, they’re going to get the message that Downtown Memphis is not a place where you can get away with stuff.

Which reminds me… if you haven’t seen this week’s Memphis Flyer, pick up a copy and turn to the “Home Safe” article on page 10 – it’s about us. They interviewed Johnny Currin about putting more walking patrols on the streets, and they used my famous “Taco Bell change” quote to explain why you need to be careful about leaving loose change in your car.

Johnny also told me that the downtown precinct has big plans for National Night Out, which will be held on the first Tuesday in August. More details to come soon.

Moving on to last night… I went to Downtown Huey’s to see The Dempseys, and was lucky enough to grab the seat at the front corner of the bar where I was only a few feet away from the stage. At one point the band did their introductions.

“On the bass, Slick Joe Fick!”

“On guitar, my best friend in the whole wide world, Mister Bradley D. Birkendahl!”

“On the drums, he’s only 16 years old, ladies and gentlemen, Ron Perrone Jr.!”

“And in the front row, ladies and gentlemen, Paul Ryburn! He’s our manager, folks, he books all our gigs!”

Absolutely true… I was the one who booked them to play for President Bush a couple of weeks ago. The way I looked at it, the more time Dubya spends listening to rockabilly, the less time he has to screw up America.

I had two pitchers of Budweiser and a Red Bull while I listened to them. Somehow my tab ended up to be $5.88. I have no idea how they did the math on that, but I sure didn’t argue!

After the show I mentioned to the band that I was heading over to Blues City Cafe to see FreeWorld. “Riiiiiiight, Paul,” they said. “We’re sure that’s REALLY the reason you’re going over there. It wouldn’t have ANYTHING to do with… Ukranians.” What a random comment! I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone from the Ukraine in my life! Those boys must have had a nip of Thomas’s moonshine.

Moving on to plans for tonight… I probably don’t even need to tell you that I’ll be at the Saucer for Pint Nite. However, I’m adding a new item to the agenda – Trivia Night at Huey’s, from 9 to 11 PM. I’m not taking the team with me – I’ll be playing under my solo name, Professor Paul. They have prizes of $50, $25, and $10 for the winners, and the manager told me it has been going really well, so I’ll give it a try.

I tend to believe that the competition will be stiff, because of the late start time. It’s my opinion that people who stay out until 11, 12 or later on weekday nights are generally smarter than people who believe they have to be home by 10 to get a good night’s sleep for work the next day. Why organize your entire life around work? Work sucks.

Depending on how awake/sober I am by the time trivia is over, I may walk over to Blues City to look for these imaginary “Ukranians” that the Dempseys claim are there.

Today’s post is being brought to you courtesy of the free wi-fi at Sleep Out Louie’s. Down at the end of the bar, SOL waitress The Most Annoying Woman On The Planet II is whining that someone stole the cover of her Danzig CD. Bartender Emma has a couple of sexual astrology and birthday books. I asked her to look up my birthday, November 18.

“Oh, so you’re a Scorpio! THAT explains why you’re so weird!”

What exactly did she mean by that?

Only one week remains in Tube Top Month Extended, and I promise you, I am NOT going to extend it again into August. I’ve finally hit the point where I’m tired of writing about tube tops. So I guess it’s time to look for a new theme for next month. I’ve had suggestions to do Miniskirt Month, Thong Month, etc. Not surprisingly, all of those suggestions came from guys. But, no. I’m tired of clothing items as a theme. Maybe I’ll pick a country to honor, kind of like Memphis in May honors a country every year. Any suggestions for which country I should pick?

Time to publish this post and slag through a long afternoon at work. I got up late today and didn’t have time to shower, so I have greasy hair. Blah.

Let’s catch up with what has been going on this weekend… Friday night I ran into Meredith (see the previous post, in the green tube top) and her roommate Melissa on Second Street, and they decided to come to Sleep Out’s with me. So we hung out and drank for a couple of hours, and the green tube top came up in conversation. Meredith revealed that when she wears tube tops, she wears them the proper way (they can be worn “with” or “without” – the proper way is “without”). When I got home, I pulled up her pic in Paint Shop Pro and zoomed in 8x to observe the tube topography, but that stupid St. Patrick’s day lei around her neck is in the way.

Last night I returned to Sleep Out’s, and found that the usual band, Pam & Terry, had the night off. However, the band that was playing in their place, Ken & Robyn Greene, were OUTSTANDING. It’s a two person band, with Ken on lead vocals and guitar and Robin on electric violin. They have an incredible repertoire, with Ken singing absolutely perfect vocals on everything from Elvis to classic rock to the Smiths. They played a lot of ’80s and a lot of Smiths… Sleep Out’s regular John D. thought he had died and gone to heaven. Not surprisingly, heaven looks a lot like a bar to John D.

Ken and Robyn will be performing this Friday at ReMax on the River (500 S. Main) at the South Main Trolley Art Tour, and they will be performing August 5 at the Farmers’ Market, so you have a couple more chances to see them downtown.

Later in the evening, Semi-Charmed Kat called and wanted to meet up. I owed her a beer and she was interested in collecting. I think Semi-Charmed Kat regretted hanging out with me by the end of the evening though. She just bought a house in East Bumblefuck and I was making fun of her neighborhood nonstop.

“Just think, Kat, you can get in your SUV that gets 9 miles per gallon and drive down Germantown Parkway and weave through all the soccer moms in their minivans and drive to a strip mall and go to the Cordova Fox and Hound.”

“Or you can drive 5 miles in the opposite direction to another strip mall and go sit at the bar at Houston’s and talk to the couple next to you about how lucky they are not to have to pay city property taxes on their house which looks just like every other house in their incredibly boring neighborhood.”

“Or you can drive 3 miles in the opposite direction and go to a different strip mall and go to…”

At that point, Kat interrupted me. “Paul, if you say Mulligan’s I’m going to slap you.” I’ll admit, I was about to say Mulligan’s.

Kat tried to defend East Bumblefuck. Hey, there are some advantages. For example, her neighborhood has a drive-thru Chick-Fil-A and downtown doesn’t. Finally Kat realized that she wasn’t winning the argument and instead directed me to look at her boobs, which were packed into a slutty black dress.

“I want to see these Romanians you talk about in your blog all the time,” Semi-Charmed Kat said. “Are any of them working tonight?” So Kat and I walked to a nearby restaurant where a Romanian was waitressing. We took seats at the back bar.

A few minutes later, the Romanian appeared and Semi-Charmed Kat made a Semi-Charmed Katty comment. “She’s short,” was the first thing Kat said. Meow! She mentioned that fact several more times too. “Paul, she’s a pretty girl,” Kat said, “but she sure is short.”

Speaking of Romania… Romanian president Traian Basescu will visit the U.S. this week, and will meet with President Bush on Thursday. They will discuss bilateral relations. Now, as you know I have not always been the biggest fan of George W. Bush. Nevertheless, I support him 100% on this initiative. I pledge to do everything I personally can this week to encourage Romanians to have relations with Americans. Sometimes you gotta be a patriot.

All right… it’s 1:00 and I’m back at Sleep Out’s for brunch. I’ll be here until at least 7. I hear there will be boobs and whipped cream later on. Wondering if there will be a photo album tomorrow. Happy Sunday and you never know, the laptop still has some battery so there may be a second post.

(Edited Friday mid-afternoon: Just found out about another event going on tonight that sounds very promising – the Round 2 semifinals of the Memphis Blues Society challenge, happening at both the Tap Room and the Blues Hall on Beale. Event starts at 7 PM. Finals are tomorrow night, and the winner goes on to the International Blues Challenge next February. For more info about the IBC check out The Blues Foundation’s website.)

Wow. Two and a half days without a post. For me that’s a long time. Been busy dealing with car repairs and a lack of sleep, among other things. Today’s lunchtime post is brought to you by the free Wi-Fi at Sleep Out Louie’s.

There’s a sample ballot for the August 3 election in today’s Commercial Appeal. It’s well worth the time to print it out and study it in advance, so that you’re prepared when you get to the voting machine. That way, you won’t get lost in screen after screen of candidates. Remember, early voting is going on now, and don’t forget to check the boxes next to Steve Cohen and Novella Smith-Arnold when you go in.

The CA also had a review of an Ethiopian restaurant, the Blue Nile. That food looks so good… there’s a pic of an Ethopian combination platter with vegetables, lamb, chicken and beef. Instead of using a fork you scoop it up with flatbread called injera. Reasonable prices too – it says entrees are $9 to $12. Now that the car is out of the shop, I may have to take the drastic step of driving all the way out to East Bumblefuck to give this place a try.

I also read in the CA that Arkansas has banned smoking in most businesses that allow customers under 21. The ban includes most restaurants and some bars. Wow. Wonder if it will come to Tennessee next. I have very mixed feelings about such a ban. I personally think cigarettes are disgusting but it’s something I put up with for the sake of my friends. If such a ban were implemented in Tennessee, it would absolutely kill the vibe at Sleep Out’s. Everyone would be going outside every five minutes for a smoke break. Now that I think about it, I may well be the ONLY regular who doesn’t smoke. If a referendum for a ban came up, I honestly don’t know if I’d vote for it.

All right… let’s see what’s happening this weekend…

Tonight there’s a fund-raiser for the Red Cross at the Happy Mexican from 6 to 8. $10 donation. Door prizes, food and drink specials, and Los Cantadores will perform. The Happy Mexican is on Second, about four blocks south of Beale Street.

Don’t know if I’ll make it to the fund-raiser or not… we’ll see. Later in the evening, I’ll probably hit Big Foot, where I want to try some of the drinks on their new signature drink menu. Even later I may stop by another downtown hotspot, a place that only has one signature drink – a 40.

On the drive down here, I noticed that Off Beale Live is opening tonight. Off Beale Live is the new club in the old Six-1-Six building, at 616 Marshall.

The only plan I have so far for Saturday is a business meeting at 4:00. Fortunately, I was able to schedule the meeting at the Second Street branch office. Business meetings always go better when you have beer and waitresses.

This is beginning to sound like a broken record, but on Sunday night I’ll be going out to a bar to hear… you guessed it… The Dempseys. I must hold the world record for attending Dempseys shows. Wait, no I don’t, Thomas does. I’m probably second though. Anyway, Sunday will be a special night because I’ll be going to my absolute favorite place to hear the Dempseys play.

And you might be surprised to hear that it’s not a bar where the waitresses wear miniskirts.

And it’s not a bar that has waitresses from Romania.

It’s downtown Huey’s. The first place I ever heard them and in my opinion, the downtown location that offers the best acoustics and the best band/crowd interaction. They haven’t played downtown Huey’s since December.

Trouble is, I may be so drunk Sunday night that I don’t even remember seeing The Dempseys. Of course, I’ll be doing Sunday brunch at Sleep Out’s around noon, and Emma has told me to stick around until 4 for dollar jello shots. She says she’s making twice as many as last week, and all different colors.

Shout out to Meredith, who was at Big Foot Wednesday night. Hang on, let’s post a pic of Meredith:

Meredith had the green tube top on when I saw her Wednesday. Meredith should wear the green tube top every day. You know, kind of like Marge Simpson always wears the same dress. It was nice to meet Meredith’s roommate Melissa, who also had a tube top on.

All right. Back to the rat race for four more hours.

So this morning I went to the parking garage and started the car. It started fine, but the SERVICE ENGINE SOON light came on and stayed on for about a minute. The ABS light came on and stayed on. The emergency brake light flickered on and off continuously. The air wouldn’t turn on at all. So instead of turning left on Monroe and driving to work, I turned right on Monroe and drove to the Saturn dealership. Never fails. Every time I build up some money in my checking account, the car decides to spend it for me. Of course, it’s 12 years old so I guess it’s expected to do that.

So now I’m at the dealership, and it looks like Saturn is rolling out an entire new line of cars for 2007. There’s a two-seater convertible called the Sky which does not look like a Saturn at all – it looks like an expensive sports car. Cruising around in the Sky during the summer months – during “tube top weather” as I call it – would be fun. It lists for $24-27K, according to the pricing literature.

There are also two other models coming out – the Outlook, an 8-seater SUV, and the Aura, which looks like a mid-sized coupe. Again, these cars don’t look like Saturns as we currently know them at all.

They have a Sky in the showroom, and I snapped a picture of it with the digicam. I don’t have the USB camera cord with me so I can’t post it right now though. Looks like the Aura and Outlook are too new to have arrived at the dealerships yet.

At least they have wireless here. Actually, I don’t think Saturn does specifically, but one of its neighbors has an unsecured wireless network that I was able to hop on to. Signal’s real weak though. I’m going to publish this while I can and get a little surfing done.

Fellow blogger Semi-Charmed Kat won the free beer (see previous post) by pointing out what was wrong with my Pint Nite post (see two posts ago) – it did not contain a tube top mention. It wasn’t intentional at the time – I posted it Monday night and then Tuesday as I was on my way to work, I thought, “Oh no! I forgot to mention tube tops!” Most likely Kat will collect on the free beer Thursday night.

My mother sent me a CNN breaking news update: Two Republican senators have told CNN that evacuation fees will be waived for Americans being helped to leave Lebanon. So they won’t be billed for their transport plus interest as I reported in an earlier post. Finally, Congress has done something right. I’m glad.

The Rapscallions lost again at trivia tonight, and trivia traitor Pam’s team came in second and got a $25 certificate. There was a very good question though – name the first gymnast to score a perfect 10 on the uneven parallel bars, which of course was Nadia Comaneci from Romania. Personally, I think the reason we’ve been doing so badly as of late is because there aren’t any Romanian waitresses at the Saucer this year to inspire us.

Attn bloggers: fellow blogger Serrabee is trying to put together a Blogger’s Bash for August. See Rock’n’roll Minor Planets: Blogger Bash, anyone? for details. Anyone who writes a blog is invited to attend, although it looks like they may do separate sections for political and non-political bloggers. You can post comments to her post suggesting dates and venues. I missed the June Bash but will try to make it to this one.

It’s 3 in the morning. Can’t sleep. Been clicking on the random article link on Wikipedia to entertain myself. So far I’ve gotten pages on

• civil unions between same-sex couples in Croatia
• Strange, a music video compilation by Depeche Mode
• Oak Grove, a subway station in the Boston area
• a list of rivers in India
• Roboform, a password management software system

I still haven’t bought a wireless router. Now I’m wishing I had so I could lie in bed and surf the web. But since I don’t have one, I guess I’ll hit the post button and go read a book until I fall asleep or until the alarm clock goes off, whichever comes first.

I can’t believe that none of my dear readers have e-mailed me yet and pointed out something that they noticed about the previous post (the Pint Nite post). First person to figure out what I’m talking about and e-mail me wins a free beer.

Today’s lunchtime post is being written on Otherlands’ Wi-Fi connection. Been walking around looking at the flyers people have left here. Here’s something that looks pretty interesting: Meisner Acting Class for the Creative. Looks like it’s intensive acting classes that will benefit anyone in the creative arts. They’re having a fundraiser on Saturday, July 29 starting at 8 pm, with Amy LeVere, Saturna, an art auction, short films, and trailers. Click the link for more details about either the classes or the fundraiser.

There are also flyers for Steve Cohen and Novella Smith-Arnold in here. Otherlands patrons have good taste in politicians.

Plans for tonight: Trivia. Beer. Waitresses. I have heard that our pop-culture expert The Nuh-Uh Girl won’t be there tonight, so we may be in trouble this week if there are a lot of entertainment questions. I’ve been studying up though. I want revenge on Pam the Trivia Traitor.

Tomorrow at lunch I’ll be driving downtown to Sleep Out’s. For those of you wondering why I would drive from my work at the eastern edge of Midtown all the way downtown for lunch, let me explain. It’s chicken alfredo pasta day. That’s the reason. Really.

Well, that and I’ve also received a tip that if I show up, I may decide to end Tube Top Month Extended a couple of weeks early and proclaim it Tank Top Month instead.

Thursday night I’ll be hitting the Peabody rooftop early in the evening (around 7 or 7:30) and then around 9 I’ll head over to the Flying Saucer, where The Dempseys will be playing at 9:30. At some point I may meet up with fellow blogger Semi-Charmed Kat, who flaked out on me last night. She’ll be downtown for the Ptolemy happy hour thing.

If you can’t make it to see the Dempseys downtown on Thursday, they’ll be playing at the East Bumblefuck Saucer on Friday.

… And lunchtime’s over. I’ll end this post with a shout-out to my good friend Chuck D. Have a good afternoon everybody….

Tonight I’m posting from the Flying Saucer, at Pint Nite. I’m at the end of my third beer so this will probably turn into a drunk post by the end. I have Sunday drinking pics for you… but first, you have to listen to me rant about our stupid-ass federal government for a little while.

The government is evacuating U.S. citizens from Lebanon to the island nation of Cyprus, due to the recent hostilities between Lebanon and Israel. So today, I was cruising CNN, MSNBC, all the news sites, catching up on the latest developements, when I came across this tidbit of information: “The U.S. government does not provide no-cost transportation,” writes the State Department. They are making each evacuee sign a promissory note that they will pay the government back for the cost of the trip to Cyprus, plus interest.

WTF? The government has spent $400 billion blowing up Iraq, and they they’re not willing to spend a few million to get Americans out of harm’s way. I wonder how many of our citizens will turn down the offer because they don’t want to go into debt, and will risk getting killed in the process. Absolutely ridiculous and it shows how far off track this government’s priorities have gotten. Who matters in this country? Not you. Unless you’re a corporation.

Now I was already ticked off after reading that MSNBC story, but then I started surfing other sites. One of my daily stops is Nine O’Clock, an English-language website that reports the latest news from Romania. They’re evacuating citizens from Lebanon as well. Nine O’Clock reports that 283 Romanians evacuated from Lebanon arrived home today. “The Foreign Ministry intends to cover the costs of the evacuation from the emergency consular fund,” it says.

So Romanian citizens got out for free (except for a $50 fee to get a visa into Syria) and the U.S. is sending everyone a bill. You know that our government has gone to hell in a handbasket when RO FUCKING MANIA takes better care of its citizens than we do. Unbelievable. It would have been easy for Congress to pass an emergency bill covering the costs. But they didn’t. Each and every one of the 535 members of Congress deserves to be thrown out of office on their keister for that. Republicans and Democrats both.

Heh. I don’t think I’ve heard the word “keister” since All in the Family went off the air. Remember how they used to talk? They’d refer to the toilet as the “turrrlet.” Oil was “earl.” If they were sitting here in the Saucer with me they’d probably refer to it as the “Sasser.” Mistakenly thinking the bar was named after former U.S. Senator Jim Sasser, of course. I wonder if Jim Sasser would have voted to make Americans pay their own way out of a war zone. Of course, we’ll never know because he was beaten in the 1994 general election by Bill Frist. Bill Frist, by the way, is an asswipe.

All right. So much for the ranting part of the post. Let’s get on to the good stuff.

Yesterday I had two bottles of champagne, two mint juleps, a duck fart, two jello shots, and several beers. At one point I walked home for about 10 minutes and fired up the laptop. I had an e-mail from fellow blogger Kat (she moved her blog; I need to ask permission before I post the new URL) asking when we’re going to hang out again. In my drunken state, I replied, “I don’t know but you better wear a slutty outfit and it’s probably going to get taken off.” This morning I found that message in my Sent box, and was trying to figure out if I should e-mail an apology. Things got busy at work so I never did. Now I’m sitting here at the Saucer and Kat just called. “Paul! Where are you? I’m coming downtown!” Guess the apology is unnecessary, then.

So last week I mentioned that I’m probably the only person in Memphis not to have a picture on MySpace of himself at a bar drinking with Mendi. Well, that problem has been addressed. See below:

Mendi is captain of her Sunday drinking team and brought the team in for a bottle of champagne at Sleep Out’s. Mendi is awesome. There will be more on the Sunday drinking team later in this post.

Around that time I was playing NTN Trivia and receiving some very stiff challenges from my friend PDS, who was there with former downtowner Tracy. In fact, PDS managed to beat me three times in a row. It has become an established rule that if you win an NTN Trivia game at Sleep Out’s, you have to do a victory dance. Here are a few pics of PDS’s dance:

A few days ago, one of the Romanian girls asked me if she could bite my neck. Not being one to turn down physical advances from gorgeous, sexy European women, I said sure, go ahead. Afterward I remembered what region of Romania she was from… Transylvania. Now look what happened:

Later in the evening I ran into the Sunday drinking team on the patio of Swig. Here are a couple of candid photos of Mendi:

And a photo of Sunday drinking team member Jessica:

In other news, congrats to Philip who writes the excellent Life in and Around Memphis blog – his blog recently won an award as one of the best blogs in Tennessee. A well deserved award. Philip’s site is one I check frequently to keep plugged into the Memphis scene.

Ptolemy Memphis is having a happy hour at the Redbirds game Thursday night. Ptolemy is one of the Carnival Krewes and is basically a year-long party. I’m not a member, but a lot of good people are (including Philip and Kat mentioned in this post). The happy hour is open to the public, so if you’ve ever thought about joining Ptolemy, this is a good chance to check them out. If you’re interested, e-mail me and I’ll put you in touch with Philip for the details.

I’m still not drunk. Kat hasn’t called. The Saucer is filling up with people and they’re all guys. This sucks. I’m hitting the Post button and logging out. See ya…