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I took the camera to Bardog this afternoon hoping to get photos of tube tops. Instead I got this.

Work, work, work, señora.

If you’re not a computer nerd you can skip this post. I posted a Saturday news update earlier this morning.

When I was a teenager I got into computers. I’d scour the sale rack at bookstores, looking for any book I could find with programs in BASIC, the computer language I mostly used at the time. One day I picked up a major score: A computer book on sale for $1 that contained code for ELIZA, a program that could seemingly carry on a conversation with a human.

As I read through the book I noticed a couple of things. First of all, “foo” and “bar” were commonly used as variable names, and sometimes “baz” and “bat” as well. I thought that was kind of stupid, but whatever. I also noticed that the book talked about mainframes a lot, odd because I was living in the era of the personal computer. “Exactly how old is this book?” I wondered. I turned to the copyright page and discovered it was published in 1973, an era in which Nixon was president and tube tops were a new invention.

A year later I took my first programming class in college, using Pascal. The professor also used those foo, bar, baz, and bat variables. “What is the deal with those?” I thought.

A few years ago, I was trying out different PHP frameworks, just messing around on my MacBook. As I read through the documentation, there they were again. Foo, bar, baz and bat were alive and well in the 21st century.

And then last week, I had to put a carousel on a web page. If you don’t know what a carousel is, go to ESPN’s site and look at the scores at the top, where you can use arrows to scroll to a new set of scores. That’s a carousel. Being a big fan of OPC (other people’s code), I did a Google search and found one ready to plug in, right out of the box. The elements of the carousel – for example the individual game scores on ESPN’s site – were surrounded by a container, known as a DIV in nerd-speak. And what was the name of the DIV?

foo.

Folks, it is time for foo, bar, baz, and bat to be put out to pasture. Stop using them as variable names. Stop using them as web element names. Stop using them at all. Let’s make tombstones for foo, bar, baz, and bat and put “1973-2013” on them and move on.

BONUS RANT: If you use “SWEEB!” and “SUPER-sweeb!!!” in your software documentation, it makes me want to reach through the Internet and strangle you.

This morning I was out of Mountain Dew, so I had to make a run to City Market. City workers were blowing the NOB outside.

I got an unexpected treat last night. As usual, I made the Flying Saucer my first stop, planning to have a few beers there then move on to the other bars. As I sipped beer number one, I checked Facebook on my phone and found a post from the Saucer, saying that Eric Hughes was playing there at 9. It took me about .01 second to decide that was the plan! The Saucer brought back live music on Fridays a few months ago, and with one of Memphis’ most talented musicians on stage, I was sure to be there. While waiting for Eric to start, I killed the time by drinking several high-alcohol beers toward my 8th plate on the wall. That turned out to be a mistake, as I was too sleepy to stick around after his first set. I also just missed my friends (who had Eric play their wedding reception) by just a few minutes. Hopefully he’ll be back on a future Friday night.

A big homestand full of giveaways continues this afternoon at AutoZone Park. The first 2000 fans in the gate will receive a Rendezvous BBQ apron. Gates open at 5 with first pitch vs. the Nashville Sounds at 6:05. Besides the aprons, there’s another reason to get there early: Select Redbirds players will be available for autographs from 5 to 5:30. These guys are only one step away from the majors, so you never know – you may get the signature of a future legend. There will be fireworks after the game, and there will also be a program honoring the new Teach for America teachers in the Mid-South.

There’s a rally in support of Grizzlies coach Lionel Hollins this afternoon at Tom Lee Park at 3:30. Coach Hollins’ contract expires June 30, and while it’s not out of the question he’ll be brought back, management is also looking at assistant Dave Joerger and former Denver Nuggets coach George Karl. I’m neutral in this whole matter, by the way. I have tremendous respect for Hollins for what he’s done with the team, and I think he’s one of the top coaches in the NBA. However, one thing I’ve learned is that the boat moves a lot farther, a lot faster, when all the crew is rowing in the same direction. I’m not sure Coach is rowing in the same direction as management.

Booze news from Memphis magazine: When to stir a cocktail and when to shake it

The gold stars are back! The Center for Tube Top Excellence has authorized me to hand out gold stars this weekend for outstanding achievement. Look for me out and about today and tomorrow. I’ll kick it off at 11 at Panda’s bar at Bardog.

 

A rare screening of a silent film will happen tonight at The Orpheum. 1928’s The Cameraman, starring Buster Keaton, will be shown at 7:00. However, guests are advised to show up at 6:30 for “Beyond the Screen with Indie Memphis,” a discussion of this film and the silent film era. During the film there will be live musical accompaniment by nationally known pianist Tony Thomas.

The Orpheum’s annual dinner on stage is this Saturday night. Guests will enjoy a cocktail reception, a tour of the theatre and backstage, and a brief film in the auditorium about the Orpheum’s history. That will be followed by a 3-course dinner with wine, and then a Q&A session. Pat Halloran will share stories and history with guests. Tickets are $75 per person ($50 if you’re a current season ticket holder), or $550 for a table of 8. The event is limited to 90 guests. Call the box office at 901-525-3000 to purchase tickets.

Tug’s restaurant on Mud Island is holding a fundraiser for the Hospitality HUB. From 4 to 9 PM Wednesday, June 19, 10% of all food and beverage sales will be donated to the organization. The HUB helps people exit homelessness by giving them a hand up rather than a handout, offering many services they need to find their way back into mainstream life. It’s a worthy organization to support.

Last night at the Peabody rooftop party, Seeing Red played a song about marriage. As the band played, a man got down on one knee and proposed to his girlfriend. She said “yes.” Congratulations to the happy couple.

There are a lot of giveaways coming up during the current Redbirds homestand, which runs through next Thursday. First 2000 fans in the gate for tonight’s game receive a Redbirds gym bag. There’s good reason to come early, with a block party on the plaza from 5 to 7 with live music and $2 Coors Light. Game time is 7:05. Ladies, that gym bag would be a great way to carry tube tops around so you can have them to put on at any time.

It’s National Donut Day and I hear that Gibson is giving away donuts. Free donuts? Wonder if the Nuh-Uh Girl will show up.

New T-shirt available on Roadkill T-shirts: There’s no award for stupid, so stop competing.

That’ll wrap it up for now. No set plans for anytime this weekend, but I’ll be out.

BREAKING NEWS: The Denver Nuggets have told 2013 NBA Coach of the Year George Karl that they’re not bringing him back for the final year of his contract. Karl and the Grizzlies are already talking. Ironically, Lionel Hollins is being mentioned as a candidate for the Nuggets job.

Part of my responsibility as a blogger during Tube Top Month is to make my readers aware of tube topportunities, opportunities to wear tube tops. One such tube topportunity happens tonight, at the weekly rooftop party atop the Peabody Hotel. Seeing Red will be the featured entertainment, and the buffet will have mini pizzas and an antipasto platter. The drink special will be a Svedka orange cream pop for $4. If you’re in VIP, the buffet there will have lasagna al forno, meatballs in marinara, an antipasto platter, and garlic bread. The VIP Budweiser tasting this week will feature New Belgium products.

Another tube topportunity will happen July 4, also atop a hotel roof, in this case the Madison. Twilight Sky Terrace will host a fireworks-watching party from 7 to 10 PM. $35 ticket gets you a BBQ plate plus one alcoholic beverage. 21 and up only, reservations required. Call 901-333-1243 to make a reservation, or visit the website for more information. July 4 is the final day of Tube Top Month and this would be a great way to celebrate.

In other news: Bass Pro’s opening date has been pushed back. *Sigh* The new store is now set to open in the Pyramid at the end of 2014. Previously, the opening date had been planned for this fall.

Mud Island may get a dog park soon. The money for it is said to already be in the budget.

Sports writers are reporting that it’s likely FedExForum will host the AAC tournament in 2014. The American Athletic Conference is the successor to the Big East and is the Memphis Tigers’ new league. A rabid basketball market and an NBA arena makes FedExForum an excellent choice to host the tournament.

Yo Gotti & Friends play the Orpheum tonight, 8 PM.

Congratulations to my friend Christopher “Skippy” Blank, new news director at WKNO-FM 91.1.

From The Consumerist blog: Mommy, this orange juice tastes funny – because it’s a mimosa

I will probably start at the Goose tonight like I usually do on Thursday, with a possible venue change to Bear or Saucer if it gets super crowded pre-Yo Gotti. PBR is only a few hours away and I am ready.

After a couple of days without much news, today there’s plenty. Let’s get to it.

Aldo’s Pizza Pies has announced that they are adding an awning to their patio. That should help keep things shady and comfortable for patio dining at the pizzeria during the summer months. They already have misters installed on the patio.

Representatives from Bass Pro Shops have been meeting with Mud Island residents about signage on the north side of the Pyramid, scheduled to open as a Bass Pro Shop later this year. Residents are concerned that signage could ruin their scenic view of the Downtown skyline.

The Lumineers have announced an October 8 concert at Mud Island Ampitheatre. Tickets will be on sale through Ticketmaster Friday. Great outdoor venue and in early October the weather is still warm enough to wear a tube top to the concert.

There will be a Wolf River Harbor cleanup Saturday from 8 to 10 AM. If you want to help, meet at the cobblestones at 8, and wear long pants and hard-soled shoes. They will provide trash bags, gloves and water. The cleanup is part of the preparation for the Outdoors Inc. Canoe and Kayak race on the 15th.

There will be a Southern Tide event this weekend, Friday-Sunday at the Lansky shops in the Peabody. Featured will be sportshirts, Skipjack polos, shorts, T-shirts. You’ll be able to register for a chance to win $250 in Southern Tide merchandise from Lansky. More info about the event here.

Here’s a Memphis Daily News article about progress renovating the Chisca Hotel. When it was vacant it was described as a “black hole” that sucked the energy out of the vital area between the entertainment district and South Main. Indeed it was. Once the project is complete, it will instead serve as a bridge between those two neighborhoods.

That’ll do it for now. I’ll probably lead off at the Goose tonight. Last night I went to the Saucer and had someone 5 seats down leaning back every 20-30 seconds so he could see what I was doing. Maybe I should build him a periscope so he doesn’t have to strain to see me over the other customers. This was the same weirdo who followed me around Saturday before last, by the way. Anyway, I don’t feel like dealing with that again tonight so I’ll start at the Goose for some $2 PBR. Plans after that TBD.

This has been a really slow news week. It’s not that I was slacking yesterday. I just didn’t have anything to report. This happens every June after festival season/Grizzlies season ends. It’s slow news time until late August.

In fact, I was going to type a “I got nothing” post for today, up until a few minutes ago when one news item came in. Delta is going to de-hub Memphis effective September 3. They will reduce to 60 flights per day, and 230 jobs will be cut. This is bad news, but it’s also an opportunity for a much better airline – Southwest – to step up.

To close this post, here’s a pic of Rebekah in a tube top dress, taken back in April.

You know what I was thinking the other day? Online dating sites would be a lot more appealing if they had “tube top” in their name. For instance:

TubeTopMatch.com
eTubeTopHarmony.com
ChristianTubeTopMingle.com

On to the news. Tomorrow Silky Sullivan will be remembered in perhaps the most appropriate way: There will be a parade in his memory on Beale Street. It starts at 2 PM.

Earlier I posted a “save the date” notice for a fundraiser to be held for the Moore, Oklahoma public schools, badly damaged in the May 20 tornado outbreak. Here are the details: The fundraiser will be called Memphis to Moore and it will be held in the ballroom at the Westin Hotel on Friday, June 14, beginning at 7:00. My friend Angie, a Moore native and a product of the Moore public schools, partnered with the Westin and Red Rover to make this happen. Guests will enjoy complimentary food from Bleu, free drinks(!!!!!!!!!), and free valet parking. There will be live entertainment, T-shirts for sale, and a silent auction as well. $50 in advance, $60 at the door. Funds raised will go to the Moore Public Schools Tornado Relief Fund. I am buying a ticket and will absolutely be there.

It’s Texas de Brazil day! Now and then a group of about 12 of us will descend upon the Sunday brunch buffet. I try not to load up on the salad bar too much to save plenty of room for meat, but the lobster bisque, au gratin potatoes, and bacon are not to be missed. I always get extra lobster bisque to dip the meats in. So good. I’ll get my usual Flying Saucer visit in later in the day, but since I tend to sit at the bar it won’t be until after 5. Undecided whether I’ll play poker at the Blind Bear at 6:30. Outta here for now… time for MEAT!!!

 

Yesterday afternoon I took my usual walk down Main Street toward the bars. I saw signs saying, “Enjoy happy hour in The NOB before you head to South Main for Trolley Tour.” Apparently people are trying to name my section of South Main – the section between Beale and Madison – The NOB, for North of Beale. Acronym neighborhood names are popular in the big cities – SoHo, TriBeCa, etc. The problem is, nob is a slang word for penis.

In particular, it’s British slang. In 1969, Led Zeppelin was on tour in Europe. At that time, only their first album was out, the one with the image of the Hindenburg crashing on the cover. In one country, a countess who was heiress to the Zeppelin family saw the album cover and was horrified. She filed an injunction preventing the band from performing under their name. So they performed as The Nobs.

You know, there’s a Foursquare venue you can check into called “Biking in Downtown Memphis.” There needs to be one specifically for people who bike ride on Main between Beale and Madison. It could be called “Riding the NOB.”

Or, someone could go to Maggie Moo’s and order a milkshake to go. As they walk out, they could say they’re slurping on the NOB.

Now and then I see city employees with leaf blowers on the Main Street Mall. I guess they’re blowing the NOB.

Someone could shop at City Market, then as they walk out they could take a photo of their grocery bag with the Main Street Mall in the background. They could caption it “The NOB and the sack.”

You know, they should have pre-announced this thing about happy hour on the NOB. Maybe they could have put out a little teaser about a week in advance. They could have said, “The NOB is about to come.”

What if a pimp were to have a bad day on the Main Street Mall? Maybe his hoes weren’t gettin’ no business, even though they had tube tops on. Normally he would say, “It’s hard out here for a pimp,” but instead he might say, “The NOB is hard today.”

(Note: I’m just having fun here. I’ve never actually seen hookers on that area of Main.)

Okay, let’s get on to the news. Dishcrawl is coming to Downtown Memphis on Wednesday, June 26. You’ve heard of pub crawls, I’m sure. Dishcrawl is similar in that you move from place to place, but you eat instead of drink (you can drink too for an extra charge). The venues aren’t announced until a day or two before the event, but rest assured you’ll be sampling some of Downtown’s best food. Cost is $45. Follow @dishcrawlmem on Twitter for more information.

In memory of Silky Sullivan, the Blind Bear will have $4 shots of Irish whiskey (the good stuff) and $4 pints of Guinness all weekend, or until they run out.

The petition has worked. Senate Minority Leader Jim Kyle has filed proposed legislation to create a state of Tennessee Grizzlies license plate. The plate would require 1000 pre-orders, which I don’t think would be a problem at all. If approved, money raised from the plate would support the Memphis Grizzlies Charitable Foundation.

That’ll do it for now. About 11 I will walk down the Main Street Mall (stepping on The NOB. OUCH!), then turn right on Monroe and head to Bardog for my usual stop at Panda’s bar. Plans after that TBD.

Today one of the true legends of Downtown Memphis, Silky Sullivan, passed away. Silky was proprietor of Silky O’ Sullivan’s, an anchor of Beale Street for years. Silky loved a good party and knew how to throw one – and he threw one in his bar every night, with dueling pianos, an Irish theme, Diver buckets to drink, and neon palm trees and pet goats in the courtyard.

Silky could frequently be seen holding court on his throne on Beale in front of his bar. In particular, he was known for throwing St. Patrick’s Day extravaganzas, with the blessing of the kegs, the receiving of Irish dignitaries, and the raising of the goat. His courtyard was always packed for St. Pat’s, and in years when the weather was warm you could even spot a few tube tops.

Rest in peace, Silky, and thank you for all you did to make Downtown a fun place to be.

And now, let’s get on to the news…

It’s Trolley Night on South Main Street tonight, as it is the last Friday of every month. Galleries, shops, and restaurants will be open from 6 to 9, and many will have appetizers, wine, beer, discounts, fashion shows. There will be live music by Misty Rae at ArtJamN, and by Kitty Deering at D’Edge. There will be art demos at American Apparel, the Folk Alliance, the fire station lawn, Main at Butler, and Main at Nettleton. The Streetdog Foundation will set up next to Earnestine & Hazel’s with adoptions and merchandise, and the Memphis Roller Derby League will make an appearance. If you’ve never been to a Trolley Night, May is a great month to check it out before the weather gets super hot in the summer.

Ever want to sit on the field and watch a movie at AutoZone Park? You can on June 15. The park will screen The Sandlot at 7:30 that evening. Third-base seats will be available for those who don’t wish to sit on the field. If you sit on the field, you’re encouraged to bring a blanket. There will be a trivia contest with a pair of PF Flyer sneakers as the prize. After the screening, fans will have a chance to meet the writer/director. He will be signing a variety of items with proceeds going to charity.

The Travel Channel’s “Burger Land” visit to Memphis will air Monday at 8 Central time. The show toured Dyer’s and Alex’s, and got local commentary from Best Memphis Burger blogger Seth. Here’s a preview.

Plans for tonight: I’ll probably start out at one of my bars where I’m Foursquare mayor in the Downtown core (I regained the Silly Goose last night). Then about 7:30. I’ll decide whether to stay put or head to South Main. All right, off to do something I haven’t done on a lunch break this week: eat.