Paul Ryburn's Journal

Just got a text from fellow Saucer regular John D… only Guinness and Killian’s Red are on $2.75 Pint Nite tonight.  All other draft beers that are normally $2.75 on Mondays are FULL PRICE tonight, in celebration of St. Patrick’s Day.  I will NOT be at the Saucer tonight in protest.  What a dumb thing to do, with the Blue Monkey opening in just a few weeks.  Way to piss off all your regulars and send them straight to the Monkey when it opens.  About half the Saucer’s regulars were Downtown Blue Monkey regulars before the place burned down.

I will likely use McGuinness as my home base tonight.  Will be there between 6:00 and 6:30.

In other news:  Thanks to everyone who e-mailed to tell me that the old Zoe’s Kitchen location at Main and Monroe will be the new Suntrust branch, once they move out of the big building with their name on it.

I have a green Hawaiian shirt and Mardi Gras beads on at work, in celebration of St. Pat’s.  Nice to work for a place where I can dress that way.  We had a department meeting Friday and one of the major items on the agenda was, “Hey, do you guys want to order Gus’s Chicken for lunch on Tuesday?”

All right, got a lot to do this afternoon, time to get back to it.  Here’s a fun game for my readers who work at the Memphis Flyer:  Play “count the Mikeyisms.”  Thought of that as I was walking back for lunch, and a squirrel (Mikeyism:  “tree rat”) scampered up the Main Street Mall.

So today I unveiled my new T-shirt. My friends Pete and Josh have a clothing printing business in the basement of Winfield’s at Madison and Main. “Any picture you want on a T-shirt, we can do it,” they told me. So I decided to take them up on it. If you were at the Saucer on Tuesday, you saw the Pete the Trivia Guy T-shirt. Today I unveiled the second shirt in the Paul Ryburn spring line, the BFF-T. It was based on this image:

Now, before I get to the details of what happened today, I want to point out that several people commented that the image above is a highly Photoshoppable image. So we’re going to have the first ever Photoshop contest in this blog, based on the image above. Winner will receive a 34 oz. beverage of their choice at Big Foot Lodge courtesy of yours truly, maximum $9.99 value. Winning image may or may not be published here (I do have some standards of decency) but I’ll make sure my BFF sees all entries. I and I alone will judge which is the winning entry.

So anyway, we did brunch at Majestic as planned, then pool at the Saucer, then the Sham-ROCK St. Pat’s bash at Big Foot. Here’s a pic of me in my new BFF shirt with my BFF at Big Foot:

They accidentally printed an extra of the BFF-T, which I gave to my BFF as a present. Unfortunately it was an extra large. “You need to get a small made for me,” said my BFF. “Make it happen.” As you can see, my BFF is taller than I am. I’d estimate her at 5′  8 1/2″ and a very full C. Small? Really?

Later on, my BFF’s name came up in conversation after she left. My friends Tom, Meredith, Mendi, and Calvit showed up. Hang on, here’s pics:

Tom, Meredith, Calvit, and Mendi were playing the FMK (fuck, marry, kill) game.  Someone names three members of the opposite sex, and you have to pick one that you’d fuck, one that you’d marry, and one that you’d kill.  I don’t hang out with them a whole lot, so I listened to them play several rounds without being included.

Finally Tom said, “Paul.  Your turn.  The Nuh-Uh Girl.  The Nuh-Uh Sister.  Your BFF.  Fuck, marry, kill.”

“Well, first of all, kill the Nuh-Uh Girl, no doubt about that,” I said.  “But let me get a clarification on which version of the rules we’re following for the other two.”  Tom and Mendi had two slightly different sets of rules for the game.

“We’re under my rules,” said Tom.  “You have normal sexual relations with the girl you marry, but you also have to go to Home Depot and do stuff like that with her.  Whereas, the girl you fuck is just a one-night stand and there’s no hope of anything more than that.”

“Well, in that case, I’d marry my BFF and fuck the Nuh-Uh Sister,” I replied.  Under Mendi’s rules (marriage is purely platonic and for appearances’ sake) I’d be tempted to reverse the two.

A few more rounds went by and my turn came up again.  This time it was my BFF and her mini-me, as well as former Saucer waitress Zebra Hair (who Tom called Skunk Hair by mistake… hahaha).  Once again, my “kill” answer was immediate – kill the mini-me.  The “fuck” answer was clear too – Zebra Hair.  If you’ve seen her, you understand.  That left my BFF as “marry” for the second time in a row.  That’s really disturbing but I had no choice in either case.

Rewind to earlier in the day:  While having brunch at Majestic I read the latest issue of RSVP Magazine.  On page 44 they have an interview with Nate who runs Nate’s bar upstairs at Earnestine & Hazel’s.  Check it out.  Worth a read.  The rest of the issue was fit to line a bird cage as usual.  I was surprised that RSVP released an entire issue without even one picture of Kevin Kane.  Was he out of the country last month?

Then I went on to the Saucer for my 3 beers.  Beer report:

Previous total:  $683.00

Beers 124, 125 and 126 (but 119, 120, and 121 according to the Saucer):
Bud Light Draft $3.25
Molson Golden $3.75
K Cider $4.25
Tip:  $11.25 x ~30% = $3.00
Total:  $14.25

Grand total:  $697.25

More pictures.  Here’s a pic of panhandlers Estes and Sherry working Main Street near Beale using their baby as a gimmick:

Sorry, but I don’t have any more images of bums to share with you.  So instead I’m going to have to substitute images of off-duty Saucer girls at the party at Big Foot.  Hope that’s all right.

Here’s “Paul, go get me candy” girl:

Here she is with me and another girl:

And here’s a shot of the bar featuring my BFF and her roommate.

Big Foot was having trouble dyeing the beer green in the kegs.  Someone asked me if they really drink green beer in Ireland.  Hell if I know, if I ever travel to Europe I plan on bypassing Ireland and traveling straight to Romania.

Later in the evening, I made a second appearance at the Saucer with Tom, Meredith, Mendi, Calvit, and regular blog reader Groobie Baby.  Hang on, we haven’t posted a pic of Groobie yet:

Is that a TUBE TOP Groobie has on?  I think it is.  She needs to lose the outer top though.

So we were sitting around a table at the Saucer, discussing “Rock Out With Your Cock Out” night at the Red Rooster, and how it may be a little bit too masculine of a name.  The girls suggested some feminine alternatives:

“Jam Out With Your Clam Out”
“Get Out With Your Clit Out”

And now I’m home and it’s time for bed.  For those of you who were getting tired of the this-is-what’s-going-on-Downtown informational posts and missed the old drunk posting style, this one is for you.  Have a good night everyone.  Don’t forget to wear green.

Last night in the SEC tourney, #2west Arkansas beat #1east Tennnessee 92-91, eliminating them from the SEC championship and destroying Tennessee’s hopes of being a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

PIG!!!!!

SOOOOOOOIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!

In other news, Memphis won its conference tourney. As a result, the Tigers will coast on to a sure #1 seed in the NCAA Tournament, to be joined by North Carolina, UCLA and NOT Tennessee.

Can’t wait for the big show tomorrow when we find out where (1) Memphis will be playing. Also where (2) Tennessee will be playing.

Here’s a couple of pics of TN fan Frank:

Sucks to be you, huh Frank? But don’t fret, I’m sure 2-seed Tennessee will do just fine in the tournament.

Beer report:

Previous total: $667.25

Beers 121, 122, and 123 (but 116, 117, and 118 according to the Saucer):
Smithwick’s Ale (Ireland) Fire Sale $2.75
Dogfish Head 60 Minute IPA bottle $5.00
Sam Adams Brown Ale $4.00
Tip: $11.75 x ~ 30% = $4.00
Total: $15.75

Grand total: $683.00

I did the first two beers early in the day, and had my BFF as my waitress. She warned me that the Fire Sale was one of the most disgusting beers ever, and said that it tasted like brown dishwater. I’m sure the Saucer loves it when its employees promote their products like that. Unfortunately she was entirely right. It took me an hour to choke it down.

I sat at the Peabody Place (“G3”) window where I rarely sit, because I wanted to watch for bums. And sure enough, parking scammer Melvin showed up by an empty metered space right in front of the Saucer. I ran outside and told Melvin to go home. He did. Melvin is scared of me. All I have to do is look like I’m calling the cops and he leaves. Guess I’m going to have to sit at that window more often.

Before I left for the parade, I got cornered by my BFF and her mini-me, who tried to talk me into letting them dye my hair. “You should let me dye your hair blue for the Tigers,” said my BFF. “Come on, let me put blue highlights in your hair.” Then the mini-me chimed in, “Or green for St. Patrick’s Day.” “Yeah, Paul, let us put blue and green highlights in your hair! Come on, it’ll look good!” Ummmm no don’t think so.

The St. Pat’s parade was one of the best ever. Because the weather was slightly cooler than normal the street wasn’t overrun with kids. I collected a record amount of beads, candy and other junk. Most unique catch ever from a parade float: A bell pepper, thrown to me from the Memphis Farmers Market float. Afterward I went back to the Saucer to drink my third plate beer and watch Arkansas beat Tennessee. I gave the bell pepper to my BFF and the candy to “go get me candy” girl. Only because the Nuh-Uh Girl is out of town can I do that without hearing, “You had food you didn’t want, and you didn’t give it to ME???”

Looked for East Bumblefuck Kat on the Ptolemy float but didn’t see her. EBFK writes in her blog that Arkansas State was in negotiations to get Nolan Richardson as head basketball coach, but it fell through. Nolan Richardson coaching at A-State is like putting a Porsche engine in a Ford Escort.

I continued my yearly St. Pat’s parade tradition of drinking a Call-a-Cab. A Call-a-Cab is a frozen daiquiri from Wet Willie’s whose potent ingredient is 190 proof PGA. A large Cab has about as much alcohol as a six-pack of beer. Needless to say I was feeling quite good by the time the parade started. Only problem was, the combination of the icy drink I had on, the shorts I was wearing, and the temperature (mid-50s) did not work very well. Usually I can wear shorts down to about 50 if I have a warm shirt on, but not if a drink from Wet Willie’s is part of the plans.

I’ve already listed my plans for today: Brunch at the Majestic. At most 3 beers at the Saucer. On to Big Foot for their St. Pat’s party with $2 34 oz. green beer. I’ll unveil my new T-shirt which will be the source of much hilarity for both Saucer and Big Foot employees. I probably won’t make it until midnight when the winner of the “who will wear the most green” contest is announced. It’s not completely out of the question, though, if I pace myself. At least I’ll have access to really good food if I need to eat – Big Foot tied for Best Restaurant in the Flyer’s Best Of poll, and believe me, Flyer readers know how to pick ’em.

My new shirt just happens to be Razorback red, appropriate for today’s Arkansas vs. Georgia SEC championship game at 2:30 CDT today. That was not intended – that just happened to be the color I chose, but it’s a lucky accident. Since I’ll likely be at Big Foot by then, that means I’ll have to hang out somewhere in the vicinity of the bar, as those are the only seats with good TV views.

Wonder if MySpace legend The Mexican Wolf will be at the party… he usually shows up for Big Foot parties.

Time to walk down to Jack’s, get harassed by bums, and pick up my morning caffeine. Have a good one everyone!

Watching the game from home, in order to conserve energy and drinking dollars for later.  At halftime I ran out to get a sandwich.

While walking down Main I saw some construction work going on at the northwest corner of Main and Monroe, in the old Zoe’s Kitchen space.  Looks like they’re completely gutting the space, removing the counter, kitchen equipment, walls, everything.  When they do that it’s generally a sign that a new tenant has leased the space and plans on doing something completely different.  Anyone know what’s going on in there?

Notorious panhandler/scammer Jumper Cable Guy is out.  Saw him at the corner of Union and Main.  I didn’t confront him this time because I wanted to get home in time for the second half.  Guess I’ll have to go on bum patrol after the game’s over.

The Memphis Tigers play the Tulsa Whoevers for the Conference USA championship today at 10:30.  Game will be televised on CBS.  Not sure where I will watch the game, or if I’ll even go to a bar to watch it.  Not sure I want to get started that early in the day.  If I do go somewhere to watch it, it’ll be somewhere in the core.  Definitely not interested in walking farther south than Linden.

As much as I’m looking forward to seeing the Tigers win the conference title again, I’m just as excited about the Arkansas-Tennessee SEC Championship semifinal today at 5 PM.  How sweet would it be if the Hogs deny Tennessee a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament!  I don’t know which is more obnoxious, the Vols’ coach or their fans.  I’d love to see the Razorbacks take them down a notch.  The game time presents a bit of a conundrum of where to watch it, as normally I would remain on Beale for a while after the 4 PM parade.  But there really isn’t anyplace good on Beale to watch a game… Tap Room, maybe, but the Tap Room bores me these days.  I’ll figure it out.  Win or lose, the Hogs are projected to get an invitation to the big dance.  They’re being handicapped as about a #9 seed right now, with a possible move up to #8 if they beat Tennessee.

Hmmm… if the Tigers are a 1 seed and the Razorbacks are an 8 or 9… that would mean we could very well be watching a Memphis-Arkansas game in the second round next weekend.  Talk about split loyalties.  In past years I’ve always sided with Arkansas in that matchup, but this time I’d just about have to switch sides and root for the Tigers.

That other basketball team that plays in the Forum (you know, the one with the record that is just about the inverse of the Tigers’) is having Downtown Night this Monday.  For the price of a ticket ($25, $50, or $75), not only do you get to see the Grizzlies lose to the Charlotte Bobcats, but you also get into a private pre-game St. Pat’s party at EP Delta Kitchen from 4:30 to 6:30.  Unlimited food, beer, soda.  Door prizes.  Guest appearances by a member of the Grizzlies and members of the Grizzlies dance team.

The Sauce Boss is making a return to Blues City Cafe next Wednesday-Saturday, March 19-22.  I’ve written about this guy before.  He cooks gumbo on stage while he and his band sing songs about cooking gumbo.  When the show is over, the gumbo is ready and everyone eats.  Last time he came through Memphis, about six months ago, I recommended him and my friend Robert went and had a great time.  Not surprised that a guy who grows corn on his roof would be into the Sauce Boss.

I’m going to be doing a video interview for a new show, “The Hoop and Tony Show,” sometime soon.  Will post the link when it’s ready to go.

I KNEW it would happen.  Yesterday I made the mistake of agreeing to go get lunch for two of the Saucer girls (see yesterday’s post).  So about 6:30 PM yesterday I showed up to do my three plate beers and one of the new waitresses came over and said, “Paul, I want candy.  Lots of candy.  Go get me candy.  There’s a chocolate store in the mall across the street.  Go over there and get me candy.”  I told her NO, as I had just sat down at the window with a full beer.  She punched me in the chest.  My BFF must’ve been the waitress who trained her.  My friend Chris who was sitting at the window with me agreed to go.  She wrote down what she wanted on a coaster, revising her order several times.  Then she told him to pick up Starbucks for her and another waitress while he was over there.  “It’s right next door,” she said.  Geez.

Enjoyed sitting at the window.  I think I’ll revive the Window Game next week.

Beer report:

Previous total:  $649.25

Beers 118, 119, and 120 (but 113, 114, and 115 according to the Saucer):
Anchor Porter bottle $4.50
Cooper’s Premium Lager bottle $5.50
Black Dog Ale $4.00
Tip:  $14.00 x ~30% = $4.00
Total:  $18.00

Grand total:  $667.25

Got tired early last night.  I wrote in my journal notebook, “Drink a Red Bull about 7 PM.”  But I forgot and paid the price.  After 4 beers at the Saucer, I moved to Hoop’s Bar where I got food.  Considered the meat pizza (get you some) and the new South of Heaven roll, but finally decided on Anna’s Egg Wolls.  Drank 2 PBRs with them and by the end I could hardly keep my eyes open.

Talked to Coffee John for a while last night at Hoop’s and he brought up a good point.  I was telling him how Mike King and I get an hour next week to train the new Downtown Security patrols, and part of our presentation will be a handout with color photos of 10 bums we think they should get to know.  “You should include a picture of Scratchy too, with a note underneath it that says, ‘Don’t mess with this guy.'”  He’s right.  Scratchy is homeless (meaning, he does not have a home) but he’s not a bum (meaning, someone who panhandles).  Scratchy is a good guy, never asks anyone for anything, just walks around all day scratching and checking to make sure his beard is still there since he last checked 1.5 seconds ago.  We need to make sure the security patrols understand there are people down here who are homeless but don’t cause any problems, and Downtowners don’t have a problem with them being here.

Really looking forward to the all-day party at Big Foot tomorrow.  It’s the “Sham-ROCK Green Carpet Bash” with 34 oz. green beer for $2, potato and prime rib soup, and a prize for the person wearing the most green at midnight.  No cover.  I’ve said it a million times, few people throw a party as well as Shawn does at Big Foot, some come on down.  The brunch crew will start the day at Majestic (week 1 of 2) from 11 AM to about 1 PM.  After that, I’m not sure if I’ll even bother with the Saucer – I may head straight to Big Foot.  If I do go to the Saucer it’ll be my 3 plate beers and out.  They’re in the doghouse with me this weekend because of their Monday night “special” where only Irish beers will be on Pint Nite, so I don’t plan on spending a lot of time or money there this weekend and none at all on Monday.  What a dumbass idea and a way to create lots of new regulars for the Blue Monkey when it opens.

And now, I present to you GREAT MOMENTS IN THE HISTORY OF BIG FOOT.  In June 2006, I attended Big Foot’s first birthday bash.  I was, of course, blogging by then, and June is, of course, Tube Top Month in this blog.  That night I met regular blog reader Mendi.  Mendi had a tube top on.  This concludes this edition of GREAT MOMENTS IN THE HISTORY OF BIG FOOT.  Next time:  A fight breaks out in the lobster tank.

Be sure to check out the current issue of Downtowner Magazine.  Paul Morris, the new chair of the CCC Board, is interviewed.  Paul is one of the young new leaders on the board who is interested in implementing new and creative initiatives to improve Downtown.  He was one of the main people behind the hiring of the new Downtown security patrols which are training right now and will hit the streets in April.  He was also my neighbor across the hall in my apartment building for 5 years.  And he’s the uncle of Jeff who works at the Red Rooster.

My favorite blogger/MILF blogged that she’s looking for a server job.  I pointed her in the direction of the Downtown Blue Monkey.  MILFs always seem to do well at the Monkey.

Long post this morning.  Time to hit Publish, shower and figure out where to go to view the game.

The Tigers-Southern Miss game starts in a few minutes, at 3:30.  For those of you still at work, you can get audio, video, and GameTracker feeds for the game at gotigersgo.com.

I know of three places Downtown that will be open early for the 10:35 C-USA championship tipoff:

Calhoun’s will be open, as they always are for early Tiger games.

The Red Rooster will open at 10 Saturday morning for game watching.  (expect 10 or 15 text messages about this)

And McGuinness opens for breakfast at 9 anyway, so they’re an option.

If you know of other places, let me know and I’ll add them to the list.

Most days at lunch I walk past the Saucer to see what the Fire Sale is, then text or e-mail people who want to know.  I may have to stop doing it.  Today I peered in the window, saw the Fire Sale (Leinenkugel Red), then continued on.  As I got just past the entrance, I heard a door open and “Paul’s gay!”  It was my BFF.  She and another waitress came outside to talk, and my BFF actually started being nice to me.  I was starting to wonder what was up with that, because she’s NEVER nice.  Then, with one sentence, it all made sense.  “Paul, we’re hungry, go get us lunch.”  They pestered me for a good 10 minutes until I agreed.  I made my BFF give me money though, because there’s no such thing as a free lunch, at least not for someone who’s as mean to me as she is.  So I went down to Second Street Shoppers and got them tuna sandwiches from their deli.  Man they LOADED those things up with tuna salad.  They looked delicious.  Definitely better than what you’d get at Subway.  Their buffalo wings looked really good too.

Unfortunately I couldn’t get anything for myself, because I had just eaten a big breakfast.  I went to Elliott’s again and got the Emergency Eggsit burrito, with egg, sausage, potato, jalapeno cheese, onion, and bell pepper, and salsa to dip it in.  SO good.  If you’ve only been doing Elliott’s for lunch, you’re missing out on some of the best stuff on their menu.

Couple of items in today’s CA:  First of all, the Mollie Fontaine Lounge was reviewed in today’s Commercial Appeal.  That’s Karen Carrier’s new restaurant in the former Cielo on Adams.  They have a new tapas menu which everyone tells me is awesome.  I need to go there and try it.  I just never seem to get there because it’s one of the few places Downtown I can’t walk.

Also, be aware that Front Street will be closed between Adams and Poplar Sunday day.  So, if you’re driving from the Island to the Downtown core, better take Second heading south and Third heading north instead of Front.

If you know of bars Downtown that are doing special St.Pat’s stuff, e-mail me and I’ll compile a list and post it this weekend.

Everyone loved my new Pete the Trivia Guy T-shirt that I wore for the first time this past Tuesday.  On Sunday Fun Day I will unveil the second of my new T-shirts.  This one’s borderline inappropriate attire for the Majestic, but then I wear my “why don’t you stick that cigarette up your ass, it’d be healthier for you” shirt in there, and the new shirt is certainly no worse than that.  On the other hand it’s completely appropriate for the other places on the agenda that day, the Saucer and Big Foot.

Time to go back to work.  My BFF told me I should skip work this afternoon and just hang out at the Saucer.  She and I were briefly co-workers at my current company, and she commented, “come on, Paul, everyone knows that no one does any work on Friday.”  Tell that to my lead developer and the VP of Development, both of whom I have meetings with this afternoon.  My BFF left my company in November because the Saucer pays her more to sit on her ass and do nothing than my company did.

Gotta get back.  I’m working with XML Web Services and SOAP this week.  Fun.  I’m learning a lot.

Monday night is St. Patrick’s Day. A big party day. So I looked forward to celebrating it at my favorite bar and then I saw this:

Instead of having a normal $2.75 Pint Nite with almost all draft beers on sale, the Saucer is only doing Irish beers for $2.75 that night (Guinness, Murphy’s). All other beers will be full price.  Where many bars offer special discounts to celebrate St. Pat’s, the Saucer’s idea of a “special” is to raise their prices.

You know what? I had said I’m going to get a plate in the absolute minimum number of days. But this is bullshit. They’ve had holidays on Tuesday and still had trivia night. They’ve had holidays on Wednesday and still had “keep the glass” night. I’m skipping a night this Monday. And I encourage you to do the same.

So it’s now a “plate in the minimum number of days plus one” plate. I’m taking a night off in protest.

E-mail me (paul@paulryburn.com) to find out what we’ll be doing Monday night 3/17 for St.Pat’s. You are definitely invited, as long as you are cool with taking a night off from the Saucer. Or don’t e-mail if you don’t want to, will post plans as the day draws closer.

Beer report:

Previous total: $634.00

Beers 115, 116, and 117 (but 110, 111, and 112 according to the Saucer. Don’t you know their parent company 8.0 Management is loving me to death right about now):
Moosehead $4.00
Coors $3.25
Grolsch Amber $4.25
Tip $11.25 x ~30% = $4.00
Total $15.25

Grand total: $649.25

Having lunch today at Circa, using their free Wi-Fi.  I’m having the crab cake sandwich.  It’s HUGE and comes with a pile of potato chips.  Dressed with remoulade, lettuce, a tomato (which I removed), and onions (some of which I removed).

Took the long way here and walked past the Saucer to see what the Fire Sale was… it’s Blue Moon.  FINALLY!  SOMETHING DRINKABLE!!!  If they’d put Blue Moon on Fire Sale as often as they do Killian’s Red or Abita Turbo Dog, I’d be a happy camper.

Changed my mind and put the tomato back on the sandwich.

Story from WREG News:  Our representative in Congress, Steve Cohen, received an A+ on a survey done by an organization that looks out for the rights of the middle class.  They say he voted to protect the middle class and raise its living standards on issues related to tax cuts, children’s health insurance, affordable college, and the minimum wage.

Changed my mind again.  Took the tomato off.

Blast.  Hour’s up already.  I had a couple more things to post but can’t think of them.  Back to work.  I’ll be at the Saucer at 6 to drink Blue Moon and watch the Tiger game, then on to Aquanet and $1.50 Yuengling at the Rooster.