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Most Monday nights I play poker at the Silly Goose. It’s a free game as long as you’re eating or drinking, and it starts at 10 PM. Silly Goose server Brick usually comes up to play on her night off.

I’ve often Facebooked that I’m predicting a Paul vs. Brick heads-up showdown at the end of the tournament, but so far it has never happened. So, I’m going to do a fantasy post about what such a showdown might look like.

To make it interesting, I’ll structure it the way they do heads-up Texas Hold’em tournaments on TV, with starting stacks of 100,000 chips and blinds at 2,000/4,000.

For each hand, I’ll list the stacks, hands, and what Brick and I would likely be thinking at each stage of the game. Let’s see what happens.

Stacks:
Brick 100,000
Me 100,000

My hand (dealer/small blind): 10♣ 5♠

My thoughts: Not a great hand but worth a call on the dealer button. Worth seeing a cheap flop. If Brick raises with a hand like pocket Kings I’m outta here.

Brick’s hand (big blind): K♥ K♣

Brick’s thoughts: Both of my cards have pictures of men on them. I’m all about some girl power! If I had two Queens I’d care about this hand.

Brick folds. I win 4,000.

Stacks:
Brick 96,000
Me 104,000

Brick’s hand (dealer/small blind): 7♥ 3♥

Brick’s thoughts: Aw, that’s sweet. Hearts are the symbol of love. I raise.

Brick raises to 8,000.

My hand (big blind): J♠ 4♦

My thoughts: Again, not a great hand, but she only made a minimum raise. I call.

Flop: Q♥ A♣ 5♣

My thoughts: No reason to bet here. Check.

Brick’s thoughts: Ooh, another heart! It’s the season of love! I’m all in.

My thoughts: I have no hand, so I’m outta here.

I fold. Brick wins 4,000.

Stacks:
Brick 100,000
Me 100,000

My hand (dealer/small blind): A♦ J♦

My thoughts: Ace-Jack suited is a great starting hand. Gotta raise.

I raise to 11,000.

Brick’s hand (big blind): 8♥ 8♣

Brick’s thoughts: Oh, I just realized, Eights look like snowmen, so I guess I’ll play this hand.

Brick calls. Pot is now 28,000.

Flop: J♠ A♥ K♣

Brick’s thoughts:

Brick checks.

My thoughts: Top-and-bottom two pair, but a dangerous board. Queen-Ten made a straight. If Brick’s hand contains a Queen or a Ten, she’s drawing to a straight. I better attempt to end this hand now.

I bet 12,000. Brick calls. Pot is now 52,000.

Turn: 2♥

Brick’s thoughts: I nearly ran over a possum driving here. If I got some black paint and painted the possum black with a white stripe down its back, then it would be a skunk. Do possums smell bad like skunks do?

Brick checks.

My thoughts: The Deuce is probably a blank, but now there are straight and flush draws on the board. I better keep the pot small.

I check.

River: 8♠

Brick’s thoughts: Cool, another snowman!

Brick bets 100. She’s told that 4,000 is the minimum bet and makes it 4,000.

My thoughts: Against a good player, they either have a monster hand or they’re totally bluffing. I’d suspect my opponent either hit a straight on the flop with Queen-Ten, or she has two random unpaired cards and is trying to steal a rather large pot. However, this is Brick. She could just be betting because the 8 hit the river and she thought it looked like a snowman.

I call.

Brick shows a set of three Eights, beating my two pair.

Stacks:
Brick’s stack: 127,000
My stack: 73,000

Brick’s hand (dealer/small blind): K♣ 3♦

Brick’s thoughts: One of my cards has a K on it. My friend Kalista’s name begins with a K, so I’m going to go all-in.

My hand: 2♣ 9♥

My thoughts (big blind): No thanks.

I fold. Brick wins 4,000.

Stacks:
Brick’s stack: 131,000
My stack: 69,000

Blinds up: 3,000/6,000

My hand (dealer/small blind): 9♠ 6♥

My thoughts: Man, I’m getting some terrible hands. Still, though, I’ve got to take a stand, to keep Brick guessing as to when I actually have something good.

I raise to 15,000.

Brick’s hand (big blind): A♠ A♣

Brick’s thoughts: Two black cards. Red cards are prettier. Also, Aces are higher than Kings, Queens, and Jacks, and those cards have pictures on their cards but Aces don’t. Whoever designed this deck of cards is stupid. I fold.

Stacks:
Brick 125,000
Me 75,000

Brick’s hand (dealer/small blind): J♣ 5♣

Brick’s thoughts: So I was watching this cartoon, and the cat was chasing the mouse, and the mouse went in his hole. And every time the mouse peeked out of his hole, the cat would try to hit him with a hammer. But the mouse was too fast and got back in his hole. Finally the cat reached into his hole and tried to grab the mouse, but the mouse put a stick of dynamite in his… oh, it’s my turn? I guess I call.

My hand (big blind): K♥ 2♦

My thoughts: Not really good enough to raise with a Deuce in my hand.

I check.

Flop: Q♠ 4♥ 7♣

My thoughts: Well, that was no help. I could try to bluff at the pot and steal it, but Brick is likely to call just because she thinks the cards on the flop are pretty. I check.

Brick’s thoughts: I’m getting really worried about the moon. You know, the Wright Brothers landed on it about 100 years ago, and now we have weapons that are capable of reaching the moon and blowing it up. I mean, it would be weird to go outside at night and look into the sky and not see the moon. I like the moon. Oh, it’s my turn? I check.

Turn: 9♦

My thoughts: Brick thought a long time before checking. She must have a little something. Maybe she paired a 4 on the flop. Or, she could have an Ace and is hoping she’s still in the lead with high card. If I bet, she may think I have a hand that can beat her and fold.

I bet 16,000.

Brick’s thoughts: I wish Paul would stop interrupting me while I’m trying to think. I fold.

Stacks:
Brick 123,000
Me 77,000

Blinds up: 4,000/8,000

My hand: J♠ J♦

My thoughts: With a middle-to-big pocket pair and the blinds creeping up, I want to start getting money in the pot.

I bet 20,000.

Brick’s hand: 9♣ 4♥

Brick’s thoughts: I’m tired of playing poker. I want to watch TV. And I’m hungry.

Brick goes all-in.

My thoughts: Excellent situation. I have the fourth best starting hand in this game and my opponent has moved all-in. If she has Aces, Kings or Queens I’m in trouble, but given that it’s Brick, she could be going all-in with most anything.

I call.

Flop: Q♣ Q♠ 8♣

I improve to two pair, Queens and Jacks. Brick has nothing except the pair of Queens on the board.

Turn: J♣

I improve to a full house, Jacks over Queens. Brick still has nothing, except the pair of Queens on board.

River: 10♣

Brick improves to a straight flush, Queen-Jack-Ten-Nine-Eight of clubs, beating my full house. Brick stares blankly at the cards for a minute until someone informs her she hit a straight flush. “No I didn’t!” she exclaims, and people watching explain how the clubs on board plus the Nine in her hand give her a straight flush. She continues to stare blankly until people explain that a straight flush is a higher hand than a full house, and she just won. It finally sinks in, and she says, “See, Paul, I’m a better poker player than you after all! I’m so smart!”

Come play poker at the Silly Goose at 10 PM tonight.

After a Sunday Fun Day afternoon at the Saucer, I got hungry. I decided to support our BBQ team sponsor, Bar None. I ordered the crawfish dip as a starter, and two sliders, one burger and one crab cake. Of course, I needed a little liquid refreshment with my meal. I decided to go with their specialty, the half yard of beer.

I’m not sure how much beer comes in a half yard, but I do know it’s 18 inches tall and comes with its own stand. You have your choice of beers on draft. I went with the New Belgium Somersault, “the perfect summer lounge around beer.” Here’s a tip for you: If you want to try a half yard, Tuesday is the night to do it: Half yards are only $5.

When the check came, I thought they left an item or two off. Then I added it up, and realized, no, everything was there, it’s just a pretty inexpensive place considering the caliber of food and drink.

On another note, I’ve decided the growl towel is going out with me every day until the Grizzlies are out of the playoffs. Today I wore it as a ‘do-rag for much of the day, although I took it off for dinner at Bar None. I do have manners, after all.

Tomorrow is vacation day, so expect a lot of post scattered erratically throughout the day.

This tweet, from someone who went, sums it up:

“Logan is planning on Shatnering the Golden Girls theme song.”

Yeah. This is what my friends do on Saturday night.

Today is load-in day for the Ques Brothers. It’s going to be a long, long day. Join me on Twitter @paulryburn for live coverage of all the hard work I do for the team today. Activity should begin a little after 11 AM.

I witnessed my first live NBA playoff game yesterday. Here are some pics.

We pre-gamed at the Flying Saucer. I decided to get some cheap, crappy beers done for my plate. Bud Light has started providing a space on the label for you to “make your mark.” So I did.

I went to the game with my friend Clay and two of his co-workers. Here’s a view of the FedExForum from our seats, under “white-out” conditions.

The people holding the signs in the photo above understand who’s good and who’s a has-been.

“And now… introducing… YOUR… MEMPHIS… GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIZZLIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

During one of the timeouts they had a contest. They brought up a guy and girl and allowed the crowd to vote on who would shoot. If the shooter made a 3-point shot in 30 seconds, everyone in the arena would get free tater tots from Sonic. The girl was Leslie, seen in the middle of this shot, red hair, facing the camera. Leslie has been seen on this blog in a tube top before. Right as the voting was about to occur, a third contestant was added: Penny Hardaway, seen facing the camera at left, shaking hands, in this shot. He handily made the three and the crowd got tots.

At halftime, the Beale Street Flippers performed. In this shot, one of the flippers springs over four of his buddies.

Zach Randolph shoots a free throw. The Grizzlies, behind by double digits late in the game, showed their heart, grit and grind, taking the game to overtime and then demolishing the Thunder for the victory.

Above: The victory celebration. When the game ended, people didn’t hurry out the door; they yelled and screamed and waved their growl towels for several minutes before leaving.

Above: The identity of Osama bin Laden’s assassin has been revealed.

We ended up back at the Saucer after the game. About 8:30 some of the others said, “Waaaaaah, it’s starting to get a little crowded in here, I’m going to head south for a second-rate karaoke night with bad singing and marginally attractive women.” Those who are hardcore remained. After a quick trip home to drop off my new Grizzlies merchandise, I came back to enjoy some of the rare beers the Saucer unveiled for its 14th birthday. It was a fun night, including a fire alarm and a Josh Pastner appearance at the Saucer. Above: Lil’ Kim believes.

My new Grizzlies gear. From left to right: Tony Allen shirt, Zach Randolph shirt, growl towel, “Believe Memphis” shirt. You can get the Allen and Randolph shirts from Verno.

Having been to a playoff game, I get the whole “Grizz Fever” thing in a whole different way now, and want to offer this advice: Go to as many games at the FedExForum as you can. I’m only passing up a chance to go Monday because 1) with a $700 car repair bill and a new camera, this month is getting massively expensive; 2) I suspect I’ll have more opportunities to go to playoff games in May and maybe even June; and 3) I’d have to miss my Monday poker night with Brick. Seriously, though, you don’t experience even one-tenth of the electricity of the game watching it on TV. Get tickets and go.

The new Grizz gear is in the washing machine right now. I think I may bring the growl towel out for Sunday Fun Day. I suspect there are shenanigans to be had with it.

Today is the Flying Saucer’s 14th birthday and they’re having a party. Kirk the GM just posted the following to Facebook:

“Special Tappings include:
Sierra Nevada Charlie, Fred & Ken’s Bock,Sierra Nevada Fritz & Ken Imperial Stout,Sierra Nevada Brewer’s Grand Cru Bourbon Barrel,Moylans Dragoon Irish Dry Stout,Moylans Kilt Lifter Scotch Ale,Scaldis Belgian Ale,Yazoo dry hop pale Cask, and Sierra …Hoptimum + more!!”

Follow the Saucer on Twitter at @FlyingSaucerMEM for updates throughout the day. Kings of the Delta takes the stage tonight.

If you’re in high school and are looking for a party tonight, stop by Hollywood Disco at 115 Vance (just east of Main). From 7 to 11 PM tonight they’ll have a Jersey Shore theme party. Get your gear on and do your best Situation, Pauly D, Snooki, JWoww or whoever floats your boat. Bust out your Ed Hardy, your Affliction (IT’S T-SHIRT TIME!!!), your Axe body spray, your poof hairdos, your foobs. Bring it!

The club will open to 18+ at 11:30 PM. If you show them a Grizzlies ticket stub they’ll give you half off cover and $1 off 32 oz. beers.

 

This week, Steve Cohen questioned Attorney General Eric Holder about the prosecution of three online poker sites. Given all the other priorities we have, Cohen asked, should we really be spending taxpayer money going after sites that millions of Americans enjoy?

For his part, Holder said that he wasn’t sure whether poker was a game of skill. When Cohen asked holder whether Phil Ivey is just lucky, Holder replied that he didn’t know who Phil Ivey was.

Good job, Steve. Proud to have you as my Congressman.

You can pick up a free “Believe Memphis” yellow headband at the FedExForum Grand Plaza today until 7 PM. They’ll also have window clings and other goodies. I’ve heard that you have to fill out a form to get your free stuff. More info here.

The Great Memphis Flood of 2011 now has its own blog. Today’s post lists items needed at local flood shelters.

To answer a question I posted yesterday, the business at Harbor Town are open. Miss Cordelias, Tugs, Paulette’s, Lil Cafe Eclectic, Movie & Pizza, and River Inn are open for business, and if you don’t live in the island they invite you to come over and shop. They just ask that you not come to the Island for the sole purpose of taking flood photos.

Monty Python’s Spamalot is at the Orpheum this weekend. Details and ticket information here. They had a spam cookoff, which was won by Chef Patrick Reilly at the Majestic Grille. Patrick has an interesting John Cleese story here.

Clean Memphis will hold a clean-the-city day tomorrow. The city will be divided into 31 cleanup zones. Click through to their website if you want to sign up to help.

A Downtown restaurant is the Groupon deal of the day: Pa Pa Pia’s.

If you’re a fan of Jerry Seinfeld, he’s put up a new website. The site will be a warehouse of comedy routines he’s done the past 30 years. He’ll add three new clips a day, so there will always be a reason to check back for new material. He’s hoping his work will inspire young comedians.

Finally made it to a Peabody rooftop party last night… felt a little embarrassed that, after they gave me a pass, it took me until week 4 to get up there. Due to other Cinco de Mayo festivities, I didn’t get to the rooftop until 9. I was starving but expected their Mexican buffet to be picked over at that hour. “Maybe I can scrape up enough guacamole for one chip,” I hoped as I rode the elevator up. I was pleasantly surprised to find the buffet still stocked, and I made myself a Nuh-Uh Girl-sized plate of nachos and refried beans. I was full by the time I got to VIP but it looked like the fish taco bar was still going strong too. Kudos once again to the Peabody on going above and beyond on the customer service.

Vacation starts at 5 PM! Ready for 9 days of relaxation and BBQ. No definite plans for tonight yet, but I’ll be out.

Starting 5 PM Friday, this blog and my @paulryburn Twitter account will switch over to “vacation mode.”

What does that mean? No posts or tweets for nine days?

NO! It means just the opposite! There will be more posts and tweets than ever, as I cover BBQ Fest all of next week. It does mean, however, that you can’t count on me posting on a schedule. There will likely be several posts a day, at whatever random hours I get around to doing them. From Thursday-Sunday of next week I’ll post BBQ Fest photo albums. I have a new camera and three batteries, so there shouldn’t be any shortage of pics.

I’ll be posting the regular Downtown news too. It won’t be all BBQ Fest by any means.

I considered taking the netbook to BBQ Fest and posting live, but with the move to the fairgrounds that is absolutely not going to happen. However, I will be tweeting live from my @paulryburn Twitter account. BBQ Fest week tends to be my most active week of the year on Twitter, with about half useful info and half photos and drunk tweets. I’m bringing my iPhone charger to BBQ Fest, because I will almost certainly run my battery down.

I’ll be on Facebook too, although to a lesser extent than Twitter.

You can also follow my BBQ team, the @quesbrothers, on Twitter. I’m one of several people who has access to post on that account.

Right now, it’s time for a little Cinco de Mayo action, but the real party starts tomorrow!