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The Salty Dogs, the runners’ group that meets at Bardog Tavern every Monday, is doing a pub crawl tonight. They will meet at Bardog at 6:30, and then embark on a pub crawl/run to Silky O’ Sullivan’s, Earnestine & Hazel’s, and the Flying Saucer, before ending back at Bardog. Theme is Hawaiian luau, and I hear a prize will be awarded for best outfit. They’re an open group and are always happy to see new runners, so show up at Bardog if you’re interested in running. A tube top and a grass skirt would be my recommendation for attire.

Happy to finally take part in a Salty Dogs event, although I’ll miss the Bardog, Silky’s and E&H stops on the pub crawl. Well, a Bardog stop is not out of the question, but I won’t be running there.

By the way, why is the Michelob Ultra bike still hanging at Bardog? I thought they were going to give it away the last weekend in May, after people bought Mich Ultra to enter to win. Doesn’t anyone like shitty, watery beer?

In other news, Bob Dylan will play Mud Island on July 30. Opening act will be Leon Russell. Tickets go on sale on Ticketmaster at 10 AM on Friday.

WWE Raw’s world tour will be back at the FedExForum August 27. That’s a Sunday, so it will not be a televised show.

All right, that’s all I’ve got for today. It’s lunchtime, not hungry, don’t feel like getting in a hot car. Not sure what I’ll do the next 45 minutes…

This weekend, most of my friends were out of town on a canoe trip. Many of them like to spend their Saturday nights, when they’re in town, at karaoke night at the Downtown Blue Monkey. While I think the Monkey is a great bar, I can think of nothing more boring to do on a Saturday than listen to bad singing. So I’ve been steadfast in my refusal to go, up until yesterday.

However, with the gang out on a canoe trip, and with big-time karaoke supporter Robo late getting there because he went to the ZZ Top concert, I decided to have a little fun. I got on Twitter and teased that I was considering going. I said I even had a song picked out, “I Was Made for Dancing” by Leif Garrett. Leif Garrett was to 1979 what Justin Bieber is to 2011. Well, except Leif had about 10,000 times more talent. Which still isn’t saying much.

About 9:45 I put the following on Twitter:

“Karaoke! (@ Blue Monkey w/2 others) http://4sq.com/hLnofu”

People saw the Foursquare checkin and assumed I was there. A little later, my friend Frank tweeted that he’d been there 40 minutes, and no one had sung yet, “not even @paulryburn.” I waited about an hour, then the following went to Twitter:

“Back home where I belong, in a karaoke-free zone! (@ Flying Saucer Draught Emporium w/ 5 others) http://4sq.com/lwVSsc“

So it looked like I went there, had a boring time, and returned back to my home away from home. That’s the story I told Twitter Saturday night.

Look at the first checkin. Particularly, the last part of the 4sq.com URL. Sound it out and you’ll see my true reaction to karaoke night.

To make things even more fun, I was posting to Facebook throughout the night as well. Except, on Facebook I was posting what I was really doing – listening to people with actual singing talent (West TN Wife Swappers reunion show) and checking out tube tops at the Saucer. Most of the karaoke supporters are active on Twitter though, and I fooled several into believing I really was briefly there. I’m a karaoke ninja! Maybe I’ll bring a karaoke machine to the South Main Ninja Parade on April 1 of next year.

Up early today, so I’m going to do something different and try South of Beale‘s brunch. After that it’ll be Sunday Fun Day business as usual at the Saucer.

(Edited to add: Holy crap, it’s amazing what you can find on YouTube. Here’s the video.)

I’ve known about this for some time and have held back, but now management has tweeted it so I’ll go ahead. The Flying Saucer is converting to all non-smoking on July 1. They tried a partial smoking ban before but gave it up. This time they’re going for the whole enchilada. The entire place will be smoke-free, inside room and the Garden. If you want to smoke you’ll have to go outside.

There’s been a lot of discussion among regulars about this. I personally think this is an EXCELLENT move. There are a lot of people who don’t come to the Saucer because they don’t want their hair and clothes and tube tops to smell like smoke. Now they can come back. Also, the Saucer is a beer bar. The whole point is to find new beers you like and learn about them. You’ll be able to do that much better without cigarette smoke affecting your senses of smell and taste.

This will be a point of debate among the Sunday brunch crew, as some members are adamant that they will never set foot in the place again. I do not see a reason to be inconvenienced because of someone else’s filthy, disgusting habit, and plan on keeping my Sunday plans intact: Majestic (which is not involved in this in any way) at 11, Saucer at 12. If I have fewer people to hang with that’s fine.

Smoking in public is going the way of the dinosaurs. Most states have outlawed it already. Kudos to the Saucer for taking the lead on this issue. Wish the Tennessee legislature would make the right move and ban it everywhere.

It’s pool season and I’m about to lay down the law. I’ve seen too many status updates, checkins and pics on Facebook involving pools that are a waste of my time.

This is how it is: If you are female and hot, if you check in at a pool or post a Facebook status update from a pool, you owe us a full-on bikini shot from head to toe. No substitutes. No shots of the water in the pool. We know that there’s water in the pool; otherwise what would be the point? No shots of your damn feet laying out. Here’s a secret. Guys don’t care about your feet. You can spend mega $$$ for a pedicure but we don’t care. We want to see the goods. Full on bikini shot head to toe.

To the very few of my Facebook friends who get this, I award you an Outstanding Performance During Tube Top Month Without Actually Wearing a Tube Top trophy. Feel free to save the image of this trophy and post to your profiles. You are an inspiration, and I most definitely appreciate what you do. The rest of you need to catch up.

Today I regained my rightful status as mayor of two of Downtown’s premier bars, the Flying Saucer and Bardog Tavern.

I started the day at the bar at the Saucer, then moved to the couches when friends arrived. Did a little tube top watching, shot a pic of Christy chowing down… and stole the mayorship back. The former mayor is on a canoe trip and won’t be back until late tomorrow, so the Saucer mayorship should be mine for a while. I don’t miss days.

My mayoral pledge to the Saucer is to be a mayor who can hang all night. None of this “it’s 8:30, I’m heading south for a night of drama and bad singing” BS that we got from the former mayor every Saturday.

About 6:00 I moved on to Bardog Tavern. I checked in, stole that mayorship and enjoyed the Daily Dog for dinner. Today’s Dog is the Motor City Madman, with chili, cheese, onions and spicy mustard.

My mayoral pledge to Bardog is to never go “after all, I AM the mayor” in an attempt to get free food, the way a certain former mayor (not the most recent one) did.

Taking a break to let the phone charge, then back out. Most likely I’ll go to the Saucer to hear the band, with possible other stops nearby later in the evening.

Last night while I was at the Saucer, a friend told me about a Foursquare special that seemed almost too good to be true: If you check in at Kooky Canuck and show the checkin to your server, they’ll give you 25% off your entree. You don’t have to be the mayor or go there a number of times to unlock it – all you have to do is show your checkin. He told me he went there and got it, and then the guy sitting next to him at the bar got it too. Today I got on Foursquare’s site and verified it. Yep, it’s true. 25% off one meal per day, up to $19.99 in value (which is nearly everything on Kooky’s menu), cannot be combined with other specials.

A couple of weeks ago I wrote about a 50% off sale at Coco & Lilly. Well, yesterday I saw on Twitter that the store is closing tomorrow. So if you want to get down there and get some tube tops at bargain prices, you better do it this weekend.

Very fun night last night. Started at the Saucer. You know those feathers that a lot of girls are getting in their hair lately? A friend of mine is a hair stylist, and he does them. The waitresses were telling me, “Paul, you should get your hair feathered.” HELL NO! That, along with karaoke night at the Monkey, is on the list of things I will NEVER do!

After the Saucer, I stopped by Bardog, then moved on to Paula & Raiford’s Disco. You know what I realized? The best ’70s disco songs are really gay. I mean GAAAAAAAAAY. I realized this when they played “It’s Raining Men” last night. One of the best dance songs ever, but one that will forever be known as the theme song for “Men on Film” on In Living Color. “Dancing Queen” by ABBA? Gaaaay. “YMCA” by the Village People? Gaaaaaaay. “You Make Me Feel Mighty Real” by Sylvester? Gaaaaaaaaaaaaay. All great songs though.

I finally learned how to take photos at Raiford’s without the fog machine ruining them. You go ahead and take the photos, then when you download them, turn the contrast way up. That fixes them pretty well.

Speaking of photos, the photo of Nikki (see the previous post) makes me realize that a Downtown nickname is now in dispute. Up until now, the name “Tube Top Nikki” has referred to the dark-haired Nikki who plays poker at Max’s and wears tube tops in November. However, after last night at Raiford’s, blond Nikki has a legitimate claim to that nickname as well. We need to find a way to settle this once and for all. I’m thinking maybe a grudge match in lime Jello, or pudding. I’ll volunteer to serve as referee.

Finished the night with a 4 AM breakfast at Cockadoos. I love the fact that Cockadoos has Mountain Dew on tap.

Checking Foursquare, I see that I wasn’t the only one out late. The Nuh-Uh Girl regained her mayorship of Club Shadows last night. Wonder if she unlocked the “Cougar” badge as well?

Productive Saturday on tap. Two of the most coveted Downtown mayorships on Foursquare will be mine once again today. Weighing options for tonight. The West Tennessee Wife Swappers, one of the better bands the Saucer books and one that hasn’t played in a while, is there tonight. Another option is to do a South Main night. I’m guaranteed to always know most of the people at Max’s, and I really need to go by Earnestine & Hazel’s and pay Miss Karen and Nate a visit. Then there’s a third option, which is “none of the above.” At this point, all I know is “anything but karaoke” accurately describes this evening’s plans, despite a lecture about karaoke from a friend’s mom via Facebook message.

Time to go out in the heat. How the human race survived for two million years before A/C was invented is a mystery to me.

Yep. Raiford’s tonight. Nikki (pictured above) went out of her way to make sure everyone knew she had a tube top on. I like it.

Yeah, yeah, I know… sorry for the lack of a lunchtime post today, but I was having issue with a major company’s support site. I was just too ticked off to write anything worth reading.

In case you missed the news, eight people tried to board the trolleys and falsely claim injury after yesterday afternoon’s trolley crash. My God. Some people are just unbelievable. Way to keep it classy, there, Memphis.

Speaking of the trolleys, they’re 25 cents tomorrow due to high ozone in the atmosphere. MATA buses will be 25 cents too.

The Memphis Business Journal print edition had an article on the Krispy Krunchy Chicken going in at 51 S. Main. They’re going to knock down the back wall and use the full building, so it will be twice as large as the space was when it was Hari’s and Renee’s Sandwich Shop.

The Redbirds are having a fireworks game tonight if you’re looking for something to do (and don’t mind 99 degree heat). Game at 7:05, fireworks afterward. Breakfast at Tiffany’s plays at the Orpheum (with Little Black Dress contest), and Michael Buble is at the FedExForum.

Weird weekend… most of the crew I hang with are out of town on a canoe trip. I was invited but declined because I’m not a great swimmer. No intention of staying home alone all weekend though. I plan to get out and hit some places I haven’t been in a while, make my own fun. I’ll have the camera with me and will post a report if anything interesting happens.

Or maybe I won’t, depending on what kind of fun I get into…

Two trolleys collided yesterday in the Pinch, sending several people to the hospital. The trolley line lost power, sending one trolley crashing into the other. The Memphis Flyer has a pic here. This comes four days after a trolley caught fire outside the Majestic Sunday morning.

Suggestion for MTV: Have the fifth season of Jersey Shore here, and have the cast run MATA for their job. They couldn’t do any worse than the current MATA executives.

Fun fact I learned today: Fred Smith saved FedEx by taking its last $5,000 and gambling it into $32,000 in Vegas. Thanks to @finnious for tweeting that; he tweets a lot of interesting stuff and is a good person to follow on Twitter.

It’s rooftop party Thursday, and the weather is so hot that a tube top is pretty much mandatory attire. Almost Famous plays the Peabody rooftop tonight. Buffet (included in price of admission) has an Asian theme this week, with teriyaki chicken kabobs, vegetarian egg rolls, and pork fried rice. Buffet in VIP will consist of fried dumplings, California rolls, and chicken chow mein. Also, if you hold a VIP pass there’s a private party in Corner Bar for you from 5 to 6, with fried ravioli, crab cakes, mini Kobe burgers, and Yuengling. Free food? Wonder if the Nuh-Uh Girl will show up.

Meanwhile, over at the Madison, Brian “Breeze” Cayole will play his soulful sounds rooted in the tradition of his hometown, New Orleans. $7 cover, cash bar and tapas available.

It’s Thursday and the Redbirds have a home game, which means all-you-can-eat seats will be available. For $18 you get a seat and access to a 2-hour long buffet. All you can eat? Wonder if the Nuh-Uh Girl will show up.

Trying to decide between Peabody rooftop and poker at Max’s tonight. Both are good options. Heat may sway me in favor of Max’s though. Time to grab a lunch, outta here for now.